.... and those of us who still remain have thus far survived a day at the race track, a Padres game, a night out with Metcalf, and an earthquake. It was quite an eventful 24 hours.
We're about to head out for Round 2 but I've been asked to force out a quick blog, so I have commandeered Hoffman's computer in order to do a quick preview of Friday's trip wrapup blog:
* Austin was unable to extract the sand from his vagina and did not make the trip. Dude....
* I made the line 'pick' on Bennett smothering Metcalf with a pillow last night.
* It's almost 5:30 and we have just now showered, dressed, and are getting ready to head out.
* Hoffman is now being called "The H." (I started that.)
* Jorgen is now being called "The Y." (Scott started that.)
* I'm pretty sure Metcalf referred to himself last night as "Double Impact." If he really calls himself that then I think he's very funny. However, I was pretty wasted last night so it's possible that I completely made that up. Either way - Funny. Had to pass that along.
* It's going to be difficult to find the words to adequately describe waking up, looking to your left, and seeing.... Jorgen.
* Hoffman really did bet that many things in the Padres-D-Backs game. He may have a gambling problem.
* I bet $50 on the Padres online.... Something to watch.
We are outta here. I'll be back with more on Friday. A lot more.
Enjoy the game.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
When a guy like Jeff Sherman
.... says that your blog is getting stale and repetitive, you have no choice but to listen. On Saturday, Matt relayed to me that Jeff was not impressed with my recent filings and was tiring of what he felt was the same old stuff. (Translation: Stop making jokes about me and the black chick, John.) Fair enough. I'm not exactly thrilled that Jeff is trying to step in and "Assistant Manage" my blog but I do think he's right: It's the same old stuff, week after week and we're all getting a little sick of it. (Of course, I should mention that I once caught Jeff reading a printout of my blog at work but whatever....) With this in mind, I have decided to go ahead with a blog I've been considering doing for some time now. Today I will be taking the time to answer the Frequently Asked Questions I receive from my readers.
(But fear not: I'll throw in a few Jorgen purse jokes, too.)
Let's do this:
Question: Why?
Answer: The first thing people always ask when I tell them I have a blog is "Why?" And it's usually in a condescending, Bhushan-like tone. I have to admit that it's a very reasonable question. I started the blog to mock Hoffman for having a blog. Then I was pleased with the reception I got, particularly from guys like Chris and Ed, so I kept doing it. I feel like Matt really hit it on the head when he said that it seems like I'm doing it to entertain myself. That is very true. (I think it's going to be especially funny to go back and read these things a few years from now.) Although, it was another reader, one who knows me a little better, who called me out by saying that I am doing it just so I can hear from people that I am a good writer, in a pathetic attempt to get some sort of validation from my friends and co-workers. I will not give you the satisfaction of putting your name in the blog because none of my Vegas readers know who you are. However, I will say this: You're an asshole, Anonymous Reader.
Q: How long does it normally take you to blog?
A: I get this one all the time. It usually takes me between 60-90 minutes. Sometimes, I can even force them out in about 45 minutes. Although, there have been intricate blogs with pictures that have taken me upwards of 2 hours. Sometimes it will take me 15-20 minutes to find the perfect picture of a queer looking guy with a purse or a disheveled black girl. I feel like I owe it to you guys to always go that extra mile.
Q: How come you hardly ever write about sports or gambling?
A: Very good question and the answer is simple: People don't want to read about these topics from me when they can read about them from far, far superior writers at any number of different websites. People would rather read jokes about their co-workers and I try to do it for them to best of my ability. Do I think it's unreasonable when people complain about the content of my blog when it's free and they don't have to take the time to read it? Yes, I do think it's unreasonable. Moving on....
Q: Wait - so, that guy Jeff is your boss?
A: Here's a question I frequently get from people back home. Yes, Jeff is my boss and yes, I do like the guy. I originally took the time to mock him in this space because of his initial refusal to acknowledge my blog. However, even after Jeff admitted to enjoying my inane banter, I decided to keep writing blurgbs about him. I just think my Jeff material is really, really funny. It's nothing more complicated than that. The Jeff stuff plays. It always plays. Plus, I know that I have his attention when I blog and I can take the opportunity to request that he plug my site on his - GolfOdds.com.
Q: Why are you so infatuated with Jorgen? Is he really THAT interesting?
A: No, Jorgen is absolutely not that interesting. But the fact of the matter is people love to read about him. They love reading about how much he hates the kids at the Superbook. They love reading about his relationship with Amanda. They love reading about the fact that it's a mortal lock that he and Amanda will end up living on a farm in Iowa in 20 years. They love reading potential uber Swedish names for his unborn children. And they love reading about him carrying a purse everywhere he goes. It's all gold. My readers just eat it up. So I keep putting the dish out. It's no more complicated than that.
Q: I think you have an unhealthy obsession with HBO's The Wire.
A: That's not a question, guy.
I don't have to explain myself to you.
Leave me alone.
Q: Did your Mom really do - (Fill in the Blank)?
A: Yes, she really did. I take this question as a compliment. If people think I am actually capable of making that stuff up, they must think I am a phenomenally creative writer. I think A. Ross put it best when he said that if I could make up those stories, I'd be living in Hollywood right now. Very true. My Mom really does this stuff. She really says this stuff. And I'm not even remotely surprised when I hear these stories. I just laugh and say "Okay, what else did she do?"
Q: Is your Mom crazy?
A: Of course, she is. She's a woman. Stupid question.
Q: Why do your parents let your brother live like that?
A: This is one question even I can't fully answer. The only explanation I can come up with is that my Mom still thinks he's cute. Even though he's 18 years old and almost 6'2''. That has to be it because I don't even think my Dad likes him. In fact, I don't think my Dad likes anyone but the dog.
Q: So, did they really give him a check for "Monthly Expenses?"
A: Yes, according to my sister he gets one every month. But I can't elaborate much more on that question. I'm trying to get this blog done before I have to go to work....
Q: Why do you even bother to make picks? They're always garbage.
A: Who asked you, Ed?
Q: What do you have against Chase Utley?
A: Nothing. I actually think he's a really good player. But Ed is constantly badmouthing my boy Ryan Howard and it's hard to get a word in edge-wise around that guy, so I choose to fight back in the blogosphere by making fun of TGCU.
Q: What is a Murray Murray?
A: Murray Murray is a potential name for my first born son. Ed came up with it. I have to admit: It does have a nice ring to it. (It's on the short list along with Ryan Howard Murray and Randy Marsh Murray.) Murray Murray is also a very well respected Las Vegas sports gambler who has a somewhat unusual gambling appetite. He's been living and gambling in Vegas for nearly a quarter century.
Q: Speaking of Murray Murray, did you really send that E-mail to the Plaza?
A: Yes, I really did. And they never wrote me back. And as far as I know they still don't offer any betting on cricket. What a bunch of blowhards.
Q: What do you really think of that Chad guy?
A: Chad? Chad Jackson? Are you kidding? He's an idiot.
(Blogger's Note: No one has ever really asked me that. I just wanted to get it off my chest.)
I'm really not qualified to make any picks. Hoffman does that well enough for the both of us.
Trivia Question For Sunday: Who is the most recent winner of the Maurice Podoloff Trophy?
On Monday morning, I am going to Del Mar with half the people who work at the Superbook. I won't be blogging from Monday - Thursday but I will try to have one up on Friday, spilling illicit details from the trip. There is quite a cast of characters heading to A Whale's Vagina this week and I will hopefully be able to answer some if not all of the following questions:
* Are CB and Jorgen really the same person? And which is one more likely to emerge as the new Jeff?
* How do CB and CC feel about being called by initials instead of by their first names? Do CB and CC both secretly wish that the other no longer worked there so that they could be the only "Chris" at the Superbook?
* Does Jorgen's purse need its own seat in the car?
* What does Jorgen do with his purse when he has to use the jon? (If he asks me to hold it for him, I'm going to throw it in the ocean.)
* Does Metcalf make borderline racist comments simply because he's from the South? Or is he really just a jerk?
* Will Hoffman be just completely unbearable when he is hungover AND away from home? (I'm pretty sure I can already answer that one.)
* Does Austin really fight like a prepubescent chicken girl?
And so forth....
For those of you consider both Austin and I to be your friends - Be sure to say bye to us before we leave because I can tell you this much: One of us won't be coming back. It's on. And this has nothing to do with the shouting match we got into on Saturday, which I'm sure Ed would have found wildly entertaining. It also has nothing to do with Austin's recent comment that he would win a fight against any Superbook employee. (Quick: Try to picture Austin and Ron Reid fighting without laughing. It literally cannot be done.) The battle between Austin and I is something that has been brewing for months and I am expecting it to finally come to a head in San Diego in a little something I am calling The War On The Shore. Get your popcorn ready.
If you want me to have fun in Del Mar, root for Kasey Kahne to win the Cup race today. Otherwise, I'm going to have to grab my spare coins and play $2 show bets on chalk all afternoon.
New pictures and a new poll today. Have at it. Apparently no one cares who wins the NL East, besides Ed and I. Someone wake me up when football season starts.
Sunday features a Cup race at the Brickyard, a new episode of HBO's Generation Kill, a full card of MLB, the last day of girls basketball before the Olympics, and, as usual, a new blog. Enjoy it and....
Enjoy the game.
(But fear not: I'll throw in a few Jorgen purse jokes, too.)
Let's do this:
Question: Why?
