I may have to bail on today's blog

.... half-way through it, get out of my seat, and allow a backup blogger to take my spot on the couch. (It's not that I don't want to blog. I have a little baby tummy ache so I can't go on. Just call me the Tony Stewart of blogging.) Remember that time Lawrence Taylor pulled himself out of a playoff game because he was feeling sick? Yeah, me neither. What a sport....

I know I haven't blogged in a while. Normally, I would apologize for such a thing but this time I honestly don't feel bad about it. I really forced out those last two blogs about Jorgen and I deserved a few days off. I don't even like writing about the kid any more. It's just all crap: "Hey! Look at Jorgen! He has a purse! He has a purse, even though he is a guy. Isn't that weird? I wonder what's in that thing? Lipstick, right? I bet it's lipstick, or other products that are generally only associated with girls. That's why it's funny." To quote Mr. White - "Hardy fuckin' har." It's not even really a purse. It's just a man bag. A lot of guys carry man bags. Really, really, really effeminate guys. It's not that big of a deal.

Not only am I getting tired of writing about this kid, I'm on the verge of losing the first and only friend I've ever had from Iowa. The last time I saw Jorgen, he told me not to talk to him and that he felt the last blog had gone too far. (Although, he did quietly admit that me comparing him to Matthew Broderick's character in Election was both funny and insightful. Hard to argue with that.) Let's give Jorgen the rest of the blog off. It's bad enough that he has to punch parlay tickets for that mob of morons at the Superbook every day. Why should he also have to come home to a blog making fun of him? Sorry, pal. I hope you still want to come on the trip to Del Mar. (I bet I could get a LOT of blog material out of that thing....)


Austin says that my blogs are too long and that while he finds them funny, he can't read the whole thing at once. I can't believe this kid was allowed to boss me around for almost 9 months of my life. See if you can handle today's entry all in one sitting, college boy:

* My bet with Mikey Millz is really heating up, as Ryan Howard hit his 23rd HR of the season last night and now finds himself just 1 behind TGCU. For the record, the Phillies were trailing 3-0 at the time and Howard's homer tied the game at 3-3. For a player who is "Garbage," Howard sure has low odds to lead the Major Leagues in home runs....

* While most guys I know were disappointed that Maria Sharapova, Ana Ivanovic, or one of those other hotass European girls weren't in the Wimbledon Ladies Finals, I hear that Jeff actually asked for the day off so that he could watch the All-Williams sister Championship Match. Alone. In his basement. And apparently he needed an entire day to recover after all that excitement. Seems strange to me. To each his own, I guess....

* I've had my fill of baseball for one year. Rooting for the Nationals is like rooting for the Redskins: Both teams are constantly racked by injuries and both teams practically discover new ways to lose games they should have won. As the blog goes to press today, the Nats are without their every day 1B, 3B, CF, LF, #2 C and closer, all of whom are enjoying extended stints on the DL. And they are starting a 21-year-old rookie pitcher because the guy whose normal turn it is in the rotation is also on the Disabled List. Luckily, their starting RF just came off the DL after a 6 week stay. I guess they figured someone has to play. Come to think of it, rooting for the Nationals is actually even worse than rooting for Redskins - They play almost every day and they suck even worse. When does football start....?

* But I don't expect any sympathy. How could I? During last night's Cup race, one of my buddies in West Virginia and I were exchanging text messages. When he saw that the driver I had bet on was getting out of his car and leaving the race because he had the flu, my friend texted me to say that I "Should have done my research." I replied that I had placed my bet much earlier in the week and assumed Tony Stewart had a sack. Obviously, if I had known that "Smoke" was going to get sand in his vagina half-way through the race, I would have bet on someone else. "Real" NASCAR fans suck. Just a bunch of dumb rednecks mindlessly watching the cars turning left and rooting for "Junya." (Sorry, Cliff....)

* Good article in Sports Illustrated this week about Giants ace Tim Lincencum, who is 10-1 with a 2.49 ERA so far this season, while making $405,000. Teammate Barry Zito is 4-12 with a 5.73 ERA. His 2008 salary? $14,500,000, or roughly 5 million times what I make....

* Meanwhile, Major League Clubs are lining up to submit their bids for the services of C.C. Sabathia, aka "Chocolate Chip." Based on what I've read (Okay, casually glanced at because I am sick of baseball) the Brewers and Rays appear to be the frontrunners to land Sabathia. The Brewers appear to be his most aggressive suitor but are reportedly unwilling to include either of their top two prospects in a potential deal. Meanwhile, years and years of being terrible and having high draft choices is finally paying off for the Rays, who are loaded with top prospects to dangle in front of the Tribe. Imagine a rotation of Kazmir, The Chip, Shields, Garza, and Sonnanstine. That would be almost as good as the Yankees' rotation. Maybe if they get C.C., Austin will finally call for the Rays to edge out the Jays and Orioles and avoid last place in the East....


Picks? Are you kidding me? I have no idea whose going to win. Go here - That Wacky Hoff! Just remember to tiptoe around those land mines he calls "Multi-Unit" plays and you'll be fine.

I have to admit I didn't realize how many comedians were reading my blog until Eli Manning received as many votes for the best QB in the NFL as his older brother, Peyton and Tom Brady did. Very funny, guys. The guy throws 20 picks in the regular season, gets through the playoffs thanks to choke jobs by Romo and Favre and then rides his defense, several dropped INTs by the Patriots, and a fluke catch by a scrub WR to a garbage victory and suddenly he's Johnny Unitas. Wait a minute - I think I hate football, too. When does basketball start....?

Anyways, we ended up with a 3-way tie between the Manning brothers and Brady. How exciting. I actually think this next poll could be my best one yet. What has been the least surprising sports story so far this year: Charles Barkley's gambling, O.J. Mayo receiving gifts from USC, Pac Man Jones signing with the Cowboys, or Brett Favre unretiring. I'm going to go out on a huge limb and assume that he will. Call it a hunch. Speaking of Favre, look at this pointless article about his potential destinations, assuming he unretires and doesn't come back to the Packers - Dude - What's the point? Basically, all the guy does is go through each team and talk about why they wouldn't want Favre. I think there's more good content in my blog than in this article. There might even be more good content in Ross's blog than in this article....



Trivia Question for Sunday - After just one season with the Atlanta Falcons, QB Brett Favre was traded to the Green Bay Packers for a first round pick. Who did the Falcons select with that pick? (Please sit this one out, Jeff. It wouldn't be fair to the others.)

** Tuesday's Answer - Utah's Alex Smith and Andrew Bogut were drafted first overall by the 49ers and Bucks, respectively, in 2005. Nice picks, guys.



Not much left to watch today. The most overrated rivalry in sports history is on center stage tonight on ESPN. I guess you could watch that. Don't know what else to tell you. Slim pickings tonight if you're like me and are hoping to....




Enjoy the game.