.... NFL preview edition this week and inspired me to do an NFL preview of my own. While it is true that I don't know anything about the NFL and am in no way qualified to offer up any predictions on the subject, I am going to do it anyway. And I fully anticipate my predictions to be more accurate than SI's resident assclown, Peter King.
I'm going to do division-by-division write-ups picking a winner of each, then select two wild card teams and make playoff projections. I should probably warn you now that I will not be making any jokes in this blog. And please save your own jokes for the end. CB - You may need to spread this out over about a week. It's pretty long. Thanks in advance.
NFC East
King has the division going Giants, Cowboys, Eagles, Redskins. I think Sports Illustrated has picked the Redskins to finish last in the NFC East something like 19 years in a row. I can remember being all excited to read SI's NFL Preview when I was a kid and always being crushed when they picked us to finish last. And this was back when the Cardinals were in the division and averaged about 3 wins per year for a decade.
The Giants won the East last season with relative ease, before falling to another member of the division, Ed's Eagles, in the divisional playoff round. On paper, the Eagles appear to be clearly the best team in the conference. They got rid of several players I didn't like (LJ Smith, Dawkins, Lito, etc....) and added depth along the offensive line and more weapons on offense. The defense lost Stewart Bradley to a torn ACL but I don't see that as being a big deal. I'm sure they can just plug in the next guy and he'll be every bit as mediocre as Bradley was. I like the additions of Jason Peters, Ellis Hobbs III, and LaSean McCoy and will call for an Eagles division title. I also made a bet on this.
The other teams in the division all have more glaring holes: The Giants have no clear #1 WR now that Burress is headed for jail. The Cowboys are still coached by Wade Phillips and appear to have done nothing to improve their team since Bill Parcells left 3 years ago. The Redskins offensive line is a lock to wear down as the season goes on.
Finishing Order:
1. Eagles
2. Redskins (WC)
3. Giants
4. Cowboys
(I actually think the Giants are better than the Redskins but I'm picking the Skins to finish second anyway behind the division's best defense.... Actually it's just because I am a fan and don't really give a fuck if it seems like a homer pick. Suck my balls, Peter King.)
NFC North
This could be the most interesting division in the NFL, mostly because the greatest player in league history is back in it.... on a different team this time. The real winner in the NFC North is America because we all get to watch Brett Favre play the game with the same child-like joy he has whilst winging the pigskin around in his backyard as his golden retriever looks on. But I suppose I could make a more specific prediction than that. Two NFC North teams are getting Super Bowl hype but I'm going to pick a third team, the Green Bay Packers, to win the division title and make a deep January run. The Packers have the division's best QB in Aaron Rodgers and a new Dom Capers-coached 3-4 defense that should be way better than the defense they had last season.
The Vikings have arguably the best defensive line in football, a very good offensive line, and the best RB in the NFL in Adrian Peterson, so it's hard to predict them to fall apart. At the same time I don't see how a team coached by Brad Childress and quarterbacked by a 40-year-old graybeard can be a legit Super Bowl contender. Chicago is getting way too much hype and I've never liked Jay Cutler, anyway. The Lions have nowhere to go but up but are clearly at the bottom of this group.
Finishing Order:
1. Packers
2. Vikings (WC)
3. Bears
4. Lions
NFC South
Carolina won this division last year and were joined in the playoffs by the upstart Atlanta Falcons. Blogcast followers know that I have a bet on the Falcons to win the division at 4-1 which I feel is a good bet, as I see this being 50/50 between Atlanta and the New Orleans Saints. Peter King picked the Falcons and he's an idiot. I bet the Falcons and I'm an idiot. So who is my official pick to win the South? I'm still going with Atlanta. Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, and Roddy White all had great seasons last year and will enter their second year as a trio with Tony Gonzalez opening the field for all of them.
I hate the Panthers this year and don't see them contending for the division title or even a playoff berth. Everyone is way down on Tampa Bay this season, so I'll call for them to surprise a few people and win 7-8 games behind an underrated defense.
Finishing Order:
1. Falcons
2. Saints
3. Bucs
4. Panthers
NFC West
I'm constantly amazed by these kids betting on the Cardinals to win the Super Bowl at 30-1. Last season Arizona won the NFC West, hosted a first round playoff game, caught a huge break when the Eagles beat the Giants putting the conference title game in Arizona, and a running money line parlay on Arizona in the postseason alone would have still paid way more than 30-1. I don't even see the Cardinals making the playoffs this year and bet them under wins.
Seattle owned this division for years and I feel like the Cardinals were just borrowing it last season while the Seahawks were buried by a rash of injuries. I've heard different people talk about both the 49ers and Rams as sleepers. I don't see anything to like about the 49ers but I could see the Rams being a lot better this season. They drafted an offensive tackle with the second overall pick and sound like they are committed to establishing a tough ground game behind him.
Finishing Order:
1. Seahawks
2. Rams
3. Cardinals
4. 49ers
Wild Cards:
(3) Seahawks def. (6) Redskins
(5) Vikings def. (4) Falcons
Divisional Playoffs:
(2) Packers def. Seahawks
(1) Eagles def. Vikings
NFC Championship Game:
Eagles def. Packers
The Eagles make every effort to choke the game away but in the end Andy Reid and his outrageously highly power rated team head back to the Super Bowl.
AFC East
Last year the Patriots were coming off an 18-1 season and seemed like a virtual lock to win the AFC East. Then the Jets acquired America's Quarterback, Tom Terrific got injured on opening day, the Dolphins started using a high school offense, and when the playoffs started, New England was shockingly on the outside looking in. It was kind of a strange season in the AFC East. This year the Patriots are again a decisive favorite to win the East and I'm going out on a limb and saying that 2008 was a fluke and that the Pats will be back on top.
I've been telling people that the Jets are one of my favorite sleeper teams this season and I expect them to challenge for a playoff spot behind a very aggressive defense. How much of a drop is there between Favre and rookie Mark Sanchez really? I don't think it's that big of a difference. Favre kind of.... sucks. I bet Miami under wins and expect them to fall back this season. On paper the Bills have one of the worst offensive lines in the NFL, they fired their offensive coordinator a week before the season starts, and their best player has a reality show on VHI. Sounds like a last place season to me.
Finishing Order:
1. Patriots
2. Jets
3. Dolphins
4. Bills
AFC North
Last season I made a bet on the Steelers to win the AFC North at +150 at the fabulous Venetian. I liked the bet so much that I also recommended it to several co-workers, some of whom miraculously took my advice and bet it, as well. I liked the bet so much not only because I thought Pittsburgh was going to have a good season but also because I was way down on the division co-favorites from last preseason - the Cleveland Browns. Well, I was right about the Steelers being good and I was right about the Browns being terrible, but what I didn't account for was that Baltimore had a great team last season and nearly stole the division. The Ravens defense was typically dominant and rookie QB Joe Flacco was great. Pittsburgh was lucky to win both regular season games against the Ravens and the division could have easily gone Baltimore's way.
This season, I'm going to pick the Ravens to win the North behind Flacco, that tough defense, and what should be a great running game. Most people probably don't realize that the Ravens led the NFL in rushing last season and the addition of first round pick Michael Oher should make them even more formidable on the ground. Pittsburgh will be right there as well and I bet the Bengals over wins, so apparently I like them. I have absolutely no idea what the Cleveland Browns are doing. It doesn't seem like they do either.
Finishing Order:
1. Ravens
2. Steelers (WC)
3. Bengals
4. Browns
AFC South
Tennessee was the best team in the NFL during the 2008 regular season. The Titans earned home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs and dominated play between the 20's against the Ravens in the divisional round. Unfortunately, Jeff Fisher's guys repeatedly found ways to choke the game away before losing to the Ravens on a last minute field goal. Tennessee should have won that game and they should have been hosting the Steelers in the AFC Championship game the following weekend. It's very possible that the Titans would have won the Super Bowl if they could have beat Baltimore that day.
One thing I have learned about the NFL is that chances like the one the Titans had last season are few and far between. Tennessee may have been the best team in the NFL last season and maybe they should have won the Super Bowl. What does that guarantee for this season? Absolutely nothing. Especially in what I consider to be the best divison in the AFC and the second best division in the NFL behind the NFC East. In fact, I'm calling for the Titans to finish 3rd this season behind the Colts and Jaguars. I love Indianapolis this season. Nobody is talking about the Colts, who last I checked still have the best QB in the NFL, won 9 of their last 10 games last season, and are power rated so highly that they were favored on the road in San Diego in last season's wild card round.
I'm picking the Colts to win this division and also like Jacksonville to have a good season. The Jaguars drafted offensive tackles in each of the first two rounds and should be effective on the ground this year. The Houston Texans were my big sleeper pick last season but they seem to be one of those dreaded trendy sleepers in 2009, which means they will probably finish last. The Texans have a lot of good young players but they are an inevitable Matt Schaub injury away from starting Sexy Rexy at QB, and they will face a very tough schedule. I don't see it with them.
Finishing Order:
1. Colts
2. Jaguars (WC)
3. Titans
4. Texans
AFC West
I guess you could call this a divsion. I'm picking the Chargers to win it but all I'm going to talk about in this space is Shawne Merriman's arrest and the Raiders trading for Richard Seymour. When I heard that Merriman was being charged with choking and restraining a female guest, I wasn't even remotely surprised. He's a roided out NFL linebacker. He's capable of pretty much anything. What shocked me was that his guest was MTV reality personality Tila Tequila. Who knew that those two were dating? Must be nice playing for the Chargers. You get to live in San Diego and date slutty Asian TV stars. And no one seems to care that your best years were the direct result of you cheating and taking steroids.
For the life of me, I can't figure out what the Raiders were thinking trading their 2011 first round pick to the Patriots for Richard Seymour. Seymour is 29, he's in the last year of his contract, and what exactly is he going to bring to Oakland? It's not like they have any chance of contending for a playoff berth with him. It just makes no sense to trade what will almost certainly be a Top 10 pick for a guy who is 29 and on the downside of his career. The only time that a move like this would be even remotely justifiable would be when your team is a player away from contending for a Super Bowl, which obviously the Raiders are not. My advice to the Raiders is that if the Patriots are willing to make a trade with you, just assume that Belichick is right and you are wrong and hang up the phone immediately. Oh, uh the Chiefs are going to be mediocre at best, the Broncos are a mess and the Raiders are idiots. What a division!
Finishing Order:
1. Chargers
2. Chiefs
3. Broncos
4. Raiders
Wild Cards:
(3) Patriots def. (6) Jaguars
(4) Ravens def. (5) Steelers
Divisional Playoffs:
(2) Colts def. Patriots
Ravens def. (1) Chargers
AFC Championship Game:
Colts def. Ravens
To beat a defense as good as Baltimore's, you need a QB who won't make a lot of mistakes and you need to be able to run the ball effectively. Indy has the best QB in the game and they now have two RB's they can count on, just like they did 3 years ago when they won it all.
Super Bowl XLIV:
Colts 27 Eagles 23
This would be Ed's dream Super Bowl. His beloved Eagles facing off against the QB he considers to be the league's biggest choker. The one thing Ed is forgetting? The Eagles are even bigger chokers than Manning is. At least Peyton has one ring. I think he'll get another one this season. Sorry, bro.
The funny thing about making NFL predictions and posting them online is that there is no possible way I could be successful. No matter how good or bad these picks end up being, everyone will just mock them even though they most likely couldn't do any better themselves. I'm sure that last season at this time most people were picking the Patriots and Cowboys. They both missed the playoffs.
More interesting tidbits:
* Ed is not allowed to make any jokes about how dumb my picks are, seeing as how his pick to win the BCS Championship game was the Oklahoma Sooners. I hope you snapped up some 5-1, bro.
* However, if you think that Oklahoma is eliminated from the BCS you're an idiot. It's college football. It's retarded. Losing a game in September and losing a game in November are somehow two different things. If they beat Texas next month and some other teams in different conferences lose, the Sooners could absolutely end up in Pasadena.
* 50 years from now when college football has a playoff system, people are going to look back at this era and none of them are going to understand why we didn't just set up a playoff system. I know I don't understand it.
* I hate this new rule in college football where if you hit a guy above the shoulders it's automatically a penalty. On Saturday, I saw a player who had the ball and was in bounds get hit up high and draw a penalty flag. Again - He was IN BOUNDS and he HAD THE BALL. What exactly was the defender supposed to do? We are 20 years away from defensive players having to either escort the man with the ball out of bounds or try to just convince him to go down on his own through clever wordplay.
* I may be more qualified to do a preview like this than you think. After all, I am currently in first place in the Leroy's College Challenge. And that's through one whole week. Keep an eye on entry "Ray Drecker" as it plummets down the leader board in the coming weeks.
* When I told a friend of mine back home that I went 6-1 over the weekend, he paused and then said "How is that even fucking possible?" I'm glad I brought it up.
* I also have a joint entry with my brother and a 3 man entry with two friends of mine from high school. My brother and I are picking under the alias "Two Brothers" and are 4-3 through Week 1. For the record, my 4 picks went 4-0, while he served up a solid 0-3 effort. I hate my brother.
The entry I have with my buddies, "Tim Donaghy" is currently 4-3, as well.
* Four of the drivers I had match up bets on in the Pep Boys 500 went to the garage. None of the guys I bet against did. I bet two of those four guys multiple times. I may have lost a Sherman unit on that race. I hate NASCAR.
Until next week at least.
Boogity, boogity, boogity....
Sorry, Chris.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Football season is officially
.... here so I figured I might as well bring the blog back from the dead. For a day at least. I am fascinated by Thursday night's Oregon - Boise St game. When I first looked at the line of 6-6.5, I actually thought it seemed light. I liked Boise so much that I told Ed I was tempted to bet Oregon. You know, because I'm such an idiot.
Boise loses at home about as often as Hoffman turns down a lap dance from a black chick, so I figured that the Broncos seemed too good to be true. But then Ed's kids came in by the bunches to bet the Ducks. The Ducks? Wait what? Who do these kids think they are betting the road dog in a nationally televised game? What's going on here? And these weren't small bets. Some of these bets were for amounts so large they would keep Jeff Sherman interested. Well, probably. The line has been bet down all the way to 3 and who knows - maybe it will go even lower before kickoff?
To a normal person, this would be considered a good thing. I like Side A. All of America likes Side B. This should be every gambler's dream. Only you're forgetting one thing - I am a complete idiot who doesn't know shit about college football or how to pick winners.
In an effort to remedy that problem, I did a little research. Very little. Here's what I came up with:
Boise St has lost 2 home games in the last 10 years. They lost to Boston College in a bowl game in 2005. (I believe that was a Matt Ryan quarterbacked team, by the way.) They also lost to Washington State in 2001. It should be noted that the Boise program was not as strong as it is now back in 2001. It should also be noted that back then Washington St was giving out football scholarships.
Other fast facts:
* Chris Bennett is absolutely right (Big surprise there) about Boise St.'s lack of quality out of conference opponents. The best home wins they have in the last 10 years are a blowout over Oregon St and a 1 point win over BYU.
* If we all agree that Boise St plays garbage during the regular season, then a true barometer of how good they really are would be their postseason performance. I wonder how many people realize that over their last 5 bowl games, they are just 1-4? The lone win being the miraculous one over Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl 2 years ago. However, they are 3-2 ATS in those games, covering in losses to Louisville and TCU.
* Boise St was up 37-13 last year at Oregon before the Ducks rallied to make it interesting.
* Oregon returns just one starter each on the offensive and defensive lines.
* Seven of my nine sets of power rankings pick Boise St to go 13-0.
* Oops. I stole that one from Phil Steele. Sorry about that.
* I actually only have 8 sets of power rankings.
* This may be the biggest game ever played on the Smurf Turf. The fans are going to be all riled up. And you don't want to see people from Idaho all riled up.
* So I went from thinking that Oregon had to be the right play because I liked Boise so much, to thinking that Boise had to be a super strong play because the kids are all acting like betting the Ducks in this game is just printing money. But looking at Boise's schedule over the years, they really have never faced a regular season test like this one. At the same time, you have to give them credit for only losing one home game since 2001, which again was to a Boston College team that didn't have a first year head coach and did have an NFL QB. It would take one helluva effort by the Ducks to go into Boise and come out with a win considering that they have a first year head coach and just 9 returning starters.
* Ultimately, I will recommend a *small to medium sized* (More on this below) play on Boise St -3. If it goes to -2.5 bet more but not way more. 3 is not the key number in college that it is in the NFL. At least I don't think so. The fact that Bennett's face is changing colors right now appears to indicate that he disagrees with me. As does the steam coming out of his ears. I'm going to wrap this up.
* $100-$200 if you are John Murray*
* $500-$1,000 if you are Chris Bennett*
* Whatever the amount you have to bet to get 6 drink tickets from the ticket writer if you are Scott Hoffman*
* Whatever the casino takes because that's what you bet on everything if you are Matt Metcalf*
* 2 fully loaded Brinks trucks if you are Jeff Sherman*
* I actually don't have any sets of power rankings.
- It's possible that I came back to the blog just to entertain myself due to the complete lack of good television shows going on right now after the season finale of Weeds on Monday. It is amazing to me that I used to be a huge fan of Entourage. I always thought that people who complained about how much The Sopranos slipped in its later years were just being elitist, show-off douchebags but I don't know how any one could possibly argue with people saying that Entourage has slipped terribly since its first two seasons. There doesn't even appear to be any story lines at this point. It's nothing but brutally painful scenes with the least interesting characters. Awful season for that show. Luckily, a new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm is mere weeks away....