Answer: The first thing people always ask when I tell them I have a blog is "Why?" And it's usually in a condescending, Bhushan-like tone. I have to admit that it's a very reasonable question. I started the blog to mock Hoffman for having a blog. Then I was pleased with the reception I got, particularly from guys like Chris and Ed, so I kept doing it. I feel like Matt really hit it on the head when he said that it seems like I'm doing it to entertain myself. That is very true. (I think it's going to be especially funny to go back and read these things a few years from now.) Although, it was another reader, one who knows me a little better, who called me out by saying that I am doing it just so I can hear from people that I am a good writer, in a pathetic attempt to get some sort of validation from my friends and co-workers. I will not give you the satisfaction of putting your name in the blog because none of my Vegas readers know who you are. However, I will say this: You're an asshole, Anonymous Reader.
Q: How long does it normally take you to blog?
A: I get this one all the time. It usually takes me between 60-90 minutes. Sometimes, I can even force them out in about 45 minutes. Although, there have been intricate blogs with pictures that have taken me upwards of 2 hours. Sometimes it will take me 15-20 minutes to find the perfect picture of a queer looking guy with a purse or a disheveled black girl. I feel like I owe it to you guys to always go that extra mile.
Q: How come you hardly ever write about sports or gambling?
A: Very good question and the answer is simple: People don't want to read about these topics from me when they can read about them from far, far superior writers at any number of different websites. People would rather read jokes about their co-workers and I try to do it for them to best of my ability. Do I think it's unreasonable when people complain about the content of my blog when it's free and they don't have to take the time to read it? Yes, I do think it's unreasonable. Moving on....
Q: Wait - so, that guy Jeff is your boss?
A: Here's a question I frequently get from people back home. Yes, Jeff is my boss and yes, I do like the guy. I originally took the time to mock him in this space because of his initial refusal to acknowledge my blog. However, even after Jeff admitted to enjoying my inane banter, I decided to keep writing blurgbs about him. I just think my Jeff material is really, really funny. It's nothing more complicated than that. The Jeff stuff plays. It always plays. Plus, I know that I have his attention when I blog and I can take the opportunity to request that he plug my site on his - GolfOdds.com.
Q: Why are you so infatuated with Jorgen? Is he really THAT interesting?
A: No, Jorgen is absolutely not that interesting. But the fact of the matter is people love to read about him. They love reading about how much he hates the kids at the Superbook. They love reading about his relationship with Amanda. They love reading about the fact that it's a mortal lock that he and Amanda will end up living on a farm in Iowa in 20 years. They love reading potential uber Swedish names for his unborn children. And they love reading about him carrying a purse everywhere he goes. It's all gold. My readers just eat it up. So I keep putting the dish out. It's no more complicated than that.
Q: I think you have an unhealthy obsession with HBO's The Wire.
A: That's not a question, guy.
I don't have to explain myself to you.
Leave me alone.
Q: Did your Mom really do - (Fill in the Blank)?
A: Yes, she really did. I take this question as a compliment. If people think I am actually capable of making that stuff up, they must think I am a phenomenally creative writer. I think A. Ross put it best when he said that if I could make up those stories, I'd be living in Hollywood right now. Very true. My Mom really does this stuff. She really says this stuff. And I'm not even remotely surprised when I hear these stories. I just laugh and say "Okay, what else did she do?"
Q: Is your Mom crazy?
A: Of course, she is. She's a woman. Stupid question.
Q: Why do your parents let your brother live like that?
A: This is one question even I can't fully answer. The only explanation I can come up with is that my Mom still thinks he's cute. Even though he's 18 years old and almost 6'2''. That has to be it because I don't even think my Dad likes him. In fact, I don't think my Dad likes anyone but the dog.
Q: So, did they really give him a check for "Monthly Expenses?"
A: Yes, according to my sister he gets one every month. But I can't elaborate much more on that question. I'm trying to get this blog done before I have to go to work....
Q: Why do you even bother to make picks? They're always garbage.
A: Who asked you, Ed?
Q: What do you have against Chase Utley?
A: Nothing. I actually think he's a really good player. But Ed is constantly badmouthing my boy Ryan Howard and it's hard to get a word in edge-wise around that guy, so I choose to fight back in the blogosphere by making fun of TGCU.
Q: What is a Murray Murray?
A: Murray Murray is a potential name for my first born son. Ed came up with it. I have to admit: It does have a nice ring to it. (It's on the short list along with Ryan Howard Murray and Randy Marsh Murray.) Murray Murray is also a very well respected Las Vegas sports gambler who has a somewhat unusual gambling appetite. He's been living and gambling in Vegas for nearly a quarter century.
Q: Speaking of Murray Murray, did you really send that E-mail to the Plaza?
A: Yes, I really did. And they never wrote me back. And as far as I know they still don't offer any betting on cricket. What a bunch of blowhards.
Q: What do you really think of that Chad guy?
A: Chad? Chad Jackson? Are you kidding? He's an idiot.
(Blogger's Note: No one has ever really asked me that. I just wanted to get it off my chest.)
I'm really not qualified to make any picks. Hoffman does that well enough for the both of us.
Trivia Question For Sunday: Who is the most recent winner of the Maurice Podoloff Trophy?
On Monday morning, I am going to Del Mar with half the people who work at the Superbook. I won't be blogging from Monday - Thursday but I will try to have one up on Friday, spilling illicit details from the trip. There is quite a cast of characters heading to A Whale's Vagina this week and I will hopefully be able to answer some if not all of the following questions:
* Are CB and Jorgen really the same person? And which is one more likely to emerge as the new Jeff?
* How do CB and CC feel about being called by initials instead of by their first names? Do CB and CC both secretly wish that the other no longer worked there so that they could be the only "Chris" at the Superbook?
* Does Jorgen's purse need its own seat in the car?
* What does Jorgen do with his purse when he has to use the jon? (If he asks me to hold it for him, I'm going to throw it in the ocean.)
* Does Metcalf make borderline racist comments simply because he's from the South? Or is he really just a jerk?
* Will Hoffman be just completely unbearable when he is hungover AND away from home? (I'm pretty sure I can already answer that one.)
* Does Austin really fight like a prepubescent chicken girl?
And so forth....
For those of you consider both Austin and I to be your friends - Be sure to say bye to us before we leave because I can tell you this much: One of us won't be coming back. It's on. And this has nothing to do with the shouting match we got into on Saturday, which I'm sure Ed would have found wildly entertaining. It also has nothing to do with Austin's recent comment that he would win a fight against any Superbook employee. (Quick: Try to picture Austin and Ron Reid fighting without laughing. It literally cannot be done.) The battle between Austin and I is something that has been brewing for months and I am expecting it to finally come to a head in San Diego in a little something I am calling The War On The Shore. Get your popcorn ready.
If you want me to have fun in Del Mar, root for Kasey Kahne to win the Cup race today. Otherwise, I'm going to have to grab my spare coins and play $2 show bets on chalk all afternoon.
New pictures and a new poll today. Have at it. Apparently no one cares who wins the NL East, besides Ed and I. Someone wake me up when football season starts.
Sunday features a Cup race at the Brickyard, a new episode of HBO's Generation Kill, a full card of MLB, the last day of girls basketball before the Olympics, and, as usual, a new blog. Enjoy it and....
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I know I haven't blogged
.... in a while but I have a really good reason - I didn't feel like it. Besides, on Sunday I finally did a blog that I actually thought was good and I wanted to leave it at the top for as long as possible. I appreciate the feedback I got regarding the cartoon blog. Well except for Ed's "Feedback." His only comment was to call it "Garbage" before proceeding to pretend like he had never heard of any of the shows, with the exception of The Simpsons. Sure you haven't, bro. Thanks for the input.
Sunday's blog was most definitely one for me, so I guess that means I have to come back with one for the kids. That's right: Today I'll talk about Jorgen, Jeff, The Hoff, and even my Mom. But before I get into any of that nonsene, let's briefly talk about sports:
* The Mets took 2 out of 3 from The Fightins' this week and would have opened up a 3 game lead over Philadelphia if not for a 9th inning collapse on Tuesday night. Very impressive performance by TGCU during the series: 0-12, 4 K's. Well, it's not like it was a crucial series or anything. It doesn't look like we need to worry about 3 different Phillies winning back-to-back-to-back NL MVPs anymore. (Unless Jayson Werth really turns it on in August.) The Mets are now 9-4 against the Phillies this season. The teams play twice more, once in Philadelphia next month and again at Shea in September. Should be an interesting race.
I just have to remember to delete the Mets series from the Chase Utley highlights DVD I'm preparing for young Murray Murray. Actually, I should probably just delete every game TGCU has played in since May to be safe. They don't call him "That Garbage Chase Utley" for nothing.
* Switching away from sports for a moment, did you guys see the BRAWL in the WNBA "Game" between the Sparks and Shock the other night? Pretty intense. While the rest of us were stunned to witness the first brawl in WNBA history, I can tell you exactly how Jeff reacted: "Sweet! Catfight!"
* Speaking of Jeff, he seemed genuinely upset over the joke I had the other day about Brett Favre's appearance on Greta Van Susteren getting higher ratings than his. I should have mentioned that Jeff's appearance was such a hit that he was asked to come back on the program a second time just over a month later. Don't believe me? It says so right on his website, subtlely tucked away on the front page.
