When the Washington Redskins

.... are playing and I can't actually be at the stadium, I'd prefer to watch the game by myself. I'll watch Redskins games with my Dad, or with my brother, or with a friend who is also a huge Redskins fan, but I'd honestly prefer to just watch it alone. That way I can focus on the game without having to listen to anyone's stupid comments or questions about what's going on. A typical Redskins game is 3-3.5 hours of misery for me and I'd prefer to endure it in privacy.

I'm starting to feel the same way about NASCAR Sprint Cup races. During last night's Lifelock.com 400 in Chicago, I'm trying to follow the race while I do my work, and I got Bhushan in my ear the entire time. Around the 50th lap, one of the drivers I bet on, Virginia's own Denny Hamlin, had an issue with his car and had to pull off the track, falling several laps down. Obviously, this upset me and I cursed for the next few minutes, as this meant my first matchup bet was in the clubhouse as a loser. (Never a good sign.) Meanwhile, I have Austin telling me to shut up and spouting some garbage cliches about how these things always even out in the long run. Now I admit that he's right and over the long term it does all balance out.

BUT IT'S STILL ANNOYING AT THE EXACT FUCKING SECOND IT'S HAPPENING TO YOU.

The last thing I need is Austin sitting back there chiming in throughout the race with his annoying opinions. Remind me to never watch a Redskins game with this kid. I would probably end up killing him. And now I've cursed in the blog which I honestly try not to do. For Murray Murray's sake. Thanks a lot, Austin.

Okay, I'll do some blurgbs. But if you think I'm done talking NASCAR you are fooling yourself. (Sorry, Chris.)


* Kyle Busch is obviously having an awesome year but he's been very lucky. Look at what happened to his main competition last night: Matt Kenseth was leading the race when he punctured a tire, dropping him back to 34th. (His car was so good he managed to climb all the way back up to 7th, by the way.) Carl Edwards probably had the best car on the track, and was leading the race with 50 laps to go, before car problems sent him to the pits. He finished a lap down. Jimmie Johnson was leading the race with just 16 laps to go and probably would have won if that last caution had not come out. Busch took advantage and passed him on the restart. Kyle's a great driver but he's also had about as many breaks as Austin did when he was betting college baseball.

* Did you know that the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series has a race called the Lifelock 400 and another race called the Lifelock.com 400? No joke here. I just wanted to point that out.



(Smirk.)

* A Ryan Howard Update: The slugging 1B now leads the Majors in HRs with 28 and the NL in RBI with 84. He has been on a tear lately, with 6 HRs in his last 8 games coming into Sunday's action. His current odds to lead the Majors in Home Runs, c/o the Las Vegas Hilton: -300.

What a bum.

* Brett Favre has to eventually retire, right? I mean at some point this guy is going to be out of the league and out of the headlines and we can all move on. And when that day finally arrives, I think we can hand over the title of "Overrated Quarterback The Media Shamelessly Humps" to Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys. This guy is all over the place. Right now I'm watching him play in a celebrity golf tournament, a few weeks after he failed to qualify for the U.S. Open. Meanwhile, he's running around with that dumb skank Jessica Simpson and posing for the cameras as much as possible. Doesn't he ever, you know, practice? This is a guy who threw 19 INTs in 16 regular season games last season, despite his team almost always playing with the lead (And therefore having a conservative second half game plan.) That's almost hard to do. You know that Peyton Manning is locked in a basement somewhere, pouring over every second of game film he can get his hands on. Maybe if Romo wants to pad his career playoff wins total of 0, he should be down there, too.

* It's March 31st. I come up to you and I say, "Hey, dude, what if I told you that you could bet the Mets at 8-1 to win the National League and they will be hovering around first place at the All-Star Break? Is that something you might be interested in?"

* My last blog was apparently a big hit, as people seem to find my family very interesting. I generally try to call home on Sundays to check in with my parents but, when I called this morning, I was informed that my mother and father were not home and had taken our dogs to something called "Dogtopia." I've been to these things before. It's just a bunch of people that are way too obsessed with their dogs (Like me and my family) who take them to a big field and let them run loose. The dogs run around barking and sniffing each other, while my Mom frets every time a bigger dog approaches one of ours and my Dad surveys all the dogs in the field, judging them all out loud, before saying that "None of them are as cute as my boy." I told my brother to tell my Mom that I had called and I assumed she would call me when she got home. However, just a few minutes ago, my brother sent me a picture of my Mom sprawled out on a couch, dead asleep, with a pillow on top of her, and the dogs lying on either side. The caption he sent reads: "Dogtopia proves to be too much to handle." In the picture, my Mom is clutching a magazine, proving that she can never, ever, under any circumstances, take a moment to just relax and do nothing. Even when she was at the point of passing out, she grabbed for a magazine to give her something to do.


No picks for Sunday. There's hardly any games left. How the hell am I going to force out a card of plays? I'm not Mr. Moneybags Hoffman - Don't Hassel This Guy. After all, He Is The Hoff.

I noticed that Cubs closer Kerry Wood will no longer be pitching in Tuesday's All-Star game, so the NL needed to add another pitcher to their roster.

Hmmm.... So many worthy candidates to choose from.... Who should it be? Were there any NL pitchers who were snubbed and now could be added to the roster to make ammends? No one is coming to mind....

Oh, I know: Carlos Marmol. Of course. What was I thinking? He's perfect. That works. The NL team still doesn't have enough Cubs on it.

Brett Favre unretiring won my poll as the Least Surprising Sports Story thus far in 2008. Hard to argue with that. I'm putting up a new poll today. Only two days to vote, so don't hesitate to make your opinions felt.


Trivia Question For Sunday - Which was the first Major Tournament won by a Williams sister, and which sister won it? (Jeff - Please refrain from answering that question. It wouldn't be fair to my other readers. Thanks, bro.)


** Tuesday's Answer - D.C. United won the first MLS Cup. They beat the L.A. Galaxy. I don't know how/why I know these things. I just do.


I apologize for not being funny today. I was really mad at Austin and I haven't seen Jeff or Jorgen in a few days, so most of my material was stale. I'm sure that I'll get some new Jeff stuff on Monday, when he's busting my balls for not getting him a napkin or something. I swear there are times when I just want to....

Okay, we'll stop there for today. Enjoy the poll. Enjoy the new pics.




Enjoy the game.