- My plan for my next blog is to do a brief (Once i get into a typing groove brief means about 10,000 words) preview of all 8 NFL divisions, in which I pick a winner of each, then make a Super Bowl pick. There is literally no way I could pick any possible Super Bowl outcome without being mocked. The other day, Matt told me that he mentioned a bet to Ed and Ed mocked him. Then Matt mentioned that he liked the other side of the same bet and Ed mocked that side, too. Sometimes you just can't win....
- One potential format for football season could have me doing a "Breakdown" of one game each week like I just did for the Oregon - Boise St. tilt. This would be very entertaining for the readers, as they could rip me for my stupid pick before the game and cash their tickets on the other side after the game.
- Oh, uh.... Jorgen carries a purse.
Enjoy the game!
Boise loses at home about as often as Hoffman turns down a lap dance from a black chick, so I figured that the Broncos seemed too good to be true. But then Ed's kids came in by the bunches to bet the Ducks. The Ducks? Wait what? Who do these kids think they are betting the road dog in a nationally televised game? What's going on here? And these weren't small bets. Some of these bets were for amounts so large they would keep Jeff Sherman interested. Well, probably. The line has been bet down all the way to 3 and who knows - maybe it will go even lower before kickoff?
To a normal person, this would be considered a good thing. I like Side A. All of America likes Side B. This should be every gambler's dream. Only you're forgetting one thing - I am a complete idiot who doesn't know shit about college football or how to pick winners.
In an effort to remedy that problem, I did a little research. Very little. Here's what I came up with:
Boise St has lost 2 home games in the last 10 years. They lost to Boston College in a bowl game in 2005. (I believe that was a Matt Ryan quarterbacked team, by the way.) They also lost to Washington State in 2001. It should be noted that the Boise program was not as strong as it is now back in 2001. It should also be noted that back then Washington St was giving out football scholarships.
Other fast facts:
* Chris Bennett is absolutely right (Big surprise there) about Boise St.'s lack of quality out of conference opponents. The best home wins they have in the last 10 years are a blowout over Oregon St and a 1 point win over BYU.
* If we all agree that Boise St plays garbage during the regular season, then a true barometer of how good they really are would be their postseason performance. I wonder how many people realize that over their last 5 bowl games, they are just 1-4? The lone win being the miraculous one over Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl 2 years ago. However, they are 3-2 ATS in those games, covering in losses to Louisville and TCU.
* Boise St was up 37-13 last year at Oregon before the Ducks rallied to make it interesting.
* Oregon returns just one starter each on the offensive and defensive lines.
* Seven of my nine sets of power rankings pick Boise St to go 13-0.
* Oops. I stole that one from Phil Steele. Sorry about that.
* I actually only have 8 sets of power rankings.
* This may be the biggest game ever played on the Smurf Turf. The fans are going to be all riled up. And you don't want to see people from Idaho all riled up.
* So I went from thinking that Oregon had to be the right play because I liked Boise so much, to thinking that Boise had to be a super strong play because the kids are all acting like betting the Ducks in this game is just printing money. But looking at Boise's schedule over the years, they really have never faced a regular season test like this one. At the same time, you have to give them credit for only losing one home game since 2001, which again was to a Boston College team that didn't have a first year head coach and did have an NFL QB. It would take one helluva effort by the Ducks to go into Boise and come out with a win considering that they have a first year head coach and just 9 returning starters.
* Ultimately, I will recommend a *small to medium sized* (More on this below) play on Boise St -3. If it goes to -2.5 bet more but not way more. 3 is not the key number in college that it is in the NFL. At least I don't think so. The fact that Bennett's face is changing colors right now appears to indicate that he disagrees with me. As does the steam coming out of his ears. I'm going to wrap this up.
* $100-$200 if you are John Murray*
* $500-$1,000 if you are Chris Bennett*
* Whatever the amount you have to bet to get 6 drink tickets from the ticket writer if you are Scott Hoffman*
* Whatever the casino takes because that's what you bet on everything if you are Matt Metcalf*
* 2 fully loaded Brinks trucks if you are Jeff Sherman*
* I actually don't have any sets of power rankings.
- It's possible that I came back to the blog just to entertain myself due to the complete lack of good television shows going on right now after the season finale of Weeds on Monday. It is amazing to me that I used to be a huge fan of Entourage. I always thought that people who complained about how much The Sopranos slipped in its later years were just being elitist, show-off douchebags but I don't know how any one could possibly argue with people saying that Entourage has slipped terribly since its first two seasons. There doesn't even appear to be any story lines at this point. It's nothing but brutally painful scenes with the least interesting characters. Awful season for that show. Luckily, a new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm is mere weeks away....
- My plan for my next blog is to do a brief (Once i get into a typing groove brief means about 10,000 words) preview of all 8 NFL divisions, in which I pick a winner of each, then make a Super Bowl pick. There is literally no way I could pick any possible Super Bowl outcome without being mocked. The other day, Matt told me that he mentioned a bet to Ed and Ed mocked him. Then Matt mentioned that he liked the other side of the same bet and Ed mocked that side, too. Sometimes you just can't win....
- One potential format for football season could have me doing a "Breakdown" of one game each week like I just did for the Oregon - Boise St. tilt. This would be very entertaining for the readers, as they could rip me for my stupid pick before the game and cash their tickets on the other side after the game.
- Oh, uh.... Jorgen carries a purse.
Enjoy the game!
Monday, July 20, 2009
I didn't realize
.... how long it had been since I blogged until Friday afternoon when Matt asked me if I even had a blog any more. So even though I have absolutely nothing to say about anything, I'll force out several hundred words for you guys to enjoy. (All I'm going to do is make fun of Bennett. And Sherman. Oh and Matt, too. Probably some Ed in there. And obviously Scott. Maybe a dash of Jorgen. Just read it. Or don't. I don't care. I just write it for my own amusement anyway.)
* In my new position, I spend a lot of time working with CB which is both good and bad. It's good because Chris is preposterously sharp and just by being in the same room as him I can feel myself becoming a wiser sports bettor. But it's also bad because Chris is - for lack of a better word - an asshole and he is on a seemingly constant mission to remind me that he is still my work superior. Dude - I get it. You are far more important than I am. Shut up already. That reminds me - Congrats on the promotion, Chris. You earned it, bro. (I am smirking as I type this. Now I'm giggling a little. Now I'm just laughing out loud over how funny I am. Sorry, Chris. Seriously though - congrats.... I'm giggling again.)
Because Chris is constantly busting my balls, I have to fire back throughout my shift with little jabs of my own. (Why not just let it go, you ask? Because I too am an asshole.) The other day I was talking about how sharp Chris is in front of everyone else in an effort to make him uncomfortable and I made a joke about how people at sports books around town must react after Chris has bet into one of their numbers. I said I figured that after Bennett makes a bet and is walking out the door, the various supervisors on hand gather around and yell at each other for hanging such a stupid number while frantically checking the offshore books to find out what the number should have been. Chris in no way denied that this is true, by the way.
This got me thinking - What happens when some of the other top sharps in town make a bet? Here's my take:
- Let's start with the boss hog - Ed. I have to admit that If I ran my own book and Ed made a bet there I would panic. If he's going in person to fire on something, your book probably fucked up. I figure that after Ed bets, the supervisor mutters something under his breath about how sarcastic that guy was and, after aggressively moving the line, makes a mental note to root against that bet winning so that the sarcastic mocker on the other side of the counter will be unhappy.
- Jeff making a bet can cause major problems for a sports book. If there is only one teller open at the time of Jeff's bet, the book has to briefly close while he or she counts all that money. This can take up to 20 minutes. After Jeff cashes a ticket, the supervisor on duty has to call the cage to get a fill of money. Most books have requested that Jeff call ahead before coming in to cash a ticket so that they will have ample time to get the money together.
- After Matt makes a bet, the supervisor moves the line then asks the teller why he/she didn't "Ask that cocky little shit for his ID."
- After Jorgen makes a bet, the supervisor or manager on duty usually yells at him as he is walking out the door, telling him that he is never welcome to set foot in that casino again. What a scumbag that kid is.
- After Scotty Hoff - aka God's gift to sports betting - makes a bet, the supervisor wonders why he took the time to calculate exactly how much he could bet for his ticket to pay $9,999 despite the bet having no chance in hell of winning.
- So what happens after I make a bet you're wondering? I'm such a moron that the management team usually decides to move the number the other way both to mock me and to encourage money to come in on the other side. I'm not going to lie, it hurts, but give me a few more months working side-by-side CB and maybe one day I'll be where these other legends already are.
There just isn't a lot going on in the sports world right now, leaving me with very little to rant about. But here you go, anyway:
* I've had enough baseball for one year. Baseball Prospectus has blown it out their ass this season and it's costing me money. It's gotten so bad that my latest calculations have me losing nearly one Sherman betting unit between my baseball season bets and the fantasy team I share with Austin. My parents may have to sell their house to help me out with such a debt.
* I have a bet on the Minnesota Twins to win the AL Central and was keeping tabs on their game against the Oakland A's tonight as I blogged. The Twins were up 12-2 against the A's (The A's!!!) and actually blew that lead before being robbed by a very questionable call at home plate in the 9th inning that would have and should have tied the game. The only possible explanation for this comeback is that Hoffman secretly bet the A's without posting. Even though I had a shocking 3-0 day on Monday, I still hate baseball. I really do.
* Check out this new baseball betting system: If the Nationals or Padres are ever favored for any reason, or if the price on their game is anywhere near even money, simply bet on the other team. I know it's not as complicated as Scott's "Bet on all the underdogs on my days off" system, but I think it could be equally effective.
* Instead of losing my money following what a bunch of asshole writers say, I'm going to lose money following my own opinions in football. I've made some future bets on the following NFL teams: Packers, Bengals, Colts, Jaguars, Seahawks, and Eagles. I've also made some bets going against these teams: Dolphins, Cardinals, and Bears. I'd also like to fade the Cowboys and Texans at some point.
* One team I can't decide what to do with is the Denver Broncos. Everyone hates that team this year. The sharpest sharps come in to bet against them in Games of the Year. I hear other guys I consider to be very sharp talking about how bad they are going to be. But I also hear the same talk from people I consider square. I also hear it from tourists, from run-of-the-mill morons, even from people I know who are from Colorado and are Broncos fans. Everyone is down on this team from the most objective sharp to the most biased square.
While I don't like the fact that they are matched up against the NFC East for four games in which they will most likely be an underdog, I do like that they get to play the Raiders and Chiefs twice each and feel that having one of the best offensive lines in the NFL will make up for the departure of overrated crybaby QB Jay Cutler. Denver had one of the worst defenses in the NFL last season and still won 8 games. I don't see how they could possibly be worse on that side of the ball this season. I see a Broncos 'Over' wins bet in my future.
* I'd like to give some thoughts on college football but I clearly know nothing about it. I will say that I feel several teams are being overrated by the powers that be, specifically Ole Miss and Notre Dame. If you were to ask me for a team that could be really good that no one is talking about I would give you Georgia. They lost their biggest name players at QB and RB, but return their entire starting offensive line from last season and most of their defense. Stafford and Moreno weren't the only reasons the Bulldogs were a trendy pick to win it all in 2008. I also think Michigan will be good this year and watch out for Alabama - They bring back nearly everyone from a great defense and miss both Florida and Georgia this year.
That will do for today. I'd like to tell you guys that I'm going to start blogging more frequently again but we all know that's a lie. I tweet now. So why blog? I thought I was going to mainly mock Chris and Matt but ended up just piling on Scotty. The guy has been extra cocky lately.... probably why I couldn't resist. Sorry, bro.
Enjoy the summer.
* In my new position, I spend a lot of time working with CB which is both good and bad. It's good because Chris is preposterously sharp and just by being in the same room as him I can feel myself becoming a wiser sports bettor. But it's also bad because Chris is - for lack of a better word - an asshole and he is on a seemingly constant mission to remind me that he is still my work superior. Dude - I get it. You are far more important than I am. Shut up already. That reminds me - Congrats on the promotion, Chris. You earned it, bro. (I am smirking as I type this. Now I'm giggling a little. Now I'm just laughing out loud over how funny I am. Sorry, Chris. Seriously though - congrats.... I'm giggling again.)
Because Chris is constantly busting my balls, I have to fire back throughout my shift with little jabs of my own. (Why not just let it go, you ask? Because I too am an asshole.) The other day I was talking about how sharp Chris is in front of everyone else in an effort to make him uncomfortable and I made a joke about how people at sports books around town must react after Chris has bet into one of their numbers. I said I figured that after Bennett makes a bet and is walking out the door, the various supervisors on hand gather around and yell at each other for hanging such a stupid number while frantically checking the offshore books to find out what the number should have been. Chris in no way denied that this is true, by the way.
This got me thinking - What happens when some of the other top sharps in town make a bet? Here's my take:
- Let's start with the boss hog - Ed. I have to admit that If I ran my own book and Ed made a bet there I would panic. If he's going in person to fire on something, your book probably fucked up. I figure that after Ed bets, the supervisor mutters something under his breath about how sarcastic that guy was and, after aggressively moving the line, makes a mental note to root against that bet winning so that the sarcastic mocker on the other side of the counter will be unhappy.
- Jeff making a bet can cause major problems for a sports book. If there is only one teller open at the time of Jeff's bet, the book has to briefly close while he or she counts all that money. This can take up to 20 minutes. After Jeff cashes a ticket, the supervisor on duty has to call the cage to get a fill of money. Most books have requested that Jeff call ahead before coming in to cash a ticket so that they will have ample time to get the money together.
- After Matt makes a bet, the supervisor moves the line then asks the teller why he/she didn't "Ask that cocky little shit for his ID."
- After Jorgen makes a bet, the supervisor or manager on duty usually yells at him as he is walking out the door, telling him that he is never welcome to set foot in that casino again. What a scumbag that kid is.
- After Scotty Hoff - aka God's gift to sports betting - makes a bet, the supervisor wonders why he took the time to calculate exactly how much he could bet for his ticket to pay $9,999 despite the bet having no chance in hell of winning.
- So what happens after I make a bet you're wondering? I'm such a moron that the management team usually decides to move the number the other way both to mock me and to encourage money to come in on the other side. I'm not going to lie, it hurts, but give me a few more months working side-by-side CB and maybe one day I'll be where these other legends already are.
There just isn't a lot going on in the sports world right now, leaving me with very little to rant about. But here you go, anyway:
* I've had enough baseball for one year. Baseball Prospectus has blown it out their ass this season and it's costing me money. It's gotten so bad that my latest calculations have me losing nearly one Sherman betting unit between my baseball season bets and the fantasy team I share with Austin. My parents may have to sell their house to help me out with such a debt.
* I have a bet on the Minnesota Twins to win the AL Central and was keeping tabs on their game against the Oakland A's tonight as I blogged. The Twins were up 12-2 against the A's (The A's!!!) and actually blew that lead before being robbed by a very questionable call at home plate in the 9th inning that would have and should have tied the game. The only possible explanation for this comeback is that Hoffman secretly bet the A's without posting. Even though I had a shocking 3-0 day on Monday, I still hate baseball. I really do.
* Check out this new baseball betting system: If the Nationals or Padres are ever favored for any reason, or if the price on their game is anywhere near even money, simply bet on the other team. I know it's not as complicated as Scott's "Bet on all the underdogs on my days off" system, but I think it could be equally effective.
* Instead of losing my money following what a bunch of asshole writers say, I'm going to lose money following my own opinions in football. I've made some future bets on the following NFL teams: Packers, Bengals, Colts, Jaguars, Seahawks, and Eagles. I've also made some bets going against these teams: Dolphins, Cardinals, and Bears. I'd also like to fade the Cowboys and Texans at some point.
* One team I can't decide what to do with is the Denver Broncos. Everyone hates that team this year. The sharpest sharps come in to bet against them in Games of the Year. I hear other guys I consider to be very sharp talking about how bad they are going to be. But I also hear the same talk from people I consider square. I also hear it from tourists, from run-of-the-mill morons, even from people I know who are from Colorado and are Broncos fans. Everyone is down on this team from the most objective sharp to the most biased square.
While I don't like the fact that they are matched up against the NFC East for four games in which they will most likely be an underdog, I do like that they get to play the Raiders and Chiefs twice each and feel that having one of the best offensive lines in the NFL will make up for the departure of overrated crybaby QB Jay Cutler. Denver had one of the worst defenses in the NFL last season and still won 8 games. I don't see how they could possibly be worse on that side of the ball this season. I see a Broncos 'Over' wins bet in my future.
* I'd like to give some thoughts on college football but I clearly know nothing about it. I will say that I feel several teams are being overrated by the powers that be, specifically Ole Miss and Notre Dame. If you were to ask me for a team that could be really good that no one is talking about I would give you Georgia. They lost their biggest name players at QB and RB, but return their entire starting offensive line from last season and most of their defense. Stafford and Moreno weren't the only reasons the Bulldogs were a trendy pick to win it all in 2008. I also think Michigan will be good this year and watch out for Alabama - They bring back nearly everyone from a great defense and miss both Florida and Georgia this year.
That will do for today. I'd like to tell you guys that I'm going to start blogging more frequently again but we all know that's a lie. I tweet now. So why blog? I thought I was going to mainly mock Chris and Matt but ended up just piling on Scotty. The guy has been extra cocky lately.... probably why I couldn't resist. Sorry, bro.
Enjoy the summer.