* Okay, you guys probably want some Jorgen talk, too. Well, you're all in luck because I had lunch with the kid himself just two days ago. Items of note from that meal: Apparently Amanda told him that he "Can go to San Diego" provided that he doesn't "Bang any girls" while he's there. Seems fair. When I pointed out that our room in San Diego only has 3 beds and that there were going to be 4 of us staying there, he pointed to himself, then pointed to me, then back to himself, then back to me, and then back to himself. I hope Jorgen will be comfortable sleeping in the bathtub.
* Jorgen also revealed to me the name of his future son: Hjalmar, pronounced Jal-mer. I love it: Jal-mer Yohnson, The All-American kid. Shouldn't be too hard talking Amanda into that name. By the way, I don't like the fact that I feel I have to recant every aspect of a meal with Jorgen just to entertain my readers. Pretty soon nobody's going to want to talk to me at all because they'll be afraid I have a running tape recorder in my pocket.
* People keep trying to get me to watch new TV shows and I've been indulging them recently by giving them a shot. Austin has turned me on to the Charlie Sheen vehicle Two and a Half Men. Ed has me watching Ice Road Truckers. (I've been enjoying them both for the record.) And now Scotty wants me to start watching Friday Night Lights. It really doesn't seem like my kindof show but I trust the Hoff, so I'll check it out. But in return, you guys all have to check out a show I am recommending: It's called Generation Kill and it's airing Sunday nights on HBO. It's a mini-series about the war and it was created by the guys who created The Wire, so you know it's good. I also recommend the show Weeds to those of you with Showtime. Their new season has been great.
* I played hoops at the UNLV rec center yesterday with A. Ross and CC. It was fun to be out there playing ball but it was a wake up call to the fact that I am getting old. Hard to believe that just 2-3 years ago, I would actually hustle after the ball and run up and down the court. And the next morning I wouldn't wake up with a pain in my lower back.
On Wednesday night, I was hanging out with the Hoff (Okay stop scrolling down now, guy. Here's the part about you.) and I told him I didn't think I was up for a real late night because I was a little worn out from playing hoops. He proceeded to call me a "Vagina." This from a guy who refused to play basketball with us at all and has already stated that he won't participate in any football games this fall because he feels he is too "Old." So to recap: Hoffman's too old to play pick-up basketball games with a bunch of guys in their mid-20s but he still felt comfortable gawking at high school girls while he, Ross, and I were walking along the strip last night. The guy is an animal.
* People like to laugh at stories about my Mom for some reason. That poor woman. The other day my brother and sister were home and my Mom called to say that she wanted the two of them to cook up the remaining hamburger meat before it spoiled and have it for lunch. The two geniuses instead decided to throw the hamburger meat away and go out for sushi. (Apparently my brother is a young Jeff. Last time I was home, he would order sushi for me and then watch as I ate it to gauge my reaction. That wasn't annoying or anything.)
Anyways, the hamburger meat in the trash can apparently attracted a raccoon who was discovered in there by my terrified mother. Instead of doing something about it, she came running into the house to tell my Dad. Annoyed, my Dad put on a pair of shoes and walked outside to survey the situation. As my mother and two dogs watched nervously from the front yard, my Dad peeked into the trash can and told my mother he was going to put the can out for the garbage men to take care of. My Mom rushed out towards him, pleading with him to reconsider. According to my sister, my Mom was on the verge of tears as she begged my Dad to come up with another plan. She was sure that the garbage men wouldn't even notice the raccoon inside the trash can and would just dump into the garbage truck, killing it. (It's a freaking raccoon for crying out loud. Who cares?) Just wanting the whole ordeal to be over with, my Dad relented and said that he would instead simply knock the trash can over and allow the raccoon to run free. Upon hearing this, my Mom scurried back into our fenced-in front yard, and locked the gate. She then stood there behind the gate with the dogs as my Dad knocked the trash can over and the raccoon ran away. (My sister was in the doorway the entire time laughing at my Mom.) As the raccoon disappeared from their sight, my Mom and the two confused/scared pugs walked back inside. Crisis averted.
I blame the whole thing on my brother's infatuation with sushi. Thanks a lot, Elaina.
You want picks huh? Fine. Go bet on Ohio State to win the Big 10 at Even money at Planet Hollywood. That conference is complete garbage. A pick for tonight, too? Okay, I'll try. I like the MLS All-Stars to beat West Ham United in Toronto. The MLS All-Star teams have never lost to a Premier League Club in one of these matches before, most likely due to the fact that the English clubs are in the middle of their off-seasons and not fully fit.
The Simpsons won my poll asking my readers what their favorite cartoon is. Every now and then you guys impress me.
A new poll and some new pictures are up today.
(Sorry, Jeff.)
Enjoy the game.
Sunday's blog was most definitely one for me, so I guess that means I have to come back with one for the kids. That's right: Today I'll talk about Jorgen, Jeff, The Hoff, and even my Mom. But before I get into any of that nonsene, let's briefly talk about sports:
* The Mets took 2 out of 3 from The Fightins' this week and would have opened up a 3 game lead over Philadelphia if not for a 9th inning collapse on Tuesday night. Very impressive performance by TGCU during the series: 0-12, 4 K's. Well, it's not like it was a crucial series or anything. It doesn't look like we need to worry about 3 different Phillies winning back-to-back-to-back NL MVPs anymore. (Unless Jayson Werth really turns it on in August.) The Mets are now 9-4 against the Phillies this season. The teams play twice more, once in Philadelphia next month and again at Shea in September. Should be an interesting race.
I just have to remember to delete the Mets series from the Chase Utley highlights DVD I'm preparing for young Murray Murray. Actually, I should probably just delete every game TGCU has played in since May to be safe. They don't call him "That Garbage Chase Utley" for nothing.
* Switching away from sports for a moment, did you guys see the BRAWL in the WNBA "Game" between the Sparks and Shock the other night? Pretty intense. While the rest of us were stunned to witness the first brawl in WNBA history, I can tell you exactly how Jeff reacted: "Sweet! Catfight!"
* Speaking of Jeff, he seemed genuinely upset over the joke I had the other day about Brett Favre's appearance on Greta Van Susteren getting higher ratings than his. I should have mentioned that Jeff's appearance was such a hit that he was asked to come back on the program a second time just over a month later. Don't believe me? It says so right on his website, subtlely tucked away on the front page.
* Okay, you guys probably want some Jorgen talk, too. Well, you're all in luck because I had lunch with the kid himself just two days ago. Items of note from that meal: Apparently Amanda told him that he "Can go to San Diego" provided that he doesn't "Bang any girls" while he's there. Seems fair. When I pointed out that our room in San Diego only has 3 beds and that there were going to be 4 of us staying there, he pointed to himself, then pointed to me, then back to himself, then back to me, and then back to himself. I hope Jorgen will be comfortable sleeping in the bathtub.
* Jorgen also revealed to me the name of his future son: Hjalmar, pronounced Jal-mer. I love it: Jal-mer Yohnson, The All-American kid. Shouldn't be too hard talking Amanda into that name. By the way, I don't like the fact that I feel I have to recant every aspect of a meal with Jorgen just to entertain my readers. Pretty soon nobody's going to want to talk to me at all because they'll be afraid I have a running tape recorder in my pocket.
* People keep trying to get me to watch new TV shows and I've been indulging them recently by giving them a shot. Austin has turned me on to the Charlie Sheen vehicle Two and a Half Men. Ed has me watching Ice Road Truckers. (I've been enjoying them both for the record.) And now Scotty wants me to start watching Friday Night Lights. It really doesn't seem like my kindof show but I trust the Hoff, so I'll check it out. But in return, you guys all have to check out a show I am recommending: It's called Generation Kill and it's airing Sunday nights on HBO. It's a mini-series about the war and it was created by the guys who created The Wire, so you know it's good. I also recommend the show Weeds to those of you with Showtime. Their new season has been great.
* I played hoops at the UNLV rec center yesterday with A. Ross and CC. It was fun to be out there playing ball but it was a wake up call to the fact that I am getting old. Hard to believe that just 2-3 years ago, I would actually hustle after the ball and run up and down the court. And the next morning I wouldn't wake up with a pain in my lower back.
On Wednesday night, I was hanging out with the Hoff (Okay stop scrolling down now, guy. Here's the part about you.) and I told him I didn't think I was up for a real late night because I was a little worn out from playing hoops. He proceeded to call me a "Vagina." This from a guy who refused to play basketball with us at all and has already stated that he won't participate in any football games this fall because he feels he is too "Old." So to recap: Hoffman's too old to play pick-up basketball games with a bunch of guys in their mid-20s but he still felt comfortable gawking at high school girls while he, Ross, and I were walking along the strip last night. The guy is an animal.
* People like to laugh at stories about my Mom for some reason. That poor woman. The other day my brother and sister were home and my Mom called to say that she wanted the two of them to cook up the remaining hamburger meat before it spoiled and have it for lunch. The two geniuses instead decided to throw the hamburger meat away and go out for sushi. (Apparently my brother is a young Jeff. Last time I was home, he would order sushi for me and then watch as I ate it to gauge my reaction. That wasn't annoying or anything.)
