I'm sure you'd all agree that Jorgen

.... is the MVP of this blog. He's the guy I get the most requests for: The People's Champ. And if Jorgen's the MVP, then Jeff is definitely the Rookie of the Year. Like a young Joey Logano, Jeff has come out of nowhere to dominate the blog's headlines the last few weeks. In addition to that Dynamic Duo, this space has always received good contributions from solid role players like the The Hoff, A. Ross, Mikey Millz, Chad, Austin, Ed, Metcalf, HCM, TGCU, CC, C.C., and CB (Link coming?), among many others, and without them there is no way I would enjoy the incredibly lame following I do today.

However, there is one other character who has received something of a cult following. She is the character who has entertained me more than any other over the last 25 years. I always thought that only my family and closest friends could appreciate her for the good-intentioned, borderline nut-job she is but apparently my readers find her amusing as well. That's right - in today's blog my Mom will be the featured player. She's earned it.

I've always assumed that one day when my sister is living across the pond with some Euro-trash douchebag and my brother is wasting his life doing something stupid like being a video game tester, it will fall on my shoulders to take care of my parents, specifically my mother. And one day I hope to be able to check her into the best mental institution money can buy. She deserves it and, frankly, she will probably need it.

My sister's monthlong Europen vacation ended yesterday and she's back in Virginia. I knew she would be calling in parental updates as soon as possible:

* Thursday night was my sister's first at home in almost a month. Like most people would be after a long trip, she was looking forward to being back in her own bed and sleeping in on Friday morning. Apparently she forgot about my Mom. My sister was awaken from her slumber by my Mom pounding on her door and barging in with a request: Please go get breakfast for her and my Dad. Naturally, my sister was not pleased by this and it lead to the following exchange:

Sister: What is Dad doing home on a Friday?

Mom: We have a guy coming to install a new computer and he wants to be here to supervise.

(Pausing to digest this)

Sister: Well, why can't you go get breakfast yourself?

Mom: We're not sure when the guy's going to get here and I have to be here to hold the dogs back when he does.

(Blogger's Note: My family has two pugs who weigh a combined 40 pounds and immediately stop barking when a stranger bends down to pet them.)

Sister: Can't you just make breakfast?

Mom: I don't feel like it and besides your father wants bagels.

Sister: Can't you just make Peter (My brother) go to the store?

Mom: He's asleep.

(No response from my sister)

* After she got back from the bagel place, my sister tried to go back to bed but couldn't fall asleep. She sent me a text message saying she had some funny stories about my parents and when I woke up I decided to give her a call, even though I knew it meant I'd probably end up wasting an hour on the phone with her and then another hour blogging. Here's a couple more funny tidbits from the front lines:

- My parents are getting older; They are both now in their late 50s. Lately, my mother has been complaining about her back hurting, so my brother encouraged her to get a massage. She actually listened to him, got a massage, and came home saying she felt much better. About a half hour later, my brother walked into the kitchen and found my mom on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor.

- Naturally, he relayed that story to my sister and I, both of whom found it very funny. On Thursday night, my Dad was complaining of similar back pains and my sister suggested that he too get a massage. After a slight pause, my brother then commented that if my Dad does get a massage, he should probably refrain from scrubbing the floors as soon as gets home. At this point my sister, brother, and father all broke out laughing in front of my Mom. She, however, was not amused demanding to know what was so funny. When the three of them all started laughing even louder, my mother stormed out of the room with the dogs trailing behind her.

- The last time I actually spoke directly with my mother, she spent the majority of the conversation complaining about my brother not having a job. I told her that if she wanted him to get a job, she should stop giving him an allowance and she agreed with me. I assumed that was the end of that problem, until I talked to my sister this morning. Last night, before my brother and his girlfriend left for the Nationals game, my Mom gave him a check for his "Monthly Expenses." I can't get over this. Monthly expenses? He lives at home and my parents gave him a gas card. He literally has no expenses whatsoever that aren't recreational. By all accounts, the only time he ever spends money are when he takes Elaina out for sushi or to the movies, or when he's at a Nationals game and someone I am friends with or someone who knows me offers to buy him beer. (Not thrilled about that by the way, guys.) I'm going to remember this stuff in case I ever become a parent: Don't give Murray Murray checks for monthly expenses when he is 18.

- My sister was nice enough to buy souvenir Euro 2008 T-Shirts for my brother and I while she was over there. Last night, she gave Peter his at which point he informed her that he didn't like it and instead wanted the scarf my sister had bought for herself. (What my brother wants with a scarf is beyond me but that's beside the point.) When my sister refused, it lead to the following exchange:

Sister: That scarf is for me. I got you this shirt.

Brother: I don't want the shirt. Give me that scarf. It's cool.

Sister: No way, Peter!

(They both look at my Mom for her ruling.)

Mom: Just give it to him.

Sister: What?? But I bought this for myself with my own money AND I bought something else for him.

Mom: But he doesn't want the shirt.

Sister: So what?

(Long pause while my Mom contemplates the situation.)

Mom: Just give it to him.

(Blogger's Note: That's some fine parenting.)

* Okay, I think we've made fun of my Mom enough for today. There's someone else I need to make fun of in this blog. I don't want to do it but he really, really has it coming. Did you see the Phillies game yesterday, Ed? The one where Ryan Howard hit 2 HRs in a 4-1 win? It was one day after he hit a tie-breaking homer in the bottom of the 8th in a 4-2 win. That's three more meaningless home runs to add to his Major League leading total of 27 so far this season. Howard now leads the Majors in HRs and extended his NL lead in RBI, while playing for a first place club. What a bum. He is also -125 to lead the Majors in home runs this season. Yeah, that means he is favored over every other play in the league despite the fact that it's not even the All-Star Break. What a "Garbage" player that guy is.

* Did you all see the play TGCU made during yesterday's game? Wow. That was pretty awesome. And don't worry: I've got it on tape. Someday, Murray Murray will fall asleep with that play on a loop in the background.

* Brett Favre has asked the Packers to release him, making him a free agent. The blog recommends Favre sign with the Vikings. They have a solid team but are a QB away from becoming legitimate contenders. Chris - Your thoughts?

* I'm glad Chris is back in town and presumably back to reading the blog. I always like throwing in little comments directed only at him. I'm also looking forward to him coming on the program to discuss the 2008 Packers. It's just going to take me about a week to edit out all the curse words.


I can't possibly make any picks today. I don't know anything about sports. Okay, fine. I like Kyle Busch to win the Busch race tonight. I'm really going out on a limb.

It looks like I posted my poll too soon, as another incredibly unsurprising story broke on Friday morning: Travis Henry just tested positive for marijuana. Now that is shocking. Next you're going to tell me that Chad's blood alcohol was above the legal limit last night.

(Sorry, Chad.)


No trivia question today. Try to answer the last one.

What are the chances Austin actually read this entire thing? I would say 10%.

But what are the chances that he scrolled all the way to the bottom and stopped when he saw his name? I would say 100%. Stop smirking, Austin.


I'm going to go enjoy my day off.

You have a lot of baseball games to watch tonight so there is nothing holding you back in your quest to....



Enjoy the game.