Monday, June 22, 2009
We have officially entered
.... the dog days of summer now that The Rapist and the Lakers won the NBA Championship. All that's left for the next 6 weeks is Major League Baseball. And NASCAR. And Nationwide. And trucks. And the Indy Racing League. And F1. The MLS is playing, too. And there's usually some random international soccer tournaments every summer. And MMA fights and boxing. Oh, and golf every week. And tennis. Plus there's girls basketball now. Slow times at the Superbook. At least until football starts.
I'll give a few thoughts on the NBA Finals, tell a few stories about our trip to Omaha and then I'm calling it a night.
Actually.... I can tell this is going to a long one. Chris - You may need to read this in like 4-5 sessions spread out over a month or so. Enjoy.
* I was not happy for Kobe or the Lakers at all last Sunday. I wasn't happy for their idiot fans. I wasn't even happy for Jeff. Why exactly should we be happy for Kobe again? He has millions of dollars, is a lock for the Hall of Fame, and had 3 championship rings before the season started. Plus he raped a girl in Colorado a few years back and got away with it. Why would anyone be happy for this person? Fuck that.
* I want to thank Dwight Howard for making every FT attempt during the Eastern Conference Finals and then shooting like my sister against the Lakers. Perhaps the Lakers defense was really tough while Dwight stood on the free throw line.
* Orlando just shot the ball out of their minds against the Cavaliers and they couldn't possibly duplicate that performance against L.A. Please don't tell me that it's because the Lakers defense is better than Cleveland's. That just isn't true. The Cavs had one of the best defenses in the leasgue all season and the Lakers are a bunch of Europeans and lazy players. Orlando just went through an historically hot stretch against the Cavs and couldn't keep it up in the next round.
But I'm not bitter.
* I was at the Palms with Hoffman at the end of Game 4 of the NBA Finals surrounded by idiots rooting abnoxiously for the Lakers. After Dwight Howard choked and missed both free throws, Orlando was still up by 3. All they had to do was foul the Lakers and they win the game. Instead they let Derek Fisher take a 3 and he (miraculously) made it to send the game to overtime. Great.
* At the end of the day I'm just bitter about the Cavs not being able to make it to the Finals and the entire postseason just reminded me of why I hate the NBA.
You can hear more of my thoughts on the NBA and life in general in the most recent Blogcast which Andy and I recorded the afternoon before Game 4. Chris.... just listen to it.
And now I will talk about the Omaha trip by making fun of each person who was on the trip individually. Let's start with Matt.
* The Big Guy is a party animal. We went to bed about 6 am the first night we were there and Matt still woke up around 9 to catch the shuttle over to Rosenblatt and start tailgating. There's really nothing good to mock him about but I'm going to do it anyway. For one thing, Matt was the only person who took this stupid tailgate game we were playing seriously. The object of the game was to toss this thing and have it catch on a ladder a few feet away. (It's not as fun as it sounds. Actually it's exactly as fun as it sounds.) All of Matt's tosses would hit the ladder and bounce off at which time he would complain about how unlucky he was. Everyone else was just standing around hoping that somebody would win so that we could stop playing.
For the record, the team of Austin and I defeated Matt and Hoffman thanks to my winning shot. Had I known that Austin and Scott had bet $20 on the match, I most likely would've thrown the game on purpose, then split up the booty with Hoffman back at the hideout.
Matt was also obsessed (Obsessed!) with collecting wristbands from every bar and/or beer tent he went to. I believe that I tweeted that he was like a sorority girl proudly displaying the many wristbands adorning his arms. He was also so self-conscious about this that he actually used bigger wristbands to cover up the smaller ones when I started making fun of him for it which only made me want to make fun of him even more. That guy is too easy.
* Austin made the smart decision to turn in early on the first night instead of joining us on our dumb trip to a place called "The Play House." He also came through with free tickets to several games and got us into a few tailgates where we drank and ate for free. But even he was not without flaws. He and I had planned to leave at the same time on Wednesday so that we could share a cab to the airport. His original flight back to Vegas was around 2:30 so I booked a flight at 1:55. Makes sense. What he failed to tell me until Tuesday morning was that not only was he going straight to NYC from Omaha but that his new flight was at 7 AM. This wouldn't have been a huge deal except for the facts that we had no place to stay on Wednesday morning (We had slept at his buddy's house and his buddy would be at work) and a cab ride from his buddy's house to the airport cost more than 50 bucks. Instead of just apologizing for this, he went into to classic defensive Austin and repeatedly told me he had "Forgot" and that somehow it wasn't his fault that he had never bothered to look at his new itinerary. Sigh.
To make a long story short, I called Southwest Airlines on Tuesday night around midnight and paid a decent amount of money to move my flight up to 7:20 AM so that we could leave his buddy's house in the morning and split a cab. However, more problems ensued when Austin left his cell phone at the kid's house and the cabbie had to turn around and go back to get it. When we were a few minutes away from the airport, Austin mentioned to me that he needed me to pay the whole cab fare because he had very little cash left and would need to pay for a cab ride from the airport in NYC to his brother's apartment. He and I are no longer on speaking terms.
* Back to the first night..... With Austin in bed and us headed to the local strip club, The Play House, we needed to find a fourth guy to fill in for him and round out our group. That fourth guy was a young Nebraskan kid named Chris who was sitting at the bar, heard us talking about going to a strip club, and somehow ended up in our limo on the way to The Play House.
Yeah, we had a limo in Iowa. I don't really remember what happened but Matt says we jumped into a limo that two other guys were already using at the urging of the valet guys and had them take us to a strip club. But not before we stopped at a gas station so Hoffy and this kid Chris could jump out and buy beer. Okay, there's a lot at play here:
1. You can bring your own beer into strip clubs in Iowa. I still can't get over that. You just walk in carrying cases of beer like you're going to a house party. An Iowan house party. With fully naked girls. Fully naked Iowan girls.
It was awesome.
2. We were in a limo that was not our own and the other people were not amused. The one thing I do remember is that one of them was wearing Vikings gear and a scowl the entire time we were in there. That person may have been related to Chris Bennett.
3. Being the asshole that he is, Matt started to mock this Nebraskan kid Chris in the limo and Chris didn't realize he was joking around and got offended. I'm pretty sure Matt even got up and went to the other side of the limo to apologize.
4. Chris ended up going out to breakfast with us and our driver dropped him off at his house around 5:30 AM. This begs several questions: How did he get to the bar we were at in the first place? Who did he come there with? Or was his plan to just go to a random bar in Iowa and hope to run into some dumb kids from Vegas looking to go to a strip club?
It also begs the question of how 3 morons like us had our own driver. Well, we did. She was an employee of the hotel who drove a shuttle for hotel guests. I was so drunk that I had no idea that's who she was. I honestly thought she was a cab driver who was just following us around from the strip club to breakfast and then back to the hotel. Scott thought she was some girl I had met at the bar and convinced to drive us around. After we all had a nice post-strip club drunk breakfast, she dropped Chris off at his house in Nebraska and we never saw him again. (Although he was one of about 10 guys to give me his phone number during the week. Nice kid.)
* I'll make fun of myself for a while and ease into the Scott jokes. I was pretty drunk that first night. I can handle beer like a champ but throw in a few shots of Tequila and I'm like a tweenage girl experimenting with alcohol for the first time. A little tequila and I'm screaming at bartenders to come to the strip clubs with us and nearly getting into a fight with a bouncer who Metcalf swears was two seconds away from ripping my head off while I leaned against a car and mocked him. Matt said I was pretty funny, so I have that going for me. Still probably wasn't a good idea. I was a little sloppy on Friday but I pulled myself together on Saturday. Somebody had to babysit Hoffman. And I managed to take a few notes while I was blocking the "Shot Girls" from getting near him.
Try to guess which one of these things Scott didn't really do:
- Elbow me literally every single time a hot girl walked by. (Which during an LSU or Arizona St game was pretty much every 2 seconds) Dude - I'm already looking at her. Every guy in our general vicinity is already looking at her. Freakin' Hoffman.
- Took a piss in the street across from the stadium. This wasn't like an abandoned alley. This was a very busy street with hundreds of people everywhere. Luckily we were in Nebraska so the security guard and police officer let us off with a warning and a boys will be boys laugh. Except Scott is 31.
- Went up to a guy and asked him to "Make a line" on whether I could knock Scott out with one punch. The guy looked at him with a "What the hell are you talking about?" face but eventually bought us a few beers. And offered to help me get a job as a sports writer. And gave me his phone number offering to take my buddies and I to a Nebraska football game if I'm ever in Lincoln.... People in Nebraska are really nice.
- Threatened to fight Austin repeatedly. And threatened to fight Matt. And threatened to fight Austin and Matt at the same time. And refused to sit with us at dinner one night, instead opting to sit across the room muttering about how Matt was "Overrated" and how he wanted to kick Matt's ass.
- Nearly got into a fight with a belligerent kid at a beer tent in Omaha after the kid refused to buy him shots.
- Was banned from going to the casino area of our hotel and forced by security to return to our room for no less than 8 hours.
- Slept in the same bed as Matt Metcalf.
- Spooned every night with Matt Metcalf.
- Took about 90 minutes to get ready on Saturday morning, prompting me to tweet about how much of a diva he is.
- Finally gave up on Sunday night and went to bed at 10:30 PM.
- Almost fought through it on Sunday night when Matt told him that The Play House was doing 2-for-1 black lap dance night.
I need to stop here for a second because I thought that was definitely the funniest joke anyone made on the whole trip. Think about how funny that is. The strip club gives you two dances for the price of one as long as the girl is black. Does that mean that you get two black girls at once? Or does the same black girl dance for two songs and only charge you for one? What if the girl is half black and half white? Does it cost $12.50 instead of $25? What if the girl is related to Tiger Woods? Do you need to break out a calculator at that point? What if there's only one black girl working? How long would that line be?
Whatever the case may be - Scott was very intrigued by this.
Actually the funniest thing that happened on the whole trip occurred on Monday morning. Austin and I had just boarded the shuttle for Rosenblatt and Scott and Matt were standing on the curb waiting for their ride to the airport. A pretty girl walked past the two high rollers and Scott looked right down at her ass as Austin and I watched the whole thing play out and laughed out loud. I love the Hoff. He really is incorrigible.
Before I go, I will rank the 8 schools who were in Omaha based on the hotness of their female fan bases:
1. LSU. And it's not even close.
2. Arizona St
3. Texas
4. Arkansas
5. UNC
6. Cal Fullerton
7. Southern Mississippi
8. Virginia
UVA has to be one of the worst sports schools in the country. They never have good crowds at their basketball games. Their own football coach called them the "Wine and Cheese" crowd of the ACC, and they had about 20 fans in Omaha despite it being their first ever trip to the College World Series and hardly something they can expect annually the way fans from LSU or Texas do. UVA sucks.
(The above rant has nothing to do with the fact that I wish I had been smart enough to go to UVA.)
That's enough for today. It was light out when I went to bed last night and when I woke up the U.S. Open was already over. And had been over for several hours. It sucked. Going to get some sleep tonight. I'll try to force out a blog from time to time but there's really no point now that I have the aforementioned Blogcast and I am available to follow on Twitter.
(And yeah I follow Miley Cyrus on Twitter. So what? Have you heard what Eminem says about her in the second verse of his new song 3 AM? Well, I suggest you listen to it. I won't seem so bad after you hear that.)
Enjoy the game.
I'll give a few thoughts on the NBA Finals, tell a few stories about our trip to Omaha and then I'm calling it a night.
Actually.... I can tell this is going to a long one. Chris - You may need to read this in like 4-5 sessions spread out over a month or so. Enjoy.
* I was not happy for Kobe or the Lakers at all last Sunday. I wasn't happy for their idiot fans. I wasn't even happy for Jeff. Why exactly should we be happy for Kobe again? He has millions of dollars, is a lock for the Hall of Fame, and had 3 championship rings before the season started. Plus he raped a girl in Colorado a few years back and got away with it. Why would anyone be happy for this person? Fuck that.
* I want to thank Dwight Howard for making every FT attempt during the Eastern Conference Finals and then shooting like my sister against the Lakers. Perhaps the Lakers defense was really tough while Dwight stood on the free throw line.
* Orlando just shot the ball out of their minds against the Cavaliers and they couldn't possibly duplicate that performance against L.A. Please don't tell me that it's because the Lakers defense is better than Cleveland's. That just isn't true. The Cavs had one of the best defenses in the leasgue all season and the Lakers are a bunch of Europeans and lazy players. Orlando just went through an historically hot stretch against the Cavs and couldn't keep it up in the next round.
But I'm not bitter.
* I was at the Palms with Hoffman at the end of Game 4 of the NBA Finals surrounded by idiots rooting abnoxiously for the Lakers. After Dwight Howard choked and missed both free throws, Orlando was still up by 3. All they had to do was foul the Lakers and they win the game. Instead they let Derek Fisher take a 3 and he (miraculously) made it to send the game to overtime. Great.
* At the end of the day I'm just bitter about the Cavs not being able to make it to the Finals and the entire postseason just reminded me of why I hate the NBA.
You can hear more of my thoughts on the NBA and life in general in the most recent Blogcast which Andy and I recorded the afternoon before Game 4. Chris.... just listen to it.
And now I will talk about the Omaha trip by making fun of each person who was on the trip individually. Let's start with Matt.
* The Big Guy is a party animal. We went to bed about 6 am the first night we were there and Matt still woke up around 9 to catch the shuttle over to Rosenblatt and start tailgating. There's really nothing good to mock him about but I'm going to do it anyway. For one thing, Matt was the only person who took this stupid tailgate game we were playing seriously. The object of the game was to toss this thing and have it catch on a ladder a few feet away. (It's not as fun as it sounds. Actually it's exactly as fun as it sounds.) All of Matt's tosses would hit the ladder and bounce off at which time he would complain about how unlucky he was. Everyone else was just standing around hoping that somebody would win so that we could stop playing.
For the record, the team of Austin and I defeated Matt and Hoffman thanks to my winning shot. Had I known that Austin and Scott had bet $20 on the match, I most likely would've thrown the game on purpose, then split up the booty with Hoffman back at the hideout.
Matt was also obsessed (Obsessed!) with collecting wristbands from every bar and/or beer tent he went to. I believe that I tweeted that he was like a sorority girl proudly displaying the many wristbands adorning his arms. He was also so self-conscious about this that he actually used bigger wristbands to cover up the smaller ones when I started making fun of him for it which only made me want to make fun of him even more. That guy is too easy.
* Austin made the smart decision to turn in early on the first night instead of joining us on our dumb trip to a place called "The Play House." He also came through with free tickets to several games and got us into a few tailgates where we drank and ate for free. But even he was not without flaws. He and I had planned to leave at the same time on Wednesday so that we could share a cab to the airport. His original flight back to Vegas was around 2:30 so I booked a flight at 1:55. Makes sense. What he failed to tell me until Tuesday morning was that not only was he going straight to NYC from Omaha but that his new flight was at 7 AM. This wouldn't have been a huge deal except for the facts that we had no place to stay on Wednesday morning (We had slept at his buddy's house and his buddy would be at work) and a cab ride from his buddy's house to the airport cost more than 50 bucks. Instead of just apologizing for this, he went into to classic defensive Austin and repeatedly told me he had "Forgot" and that somehow it wasn't his fault that he had never bothered to look at his new itinerary. Sigh.
To make a long story short, I called Southwest Airlines on Tuesday night around midnight and paid a decent amount of money to move my flight up to 7:20 AM so that we could leave his buddy's house in the morning and split a cab. However, more problems ensued when Austin left his cell phone at the kid's house and the cabbie had to turn around and go back to get it. When we were a few minutes away from the airport, Austin mentioned to me that he needed me to pay the whole cab fare because he had very little cash left and would need to pay for a cab ride from the airport in NYC to his brother's apartment. He and I are no longer on speaking terms.
* Back to the first night..... With Austin in bed and us headed to the local strip club, The Play House, we needed to find a fourth guy to fill in for him and round out our group. That fourth guy was a young Nebraskan kid named Chris who was sitting at the bar, heard us talking about going to a strip club, and somehow ended up in our limo on the way to The Play House.
Yeah, we had a limo in Iowa. I don't really remember what happened but Matt says we jumped into a limo that two other guys were already using at the urging of the valet guys and had them take us to a strip club. But not before we stopped at a gas station so Hoffy and this kid Chris could jump out and buy beer. Okay, there's a lot at play here:
1. You can bring your own beer into strip clubs in Iowa. I still can't get over that. You just walk in carrying cases of beer like you're going to a house party. An Iowan house party. With fully naked girls. Fully naked Iowan girls.
It was awesome.
2. We were in a limo that was not our own and the other people were not amused. The one thing I do remember is that one of them was wearing Vikings gear and a scowl the entire time we were in there. That person may have been related to Chris Bennett.
3. Being the asshole that he is, Matt started to mock this Nebraskan kid Chris in the limo and Chris didn't realize he was joking around and got offended. I'm pretty sure Matt even got up and went to the other side of the limo to apologize.
4. Chris ended up going out to breakfast with us and our driver dropped him off at his house around 5:30 AM. This begs several questions: How did he get to the bar we were at in the first place? Who did he come there with? Or was his plan to just go to a random bar in Iowa and hope to run into some dumb kids from Vegas looking to go to a strip club?
It also begs the question of how 3 morons like us had our own driver. Well, we did. She was an employee of the hotel who drove a shuttle for hotel guests. I was so drunk that I had no idea that's who she was. I honestly thought she was a cab driver who was just following us around from the strip club to breakfast and then back to the hotel. Scott thought she was some girl I had met at the bar and convinced to drive us around. After we all had a nice post-strip club drunk breakfast, she dropped Chris off at his house in Nebraska and we never saw him again. (Although he was one of about 10 guys to give me his phone number during the week. Nice kid.)