Anyways, the hamburger meat in the trash can apparently attracted a raccoon who was discovered in there by my terrified mother. Instead of doing something about it, she came running into the house to tell my Dad. Annoyed, my Dad put on a pair of shoes and walked outside to survey the situation. As my mother and two dogs watched nervously from the front yard, my Dad peeked into the trash can and told my mother he was going to put the can out for the garbage men to take care of. My Mom rushed out towards him, pleading with him to reconsider. According to my sister, my Mom was on the verge of tears as she begged my Dad to come up with another plan. She was sure that the garbage men wouldn't even notice the raccoon inside the trash can and would just dump into the garbage truck, killing it. (It's a freaking raccoon for crying out loud. Who cares?) Just wanting the whole ordeal to be over with, my Dad relented and said that he would instead simply knock the trash can over and allow the raccoon to run free. Upon hearing this, my Mom scurried back into our fenced-in front yard, and locked the gate. She then stood there behind the gate with the dogs as my Dad knocked the trash can over and the raccoon ran away. (My sister was in the doorway the entire time laughing at my Mom.) As the raccoon disappeared from their sight, my Mom and the two confused/scared pugs walked back inside. Crisis averted.
I blame the whole thing on my brother's infatuation with sushi. Thanks a lot, Elaina.
You want picks huh? Fine. Go bet on Ohio State to win the Big 10 at Even money at Planet Hollywood. That conference is complete garbage. A pick for tonight, too? Okay, I'll try. I like the MLS All-Stars to beat West Ham United in Toronto. The MLS All-Star teams have never lost to a Premier League Club in one of these matches before, most likely due to the fact that the English clubs are in the middle of their off-seasons and not fully fit.
The Simpsons won my poll asking my readers what their favorite cartoon is. Every now and then you guys impress me.
A new poll and some new pictures are up today.
(Sorry, Jeff.)
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Before you read today's blog
.... I should warn you: It's not going to be what you are used to. If you came here to read sarcastic comments about sports, why don't you go check out Bennett's blog? If you are here hoping to read jokes about the people I work with then I feel that Ross's blog is the perfect place for you. Looking for hot-off-the-presses baseball winners? You should have never come here in the first place. The Hoff has been feeding us those all summer. Thanks, Scotty. In the mood for a wacky story? Then my boy MikeyMillz is the man to see. I'm sorry but I won't be providing any of the above in today's entry.
But I think it's only fair that you guys indulge me for once. After all, I've written tons of nonsense about Jorgen's infatuation with female handbags, Jeff's case of Jungle Fever, and my poor mother's crazy antics. I'm tired of making fun of my friends and my Mom. Today I'm going to do some actual writing. Will it be funny? No, it won't be. Am I qualified to write about the topic? No, of course not. I'm not qualified to write about anything. But I'm going to do it anyway.
This is your last chance to get out.
Okay, then. Without further ado, here it is:
MY TOP 5 CARTOONS OF ALL-TIME:
5. Beavis and Butthead
Original Airdate: March 8, 1993 to November 28, 1997; MTV
Created By: Mike Judge
I don't put this show on the same pedestal as any of my Big Four, but I wanted to do a Top 5 and I wasn't about to use shows like Futurama, American Dad, or The Critic. Beavis and Butthead was a great show back in its day. I know I was always entertained by it but I'm not sure if that had more to do with it actually being funny or with the fact that at the time it aired I was between 10-14 years old and just excited to be watching MTV while my parents were out of the house.
The show centers around the titular characters, Beavis and Butthead, two usesless students at fictional Highland High. They spend most of their time getting in and out of trouble and watching old music videos, while making sarcastic comments about them. The show served as a springboard to great future success for creator Mike Judge, who went on to write and direct the cult classic Office Space, and create another hit cartoon show, King of the Hill.
Why It Should Be Higher: It shouldn't be. It doesn't deserve to move ahead of any of the shows in my Top 4.
Why It Should Be Lower: I know we all cringed during the interminable music video scenes. Everyone hated those. The show was funny but it wasn't exactly landmark comedy.
The Verdict: I liked Beavis and Butthead but basically I'm just using it to fill out my Top 5. I wouldn't run out and buy the DVDs.
4. Family Guy
Original Airdate: January 31, 1999 - February 14, 2002; FOX
Back on the Air: May 1, 2005 - Present; FOX
Created By: Seth MacFarlane
Okay, now we can get into my Big Four of cartoon comedy starting with Family Guy. This is actually the only show on my list that I watched from the very first episode and was the first TV show I ever purchased on DVD. It was inexcusably cancelled in 2002, so FOX could make room for garbage like the Seth Green vehicle, Greg The Bunny (This was hilariously referenced during the opening credits of their first new episode back on the air) but came back in 2005 and appears to once again be going strong.
Family Guy has been frequently criticized for using cutaway jokes, which critics say do nothing to advance the story. I am not bothered by this because as far as I'm concerned, funny is funny, and Family Guy can be a very funny show. However, when they miss on these cutaway jokes, it creates an awkward moment of silence for the viewer. Family Guy has also been criticized for being in many ways, a bastardized version of another FOX comedy staple, The Simpsons. The premise of a fat, dumb, oafish man and his disfunctional family has already been done. Apparently it can be funny more than once, but it's been done. This has been referenced many times by The Simpsons themselves, particularly in one episode where an army of Homer Simpson clones includes one that looks exactly like Family Guy protagonist Peter Griffin.
Why It Should Be Higher: It may pack more laugh-out-loud moments per episode than any show on this list, which is really saying something. If you've read my blog, you know that I am not above dumbing my material down to appeal to my readers, and the Family Guy staff has clearly gone that route, except to a much, much, much wider audience. Nothing wrong with that.
Why It Should Be Lower: I can't possibly put it any lower than 4th but if I did I would argue that it deserves to be down there because of the way it is viewed by other comedy shows and comedy writers. South Park had an infamous episode called "Cartoon Wars," in which they slammed Family Guy for its cutaway jokes and borrowing ideas from other shows. According to South Park co-creator Trey Parker, his writing staff received a thank you call from writers at The Simpsons the day after this episode aired. The King of the Hill writing staff sent them flowers.
The Verdict: Nobody would argue with the statement that Family Guy is a very funny show, but if your peers unanimously don't respect your work, there must be something to it, which is why I will put it 4th on my list. For now.
3. King of the Hill
Created By: Mike Judge and Greg Daniels
Original Airdate: January 12, 1997 - Present; FOX
I would argue that of all the cartoon shows ever made, King of the Hill is easily the most intelligently written. Co-creators Mike Judge (Beavis and Butthead, Office Space) and Greg Daniels (The Office) have clearly proven themselves to be among the most talented comedy minds in the industry and it shows in this Emmy Award winning hit.
King of the Hill has nowhere near the following of the other 3 shows in my Big Four. In fact, it doesn't even air in a primetime slot. New episodes are usually shown at 7 or 7:30 on Sunday nights. In spite of that, King of the Hill has managed to stay on the air for 13 seasons and win multiple Emmy awards for its outstanding writing. The show centers on family man Hank Hill, who lives on the same street as his high school buddies in fictional Arlen, Texas. Hank is emotionally distant from everyone, including his wife, Peggy, and young son, Bobby. He is as old school as they come and frequently storylines center on Hank's inability to adapt to the modern world.
Why It Should Be Higher: The writing. During its run on FOX, King of the Hill's writing has been challenged only by South Park in terms of cartoon comedy.
Why It Should Be Lower: This show generally doesn't have as many laugh-out-loud moments as Family Guy or even Beavis and Butthead. While it is hailed by critics, it never gets the same kind of praise from the demographic that these cartoons are aimed at: Young people.
The Verdict: King of the Hill is a great show that would have a much larger following if more people would give it a chance. However, after 13 years on the air, I am afraid that everyone who is going to come on board, is already on. The rest of you will just have to miss out on this comedy classic.
2. South Park
Created By: Trey Parker and Matt Stone
Original Airdate: August 13, 1997 - Present; Comedy Central
I seriously considered ranking this show #1. South Park is the only current television show I look forward to seeing new episodes of. The show is set in the fictional town of South Park, Colorado, and follows the lives of four 4th grade boys. The audience sees the town and the world at large, from the perspective of these nine-year-old boys, who at times appear to be the only ones in South Park with any sense.
Easily the most controversial of any of the shows on my list, South Park has hilariously spoofed such celebrities as Mel Gibson, George W. Bush and John Kerry, Paris Hilton, Subway's Jared, Michael Jackson, and self-proclaimed psychic John Edward, in a classic episode titled, "The Biggest Douche In the Universe."
I am all for pushing the envelope, but there are times when South Park has gone too far in my opinion. Examples of this include the episode when the statue of the Virgin Mary is bleeding from its anus causing a stir in the town over a perceived "Miracle," or the episode in which character Mr. Garrison turns himself into Mrs. Garrison, with what doctors describe as a "Vaginoplasty." There have also been multiple episodes which I just didn't find funny at all and left me wondering whether I didn't understand it or if the writers were just so high at the time they weren't making any sense. (Both distinct possibilities.)
Why It Should Be Higher: South Park came on the air in 1997 and during that time it has been, in my opinion, the funniest show on television. Randy Marsh, the father of protagonist Stan Marsh, is my favorite cartoon character of all time.
Why It Sould Be Lower: Like a cartoon version of The Sopranos, many of the shows fans are quick to point out that South Park is not as funny as it once was. While this may be true, recent episodes like "Canada On Strike" and "Over Logging" are evidence that the writers are still going strong and have many more good days ahead.
The Verdict: With the possible exception of Chappelle's Show, there is no show in television history that has made me laugh harder than South Park. This show just kills me. And I'm not a big laugher. South Park perfectly toes the line between mainstream appeal and smart, edgy writing and the show is full of classic characters and classic episodes that I can watch over and over again. But, no matter how you look at it, there is just no way you can justify ranking it ahead of....
1. The Simpsons
Created By: Matt Groening
Original Airdate: December 17, 1989 - Present, FOX
It's hard to believe I was 6 years old at the time of this show's series premiere. The recipient of 23 Emmy Awards, a Peabody Award, and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, The Simpsons was named the greatest show of the 20th century by Time Magazine. It would not be an exaggeration to say that The Simpsons has produced more classic characters than any other show in television history, including protagonist Homer Simpson, who may be the most well known American television character of all time.
The influence The Simpsons had on every show on this list is one of the major reasons I felt I had to rank it #1. Family Guy and King of the Hill both center on family life in small town America, while South Park co-creator Trey Parker has praised The Simpsons for its consistent quality, while admitting that he and his staff have frequently come up with what they felt was a great idea, only to be informed that The Simpsons had already done it.
Most people (Myself included) would argue that The Simpsons is simply not as funny as it once was, but after nearly 20 years on the air, what do you expect? None of the shows on this list were ever as good as The Simpsons was when it was at its best in the early to mid 1990s. And none of these shows has the potential to run for as long as The Simpsons already has. With a stunning 420 epsiodes already under its belt, the show doesn't appear to have any end in sight.
Why It Should Be Higher: Well, it can't be any higher than #1 but I will take this opportunity to point out that The Simpsons was instrumental in getting The FOX Network off the ground as well as helping start the trend of cartoon shows airing in primetime, and without it one could argue that some, if not all, of the other shows on this list would not exist.
Why It Should Be Lower: I write this on July 20, 2008, having already said that this show peaked in the early to mid 1990s. That was a long, long time ago. I'm a huge fan of The Simpsons but I have to admit that I've probably missed somewhere around 50 episodes of this show. It's hard to get excited about a show whose prime ended while I was in grade school.
The Verdict: I honestly don't see any way you can do this list without naming The Simpsons as your #1 show. The idea of the irreverent family cartoon comedy show originated here and without it, there probably aren't enough shows to make this list. The Simpsons has to be first.
Well that's it, guys. I can't believe anyone actually made it this far without hearing any of the same jokes I've already done 500 times. I thank you. I'll come back strong in a couple days with all sorts of Jorgen and Jeff material. Maybe I'll even tell the story I touched on the other day: The one about my mother and the bee. It was pretty funny.
I appreciate you all indulging me today by letting me do some actual writing.
My readers appear to agree with me about The Simpsons, having voted it #1. However, there are a few hours left to vote, so if you disagree, be sure to make your voice heard.
Let the debate begin.
Enjoy the game.
But I think it's only fair that you guys indulge me for once. After all, I've written tons of nonsense about Jorgen's infatuation with female handbags, Jeff's case of Jungle Fever, and my poor mother's crazy antics. I'm tired of making fun of my friends and my Mom. Today I'm going to do some actual writing. Will it be funny? No, it won't be. Am I qualified to write about the topic? No, of course not. I'm not qualified to write about anything. But I'm going to do it anyway.
This is your last chance to get out.
Okay, then. Without further ado, here it is:
MY TOP 5 CARTOONS OF ALL-TIME:
5. Beavis and Butthead
Original Airdate: March 8, 1993 to November 28, 1997; MTV
Created By: Mike Judge
I don't put this show on the same pedestal as any of my Big Four, but I wanted to do a Top 5 and I wasn't about to use shows like Futurama, American Dad, or The Critic. Beavis and Butthead was a great show back in its day. I know I was always entertained by it but I'm not sure if that had more to do with it actually being funny or with the fact that at the time it aired I was between 10-14 years old and just excited to be watching MTV while my parents were out of the house.
The show centers around the titular characters, Beavis and Butthead, two usesless students at fictional Highland High. They spend most of their time getting in and out of trouble and watching old music videos, while making sarcastic comments about them. The show served as a springboard to great future success for creator Mike Judge, who went on to write and direct the cult classic Office Space, and create another hit cartoon show, King of the Hill.
Why It Should Be Higher: It shouldn't be. It doesn't deserve to move ahead of any of the shows in my Top 4.
Why It Should Be Lower: I know we all cringed during the interminable music video scenes. Everyone hated those. The show was funny but it wasn't exactly landmark comedy.
The Verdict: I liked Beavis and Butthead but basically I'm just using it to fill out my Top 5. I wouldn't run out and buy the DVDs.
4. Family Guy
Original Airdate: January 31, 1999 - February 14, 2002; FOX
Back on the Air: May 1, 2005 - Present; FOX
Created By: Seth MacFarlane
Okay, now we can get into my Big Four of cartoon comedy starting with Family Guy. This is actually the only show on my list that I watched from the very first episode and was the first TV show I ever purchased on DVD. It was inexcusably cancelled in 2002, so FOX could make room for garbage like the Seth Green vehicle, Greg The Bunny (This was hilariously referenced during the opening credits of their first new episode back on the air) but came back in 2005 and appears to once again be going strong.
Family Guy has been frequently criticized for using cutaway jokes, which critics say do nothing to advance the story. I am not bothered by this because as far as I'm concerned, funny is funny, and Family Guy can be a very funny show. However, when they miss on these cutaway jokes, it creates an awkward moment of silence for the viewer. Family Guy has also been criticized for being in many ways, a bastardized version of another FOX comedy staple, The Simpsons. The premise of a fat, dumb, oafish man and his disfunctional family has already been done. Apparently it can be funny more than once, but it's been done. This has been referenced many times by The Simpsons themselves, particularly in one episode where an army of Homer Simpson clones includes one that looks exactly like Family Guy protagonist Peter Griffin.
Why It Should Be Higher: It may pack more laugh-out-loud moments per episode than any show on this list, which is really saying something. If you've read my blog, you know that I am not above dumbing my material down to appeal to my readers, and the Family Guy staff has clearly gone that route, except to a much, much, much wider audience. Nothing wrong with that.
Why It Should Be Lower: I can't possibly put it any lower than 4th but if I did I would argue that it deserves to be down there because of the way it is viewed by other comedy shows and comedy writers. South Park had an infamous episode called "Cartoon Wars," in which they slammed Family Guy for its cutaway jokes and borrowing ideas from other shows. According to South Park co-creator Trey Parker, his writing staff received a thank you call from writers at The Simpsons the day after this episode aired. The King of the Hill writing staff sent them flowers.
The Verdict: Nobody would argue with the statement that Family Guy is a very funny show, but if your peers unanimously don't respect your work, there must be something to it, which is why I will put it 4th on my list. For now.
3. King of the Hill
Created By: Mike Judge and Greg Daniels
Original Airdate: January 12, 1997 - Present; FOX
I would argue that of all the cartoon shows ever made, King of the Hill is easily the most intelligently written. Co-creators Mike Judge (Beavis and Butthead, Office Space) and Greg Daniels (The Office) have clearly proven themselves to be among the most talented comedy minds in the industry and it shows in this Emmy Award winning hit.
King of the Hill has nowhere near the following of the other 3 shows in my Big Four. In fact, it doesn't even air in a primetime slot. New episodes are usually shown at 7 or 7:30 on Sunday nights. In spite of that, King of the Hill has managed to stay on the air for 13 seasons and win multiple Emmy awards for its outstanding writing. The show centers on family man Hank Hill, who lives on the same street as his high school buddies in fictional Arlen, Texas. Hank is emotionally distant from everyone, including his wife, Peggy, and young son, Bobby. He is as old school as they come and frequently storylines center on Hank's inability to adapt to the modern world.
Why It Should Be Higher: The writing. During its run on FOX, King of the Hill's writing has been challenged only by South Park in terms of cartoon comedy.
Why It Should Be Lower: This show generally doesn't have as many laugh-out-loud moments as Family Guy or even Beavis and Butthead. While it is hailed by critics, it never gets the same kind of praise from the demographic that these cartoons are aimed at: Young people.
The Verdict: King of the Hill is a great show that would have a much larger following if more people would give it a chance. However, after 13 years on the air, I am afraid that everyone who is going to come on board, is already on. The rest of you will just have to miss out on this comedy classic.
2. South Park
Created By: Trey Parker and Matt Stone
Original Airdate: August 13, 1997 - Present; Comedy Central
I seriously considered ranking this show #1. South Park is the only current television show I look forward to seeing new episodes of. The show is set in the fictional town of South Park, Colorado, and follows the lives of four 4th grade boys. The audience sees the town and the world at large, from the perspective of these nine-year-old boys, who at times appear to be the only ones in South Park with any sense.
Easily the most controversial of any of the shows on my list, South Park has hilariously spoofed such celebrities as Mel Gibson, George W. Bush and John Kerry, Paris Hilton, Subway's Jared, Michael Jackson, and self-proclaimed psychic John Edward, in a classic episode titled, "The Biggest Douche In the Universe."
I am all for pushing the envelope, but there are times when South Park has gone too far in my opinion. Examples of this include the episode when the statue of the Virgin Mary is bleeding from its anus causing a stir in the town over a perceived "Miracle," or the episode in which character Mr. Garrison turns himself into Mrs. Garrison, with what doctors describe as a "Vaginoplasty." There have also been multiple episodes which I just didn't find funny at all and left me wondering whether I didn't understand it or if the writers were just so high at the time they weren't making any sense. (Both distinct possibilities.)