* I'll make fun of myself for a while and ease into the Scott jokes. I was pretty drunk that first night. I can handle beer like a champ but throw in a few shots of Tequila and I'm like a tweenage girl experimenting with alcohol for the first time. A little tequila and I'm screaming at bartenders to come to the strip clubs with us and nearly getting into a fight with a bouncer who Metcalf swears was two seconds away from ripping my head off while I leaned against a car and mocked him. Matt said I was pretty funny, so I have that going for me. Still probably wasn't a good idea. I was a little sloppy on Friday but I pulled myself together on Saturday. Somebody had to babysit Hoffman. And I managed to take a few notes while I was blocking the "Shot Girls" from getting near him.
Try to guess which one of these things Scott didn't really do:
- Elbow me literally every single time a hot girl walked by. (Which during an LSU or Arizona St game was pretty much every 2 seconds) Dude - I'm already looking at her. Every guy in our general vicinity is already looking at her. Freakin' Hoffman.
- Took a piss in the street across from the stadium. This wasn't like an abandoned alley. This was a very busy street with hundreds of people everywhere. Luckily we were in Nebraska so the security guard and police officer let us off with a warning and a boys will be boys laugh. Except Scott is 31.
- Went up to a guy and asked him to "Make a line" on whether I could knock Scott out with one punch. The guy looked at him with a "What the hell are you talking about?" face but eventually bought us a few beers. And offered to help me get a job as a sports writer. And gave me his phone number offering to take my buddies and I to a Nebraska football game if I'm ever in Lincoln.... People in Nebraska are really nice.
- Threatened to fight Austin repeatedly. And threatened to fight Matt. And threatened to fight Austin and Matt at the same time. And refused to sit with us at dinner one night, instead opting to sit across the room muttering about how Matt was "Overrated" and how he wanted to kick Matt's ass.
- Nearly got into a fight with a belligerent kid at a beer tent in Omaha after the kid refused to buy him shots.
- Was banned from going to the casino area of our hotel and forced by security to return to our room for no less than 8 hours.
- Slept in the same bed as Matt Metcalf.
- Spooned every night with Matt Metcalf.
- Took about 90 minutes to get ready on Saturday morning, prompting me to tweet about how much of a diva he is.
- Finally gave up on Sunday night and went to bed at 10:30 PM.
- Almost fought through it on Sunday night when Matt told him that The Play House was doing 2-for-1 black lap dance night.
I need to stop here for a second because I thought that was definitely the funniest joke anyone made on the whole trip. Think about how funny that is. The strip club gives you two dances for the price of one as long as the girl is black. Does that mean that you get two black girls at once? Or does the same black girl dance for two songs and only charge you for one? What if the girl is half black and half white? Does it cost $12.50 instead of $25? What if the girl is related to Tiger Woods? Do you need to break out a calculator at that point? What if there's only one black girl working? How long would that line be?
Whatever the case may be - Scott was very intrigued by this.
Actually the funniest thing that happened on the whole trip occurred on Monday morning. Austin and I had just boarded the shuttle for Rosenblatt and Scott and Matt were standing on the curb waiting for their ride to the airport. A pretty girl walked past the two high rollers and Scott looked right down at her ass as Austin and I watched the whole thing play out and laughed out loud. I love the Hoff. He really is incorrigible.
Before I go, I will rank the 8 schools who were in Omaha based on the hotness of their female fan bases:
1. LSU. And it's not even close.
2. Arizona St
3. Texas
4. Arkansas
5. UNC
6. Cal Fullerton
7. Southern Mississippi
8. Virginia
UVA has to be one of the worst sports schools in the country. They never have good crowds at their basketball games. Their own football coach called them the "Wine and Cheese" crowd of the ACC, and they had about 20 fans in Omaha despite it being their first ever trip to the College World Series and hardly something they can expect annually the way fans from LSU or Texas do. UVA sucks.
(The above rant has nothing to do with the fact that I wish I had been smart enough to go to UVA.)
That's enough for today. It was light out when I went to bed last night and when I woke up the U.S. Open was already over. And had been over for several hours. It sucked. Going to get some sleep tonight. I'll try to force out a blog from time to time but there's really no point now that I have the aforementioned Blogcast and I am available to follow on Twitter.
(And yeah I follow Miley Cyrus on Twitter. So what? Have you heard what Eminem says about her in the second verse of his new song 3 AM? Well, I suggest you listen to it. I won't seem so bad after you hear that.)
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Allow me to give my thoughts
.... on the NBA's Western and Eastern Conference Finals. If you don't wish to read 1,000 words from me ripping Kobe Bryant or listen to me whine incessantly about the Cavaliers playoff choke job, I suggest you stop reading this right now. In that case, I recommend going back and reading my old blogs like Jorgen does when he is bored at work.
I've spent way more time watching the Eastern Conference games but I'm going to start by talking about the Western series. The series price originally came Lakers -250 which was interesting because the Lakers were roughly 1/5 to win the whole thing at Caesars at the time. Was Sherman panicking before this series? You bet he was.
The #1 thing I consistently find so fascinating about Mr. S and his fellow Laker fans is their undying loyalty to Kobe Bryant. It's very possible that right now there is no athlete more beloved by his own fans than Kobe is by Lakers supporters. They worship the guy. They defend him no matter what. They still think he's better than LeBron James which is just laughable. This is all fascinating to me for several reasons:
1. Kobe Bryant is obviously a gigantic douche.
He's just not like a likeable guy. He's completely phony. Every exchange he has with teammates, fans, media members, etc... seems forced and uncomfortable and just generally akward. I don't care what anyone tells me: There is no way the other Lakers players like Kobe Bryant. For one thing, he's about as likely to pass them the ball on the basketball court as Bennett and Jorgie are to pass on a backwards number at the Golden Nugget. I'm sure Kobe's teammates respect him for being such a great player and I'm sure they appreciate the fact that he is capable of carrying them on his back when he's hot, but there is no way they like him. Let alone adoringly fawn over him the way the Lakers fans do.
2. Kobe forced Shaquille O'Neal out of town because he didn't want to share the spotlight.
Why does everyone pretend like this never happened? The Lakers won three titles with Shaq as their #1 guy and Kobe as his sidekick. They probably could have won 1 or 2 more titles together but Kobe wanted to be the lead dog and forced the Lakers to deal Shaq to Miami, where he won a championship with Dwyane Wade leading the way. Wade is not the player Kobe is so it stands to reason that had they stayed together Shaq and Kobe could have definitely won at least one more NBA Championship. But Kobe didn't want it that way. He wanted to be the guy. Shaq was a likeable guy, a great player, and he lead the Lakers to 3 world championships, winning 3 NBA Finals MVPs along the way. Kobe forced him out of town while he was still good enough to win another title. And nobody in Los Angeles seems to care or even remember that it happened. I just don't get L.A. fans at all.
3. There once was a girl named Katelyn Faber....
I don't want to go into too many graphic details but I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. Innocent people settle out of court with their accusers all the time. Don't they?
Nobody in Los Angeles seems to be bothered by this whatsoever. I just don't understand these fans.
Aside from the reasons above, let's not forget that the "Kobe as Top Dog" experiment in Los Angeles wasn't working at all (And rumors ranged from Kobe demanding a trade out of town with Chicago as a possible landing spot to Kobe SIGNING WITH THE CLIPPERS a few summers ago) until David Stern forced Grizzlies management to trade Pau Gasol to the Lakers for nothing 2 years ago. Look at the results of the 3 Kobe-led Lakers team, prior to the Gasol trade:
- In 2007, the Lakers lost 4 games to 1 in the first round of the NBA Playoffs to the Phoenix Suns as the #7 seed. (That same year LeBron James led a similar, if not worse, cast of supporting players to the NBA Finals as a 22-year-old.)
- In 2006, Kobe and the Lakers lost 4-3 in the first round to Phoenix, also as a #7 seed. (That same year, Shaquille O'Neal and the Miami Heat won the NBA Championship.)
- And in 2005, the first Kobe-led Lakers team without Shaq in the middle didn't even make it to the postseason.....
Kobe was 26, 27, and 28 during those three seasons. Those are prime years for most athletes but with a mediocre supporting cast he could barely lead his team to the postseason and was unable to win even one playoff series. That tells me all I need to know about the ridiculous LeBron-Kobe "Debate." As I said above, LeBron took a similarly crappy team to the Finals in 2007 at the ripe old age of 22, and he is back in the Eastern Finals this year with a team of crummy supporting players, white guys, and a dopey Brazilian guy who looks like Sideshow Bob. By the time he is 27, LeBron would be able to carry a team of me, sharp shooting farm boy Jorgie, a hungover Scott, and my 60-year-old mother to the second round of the playoffs. I'm sorry but if you think Kobe is as good a player as LeBron is, you don't know shit about basketball.
But nobody in L.A. ever talks about any of this. They just blindly love Kobe. What a sports town.
For all my Kobe ripping, the fact remains that he is one win away from taking the Lakers back to the Finals for the second straight season. Unfortunately for Nuggets backers, the Western Conference finals were wrapped up last night in L.A. Denver's only hope was to win last night and play the game of their lives on Friday night in Denver. Now they would have to win Game 6 at home, then go on the road on Sunday afternoon and beat the Lakers, the refs, David Stern, and ABC in Game 7. That's just not going to happen. Even if Carmelo gets over his little baby flu bug, Denver still has no shot of winning a Game 7 on the road. Sorry, guys.
Let's turn our attention to the Cavaliers and the Eastern Conference Finals.
* Okay, first of all, as most of you already know, I have a bet on the Cavs to win the championship at 20-1 and I was too stubborn to hedge it before the Orlando series because I reasoned that it would be dumb to hedge against an -800 favorite. I realize that I am a moron and as usual I made the wrong decision, but I want it to be on the record that while I have been panicking hard core during this series, I have been no worse than Ed or Jeff who both laid huge prices on Cleveland to win the East. Do you have any idea how much those guys need to bet on a -600 favorite to make it worth their while? Between the two of them, they probably could have bought a small island with the money they are going to lose on this series.
* I also want to address idiots like ESPN's Skip Bayless who are blaming LeBron for Cleveland's current 3-1 deficit. This could be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. LeBron is averaging 42.3 points, 7.3 rebounds, and 7.3 assists during this series. And he really should be averaging closer to 10 assists per game. How many times has #23 driven into the paint, waited as the defense collapsed on him, and then kicked it out to Mo Williams, Delonte West, or Zyndrunas Ilgauskas for a WIDE OPEN shot only to watch as it clanked off the iron? During Game 4, I compared LeBron to a father who puts the ball in the hands of his young son, lifts him up to the point that the child is hovering over the rim, then tells his son to slam it through the hoop. Only these guys are professional basketball players. (Mo Williams actually made the All-Star team this season believe it or not.) And they probably couldn't even make that shot. Yeah, it's LeBron's fault. Skip Bayless might be the most clueless sports reporter on the planet.
* LeBron tries to get his teammates involved. He doesn't want to be like Kobe hogging the ball and settling for dumb outside shots on every other possession. But if you are playing basketball and you realize that you are the only person on your team that can make a shot, would you really keep passing to your teammates? I know I wouldn't.
* There was a sequence during Game 4 that I feel was a perfect microcasm of this series so far. Trailing 93-88 with with just over 5 minutes left, LeBron took and hit a tough jumper to cut the lead to 3. Orlando missed and the Cavs came charging back down the floor. LeBron drove to the rim and somehow saw and managed to kick it back out to Delonte West who was wide open for 3 in the corner. This wasn't a tough angle. It was a direct shot from the corner. There were no defenders in the area. They had all wisely converged on LeBron. I would've expected myself to make the shot. And West missed. Of course, he did. Mickael Pietrus grabbed the rebound and the Magic rushed frantically up the court for no apparent reason and Rashard Lewis forced up a stupid 3 pointer with a hand in his face. *Good.* And Orlando is up by 6 again.
* Cleveland still had a great chance to win at the end, up by 1 in the final seconds. Orlando gets the ball and instead of setting up a play or calmly working it inside to Dwight Howard so he can dunk over Ilgauskas, Pietrus forces up a ridiculous 3 from corner and clanks it off the rim. If there was any justice in the world, Orlando would have lost the game right there for taking such a dumb shot but Delonte West falls to the ground trying to grab the rebound and it rolls out of bounds. Still down by a single point, the Magic inbound it to Rashard Lewis, who turns to his right and forces up a stupid fadeaway 3 point shot from the wing, probably the hardest spot on the court to make a 3 from. (Again I want to reiterate that Orlando was only down by 1 and they have a center who couldn't possibly be stopped down low.) *Good.*
Son of a bitch.
The refs tried to help Cleveland out and LeBron made two ridiculously clutch free throws (Something no one will mention the next time he misses one in the 2nd quarter) to force overtime with 0.5 seconds left but Orlando was able to pull away for the win in overtime.
* I watched a great deal of Game 4 with fellow Cavs bettor and fellow panic junkie Ed Salmons and he kept saying that Cleveland should just let Orlando gunners like Pietrus and Rafer Alston shoot the 3 anytime they want it. And Ed was probably right about that. If you let guys like Pietrus and Alston take dumb 3's instead of passing it inside to Howard or having Lewis take it to the rack, in the long term you are probably much better off. Except in this particular series those guys never miss. None of the Magic players ever miss. Orlando made 17 3's on Tuesday night. Rafer Alston made 6 himself. Rafer Alston. And this is a game that went to overtime so every one of those shots was precious. Orlando is just shooting out of their minds right now and Cleveland, well other than LeBron James, Cleveland couldn't make a shot right now unless you lifted them up over the basket and instructed them to drop it in.
* If you watch the game tonight, look out for the 25 times that LeBron drives to the rim and kicks it back out to his teammate for a wide open shot. When that loser clanks the shot like a JV high school player, think of me cringing and cursing and think of Ed frantically texting me a complaint. Because it's going to happen. Over and over and over again.
I know I wasn't funny today. I've just watched more NBA basketball in the last week than I did over the entire regular season combined. And I didn't want to be the millionth person to write about how bad the officials have been for two reasons:
1. Aside from a few weird calls like the foul on Pavlovic at the end of Game 2, the officials are helping my team, Cleveland. Thank you for that, guys.
2. Everyone who actually watches the NBA and isn't a complete idiot, already knows that the officiating in this league is beyond abysmal, so there's no reason to talk about it until you are hoarse.
You gotta believe that the refs will be helping out Cleveland tonight. And the Cavaliers are at home. And at some point, Orlando's secondary players like Alston and Pietrus have to finally miss shots.
At least I hope so. Or there will be a lot of panicking tonight. And I'm not just talking about Ed and Jeff.
Enjoy the game.
I've spent way more time watching the Eastern Conference games but I'm going to start by talking about the Western series. The series price originally came Lakers -250 which was interesting because the Lakers were roughly 1/5 to win the whole thing at Caesars at the time. Was Sherman panicking before this series? You bet he was.
The #1 thing I consistently find so fascinating about Mr. S and his fellow Laker fans is their undying loyalty to Kobe Bryant. It's very possible that right now there is no athlete more beloved by his own fans than Kobe is by Lakers supporters. They worship the guy. They defend him no matter what. They still think he's better than LeBron James which is just laughable. This is all fascinating to me for several reasons:
1. Kobe Bryant is obviously a gigantic douche.
He's just not like a likeable guy. He's completely phony. Every exchange he has with teammates, fans, media members, etc... seems forced and uncomfortable and just generally akward. I don't care what anyone tells me: There is no way the other Lakers players like Kobe Bryant. For one thing, he's about as likely to pass them the ball on the basketball court as Bennett and Jorgie are to pass on a backwards number at the Golden Nugget. I'm sure Kobe's teammates respect him for being such a great player and I'm sure they appreciate the fact that he is capable of carrying them on his back when he's hot, but there is no way they like him. Let alone adoringly fawn over him the way the Lakers fans do.
2. Kobe forced Shaquille O'Neal out of town because he didn't want to share the spotlight.
Why does everyone pretend like this never happened? The Lakers won three titles with Shaq as their #1 guy and Kobe as his sidekick. They probably could have won 1 or 2 more titles together but Kobe wanted to be the lead dog and forced the Lakers to deal Shaq to Miami, where he won a championship with Dwyane Wade leading the way. Wade is not the player Kobe is so it stands to reason that had they stayed together Shaq and Kobe could have definitely won at least one more NBA Championship. But Kobe didn't want it that way. He wanted to be the guy. Shaq was a likeable guy, a great player, and he lead the Lakers to 3 world championships, winning 3 NBA Finals MVPs along the way. Kobe forced him out of town while he was still good enough to win another title. And nobody in Los Angeles seems to care or even remember that it happened. I just don't get L.A. fans at all.
3. There once was a girl named Katelyn Faber....
I don't want to go into too many graphic details but I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. Innocent people settle out of court with their accusers all the time. Don't they?
Nobody in Los Angeles seems to be bothered by this whatsoever. I just don't understand these fans.
Aside from the reasons above, let's not forget that the "Kobe as Top Dog" experiment in Los Angeles wasn't working at all (And rumors ranged from Kobe demanding a trade out of town with Chicago as a possible landing spot to Kobe SIGNING WITH THE CLIPPERS a few summers ago) until David Stern forced Grizzlies management to trade Pau Gasol to the Lakers for nothing 2 years ago. Look at the results of the 3 Kobe-led Lakers team, prior to the Gasol trade:
- In 2007, the Lakers lost 4 games to 1 in the first round of the NBA Playoffs to the Phoenix Suns as the #7 seed. (That same year LeBron James led a similar, if not worse, cast of supporting players to the NBA Finals as a 22-year-old.)
- In 2006, Kobe and the Lakers lost 4-3 in the first round to Phoenix, also as a #7 seed. (That same year, Shaquille O'Neal and the Miami Heat won the NBA Championship.)
- And in 2005, the first Kobe-led Lakers team without Shaq in the middle didn't even make it to the postseason.....
Kobe was 26, 27, and 28 during those three seasons. Those are prime years for most athletes but with a mediocre supporting cast he could barely lead his team to the postseason and was unable to win even one playoff series. That tells me all I need to know about the ridiculous LeBron-Kobe "Debate." As I said above, LeBron took a similarly crappy team to the Finals in 2007 at the ripe old age of 22, and he is back in the Eastern Finals this year with a team of crummy supporting players, white guys, and a dopey Brazilian guy who looks like Sideshow Bob. By the time he is 27, LeBron would be able to carry a team of me, sharp shooting farm boy Jorgie, a hungover Scott, and my 60-year-old mother to the second round of the playoffs. I'm sorry but if you think Kobe is as good a player as LeBron is, you don't know shit about basketball.
But nobody in L.A. ever talks about any of this. They just blindly love Kobe. What a sports town.
For all my Kobe ripping, the fact remains that he is one win away from taking the Lakers back to the Finals for the second straight season. Unfortunately for Nuggets backers, the Western Conference finals were wrapped up last night in L.A. Denver's only hope was to win last night and play the game of their lives on Friday night in Denver. Now they would have to win Game 6 at home, then go on the road on Sunday afternoon and beat the Lakers, the refs, David Stern, and ABC in Game 7. That's just not going to happen. Even if Carmelo gets over his little baby flu bug, Denver still has no shot of winning a Game 7 on the road. Sorry, guys.
Let's turn our attention to the Cavaliers and the Eastern Conference Finals.
* Okay, first of all, as most of you already know, I have a bet on the Cavs to win the championship at 20-1 and I was too stubborn to hedge it before the Orlando series because I reasoned that it would be dumb to hedge against an -800 favorite. I realize that I am a moron and as usual I made the wrong decision, but I want it to be on the record that while I have been panicking hard core during this series, I have been no worse than Ed or Jeff who both laid huge prices on Cleveland to win the East. Do you have any idea how much those guys need to bet on a -600 favorite to make it worth their while? Between the two of them, they probably could have bought a small island with the money they are going to lose on this series.
* I also want to address idiots like ESPN's Skip Bayless who are blaming LeBron for Cleveland's current 3-1 deficit. This could be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. LeBron is averaging 42.3 points, 7.3 rebounds, and 7.3 assists during this series. And he really should be averaging closer to 10 assists per game. How many times has #23 driven into the paint, waited as the defense collapsed on him, and then kicked it out to Mo Williams, Delonte West, or Zyndrunas Ilgauskas for a WIDE OPEN shot only to watch as it clanked off the iron? During Game 4, I compared LeBron to a father who puts the ball in the hands of his young son, lifts him up to the point that the child is hovering over the rim, then tells his son to slam it through the hoop. Only these guys are professional basketball players. (Mo Williams actually made the All-Star team this season believe it or not.) And they probably couldn't even make that shot. Yeah, it's LeBron's fault. Skip Bayless might be the most clueless sports reporter on the planet.
* LeBron tries to get his teammates involved. He doesn't want to be like Kobe hogging the ball and settling for dumb outside shots on every other possession. But if you are playing basketball and you realize that you are the only person on your team that can make a shot, would you really keep passing to your teammates? I know I wouldn't.
* There was a sequence during Game 4 that I feel was a perfect microcasm of this series so far. Trailing 93-88 with with just over 5 minutes left, LeBron took and hit a tough jumper to cut the lead to 3. Orlando missed and the Cavs came charging back down the floor. LeBron drove to the rim and somehow saw and managed to kick it back out to Delonte West who was wide open for 3 in the corner. This wasn't a tough angle. It was a direct shot from the corner. There were no defenders in the area. They had all wisely converged on LeBron. I would've expected myself to make the shot. And West missed. Of course, he did. Mickael Pietrus grabbed the rebound and the Magic rushed frantically up the court for no apparent reason and Rashard Lewis forced up a stupid 3 pointer with a hand in his face. *Good.* And Orlando is up by 6 again.
* Cleveland still had a great chance to win at the end, up by 1 in the final seconds. Orlando gets the ball and instead of setting up a play or calmly working it inside to Dwight Howard so he can dunk over Ilgauskas, Pietrus forces up a ridiculous 3 from corner and clanks it off the rim. If there was any justice in the world, Orlando would have lost the game right there for taking such a dumb shot but Delonte West falls to the ground trying to grab the rebound and it rolls out of bounds. Still down by a single point, the Magic inbound it to Rashard Lewis, who turns to his right and forces up a stupid fadeaway 3 point shot from the wing, probably the hardest spot on the court to make a 3 from. (Again I want to reiterate that Orlando was only down by 1 and they have a center who couldn't possibly be stopped down low.) *Good.*
Son of a bitch.
The refs tried to help Cleveland out and LeBron made two ridiculously clutch free throws (Something no one will mention the next time he misses one in the 2nd quarter) to force overtime with 0.5 seconds left but Orlando was able to pull away for the win in overtime.
* I watched a great deal of Game 4 with fellow Cavs bettor and fellow panic junkie Ed Salmons and he kept saying that Cleveland should just let Orlando gunners like Pietrus and Rafer Alston shoot the 3 anytime they want it. And Ed was probably right about that. If you let guys like Pietrus and Alston take dumb 3's instead of passing it inside to Howard or having Lewis take it to the rack, in the long term you are probably much better off. Except in this particular series those guys never miss. None of the Magic players ever miss. Orlando made 17 3's on Tuesday night. Rafer Alston made 6 himself. Rafer Alston. And this is a game that went to overtime so every one of those shots was precious. Orlando is just shooting out of their minds right now and Cleveland, well other than LeBron James, Cleveland couldn't make a shot right now unless you lifted them up over the basket and instructed them to drop it in.
* If you watch the game tonight, look out for the 25 times that LeBron drives to the rim and kicks it back out to his teammate for a wide open shot. When that loser clanks the shot like a JV high school player, think of me cringing and cursing and think of Ed frantically texting me a complaint. Because it's going to happen. Over and over and over again.
I know I wasn't funny today. I've just watched more NBA basketball in the last week than I did over the entire regular season combined. And I didn't want to be the millionth person to write about how bad the officials have been for two reasons:
1. Aside from a few weird calls like the foul on Pavlovic at the end of Game 2, the officials are helping my team, Cleveland. Thank you for that, guys.
2. Everyone who actually watches the NBA and isn't a complete idiot, already knows that the officiating in this league is beyond abysmal, so there's no reason to talk about it until you are hoarse.
You gotta believe that the refs will be helping out Cleveland tonight. And the Cavaliers are at home. And at some point, Orlando's secondary players like Alston and Pietrus have to finally miss shots.
At least I hope so. Or there will be a lot of panicking tonight. And I'm not just talking about Ed and Jeff.
Enjoy the game.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Sorry Guys
.... but there just hasn't been much time for me to blog lately.
Look at all this crap:
My Twitter Page. Where I follow such luminaries as Miley Cyrus, "Diddy," John Daly, Bill Simmons, and Jeff Sherman.
Andy's blogcast. It took 3 whole episodes before it was stale and repetitive to the point that even Ross and I didn't like it.
The baseball contest. Believe it or not there was a time when I was doing good in that contest. A time long, long ago. Ah, to be able to turn back the clock to Monday.
I'm almost as internet savvy as Jeff at this point.
The truth is that the main reason I haven't been blogging much lately is my state of depression over my current gambling stretch. I've been the anti-Hoff lately. Nothing goes my way. I don't know how it's possible that even with all the money I won in April, I'll go over my finances and be like "Shit, that's all I got left?"
I really gotta stop hanging out with Hoffy. He lives too hard. And I don't have any "Hoffytime" to make up for these wild, stupid, nights out.
Although, not everything I do with my money is a complete waste. I did send my Mom a dozen roses for Mother's Day with the following note:
Hey Mom. Happy Mother's Day. No matter what Peter tells you, these flowers are not half from him. This is all me. Your son with the job. And his own money. Peter had nothing to do with this whatsoever.
Regards,
John Murray
Apparently she cried when she got the flowers. Then laughed. Then started crying again. Really glad I wasn't there for that.
Ovechkin and LeBron both playing tonight. And I'll probably get murdered on another Cup race. Whoops, I mean NASCAR race. Sorry, Chris.
Crappy blog but good poll this week.
Enjoy the game.
Look at all this crap:
My Twitter Page. Where I follow such luminaries as Miley Cyrus, "Diddy," John Daly, Bill Simmons, and Jeff Sherman.
Andy's blogcast. It took 3 whole episodes before it was stale and repetitive to the point that even Ross and I didn't like it.
The baseball contest. Believe it or not there was a time when I was doing good in that contest. A time long, long ago. Ah, to be able to turn back the clock to Monday.
I'm almost as internet savvy as Jeff at this point.
The truth is that the main reason I haven't been blogging much lately is my state of depression over my current gambling stretch. I've been the anti-Hoff lately. Nothing goes my way. I don't know how it's possible that even with all the money I won in April, I'll go over my finances and be like "Shit, that's all I got left?"
I really gotta stop hanging out with Hoffy. He lives too hard. And I don't have any "Hoffytime" to make up for these wild, stupid, nights out.
Although, not everything I do with my money is a complete waste. I did send my Mom a dozen roses for Mother's Day with the following note:
Hey Mom. Happy Mother's Day. No matter what Peter tells you, these flowers are not half from him. This is all me. Your son with the job. And his own money. Peter had nothing to do with this whatsoever.
Regards,
John Murray
Apparently she cried when she got the flowers. Then laughed. Then started crying again. Really glad I wasn't there for that.
Ovechkin and LeBron both playing tonight. And I'll probably get murdered on another Cup race. Whoops, I mean NASCAR race. Sorry, Chris.
Crappy blog but good poll this week.
Enjoy the game.
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Monday, April 27, 2009
What happens to a blogger
.... when he has no interest in writing anymore?
He does a podcast: Ross and I ramble on about everything from Jeff's busy schedule to Jorgen's purse.
Enjoy.
He does a podcast: Ross and I ramble on about everything from Jeff's busy schedule to Jorgen's purse.
Enjoy.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Stop telling me that I haven't
.... been blogging lately. There's all kinds of crazy shit going on every day right over here - 2009 Baseball Contest and that should be enough to keep everyone satisfied.
Do you people have any appreciation for what's happening at that blog? Chris Bennett (Yes, him, the scumbag kid) is posting his personal baseball plays. For free. Every day. We can all quit our jobs! Just be careful not to overload the server refreshing it repeatedly. (I had that problem with Jeff trying to read my blog a few months ago. Very sad.)
And it's not just Chris (Although in point of fact the "Contest" is just an elaborate farce for me to see who he likes every day.) Hoffman is in a zone right now unlike anything any of us have ever witnessed. In fact, I have taken the liberty of printing up LeBron James-inspired "Witness" t-shirts for us to all wear in homage to the month Scott is having betting baseball. That kid is beyond sharp. Hoff - I want to publicly apologize for the "Horseshoe up your ass" comment I made last night. I was drunk. I mean let's face it - You have had a lot of positive variance lately and that was a funny line but still - I'm sorry.
And guys please go here - Damn. This Guy Is SHARP!
We also have Metcalf posting total plays using some fancy Calculus For Future Astronauts math that only Chris could possibly understand. Plus Matt's taking the time to post rap lyrics which I really appreciate. Ideally, I would like for the contest to evolve into a sort of online rap battle in which everyone oohs and aahs when another contestant makes a particularly stinging comment about Bennett or Sherman using a mid to late 90s rap song that no one my brother's age has ever heard. In a perfect world it would be like that show Yo Mama on MTV where everyone stands around and laughs at the person who was "Dissed." I think if everyone who reads the blog chipped in like 20 bucks we could even get Wilmer Valderrama to be the emcee.
In addition to that Holy Trinity of sharp sharps, there's a few other guys posting their plays. And we're trying to recruit Ed and a few other sharps to make it even more competitive. I've even had a lot of positive variance this month so I'm up near the top. Will that last? Stay tuned....
(Although it almost certainly will not.)
Here are some quick thoughts before I go watch the new ep of SP I DVRed last night while I was out throwing money around like a teenage Arab with Scotty and Austin:
* Why are we even playing the NBA Playoffs? Let's just fast forward to June and Game 1 of Lakers-Cavaliers at the Q. Not only are they clearly the best teams in their respective conferences, the NBA would never allow one of them to lose to an Orlando or a Denver. The NBA is like WWE. With black people.
* Actual argument I had with a professional clothes remover last night: I maintained that LeBron James is already better than Michael Jordan ever was. Her and Austin took MJ's side. And this girl was from Cleveland! Doesn't she remember MJ's shot over Craig Ehlo? Needless to say, she left soon after.
* When I woke this morning, er afternoon, I saw that the Chiefs had traded Tony Gonzalez to the Falcons for a draft pick. So, obviously, I texted the only die hard Falcons fan I know to congratulate him on his team acquiring a future Hall-of-Famer. And Jeff didn't even respond. Either he didn't like the trade or he lost his cell phone at a strip club last night.... Eh, no one would be that dumb.
* The Nationals were winning going into the 9th inning on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday of their 3 game series with the Marlins over the weekend. They lost all 3 games. I hate D.C. area sports teams.
* The Redskins aren't really going to trade 2 1st round picks for Mark Sanchez are they? I'm going to have to watch the NFL Draft from underneath my covers. I hate D.C. area sports teams.
* The Capitals.... I don't even want to talk about it. I really do hate D.C. area sports teams.
I'm done.
Do you people have any appreciation for what's happening at that blog? Chris Bennett (Yes, him, the scumbag kid) is posting his personal baseball plays. For free. Every day. We can all quit our jobs! Just be careful not to overload the server refreshing it repeatedly. (I had that problem with Jeff trying to read my blog a few months ago. Very sad.)
And it's not just Chris (Although in point of fact the "Contest" is just an elaborate farce for me to see who he likes every day.) Hoffman is in a zone right now unlike anything any of us have ever witnessed. In fact, I have taken the liberty of printing up LeBron James-inspired "Witness" t-shirts for us to all wear in homage to the month Scott is having betting baseball. That kid is beyond sharp. Hoff - I want to publicly apologize for the "Horseshoe up your ass" comment I made last night. I was drunk. I mean let's face it - You have had a lot of positive variance lately and that was a funny line but still - I'm sorry.
And guys please go here - Damn. This Guy Is SHARP!
We also have Metcalf posting total plays using some fancy Calculus For Future Astronauts math that only Chris could possibly understand. Plus Matt's taking the time to post rap lyrics which I really appreciate. Ideally, I would like for the contest to evolve into a sort of online rap battle in which everyone oohs and aahs when another contestant makes a particularly stinging comment about Bennett or Sherman using a mid to late 90s rap song that no one my brother's age has ever heard. In a perfect world it would be like that show Yo Mama on MTV where everyone stands around and laughs at the person who was "Dissed." I think if everyone who reads the blog chipped in like 20 bucks we could even get Wilmer Valderrama to be the emcee.
In addition to that Holy Trinity of sharp sharps, there's a few other guys posting their plays. And we're trying to recruit Ed and a few other sharps to make it even more competitive. I've even had a lot of positive variance this month so I'm up near the top. Will that last? Stay tuned....
(Although it almost certainly will not.)
Here are some quick thoughts before I go watch the new ep of SP I DVRed last night while I was out throwing money around like a teenage Arab with Scotty and Austin:
* Why are we even playing the NBA Playoffs? Let's just fast forward to June and Game 1 of Lakers-Cavaliers at the Q. Not only are they clearly the best teams in their respective conferences, the NBA would never allow one of them to lose to an Orlando or a Denver. The NBA is like WWE. With black people.
* Actual argument I had with a professional clothes remover last night: I maintained that LeBron James is already better than Michael Jordan ever was. Her and Austin took MJ's side. And this girl was from Cleveland! Doesn't she remember MJ's shot over Craig Ehlo? Needless to say, she left soon after.
* When I woke this morning, er afternoon, I saw that the Chiefs had traded Tony Gonzalez to the Falcons for a draft pick. So, obviously, I texted the only die hard Falcons fan I know to congratulate him on his team acquiring a future Hall-of-Famer. And Jeff didn't even respond. Either he didn't like the trade or he lost his cell phone at a strip club last night.... Eh, no one would be that dumb.
* The Nationals were winning going into the 9th inning on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday of their 3 game series with the Marlins over the weekend. They lost all 3 games. I hate D.C. area sports teams.
* The Redskins aren't really going to trade 2 1st round picks for Mark Sanchez are they? I'm going to have to watch the NFL Draft from underneath my covers. I hate D.C. area sports teams.
* The Capitals.... I don't even want to talk about it. I really do hate D.C. area sports teams.
I'm done.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
UConn Lady Huskies
.... Basketball. Now that's a great team.
I think I actually won more than 1 Sherman Betting Unit thanks to Renee, Maya, Tina, and the rest of the girls.