Why It Should Be Higher: South Park came on the air in 1997 and during that time it has been, in my opinion, the funniest show on television. Randy Marsh, the father of protagonist Stan Marsh, is my favorite cartoon character of all time.
Why It Sould Be Lower: Like a cartoon version of The Sopranos, many of the shows fans are quick to point out that South Park is not as funny as it once was. While this may be true, recent episodes like "Canada On Strike" and "Over Logging" are evidence that the writers are still going strong and have many more good days ahead.
The Verdict: With the possible exception of Chappelle's Show, there is no show in television history that has made me laugh harder than South Park. This show just kills me. And I'm not a big laugher. South Park perfectly toes the line between mainstream appeal and smart, edgy writing and the show is full of classic characters and classic episodes that I can watch over and over again. But, no matter how you look at it, there is just no way you can justify ranking it ahead of....
1. The Simpsons
Created By: Matt Groening
Original Airdate: December 17, 1989 - Present, FOX
It's hard to believe I was 6 years old at the time of this show's series premiere. The recipient of 23 Emmy Awards, a Peabody Award, and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, The Simpsons was named the greatest show of the 20th century by Time Magazine. It would not be an exaggeration to say that The Simpsons has produced more classic characters than any other show in television history, including protagonist Homer Simpson, who may be the most well known American television character of all time.
The influence The Simpsons had on every show on this list is one of the major reasons I felt I had to rank it #1. Family Guy and King of the Hill both center on family life in small town America, while South Park co-creator Trey Parker has praised The Simpsons for its consistent quality, while admitting that he and his staff have frequently come up with what they felt was a great idea, only to be informed that The Simpsons had already done it.
Most people (Myself included) would argue that The Simpsons is simply not as funny as it once was, but after nearly 20 years on the air, what do you expect? None of the shows on this list were ever as good as The Simpsons was when it was at its best in the early to mid 1990s. And none of these shows has the potential to run for as long as The Simpsons already has. With a stunning 420 epsiodes already under its belt, the show doesn't appear to have any end in sight.
Why It Should Be Higher: Well, it can't be any higher than #1 but I will take this opportunity to point out that The Simpsons was instrumental in getting The FOX Network off the ground as well as helping start the trend of cartoon shows airing in primetime, and without it one could argue that some, if not all, of the other shows on this list would not exist.
Why It Should Be Lower: I write this on July 20, 2008, having already said that this show peaked in the early to mid 1990s. That was a long, long time ago. I'm a huge fan of The Simpsons but I have to admit that I've probably missed somewhere around 50 episodes of this show. It's hard to get excited about a show whose prime ended while I was in grade school.
The Verdict: I honestly don't see any way you can do this list without naming The Simpsons as your #1 show. The idea of the irreverent family cartoon comedy show originated here and without it, there probably aren't enough shows to make this list. The Simpsons has to be first.
Well that's it, guys. I can't believe anyone actually made it this far without hearing any of the same jokes I've already done 500 times. I thank you. I'll come back strong in a couple days with all sorts of Jorgen and Jeff material. Maybe I'll even tell the story I touched on the other day: The one about my mother and the bee. It was pretty funny.
I appreciate you all indulging me today by letting me do some actual writing.
My readers appear to agree with me about The Simpsons, having voted it #1. However, there are a few hours left to vote, so if you disagree, be sure to make your voice heard.
Let the debate begin.
Enjoy the game.
Friday, July 18, 2008
I know I said I was going to
.... give a review of The Dark Knight in today's blog but I have decided that it isn't a good idea. I don't want to give anything away and besides, I'm not a good enough writer to do this film justice. The Dark Knight has received almost unanimously great reviews and believe me - It deserves all that and more. I know from experience, dude. Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhardt, and Morgan Freeman are all great but Heath Ledger really does steal the show as The Joker. His is a demented performance that leaves you wishing he was still around to make the next Batman movie, which is inevitable.
I really can't imagine anyone not loving this movie, unless they are those annoying people who pretend like they think that something everyone else loves is lame in an effort to draw attention to themselves. Either that or they are just stupid. As we were leaving a very crowded theater last night (This morning really), I overheard two young girls discussing the movie. The first girl said that she didn't like it because it was so long. The second girl then replied, "Yeah, I didn't really get it." This is a comic book movie. There's not much open to interpretation here, guys. It's a great movie with a great script, great special effects, and great acting. What's to get? That conversation really solidified what I already believed: This will go down as the best movie of 2008. Just go see it is really all I can say. And if nobody you know wants to go see it with you, give me a call, because I'll definitely go again.
Okay, enough about The Dark Knight. There's a few more things I want to touch on in today's blog:
* I really enjoyed Chris Bennett's first entry yesterday. It was obvious that he took his time with it. Multiple laugh out loud moments in there. And I have to ask: What exactly does Jorgen have against the color purple? If you're getting worked up about a color, you seriously need help. I'm going to try to slip the card of a good psychiatrist into the man purse.
* Here's my breakdown of Wednesday night's Poker Invitational, in order of how they finished. Keep in mind that I had more than a few adult beverages so it may not be entirely accurate. And keep in mind these are just my personal opinions, so nobody get your panties in a bunch:
1. Jorgen Johnson. This kid does a lot of talking about how great he is. (Not at poker, I just mean in general) and up until now I had never once seen him do anything to back it up. But on Wednesday night, he finally came through and went home as the champion, as a 6-1 shot no less. On the final hand, a generous river card knocked off the runner up Hoffman, and sent our man Yorgs home as the new defending champion. Congrats.
2. Scott Hoffman. Scott's performance on Wednesday night did nothing to change my opinion that he is the best poker player out of this group. He finished a very respectable 2nd and probably wins the event if not for the aforementioned river card. Finishing 2nd would have been a good performance under any circumstances but I feel it is even more impressive considering he was clearly hungover. I wasn't thrilled about that, by the way. I really don't like Hungover Hoffman. I like the regular Hoff. Love the Drunk Hoff. But Hungover Hoffman.... I mean I've never heard so much whining. Just constantly bickering, constantly making snide, judgmental remarks no one wants to hear, constantly making little faces. It's like having George Costanza's mother over. Next time we do one of these games, I'm going to make sure the Hoff stays in the previous night.
3. Austin Bhushan. If Austin had won, he should have given half his winnings to A. Ross for dealing him those hands. I think I saw him throw away pocket Kings because he was hoping for more Aces. He also caused a lot of controversy before the game started with his last minute invitations to players, including one guy that wasn't getting anywhere near my home. Bennett and I had to redo the odds for this event 4 times due to people coming into the game or dropping out. Chris looked like he was on the verge of passing out by the end of it. And I think that giant bug attacking us on my balcony was the last straw for him. This was a long process made even more painful by Jorgen sitting on my couch, watching my TV, and complaining about how long we were taking. For the record: Jorgen's total bet tally came to a whopping 0. So to recap, he was bitching about the lines not being ready while he sat under someone else's roof in comfort and when it came time to actually make a bet, he did nothing. Someone get that kid a Hilton Player's Card. I think he's ready.
4. Chris Graham. Very solid effort by Graham. The book especially appreciated him hanging in there to beat Mike Miller. We had two limit bets on Miller in that matchup. It didn't seem like Chris was getting very good cards but whenever he did, he made his move, and he took down some decent pots.
5. Mike Miller. I had originally drawn up the following prop for Mikey Millz: Over/Under 8.5 Hands Seen, due to Mike's somewhat aggressive history in these games. My number was a joke but I did want to use that prop. However, Bennett nipped that idea in the bud in a hurry and he was right. Miller was focused and nearly knocked off Austin early in the game. And he did all this was his pitbull puppy in his lap.
6. James Myers. A late edition to the game, it did not appear as though James had much to work with in terms of cards. (Of course with Austin at the table, there wasn't much to go around for the other players.) Hopefully, James got a little experience playing with these kids and will be able to come back strong in future events.
7. Andrew Ross. Andy was nice enough to deal the whole game and ironically it was the cards he dealt to himself that appeared to be his downfall, as he couldn't get much going all night. Perhaps he should have borrowed a page from the professional players' book and started berating himself. The ironing is delicious.
Overall, it was a pretty good game. We had a World Series of Poker dealer in Ross, Franco Cortes came over and wrote the bet tickets, and a certain College Hockey Sharp helped touch up a lines sheet that needed to be handled with gloves when he was done with it. The book was not thrilled to see the two biggest whiners of the evening, Johnson and Hoffman, finish 1-2 but I gotta hand it to them: They played well and I enjoyed having them there, even if it was like having The Golden Girls over. Next time we do one of these games I'm going to set an Over/Under on how many times Hoffman has to use the jon.
* The other night, my brother called me to brag about how he had bought the newest NCAA Football video game at exactly 12:01 and to inform me that he may have been the first member of the general public to own the game. (I'm not so sure that is something to brag about but whatever.) Anyways, my sister wandered into the basement and when she realized my brother was talking to me, she grabbed the phone and breathlessly told me a story about my parents that we all found very funny and very typical.
So, my parents replaced the desktop computer we had in our study with a new laptop. (Check a few blogs back for the story of that ordeal.) The only problem so far is that neither of them has ever used a laptop and apparently they have been completely overwhelmed by it. The other day, my sister was sitting in her bedroom and all of a sudden the house was pierced by my mother's screeching voice: "Peter! Peter! Peter!" My brother was not home but instead of just checking the basement to see if he was down there, my Mom kept yelling his name over and over again until the sound of it became so annoying, my sister had to go downstairs to see what all the commotion was about.