There is some ridiculously sharp stuff going on right here - 2009 Baseball Contest
It took Bennett 2 days to figure out I was only holding that contest so that I could see all those sharps plays. It's true. Anyone else want in? Let me know.
Enjoy.
I think I actually won more than 1 Sherman Betting Unit thanks to Renee, Maya, Tina, and the rest of the girls.
There is some ridiculously sharp stuff going on right here - 2009 Baseball Contest
It took Bennett 2 days to figure out I was only holding that contest so that I could see all those sharps plays. It's true. Anyone else want in? Let me know.
Enjoy.
Today is the 1 year anniversary
.... of this pointless thing I call "The blog." I'd like to say we've had a lot of good times over the past year but we all know that isn't true. There have been a few highlights: My favorite being the blog I did after a hectic day at the airport last June. There have also been a lot of low lights. A lot. Just terrible, terrible writing.
Allow me to give a quick recap of the past year with several key bullet points:
* Jorgen has a purse.
* It's red.
* Jorgen is a man but he has a purse. That's the entire joke. See now that isn't even funny. He carries a purse because he has so much shit to carry with him. Hand cream, books, betting sheets, a picture of Amanda. And he's from the Midwest so he's a little delicate. I get it. It's lame but I get it.
* Jorgen is Swedish.
* He will probably give his kids Swedish names. See now that isn't even funny either. Why wouldn't he and Amanda give their children Swedish names? They ARE Swedish. Very poor work on my part. Sorry, Jorgen.
* Jorgen couldn't pick a boxing winner if he had Biff's book and Butch Coolidge was in the fight.
* I had to look up Butch Coolidge's last name. I go the extra mile for this blog.
* Chris Bennett is smart.
* He is smarter than you are.
* He is the smartest guy in the history of this town.
* I know all this because he personally told me.
* Scott likes to gamble. And drink. And look at naked ladies. And criticize other people's money management when he drastically fluctuates his units and bet amounts based on him having the day off and/or him being at the game in person.
I love Scott.
* It's entirely possible that Matt taught himself how to read and write.
* Jeff reads the blog. A lot.
When he's not watching old highlight reels of the Williams sisters.
* Ed hates the following things:
Everything.
Except Tom Brady.
* I like Ryan Howard, LeBron James, Alex Ovechkin, Carl Edwards, and Maya Moore.
And I love the Washington Redskins.
Sometimes.
Very rarely, actually.
I hate the Redskins.
I don't like anyone else in the sports world.
* I gamble almost every day and am incredibly bad at it and desperately wish that I could stop.
* I hate gambling.
* My Mom is a wonderful woman who loves her children more than anything in the world. Well except the dog.
She is also completely insane.
* Others have tried to blog alongside me. They have all failed. Not going to name names but Andrew Ross, Michael Miller, Christopher Bennett, and Christopher Graham know who they are.
* Sorry, guys.
* It's going to be really hard to bang out another year of this pointless drivel.
Thanks for reading!
Allow me to give a quick recap of the past year with several key bullet points:
* Jorgen has a purse.
* It's red.
* Jorgen is a man but he has a purse. That's the entire joke. See now that isn't even funny. He carries a purse because he has so much shit to carry with him. Hand cream, books, betting sheets, a picture of Amanda. And he's from the Midwest so he's a little delicate. I get it. It's lame but I get it.
* Jorgen is Swedish.
* He will probably give his kids Swedish names. See now that isn't even funny either. Why wouldn't he and Amanda give their children Swedish names? They ARE Swedish. Very poor work on my part. Sorry, Jorgen.
* Jorgen couldn't pick a boxing winner if he had Biff's book and Butch Coolidge was in the fight.
* I had to look up Butch Coolidge's last name. I go the extra mile for this blog.
* Chris Bennett is smart.
* He is smarter than you are.
* He is the smartest guy in the history of this town.
* I know all this because he personally told me.
* Scott likes to gamble. And drink. And look at naked ladies. And criticize other people's money management when he drastically fluctuates his units and bet amounts based on him having the day off and/or him being at the game in person.
I love Scott.
* It's entirely possible that Matt taught himself how to read and write.
* Jeff reads the blog. A lot.
When he's not watching old highlight reels of the Williams sisters.
* Ed hates the following things:
Everything.
Except Tom Brady.
* I like Ryan Howard, LeBron James, Alex Ovechkin, Carl Edwards, and Maya Moore.
And I love the Washington Redskins.
Sometimes.
Very rarely, actually.
I hate the Redskins.
I don't like anyone else in the sports world.
* I gamble almost every day and am incredibly bad at it and desperately wish that I could stop.
* I hate gambling.
* My Mom is a wonderful woman who loves her children more than anything in the world. Well except the dog.
She is also completely insane.
* Others have tried to blog alongside me. They have all failed. Not going to name names but Andrew Ross, Michael Miller, Christopher Bennett, and Christopher Graham know who they are.
* Sorry, guys.
* It's going to be really hard to bang out another year of this pointless drivel.
Thanks for reading!
Monday, April 6, 2009
There really is no point
.... in subscribing to a sports handicapping service when you can just go to this blog - 2009 Baseball Contest - and see the actual plays of some of the most feared bettors in this city.
Some sharp stuff going on there....
Enjoy.
Some sharp stuff going on there....
Enjoy.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Have you ever told someone
.... that you have never seen the movie Boondock Saints and then had them hyperventilate while telling you what an incredible movie it is? No? Well I have. It's actually a pretty good movie but it became wildly overrated by people who thought they were the only one(s) who had seen it. People have this tendency to always think that anything obscure they know about is better than it actually is. Not only do I hate people like this, I am also somehow one of them.
I'm always shoving The Wire down everyone's throats and I recently blogged about the movie Bully and mentioned that I thought you guys should watch it. I apologize for nothing. The Wire is the best TV show I have ever seen and the more I see Bully, the more I like it. Speaking of Bully, Matt was saying that his sister lives right near where that whole thing took place and that she read my blog about it. Needless to say, I don't believe him seeing as how it's unlikely that anyone from that area actually knows how to use a computer, but still - It was nice of him to say that.
Anyways, here are some other movies/shows I wanted to recommend to you all. And until you see them I am going to continue to exaggerate how great they all are:
* Boiler Room
If you haven't seen this one.... What have you been doing for the last 5 years? I'm always surprised by how many people have never seen this movie. The first time I saw it my friends told me that it was about a kid who runs a casino out of his apartment and I got really excited. Of course that was complete bullshit, although there are some brief scenes involving the casino. However, outside of Anchorman, I can't think of a movie I enjoy quoting more.
* Cheats
This is a movie about four kids cheating their way through high school I discovered one afternoon a few years while I was laying on my couch and, ironically enough, skipping class. It's got the kid who played Fulton Reed in The Mighty Ducks as an awkward teenager and Matt Lawrence as the tough guy. Also, Martin Starr is in it playing the token nerd all the other guys rip on. This is a great movie not enough people know about. It's also loosely based on the story of how CB got into the University of Illinois.
* Orgazmo
Written and directed by a young Trey Parker, who is probably my biggest comedic hero with the possible exception of Dave Chappelle. Trey also stars as a young Mormon kid on his mission who becomes a porn star. Matt Stone is hilarious, as well. Really funny and unbelievably stupid movie.
* Gremlins 2
When I was five, my favorite movie was The Gremlins.
* Saving Silverman
Co-written by a guy who went to my high school. Anything involving R. Lee Ermey amuses me. Neil Diamond also appears as himself. Too funny.
* Warriors
I hate people who do unfunny variations of the famous "Warriors.... Come out and plaaaaay" line. However, I love this movie.
* Curb Your Enthusiasm
Way too many people still aren't watching this show. Buy the DVDs, borrow them from a friend, set your DVR to record it, ask your wife if you can have HBO back before the new season starts.... Do whatever it takes. It has definitely been my favorite show on TV since the day Chappelle went crazy and his show went off the air.
Sports and gambling talk? If I must....
* I like this M Resort. Not only do they employ upstanding young men like Jorgie and Mikey Millz, they are allowing people to bet that the Cavaliers won't win the NBA Championship at -200. That came in very handy for those of us with tickets on the Cavs at 20-1. At least now when Kobe, Lamar, Pau(l), and the refs combine to sweep them out of the NBA Finals, I'll win something.
* I love what the Broncos did trading Jay Cutler for all those draft picks and Kyle Orton. I know it's hard to believe but football teams usually play 11 guys at a time. The quarterback isn't the only guy on the team. Cutler isn't even that good to begin with. He's one of these guys who is going to throw for 300 yards and a couple touchdowns so the media will hump him and wet themselves over his stats. But he'll lose against good teams because he takes too many chances and turns the ball over way too much. There's already a guy like that in the NFC that people seem to love. Can't think of his name right now....
* I can already tell that I will be fading the Bears this season and will be very high on the Broncos.
* We know that John Calipari is leaving Memphis for Kentucky and it sounds like some of the recruits he paid, er, I mean convinced through fair and ethical means to come to Memphis will be following him to Lexington. What I'd like to know is what will happen to all the people in Memphis that Calipari arranged jobs for with FedEx, etc.... There are a number of friends/relatives of top recruits who coincidentally got jobs working in the Memphis area either as employees of the team or working for FedEx right around the same time their kids started playing ball for the Tigers. What happens to them now that their kids aren't playing for Coach Cal any more?
* I'm sure that Calipari will win a lot of games at Kentucky. I'm also sure that a scandal will erupt at some point either while he's there or soon after he leaves. What I don't understand is how they can justify firing a good basketball coach like Billy Gillespie after giving him only two years to turn the program around. Somebody is going to get a really good coach in Gillespie.
* Speaking of college basketball, ESPN Classic re-aired the 2000 NCAA Championship game between Michigan St and Florida this morning. There were a lot of good players in that game: Cleaves, MoPete, J-Rich, Charlie Bell, Aloysius Anagonye, AJ Granger among others for Michigan State and Florida countered with Mike Miller, Udonis Haslem, Brett Nelson, Teddy Dupay and Donnell Harvey. I'm pretty sure Harvey left after his freshman year and flamed out in the pros. And Dupay might have been the biggest douche in college basketball history. It was fun to watch despite the CBS cameras showing every person Tom Izzo had ever met sitting in the stands at the end of the game and the announcers gushing about how gritty Mateen Cleaves was despite the fact that he was obviously faking his injury. It reminded me of how much I used to love college basketball. Maybe I still do. We'll find out this weekend.
* One thing's for sure: I love women's college basketball. It literally amazes me how they make those three pointers despite bringing the ball up from their hip. Their shooting stroke reminds me of my own when I was like 6 years old and not strong enough to shoot it normally. I can see why all their tournament games are on ESPN and the players get full college scholarships to schools like Stanford and Duke. There's a lot of talent out there.
* Baseball season starts on Sunday night and gets into full swing on Monday. Go A's. For those of you who are interested, here is a link to the blog I started for my Baseball Contest.
This dumb blog has been around for almost a year now. I never would've thought it would still be here a year after I started it. And I never would've believed that I'd be starting a second one.
I'm done.
Enjoy.
I'm always shoving The Wire down everyone's throats and I recently blogged about the movie Bully and mentioned that I thought you guys should watch it. I apologize for nothing. The Wire is the best TV show I have ever seen and the more I see Bully, the more I like it. Speaking of Bully, Matt was saying that his sister lives right near where that whole thing took place and that she read my blog about it. Needless to say, I don't believe him seeing as how it's unlikely that anyone from that area actually knows how to use a computer, but still - It was nice of him to say that.
Anyways, here are some other movies/shows I wanted to recommend to you all. And until you see them I am going to continue to exaggerate how great they all are:
* Boiler Room
If you haven't seen this one.... What have you been doing for the last 5 years? I'm always surprised by how many people have never seen this movie. The first time I saw it my friends told me that it was about a kid who runs a casino out of his apartment and I got really excited. Of course that was complete bullshit, although there are some brief scenes involving the casino. However, outside of Anchorman, I can't think of a movie I enjoy quoting more.
* Cheats
This is a movie about four kids cheating their way through high school I discovered one afternoon a few years while I was laying on my couch and, ironically enough, skipping class. It's got the kid who played Fulton Reed in The Mighty Ducks as an awkward teenager and Matt Lawrence as the tough guy. Also, Martin Starr is in it playing the token nerd all the other guys rip on. This is a great movie not enough people know about. It's also loosely based on the story of how CB got into the University of Illinois.
* Orgazmo
Written and directed by a young Trey Parker, who is probably my biggest comedic hero with the possible exception of Dave Chappelle. Trey also stars as a young Mormon kid on his mission who becomes a porn star. Matt Stone is hilarious, as well. Really funny and unbelievably stupid movie.
* Gremlins 2
When I was five, my favorite movie was The Gremlins.
* Saving Silverman
Co-written by a guy who went to my high school. Anything involving R. Lee Ermey amuses me. Neil Diamond also appears as himself. Too funny.
* Warriors
I hate people who do unfunny variations of the famous "Warriors.... Come out and plaaaaay" line. However, I love this movie.
* Curb Your Enthusiasm
Way too many people still aren't watching this show. Buy the DVDs, borrow them from a friend, set your DVR to record it, ask your wife if you can have HBO back before the new season starts.... Do whatever it takes. It has definitely been my favorite show on TV since the day Chappelle went crazy and his show went off the air.
Sports and gambling talk? If I must....
* I like this M Resort. Not only do they employ upstanding young men like Jorgie and Mikey Millz, they are allowing people to bet that the Cavaliers won't win the NBA Championship at -200. That came in very handy for those of us with tickets on the Cavs at 20-1. At least now when Kobe, Lamar, Pau(l), and the refs combine to sweep them out of the NBA Finals, I'll win something.
* I love what the Broncos did trading Jay Cutler for all those draft picks and Kyle Orton. I know it's hard to believe but football teams usually play 11 guys at a time. The quarterback isn't the only guy on the team. Cutler isn't even that good to begin with. He's one of these guys who is going to throw for 300 yards and a couple touchdowns so the media will hump him and wet themselves over his stats. But he'll lose against good teams because he takes too many chances and turns the ball over way too much. There's already a guy like that in the NFC that people seem to love. Can't think of his name right now....
* I can already tell that I will be fading the Bears this season and will be very high on the Broncos.
* We know that John Calipari is leaving Memphis for Kentucky and it sounds like some of the recruits he paid, er, I mean convinced through fair and ethical means to come to Memphis will be following him to Lexington. What I'd like to know is what will happen to all the people in Memphis that Calipari arranged jobs for with FedEx, etc.... There are a number of friends/relatives of top recruits who coincidentally got jobs working in the Memphis area either as employees of the team or working for FedEx right around the same time their kids started playing ball for the Tigers. What happens to them now that their kids aren't playing for Coach Cal any more?
* I'm sure that Calipari will win a lot of games at Kentucky. I'm also sure that a scandal will erupt at some point either while he's there or soon after he leaves. What I don't understand is how they can justify firing a good basketball coach like Billy Gillespie after giving him only two years to turn the program around. Somebody is going to get a really good coach in Gillespie.
* Speaking of college basketball, ESPN Classic re-aired the 2000 NCAA Championship game between Michigan St and Florida this morning. There were a lot of good players in that game: Cleaves, MoPete, J-Rich, Charlie Bell, Aloysius Anagonye, AJ Granger among others for Michigan State and Florida countered with Mike Miller, Udonis Haslem, Brett Nelson, Teddy Dupay and Donnell Harvey. I'm pretty sure Harvey left after his freshman year and flamed out in the pros. And Dupay might have been the biggest douche in college basketball history. It was fun to watch despite the CBS cameras showing every person Tom Izzo had ever met sitting in the stands at the end of the game and the announcers gushing about how gritty Mateen Cleaves was despite the fact that he was obviously faking his injury. It reminded me of how much I used to love college basketball. Maybe I still do. We'll find out this weekend.
* One thing's for sure: I love women's college basketball. It literally amazes me how they make those three pointers despite bringing the ball up from their hip. Their shooting stroke reminds me of my own when I was like 6 years old and not strong enough to shoot it normally. I can see why all their tournament games are on ESPN and the players get full college scholarships to schools like Stanford and Duke. There's a lot of talent out there.
* Baseball season starts on Sunday night and gets into full swing on Monday. Go A's. For those of you who are interested, here is a link to the blog I started for my Baseball Contest.
This dumb blog has been around for almost a year now. I never would've thought it would still be here a year after I started it. And I never would've believed that I'd be starting a second one.
I'm done.
Enjoy.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
A number of people
.... have inquired about my baseball betting contest over the last few days. If you want to be in it please let me know by Friday, April 3rd. I've had a few other people say they would like to be in the contest but don't want to go head-to-head against Bennett. Very understandable. When you face off with a legend, you might get embarrassed. All I can say is you have to suck it up and just do your best. (Although there is literally no chance that it will be enough so you might as well just take your ball and go home before it gets ugly.) I also had one person tell me he wanted to be in the contest but wouldn't be able to go to Florida to start his blog in time. I have no idea what that means.
Here are some baseball thoughts from me, a guy who knows nothing about the sport:
* The mocks are flying now that Justin Douche looks like he will be starting the season on the DL. Can anyone name a trendy team from last year whose #1 starter began the season on the DL? They did pretty well.
* The more I read about the Matt Wieters situation, the less I understand it. He's the consensus #1 prospect in baseball and he is the property of an Orioles franchise that hasn't seen the post season in a decade. They must be thrilled and eager to debut their new star, right? Actually, no, they are going to ship him down to Triple-A Norfolk for the start of the season. Apparently if Wieters spends a few weeks in the minors this year, he won't become a free agent until 2015, whereas he would become a free agent in 2014 if he started the season with the big club. So, the Orioles have decided they would prefer an extra year of Wieters in 6 years than an extra couple months of him now?
It seems logical enough when you put it like that but what are the chances that current Orioles Manager Dave Trembley and General Manager Andy MacPhail will still be with the team in 2015? Is it even 50%? I say no. I guess I always thought the point of scouting and drafting and the whole minor league system was to put together the best possible club at the major league level. And now this team is willingly leaving one of its best players in the minor leagues so that they could conceivably be better 6 years from now? Shouldn't the Orioles at least be trying to compete this season? I think one Baltimore Sun writer put it best when he asked why doesn't the whole team just stay down in spring training until Wieters is eligible to play.
* Japan beat South Korea the other night to win their second consecutive WBC. They might not have as any Major Leaguers as the USA, DR, and a few other nations but perhaps these Asian nations are just ridiculously good at baseball, anyways. Obviously, the Japanese and Korean leagues are much better than most people thought. Through the first two WBC's Japan is the only champion and Korea has only lost to one team: Japan.
* I'm feeling confident about the fantasy baseball team Austin and I will be putting out there this summer. Although, I did find it odd that the guy who finished last in the football league was questioning some of my picks. I'm also a little annoyed with Ed and Chris for not telling me it was a keeper league. Should be a fun season.
And now some basketball thoughts:
* Either North Carolina -6.5 vs. Oklahoma is the biggest handout in sports betting history, or the books know something I don't. Let's assume it's the latter seeing as how it always is. I don't know what the Sooners proved by beating Michigan (A bubble team all year that finished 8th in the Big 10) and Syracuse (Who finished 6th in the Big East and was projected as a 5 or 6 seed until their Big East Tournament run) but clearly the oddsmakers are very impressed. And seeing as how I'd play UNC -6.5 until the end of time, Oklahoma has to be a human lock. My one concern for the Sooners is that the refs will call Blake Griffin for breathing near Tyler Hansbrough and stick him on the bench so that the Tar Heels can move on to the Final Four. Not that Carolina ever gets every call or anything....
* No conference had ever put 5 teams into the Sweet Sixteen until the Big East did it this year. No conference had ever put 4 teams into the Elite Eight until the Big East did it this year. Unfortunately, the Big East can't set records for most teams in the Final Four or the national championship game. The 1985 Big East already put 3 teams into the Final Four and produced a Georgetown-Villanova title game. But I can see why Ed and his people think the ACC is the best conference. 1 out of 8 ain't bad.
* There's a phrase that Chris and the rest of MENSA use to describe running bad. They call it negative variance instead of bad luck. It means literally the exact same thing but smart people think it makes them sound like they aren't bitching if they call it negative variance. Well, I've had some negative variance lately and last night was a prime example. I had action on 2 of the regional semifinal games and was feeling very confident. I booked Chad's bet in one of the early games and a I pickrode Billy in a late game. Fading Chad and copying Billy? That's got to be a recipe for a 2-0 night. Worst case scenario there's a fluke loss and you go 1-1, right? Wrong. Chad won and Billy lost and I went 0-2 and lost money for the millionth day in a row.
If that isn't a sign I should stop gambling, I don't know what is.
Get at me about the baseball contest.
Enjoy the Elite Eight.
Here are some baseball thoughts from me, a guy who knows nothing about the sport:
* The mocks are flying now that Justin Douche looks like he will be starting the season on the DL. Can anyone name a trendy team from last year whose #1 starter began the season on the DL? They did pretty well.
* The more I read about the Matt Wieters situation, the less I understand it. He's the consensus #1 prospect in baseball and he is the property of an Orioles franchise that hasn't seen the post season in a decade. They must be thrilled and eager to debut their new star, right? Actually, no, they are going to ship him down to Triple-A Norfolk for the start of the season. Apparently if Wieters spends a few weeks in the minors this year, he won't become a free agent until 2015, whereas he would become a free agent in 2014 if he started the season with the big club. So, the Orioles have decided they would prefer an extra year of Wieters in 6 years than an extra couple months of him now?
It seems logical enough when you put it like that but what are the chances that current Orioles Manager Dave Trembley and General Manager Andy MacPhail will still be with the team in 2015? Is it even 50%? I say no. I guess I always thought the point of scouting and drafting and the whole minor league system was to put together the best possible club at the major league level. And now this team is willingly leaving one of its best players in the minor leagues so that they could conceivably be better 6 years from now? Shouldn't the Orioles at least be trying to compete this season? I think one Baltimore Sun writer put it best when he asked why doesn't the whole team just stay down in spring training until Wieters is eligible to play.
* Japan beat South Korea the other night to win their second consecutive WBC. They might not have as any Major Leaguers as the USA, DR, and a few other nations but perhaps these Asian nations are just ridiculously good at baseball, anyways. Obviously, the Japanese and Korean leagues are much better than most people thought. Through the first two WBC's Japan is the only champion and Korea has only lost to one team: Japan.
* I'm feeling confident about the fantasy baseball team Austin and I will be putting out there this summer. Although, I did find it odd that the guy who finished last in the football league was questioning some of my picks. I'm also a little annoyed with Ed and Chris for not telling me it was a keeper league. Should be a fun season.
And now some basketball thoughts:
* Either North Carolina -6.5 vs. Oklahoma is the biggest handout in sports betting history, or the books know something I don't. Let's assume it's the latter seeing as how it always is. I don't know what the Sooners proved by beating Michigan (A bubble team all year that finished 8th in the Big 10) and Syracuse (Who finished 6th in the Big East and was projected as a 5 or 6 seed until their Big East Tournament run) but clearly the oddsmakers are very impressed. And seeing as how I'd play UNC -6.5 until the end of time, Oklahoma has to be a human lock. My one concern for the Sooners is that the refs will call Blake Griffin for breathing near Tyler Hansbrough and stick him on the bench so that the Tar Heels can move on to the Final Four. Not that Carolina ever gets every call or anything....
* No conference had ever put 5 teams into the Sweet Sixteen until the Big East did it this year. No conference had ever put 4 teams into the Elite Eight until the Big East did it this year. Unfortunately, the Big East can't set records for most teams in the Final Four or the national championship game. The 1985 Big East already put 3 teams into the Final Four and produced a Georgetown-Villanova title game. But I can see why Ed and his people think the ACC is the best conference. 1 out of 8 ain't bad.
* There's a phrase that Chris and the rest of MENSA use to describe running bad. They call it negative variance instead of bad luck. It means literally the exact same thing but smart people think it makes them sound like they aren't bitching if they call it negative variance. Well, I've had some negative variance lately and last night was a prime example. I had action on 2 of the regional semifinal games and was feeling very confident. I booked Chad's bet in one of the early games and a I pickrode Billy in a late game. Fading Chad and copying Billy? That's got to be a recipe for a 2-0 night. Worst case scenario there's a fluke loss and you go 1-1, right? Wrong. Chad won and Billy lost and I went 0-2 and lost money for the millionth day in a row.
If that isn't a sign I should stop gambling, I don't know what is.
Get at me about the baseball contest.
Enjoy the Elite Eight.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Three weeks ago today
.... I was in the stands at Las Vegas Motor Speedway for the Shelby 427. Bennett was two seats to my right making it basically impossible for us to talk to each other due to the noise from the track. So I texted him the following important message: "Boogity, boogity, boogity." I felt my phone vibrate and saw that he had replied. I was expecting his response to be an enthusiastic "Let's go racing, boys!" but instead I was horrified to find that he had texted me "Gay." With all his ridiculously high levels of education that was the best response he could come up with?
Chris is a very smart guy so his reaction to the race got me thinking: Is it possible that NASCAR isn't as cool as I think it is? I'm from Virignia. From a redneck town full of trailers, double-wide trailers, and, well, more trailers. I grew up with this stuff. It's all I've ever known. When I was a kid, my Dad wasn't teaching me about Joe Theismann or Doug Williams, he was talking about The King and The Intimidator. That's just how it is in the South. That's how it's always been and it's the only way I've ever wanted it to be.
So this recent beating I've taken betting NASCAR has been harder on me than anyone. This isn't just another sport for people like Chris to humiliate the bookmakers on. This is my sport. These are my people. And I really hope I can start to turn it around starting with today's Food City 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway aka Thunder Valley. To that end, I have structured my bets so that even if I lose every bet I made on today's race, it will still be my best non-restrictor plate race of the season so far. What a sport.
I'll briefly talk some hoops:
* My girls, the Lady Huskies of Connecticut, took care of business this morning, with a 104-65 victory over Vermont. Funny thing is that the Lady Catamounts actually covered the spread. I have to admit that I am a little relieved seeing as how I vowed to kill myself if Connecticut lost. On to the 2nd round Tuesday against either Florida or Temple.
* Syracuse is moments away from becoming the 3rd Big East team (And the 4th team Georgetown beat this season) to advance to the Sweet Sixteen. The win gives the Big East a record of 9-1 so far in the Tournament. Long term good news for the Syracuse players - They look sharp in orange.
* That Duke game last night was hilarious. As soon as Texas made it too close for comfort, the refs intervened and made sure that nothing was left to chance as the Blue Devils moved on to the next round. Must be nice.
* The ACC did manage to get 2 of their 7 teams through to the Sweet 16. A 1 seed and a team that has 8 guys on the floor at all times. Nicely done.
* The kids have had entirely too much fun betting this tournament. You know that part in Knocked Up when Paul Rudd is talking about how he could never love anything as much as his kids love bubbles? I don't think I could ever be as excited about anything as our kids are about the NCAA Tournament. I'll hear these thunderous "OOOOOOHs" and "AAAAAAHS" and look at the scoreboard and it'll be 12-8 in the first half.
* C-Jack got absolutely murdered last night. I cringed every time I saw the line he had to deal with. And every person in his line had a million questions and no idea what the hell they were doing. Don't these people have anything better to do than bet every single game? I haven't seen a ticket writing display that impressive since the last time Jorgie was in the chair. Give that man a raise.
I want to briefly touch on my upcoming baseball contest. To be in it all you need to do is start your own blog and post whatever baseball bets you make during the season. Whoever finishes up the most "Units" at the end of the season is the winner. What does the winner get, you ask? He gets money. There will be a prize pool and I'm encouraging side bets. I don't think I'll be able to get the pool up to $1 Million so I guess that means Jeff won't be interested but I hope some of the rest of you are. If you have any more specific questions just let me know.
People who are interested in being it just need to either tell me or simply link me to their blog. I am also willing to make a side bet with anyone that I will finish with a higher number of "Units" than they will. (Well anyone other than Chris. Obviously. I wouldn't challenge Tiger Woods to a one-on-one game of golf, either. I like to gamble but I'm not an idiot.) I'm not saying that I'll bet anyone because I'm cocky or anything. I just love the action.
I'm gonna watch this Cup race.
Enjoy.
Chris is a very smart guy so his reaction to the race got me thinking: Is it possible that NASCAR isn't as cool as I think it is? I'm from Virignia. From a redneck town full of trailers, double-wide trailers, and, well, more trailers. I grew up with this stuff. It's all I've ever known. When I was a kid, my Dad wasn't teaching me about Joe Theismann or Doug Williams, he was talking about The King and The Intimidator. That's just how it is in the South. That's how it's always been and it's the only way I've ever wanted it to be.
So this recent beating I've taken betting NASCAR has been harder on me than anyone. This isn't just another sport for people like Chris to humiliate the bookmakers on. This is my sport. These are my people. And I really hope I can start to turn it around starting with today's Food City 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway aka Thunder Valley. To that end, I have structured my bets so that even if I lose every bet I made on today's race, it will still be my best non-restrictor plate race of the season so far. What a sport.
I'll briefly talk some hoops:
* My girls, the Lady Huskies of Connecticut, took care of business this morning, with a 104-65 victory over Vermont. Funny thing is that the Lady Catamounts actually covered the spread. I have to admit that I am a little relieved seeing as how I vowed to kill myself if Connecticut lost. On to the 2nd round Tuesday against either Florida or Temple.
* Syracuse is moments away from becoming the 3rd Big East team (And the 4th team Georgetown beat this season) to advance to the Sweet Sixteen. The win gives the Big East a record of 9-1 so far in the Tournament. Long term good news for the Syracuse players - They look sharp in orange.
* That Duke game last night was hilarious. As soon as Texas made it too close for comfort, the refs intervened and made sure that nothing was left to chance as the Blue Devils moved on to the next round. Must be nice.
* The ACC did manage to get 2 of their 7 teams through to the Sweet 16. A 1 seed and a team that has 8 guys on the floor at all times. Nicely done.
* The kids have had entirely too much fun betting this tournament. You know that part in Knocked Up when Paul Rudd is talking about how he could never love anything as much as his kids love bubbles? I don't think I could ever be as excited about anything as our kids are about the NCAA Tournament. I'll hear these thunderous "OOOOOOHs" and "AAAAAAHS" and look at the scoreboard and it'll be 12-8 in the first half.
* C-Jack got absolutely murdered last night. I cringed every time I saw the line he had to deal with. And every person in his line had a million questions and no idea what the hell they were doing. Don't these people have anything better to do than bet every single game? I haven't seen a ticket writing display that impressive since the last time Jorgie was in the chair. Give that man a raise.
I want to briefly touch on my upcoming baseball contest. To be in it all you need to do is start your own blog and post whatever baseball bets you make during the season. Whoever finishes up the most "Units" at the end of the season is the winner. What does the winner get, you ask? He gets money. There will be a prize pool and I'm encouraging side bets. I don't think I'll be able to get the pool up to $1 Million so I guess that means Jeff won't be interested but I hope some of the rest of you are. If you have any more specific questions just let me know.
People who are interested in being it just need to either tell me or simply link me to their blog. I am also willing to make a side bet with anyone that I will finish with a higher number of "Units" than they will. (Well anyone other than Chris. Obviously. I wouldn't challenge Tiger Woods to a one-on-one game of golf, either. I like to gamble but I'm not an idiot.) I'm not saying that I'll bet anyone because I'm cocky or anything. I just love the action.
I'm gonna watch this Cup race.
Enjoy.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I finally realized why my blogs
.... have been so few and far between lately - I'm just not interested in sports right now. The only reason I have even been watching this dumb tournament is because I feel like I'm under some sort of obligation to at least act like I'm enjoying it. It's like every heterosexual male age 18-to-49 has to be excited this time of year about college basketball and filling out brackets and telling everyone whose going to win. My problem is I already know who is going to win. The team that I bet against. So there's just not much suspense involved.
As I watch Maryland and Memphis (Two teams Georgetown beat) battle it out for a spot in the Sweet Sixteen hours after watching Villanova (Another team Georgetown beat) advance to the next round, I will throw out a few NCAA Tourney thoughts:
* There's been a lot of talk about how overrated the Big 10 is and how they did not deserve 7 NCAA bids. While I still don't think they deserved as many bids as they got, I have to admit that I was impressed with them going 4-3 in the first round. The Pac 10 went 5-1 and the Big 12 went an incredible 6-0 in a performance that only Austin saw coming. So where are all the losses coming from? The ACC went an embarrassing 3-4 in Round 1. 7 seed Boston College lost to 10 seed USC. 7 seed Clemson lost to 10 seed Michigan. 5 seed Florida St lost to 12 seed Wisconsin. And 4 seed Wake Forest got run out of the gym by 13 seed Cleveland St. But this is nothing new for the ACC. They are overseeded every season.
In 2008: #5 Clemson lost to #12 Villanova and #2 Duke lost to #7 West Virginia. Big East basketball.
In 2007: #6 Duke lost to #11 VCU, #4 Maryland lost to #5 Butler, #4 Virginia lost to #5 Tennessee and #1 UNC lost to #2 Georgetown in an East Regional Final that feels like it was about 20 years ago.
- That Duke team really bothered me. They went .500 in the ACC and lost in the first round of the ACC Tournament and they got a 6 seed? This was the same year that Syracuse finished 5th or 6th in the Big East and didn't even make the field.
In 2006: #1 Duke lost to #4 LSU and #3 UNC lost to #11 George Mason.
In 2005: #2 Wake Forest lost to #7 West Virginia and #1 Duke lost to #5 Michigan St.
Feels like Duke was on that list a lot. Watch out for the Longhorns tonight.
Now I should mention that in 2005, a 10th seeded NC State team made a run to the Sweet Sixteen and UNC won the national championship, so it's not like every ACC team chokes out of this tournament. And there are always upsets in March and no conference is immune to it. But the fact of the matter is no conference gets as much blind credit from the committee year after year as the ACC does. Their teams ALWAYS get the benefit of the doubt. Look at Maryland who finished 7-9 in the ACC and lost to Georgetown by about 40 points on a neutral floor but still got an at large bid. They're really giving Memphis a run for their money today.
The funny thing is that next year in late February - early March, the Eds of the world will all be rushing to tell us how great the ACC is yet again. And I'll be saying just wait until March, just wait until March, exactly like I did this year. Ed will then mock me and say over and over that the ACC is the best like all the talking heads do just because they have "UNC" and "Duke" on their jerseys. Meanwhile, Dick Vitale will be wetting himself talking about how great whichever white guy the ACC refs are bailing out all season is. You could set your watch to this crap. Maybe the ACC is that good. Maybe they are as good as the Big East. I just think that perhaps they should actually have to prove it for once.