My sister walks into the study room and sees my Mom sitting at the computer, with her face buried in her hands. My Dad is pacing the room like a guy waiting to hear the status of a loved one from a doctor. Neither of my parents budge when my sister walks in but both of my dogs look up at her with terrified, confused stares on their little faces. Since no one is saying anything, my sister finally speaks up:
Sister: What's going on? What's wrong?
Mom: Your brother must have been the last one on the computer and he closed it! I can't figure out how to get it open again. I just, I just don't know what to do.
My sister walks over to the laptop and easily opens it up.
Dad (Shocked): How'd you do that? Show me and your mother.
My sister closes it and opens it again.
Mom (Still not satisfied): I just don't understand why he closed it.
My Mom may have slightly overreacted to the situation but it was resolved. Besides, this isn't exactly the first time she has overreacted like that. Perhaps one day I will tell the story of her and the bee that got a little too close for comfort. I actually witnessed that one in person.
I don't know why you need my picks when the Hoff is around but I'll do my best:
Cardinals
Brewers
Red Sox
Trivia Question For Friday - When was the last time Greg Norman won a Major Golf Championship?
** Tuesday's Answer - CB4 was comprised of Albert Brown aka MC Gusto, Euripides Smalls aka Dead Mike, and Otis aka Stab Master Arson. What a great movie.
Thanks for reading today. I know it's not as funny without any Jeff talk but he's in Siberia. What's a blogger to do?
Enjoy The Dark Knight.
I really can't imagine anyone not loving this movie, unless they are those annoying people who pretend like they think that something everyone else loves is lame in an effort to draw attention to themselves. Either that or they are just stupid. As we were leaving a very crowded theater last night (This morning really), I overheard two young girls discussing the movie. The first girl said that she didn't like it because it was so long. The second girl then replied, "Yeah, I didn't really get it." This is a comic book movie. There's not much open to interpretation here, guys. It's a great movie with a great script, great special effects, and great acting. What's to get? That conversation really solidified what I already believed: This will go down as the best movie of 2008. Just go see it is really all I can say. And if nobody you know wants to go see it with you, give me a call, because I'll definitely go again.
Okay, enough about The Dark Knight. There's a few more things I want to touch on in today's blog:
* I really enjoyed Chris Bennett's first entry yesterday. It was obvious that he took his time with it. Multiple laugh out loud moments in there. And I have to ask: What exactly does Jorgen have against the color purple? If you're getting worked up about a color, you seriously need help. I'm going to try to slip the card of a good psychiatrist into the man purse.
* Here's my breakdown of Wednesday night's Poker Invitational, in order of how they finished. Keep in mind that I had more than a few adult beverages so it may not be entirely accurate. And keep in mind these are just my personal opinions, so nobody get your panties in a bunch:
1. Jorgen Johnson. This kid does a lot of talking about how great he is. (Not at poker, I just mean in general) and up until now I had never once seen him do anything to back it up. But on Wednesday night, he finally came through and went home as the champion, as a 6-1 shot no less. On the final hand, a generous river card knocked off the runner up Hoffman, and sent our man Yorgs home as the new defending champion. Congrats.
2. Scott Hoffman. Scott's performance on Wednesday night did nothing to change my opinion that he is the best poker player out of this group. He finished a very respectable 2nd and probably wins the event if not for the aforementioned river card. Finishing 2nd would have been a good performance under any circumstances but I feel it is even more impressive considering he was clearly hungover. I wasn't thrilled about that, by the way. I really don't like Hungover Hoffman. I like the regular Hoff. Love the Drunk Hoff. But Hungover Hoffman.... I mean I've never heard so much whining. Just constantly bickering, constantly making snide, judgmental remarks no one wants to hear, constantly making little faces. It's like having George Costanza's mother over. Next time we do one of these games, I'm going to make sure the Hoff stays in the previous night.
3. Austin Bhushan. If Austin had won, he should have given half his winnings to A. Ross for dealing him those hands. I think I saw him throw away pocket Kings because he was hoping for more Aces. He also caused a lot of controversy before the game started with his last minute invitations to players, including one guy that wasn't getting anywhere near my home. Bennett and I had to redo the odds for this event 4 times due to people coming into the game or dropping out. Chris looked like he was on the verge of passing out by the end of it. And I think that giant bug attacking us on my balcony was the last straw for him. This was a long process made even more painful by Jorgen sitting on my couch, watching my TV, and complaining about how long we were taking. For the record: Jorgen's total bet tally came to a whopping 0. So to recap, he was bitching about the lines not being ready while he sat under someone else's roof in comfort and when it came time to actually make a bet, he did nothing. Someone get that kid a Hilton Player's Card. I think he's ready.
4. Chris Graham. Very solid effort by Graham. The book especially appreciated him hanging in there to beat Mike Miller. We had two limit bets on Miller in that matchup. It didn't seem like Chris was getting very good cards but whenever he did, he made his move, and he took down some decent pots.
5. Mike Miller. I had originally drawn up the following prop for Mikey Millz: Over/Under 8.5 Hands Seen, due to Mike's somewhat aggressive history in these games. My number was a joke but I did want to use that prop. However, Bennett nipped that idea in the bud in a hurry and he was right. Miller was focused and nearly knocked off Austin early in the game. And he did all this was his pitbull puppy in his lap.
6. James Myers. A late edition to the game, it did not appear as though James had much to work with in terms of cards. (Of course with Austin at the table, there wasn't much to go around for the other players.) Hopefully, James got a little experience playing with these kids and will be able to come back strong in future events.
7. Andrew Ross. Andy was nice enough to deal the whole game and ironically it was the cards he dealt to himself that appeared to be his downfall, as he couldn't get much going all night. Perhaps he should have borrowed a page from the professional players' book and started berating himself. The ironing is delicious.
Overall, it was a pretty good game. We had a World Series of Poker dealer in Ross, Franco Cortes came over and wrote the bet tickets, and a certain College Hockey Sharp helped touch up a lines sheet that needed to be handled with gloves when he was done with it. The book was not thrilled to see the two biggest whiners of the evening, Johnson and Hoffman, finish 1-2 but I gotta hand it to them: They played well and I enjoyed having them there, even if it was like having The Golden Girls over. Next time we do one of these games I'm going to set an Over/Under on how many times Hoffman has to use the jon.
* The other night, my brother called me to brag about how he had bought the newest NCAA Football video game at exactly 12:01 and to inform me that he may have been the first member of the general public to own the game. (I'm not so sure that is something to brag about but whatever.) Anyways, my sister wandered into the basement and when she realized my brother was talking to me, she grabbed the phone and breathlessly told me a story about my parents that we all found very funny and very typical.
So, my parents replaced the desktop computer we had in our study with a new laptop. (Check a few blogs back for the story of that ordeal.) The only problem so far is that neither of them has ever used a laptop and apparently they have been completely overwhelmed by it. The other day, my sister was sitting in her bedroom and all of a sudden the house was pierced by my mother's screeching voice: "Peter! Peter! Peter!" My brother was not home but instead of just checking the basement to see if he was down there, my Mom kept yelling his name over and over again until the sound of it became so annoying, my sister had to go downstairs to see what all the commotion was about.
My sister walks into the study room and sees my Mom sitting at the computer, with her face buried in her hands. My Dad is pacing the room like a guy waiting to hear the status of a loved one from a doctor. Neither of my parents budge when my sister walks in but both of my dogs look up at her with terrified, confused stares on their little faces. Since no one is saying anything, my sister finally speaks up:
Sister: What's going on? What's wrong?
Mom: Your brother must have been the last one on the computer and he closed it! I can't figure out how to get it open again. I just, I just don't know what to do.
My sister walks over to the laptop and easily opens it up.
Dad (Shocked): How'd you do that? Show me and your mother.
My sister closes it and opens it again.
Mom (Still not satisfied): I just don't understand why he closed it.
My Mom may have slightly overreacted to the situation but it was resolved. Besides, this isn't exactly the first time she has overreacted like that. Perhaps one day I will tell the story of her and the bee that got a little too close for comfort. I actually witnessed that one in person.
I don't know why you need my picks when the Hoff is around but I'll do my best:
Cardinals
Brewers
Red Sox
Trivia Question For Friday - When was the last time Greg Norman won a Major Golf Championship?
** Tuesday's Answer - CB4 was comprised of Albert Brown aka MC Gusto, Euripides Smalls aka Dead Mike, and Otis aka Stab Master Arson. What a great movie.
Thanks for reading today. I know it's not as funny without any Jeff talk but he's in Siberia. What's a blogger to do?
Enjoy The Dark Knight.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The blogging community would like to
.... welcome its newest member - Chris Bennett. I am not doing a real blog today. I'm only here to help get the word out about Bennett's site. If his writing is anything like his linemaking (Ignore those college football totals, everyone gets a mulligan) this blog will surely be a huge hit.
Welcome aboard, Chris.
Blogger's Note: I will be back with a big entry on Friday. I have some notes about Wednesday's night's Poker Invitational, a couple funny stories about my parents, and I will be giving a review of the summer's biggest movie - The Dark Knight.
But that's all tomorrow.
This is Chris Bennett's day.
Enjoy the blog.