* I took my life into my own hands and bet head-to-head with The Great Chris Bennett on a couple conference wins props. I'm such a stubborn asshole that I somehow ended up with Big 10 Under 6 and Under 6.5 wins. That one has to favor TGCB at this point. However, I am looking very good on my SEC Under 1.5 wins bet with him. I mean unless LSU beats UNC today. It would be very out of character for an ACC team to choke in this thing.... Let's move on.
* What does it say about the strength of the Big East that they went 6-1 in the first round and people are acting like they disappointed because one of their teams actually lost a game? Villanova is already through to the next round making the Big East 7-1 and Connecticut is crushing Texas A&M as I type this.
* What does it say about this tournament that I would rather watch the Busch race than the Connecticut-Texas A&M game even though I don't have any action on the race?
* What does it say about me that I really hate the little kid who creates the slideshow in that Windows commercial? The kid's like 7 years old and he bothers me. Big deal - You made a slide show. Let's see you start a blog.... Adam.
I am a terrible person. That's what it says about me.
* Speaking of commercials, watch for the one where the Dad is a U of Washington fan and he hates his daughter's boyfriend who went to UConn because UConn beat them on a buzzer beater by Richard Hamilton. 11 years ago. Holding grudges over petty sports-related things sounds like my family. Very funny.
* I want to switch gears for a minute and talk about someone who has really impressed me lately. He's razor sharp. He's feared by every bookmaker in this town. And he's a member of "The Group." No, I'm not talking about Jeff Sherman. I'm talking of course about "The Big Guy" aka Matt Metcalf. To fully appreciate that kid, you really need to be familiar with the 2000 movie Bully which is based on the true story of the murder of Bobby Kent.
Bully is actually a really good movie featuring Nick Stahl, the late Brad Renfro, and the kid who played Bubbles' friend who overdoses during Season 3. (I'm not explaining that any further. If you don't get it, you don't get it.) Apparently, the murder of Bobby Kent took place in Matt's hometown. Based on that movie, I find the fact that Matt can even read and write to be shocking. To think that he was actually admitted to and graduated from a respected university is downright stunning. The kid is a real inspiration. From what I can tell, Matt is the only person from that town who has ever even worn a shirt, let alone a sweater. Nice job, bro. Like a flower that grew from a pot of dirt.
* Speaking of backwoods, redneck hometowns - I was in Virginia a couple weeks ago over my birthday. The old trailer home is holding up pretty well. Ed asked for a few stories about my Mom. Poor woman. She did have a few quirky moments I suppose I could share:
- This one isn't even funny - She turned my old bedroom into a guest room. It's not that big of a deal because it's not like I'm ever going to live full time in that house again but it still bothers me for some reason. My old TV was given to my sister. Reason being - She broke her own TV by dropping it while she was attempting to move it. Idiot. My old stereo was thrown away. Reason being - My mom said she didn't think it worked any more. Why I asked? Because she "Never heard anyone listening to it any more." Think about that one. Any old clothes I had left behind? Given to charity without asking me. Old pictures, trophies, etc....? All stored away.
The room is completely empty. I asked my brother why my Mom did this. Apparently she wanted to have a full time guest room. I'm going to ignore the fact that we already have a guest room in the basement of our house and focus more on the fact that we don't really any have GUESTS. My brother said the only times anyone has even slept in the "Guest room" is when my sister has gone out with a friend to a place near our house and the friend has passed out there instead of driving home. So basically instead of me having my old room to go home to every year or so, we have a vacant room for my sister's dumb friends to pass out in.
- My Mom has taken her spoiling of the dogs to new heights. She's on the verge of becoming one of those crazy cat ladies. Except with dogs. And children. And a husband. Anyways, she was slicing an apple and dropped a piece of it on the floor. So she reasoned that no person would want to eat a piece of apple that had been on the floor and therefore she should just give it to the dogs. She cuts it in half and gives half to the boy and half to the girl. Except the girl doesn't really have functional teeth and she was struggling to eat her half. So what does my Mom do? She picks it up off the floor, chews it herself and gives it back to the dog. I can't say I have never spoiled my dog. But I can say that I have never chewed his food for him.
- My family did take me out to dinner while I was home and for the most part it was an enjoyable night. For the most part. My Mom did manage to annoy me by calling a hostess over to inform her that they were celebrating my birthday that night despite me repeatedly asking her not to. What ensued was an awkward moment for everyone as a bunch of uncomfortable waiters sang "Happy Birthday," while an even more uncomfortable me sat there pretending to find it funny, while my father, brother, and sister really did find it funny and openly laughed at me and my Mom sat there grinning like a maniac. And then my brother ate the majority of the piece of cake. I hate that guy.
Before I go, I'll touch on a few other sporting-related events I am keeping my eyes on:
* While I've had enough college basketball for one year, I am keeping an eye on the NBA. Cleveland's win over Atlanta this morning has the Cavaliers 4.5 games ahead of the Boston Celtics in the race for home court in the Eastern Conference playoffs. They are also 1.5 games up on The Fightin' Shermans for home court throughout the NBA Playoffs.
Cleveland seems to play in and win a lot of close games. That's not a coincidence. Whenever the games are close and the Cavs need a late basket, they clear out for LeBron James aka "The L-Train" and he blows by his defender and scores. There is literally nothing the other team can do to stop him. Not since Michael Jordan have I seen a basketball player who can just say "Fuck it - I'm scoring right now" and make it happen. And even Michael had to work harder for his points than LeBron does. James is so big and strong that he makes it look easy.
Man.
Crush.
* Mens college basketball is boring. Personally, I prefer the womens game. Specifically, my beloved Lady Huskies who open up their quest for an NCAA Championship tomorrow morning at 9 AM PT against the Lady Catamounts of Vermont. That game will be coming to you live on ESPN2. Go Lady Huskies Go!
* If I was running the Detroit Lions, I'd offer the Broncos my 2nd round pick (Obviously the first pick of the 2nd round) and a pick next year for Jay Cutler and see what they do. There's no telling how desperate Josh McDaniels is to get rid of Cutler and the Lions would then have a starting caliber QB and two first round picks to fill the many other holes on their roster. It doesn't seem like Matthew Stafford is the answer and that NFC North is pretty wide open right now. Worst thing the Broncos could do is say no.
* If I was running the Washington Redskins, I'd sit tight at #13 and draft whichever offensive tackle I had graded highest that was left on the board. I wouldn't do anything fancy. I wouldn't try to make any headlines. I would just wait for my turn to pick and draft an offensive tackle. Please. For the love of God. Just do the smart thing for once.
* I'm not sure if Syracuse has what it takes to beat James Harden and the Sun Devils in the 2nd round of the NCAA Tournament tomorrow but I am pretty sure that they will be dominating games in the prison yard for the next decade if they keep the nucleus of Eric Devendorf, Arinze Onuaku, Rick Jackson, and Mookie Harris together.
* Would it be racist of me if I wrote a letter to Devendorf informing him that he is, in fact, a white person? I just feel like someone needs to let him know. Chances are he'll be in prison a few years from now and he needs to know where he stands before he gets there.
* Would it be racist of me to say that I really don't give a shit who Barack Obama is picking to win the NCAA Championship?
Now Chris Bennett's bracket.... That's something I would've liked to have got my hands on before the tournament started.
That seems like plenty for one day. The ACC just sparkled again with Maryland staying within 20 points of Memphis. Connecticut is rolling into the Sweet 16 as we speak.
Oh, yeah - Georgetown beat them, too.
Enjoy the Dance.
As I watch Maryland and Memphis (Two teams Georgetown beat) battle it out for a spot in the Sweet Sixteen hours after watching Villanova (Another team Georgetown beat) advance to the next round, I will throw out a few NCAA Tourney thoughts:
* There's been a lot of talk about how overrated the Big 10 is and how they did not deserve 7 NCAA bids. While I still don't think they deserved as many bids as they got, I have to admit that I was impressed with them going 4-3 in the first round. The Pac 10 went 5-1 and the Big 12 went an incredible 6-0 in a performance that only Austin saw coming. So where are all the losses coming from? The ACC went an embarrassing 3-4 in Round 1. 7 seed Boston College lost to 10 seed USC. 7 seed Clemson lost to 10 seed Michigan. 5 seed Florida St lost to 12 seed Wisconsin. And 4 seed Wake Forest got run out of the gym by 13 seed Cleveland St. But this is nothing new for the ACC. They are overseeded every season.
In 2008: #5 Clemson lost to #12 Villanova and #2 Duke lost to #7 West Virginia. Big East basketball.
In 2007: #6 Duke lost to #11 VCU, #4 Maryland lost to #5 Butler, #4 Virginia lost to #5 Tennessee and #1 UNC lost to #2 Georgetown in an East Regional Final that feels like it was about 20 years ago.
- That Duke team really bothered me. They went .500 in the ACC and lost in the first round of the ACC Tournament and they got a 6 seed? This was the same year that Syracuse finished 5th or 6th in the Big East and didn't even make the field.
In 2006: #1 Duke lost to #4 LSU and #3 UNC lost to #11 George Mason.
In 2005: #2 Wake Forest lost to #7 West Virginia and #1 Duke lost to #5 Michigan St.
Feels like Duke was on that list a lot. Watch out for the Longhorns tonight.
Now I should mention that in 2005, a 10th seeded NC State team made a run to the Sweet Sixteen and UNC won the national championship, so it's not like every ACC team chokes out of this tournament. And there are always upsets in March and no conference is immune to it. But the fact of the matter is no conference gets as much blind credit from the committee year after year as the ACC does. Their teams ALWAYS get the benefit of the doubt. Look at Maryland who finished 7-9 in the ACC and lost to Georgetown by about 40 points on a neutral floor but still got an at large bid. They're really giving Memphis a run for their money today.
The funny thing is that next year in late February - early March, the Eds of the world will all be rushing to tell us how great the ACC is yet again. And I'll be saying just wait until March, just wait until March, exactly like I did this year. Ed will then mock me and say over and over that the ACC is the best like all the talking heads do just because they have "UNC" and "Duke" on their jerseys. Meanwhile, Dick Vitale will be wetting himself talking about how great whichever white guy the ACC refs are bailing out all season is. You could set your watch to this crap. Maybe the ACC is that good. Maybe they are as good as the Big East. I just think that perhaps they should actually have to prove it for once.
* I took my life into my own hands and bet head-to-head with The Great Chris Bennett on a couple conference wins props. I'm such a stubborn asshole that I somehow ended up with Big 10 Under 6 and Under 6.5 wins. That one has to favor TGCB at this point. However, I am looking very good on my SEC Under 1.5 wins bet with him. I mean unless LSU beats UNC today. It would be very out of character for an ACC team to choke in this thing.... Let's move on.
* What does it say about the strength of the Big East that they went 6-1 in the first round and people are acting like they disappointed because one of their teams actually lost a game? Villanova is already through to the next round making the Big East 7-1 and Connecticut is crushing Texas A&M as I type this.
* What does it say about this tournament that I would rather watch the Busch race than the Connecticut-Texas A&M game even though I don't have any action on the race?
* What does it say about me that I really hate the little kid who creates the slideshow in that Windows commercial? The kid's like 7 years old and he bothers me. Big deal - You made a slide show. Let's see you start a blog.... Adam.
I am a terrible person. That's what it says about me.
* Speaking of commercials, watch for the one where the Dad is a U of Washington fan and he hates his daughter's boyfriend who went to UConn because UConn beat them on a buzzer beater by Richard Hamilton. 11 years ago. Holding grudges over petty sports-related things sounds like my family. Very funny.
* I want to switch gears for a minute and talk about someone who has really impressed me lately. He's razor sharp. He's feared by every bookmaker in this town. And he's a member of "The Group." No, I'm not talking about Jeff Sherman. I'm talking of course about "The Big Guy" aka Matt Metcalf. To fully appreciate that kid, you really need to be familiar with the 2000 movie Bully which is based on the true story of the murder of Bobby Kent.
Bully is actually a really good movie featuring Nick Stahl, the late Brad Renfro, and the kid who played Bubbles' friend who overdoses during Season 3. (I'm not explaining that any further. If you don't get it, you don't get it.) Apparently, the murder of Bobby Kent took place in Matt's hometown. Based on that movie, I find the fact that Matt can even read and write to be shocking. To think that he was actually admitted to and graduated from a respected university is downright stunning. The kid is a real inspiration. From what I can tell, Matt is the only person from that town who has ever even worn a shirt, let alone a sweater. Nice job, bro. Like a flower that grew from a pot of dirt.
* Speaking of backwoods, redneck hometowns - I was in Virginia a couple weeks ago over my birthday. The old trailer home is holding up pretty well. Ed asked for a few stories about my Mom. Poor woman. She did have a few quirky moments I suppose I could share:
- This one isn't even funny - She turned my old bedroom into a guest room. It's not that big of a deal because it's not like I'm ever going to live full time in that house again but it still bothers me for some reason. My old TV was given to my sister. Reason being - She broke her own TV by dropping it while she was attempting to move it. Idiot. My old stereo was thrown away. Reason being - My mom said she didn't think it worked any more. Why I asked? Because she "Never heard anyone listening to it any more." Think about that one. Any old clothes I had left behind? Given to charity without asking me. Old pictures, trophies, etc....? All stored away.
The room is completely empty. I asked my brother why my Mom did this. Apparently she wanted to have a full time guest room. I'm going to ignore the fact that we already have a guest room in the basement of our house and focus more on the fact that we don't really any have GUESTS. My brother said the only times anyone has even slept in the "Guest room" is when my sister has gone out with a friend to a place near our house and the friend has passed out there instead of driving home. So basically instead of me having my old room to go home to every year or so, we have a vacant room for my sister's dumb friends to pass out in.
- My Mom has taken her spoiling of the dogs to new heights. She's on the verge of becoming one of those crazy cat ladies. Except with dogs. And children. And a husband. Anyways, she was slicing an apple and dropped a piece of it on the floor. So she reasoned that no person would want to eat a piece of apple that had been on the floor and therefore she should just give it to the dogs. She cuts it in half and gives half to the boy and half to the girl. Except the girl doesn't really have functional teeth and she was struggling to eat her half. So what does my Mom do? She picks it up off the floor, chews it herself and gives it back to the dog. I can't say I have never spoiled my dog. But I can say that I have never chewed his food for him.
- My family did take me out to dinner while I was home and for the most part it was an enjoyable night. For the most part. My Mom did manage to annoy me by calling a hostess over to inform her that they were celebrating my birthday that night despite me repeatedly asking her not to. What ensued was an awkward moment for everyone as a bunch of uncomfortable waiters sang "Happy Birthday," while an even more uncomfortable me sat there pretending to find it funny, while my father, brother, and sister really did find it funny and openly laughed at me and my Mom sat there grinning like a maniac. And then my brother ate the majority of the piece of cake. I hate that guy.
Before I go, I'll touch on a few other sporting-related events I am keeping my eyes on:
* While I've had enough college basketball for one year, I am keeping an eye on the NBA. Cleveland's win over Atlanta this morning has the Cavaliers 4.5 games ahead of the Boston Celtics in the race for home court in the Eastern Conference playoffs. They are also 1.5 games up on The Fightin' Shermans for home court throughout the NBA Playoffs.
Cleveland seems to play in and win a lot of close games. That's not a coincidence. Whenever the games are close and the Cavs need a late basket, they clear out for LeBron James aka "The L-Train" and he blows by his defender and scores. There is literally nothing the other team can do to stop him. Not since Michael Jordan have I seen a basketball player who can just say "Fuck it - I'm scoring right now" and make it happen. And even Michael had to work harder for his points than LeBron does. James is so big and strong that he makes it look easy.
Man.
Crush.
* Mens college basketball is boring. Personally, I prefer the womens game. Specifically, my beloved Lady Huskies who open up their quest for an NCAA Championship tomorrow morning at 9 AM PT against the Lady Catamounts of Vermont. That game will be coming to you live on ESPN2. Go Lady Huskies Go!
* If I was running the Detroit Lions, I'd offer the Broncos my 2nd round pick (Obviously the first pick of the 2nd round) and a pick next year for Jay Cutler and see what they do. There's no telling how desperate Josh McDaniels is to get rid of Cutler and the Lions would then have a starting caliber QB and two first round picks to fill the many other holes on their roster. It doesn't seem like Matthew Stafford is the answer and that NFC North is pretty wide open right now. Worst thing the Broncos could do is say no.
* If I was running the Washington Redskins, I'd sit tight at #13 and draft whichever offensive tackle I had graded highest that was left on the board. I wouldn't do anything fancy. I wouldn't try to make any headlines. I would just wait for my turn to pick and draft an offensive tackle. Please. For the love of God. Just do the smart thing for once.
* I'm not sure if Syracuse has what it takes to beat James Harden and the Sun Devils in the 2nd round of the NCAA Tournament tomorrow but I am pretty sure that they will be dominating games in the prison yard for the next decade if they keep the nucleus of Eric Devendorf, Arinze Onuaku, Rick Jackson, and Mookie Harris together.
* Would it be racist of me if I wrote a letter to Devendorf informing him that he is, in fact, a white person? I just feel like someone needs to let him know. Chances are he'll be in prison a few years from now and he needs to know where he stands before he gets there.
* Would it be racist of me to say that I really don't give a shit who Barack Obama is picking to win the NCAA Championship?
Now Chris Bennett's bracket.... That's something I would've liked to have got my hands on before the tournament started.
That seems like plenty for one day. The ACC just sparkled again with Maryland staying within 20 points of Memphis. Connecticut is rolling into the Sweet 16 as we speak.
Oh, yeah - Georgetown beat them, too.
Enjoy the Dance.
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Carl Edwards
May be the blog's biggest hero....