Welcome aboard, Chris.
Blogger's Note: I will be back with a big entry on Friday. I have some notes about Wednesday's night's Poker Invitational, a couple funny stories about my parents, and I will be giving a review of the summer's biggest movie - The Dark Knight.
But that's all tomorrow.
This is Chris Bennett's day.
Enjoy the blog.
Monday, July 14, 2008
I dont know how they do things in Iowa
.... but in Virginia, when your boss asks you to do something - You do it. That's just how we roll in the South and I like to think I have taken that work ethic with me to Nevada. Sure, when the bosses ask me to do something I don't want to do, I childishly mumble something under my breath to voice my displeasure but I still get it done.
On Monday, Ed showed me this link - Lucky's Sports Books and directed my attention to the part where they claim to have established the biggest and most innovative wagering menu in Nevada. My assignment was to contact them with my suggestions on how they could improve their Race and Sports Book. (Maybe if enough people send in good ideas they could one day compete with the best of the best - Stations Casinos.) After I finished all my regular work, I drafted an e-mail, with an assist from Mike O., and sent it to Ed. His response?
"you should write books because I would read them. Too funny"
I took that to mean it was good and, after a few touch-ups, I sent it to the boys at Lucky's. Here's a copy of my actual submission:
Sirs,
My name is Murray Murray and I have lived and gambled in Las Vegas for nearly a quarter century.
I am normally hesitant to change my routine, but your claim to have the biggest and most innovative sports betting menu in the city has really grabbed my attention.
I have a somewhat unusual gambling appetite and would like to see any/all of the following:
Side and Total Wagering on every NCAA Football game, 1st half, and 2nd half (Even added games)
Side and Total Wagering on every NCAA Basketball game, 1st half and 2nd half (Even added games)
WNBA 1st and 2nd halves
Canadian Football 1st and 2nd halves
Arena Football 1st and 2nd halves
MLS
Mexican Soccer
English Soccer
Italian Soccer
Spanish Soccer
Superliga Soccer
International Friendly Soccer
2010 World Cup Futures
Nationwide Racing with Matchups
Truck Racing with Matchups
IRL Racing with Matchups
F1 Racing with Matchups
UFC and Mixed Martial Arts
Weekly NBA props
Weekly golf matchups for every tournament
Odds on Golfers To Win a Major
Odds to win the Golf Season Points Championship (FedEx Cup)
Tennis Channel Open wagering
Regular season College Hockey games
Regular Season College Baseball games
Women's College Softball
NHL, NBA, and MLB series price parlays
NHL Regular Season Over/Under Point Totals
NBA Playoff Props
NHL Playoff Props
And such specialty events as:
Rowing - Oxford/Cambridge Boat Race
ICC Cricket World Cup
AHL and ECHL Minor League Hockey
Aussie Rules Football
Australian Rugby League and Tri-Nations Rugby
College Lacrosse
Oh, and I should mention that it's hard for me to access the internet, so if you could make results sheets for every event, that would be just great.
By the way - How much dog racing do you guys handle? I love to play tracks like Palm Beach, Mardi Gras, Flagler, and Derby Lane.
And do you guys offer House Q's on Horse Racing? I love betting those at such major tracks as Belmont, Churchill, Calder, Arlington, Louisiana Downs, etc...
I normally do all of this at the Las Vegas Hilton but the Plaza is closer to my house, so if you guys can offer me the same kind of innovative betting menu they already do, I'd gladly become your newest customer.
Please advise.
Good luck and good gambling,
Murray Murray
The only problem I see with the e-mail is that I'm sure I left out a bunch of other things that the Hilton, and only the Hilton, accepts wagering on. The Plaza has a long, long way to go if they want to catch up. My advice to them: Hire the guy who made the Venetian's College Football Win Totals. Then hire the guy who moves the lines off limit bets. You'll be the top book in town in no time. I mean - Who wouldn't go there to bet?
Alright, let's move on. I'm sure I can force out a few of those mocking thought deals you guys like so much. Gotta do something to pass the time until the debut of Bennett's blog:
* It was really nice to see Gary stop by the book on Monday. I had not seen him in almost 5 months. And I hadn't seen him without a look on his face that screamed "I am going to kill the next customer who crosses me" in 10 months. Gary and I always had a good working relationship for one simple reason: We both despised the kids. The only difference was that he was allowed to yell at them in person and I had to wait until I got home to scream into my pillow. Seriously, the Superbook misses the guy but he's clearly much happier now than he was 5 months ago.
* When I asked Gary if he was going to renew his Fantasy Football partnership with one Austin Bhushan, he informed me that he would not be participating in the league this year and had been meaning to ask me if I wanted to take his spot. Initially, I was thrilled: A chance to compete with the likes of Jay and Ed in fantasy football could be great. (I especially look forward to snickering when Ed drafts Kevin Curtis in the 3rd round.) However, the realization that I will be partnered with Austin is slowly setting it. This is like finding out you are going to be an NFL Head Coach but your quarterback is Rex Grossman: No matter how good of a job you do, the team will have a lot to overcome.
* Watching the Home Run Derby on Monday night, I couldn't help but wonder how good Josh Hamilton could have been over the last 5 years if not for his numerous off field issues. Do you realize he's still only 27 years old? We could be looking at another 10 years of this guy, assuming he doesn't get the itch. I also couldn't help but wonder how TGCU was even invited to the event to begin with. This wasn't a competition to see who can hustle down the line the fastest. It was a Home Run Derby. I want it on the record that the acronym TGCU can be used to mean both "The Great Chase Utley" or "That Garbage Chase Utley," based on what kind of week he's having. (Or in Ed's world - Based on what kind of at-bat he's having.)
* The blog would like to thank Lance Berkman for batting left-handed in the Derby last night after saying he was going to bat right-handed. Add him to the laundry list of professional athletes I hate either for being a Cowboy or for costing me money. Welcome aboard.... Lance.
* Kudos to CC for pointing out this ridiculous fact to me last night: Greta Van Susteren's show On The Record has gone from having Jeff Sherman on as a guest just a few years ago to having Brett Favre on as a guest on Monday. Talk about a quantum leap. I wonder who drew bigger ratings?
Okay, I'm going to write a message to Jeff and Jeff alone now. You guys please just skim down to the next blurgb. I'll have something about Jorgen and a purse. I promise. Just skip ahead.
Okay, I said skip ahead.
Seriously, this is for Jeff's eyes only.
Jorgen.... Purse.... It's all just a few lines away....
I hate you guys.
(Dude, I'm sorry about that ratings crack. I just got a little mad today when you were mocking me and saying you hadn't read the blog in "Like a week" because you were "Too busy." Obviously, we both know that you were lying and that you read the blog every day but it still bothered me. You're a blog fan. You love the blog. Hell, you're Mr. Blog. I just don't understand why you can't admit it, bro. It's just.... It's just sad. Anyways, I hope we can put all that ugliness behind us and be buddies again when/if you make it back from Siberia. And please don't send that Serena look-alike out to get me. Seriously. Thank you.)
* Okay, I'll force out some Yorgen talk. I hear he got to make his first line on Sunday. That's pretty strong. It was halftime of a WNBA game and nobody even noticed (You know - because the WNBA is such a complete joke of a league) until one of the kids came up looking for a line. When the Swedish Super Sharp came into the back room demanding a number be put up, he was told to do it himself. And he did. Nice job, pal. They don't call him Kid Dynamite for nothing. Oh, and by the way, what Jorgen is carrying is not a purse. It's called a satchel. A satchel.
* It will be put up or shut up time on Wednesday night, as this blogger will be hosting a Poker Invitational. (I use the word Invitational loosely. All you really need to do to get through that door is bring a few beers with you. Or Amanda.) Typical format: Everyone buys in, I make the same joke I always make about taking a house cut even when everyone knows I am just kidding, Austin flies off the handle and threatens not to play, I tell him to relax and the cards start flying. Pretty standard stuff, really. I'll also be making a To Win Pool and head-to-head matchups which will be bettable. (Well bettable for everyone but Metcalf. I have this vision of Matt betting the limit on the same matchup 5 times in a row while I'm in the jon or something and then coming back to my house in a different outfit and trying to do it again. This isn't the Venetian, bro. I don't mess around. I'll get a few beers into Mikey Millz and send him after you.)
Sure, I'll give you a pick. I like the American League to win the All-Star game. Because the National League sucks.
Trivia Question For Tuesday - In 1993, Chris Rock starred in the movie CB4, a parody of gangster rap music. (The movie also featured Eddie Murphy's brother Charlie, a decade before he came into our homes on the landmark Chappelle's Show.) I want to see who can name all 3 members of the rap group CB4, which, as we all know, stood for Cell Block 4.
** Sunday's Answer - Serena Williams won the 1999 U.S. Open before older sister Venus won a major. Congrats to Franco Cortes for correctly answering that one. He is my go to guy for tennis information.
Voting on the All-Star poll is supposed to close around the first pitch (Assuming I did that right which is highly unlikely.) Looks like a two horse race between the members of the Fightins'. Take a wild guess who I voted for.
Don't forget poker, don't forget to say bye to Jeff (Forever?), and don't forget to....
Enjoy the game.
On Monday, Ed showed me this link - Lucky's Sports Books and directed my attention to the part where they claim to have established the biggest and most innovative wagering menu in Nevada. My assignment was to contact them with my suggestions on how they could improve their Race and Sports Book. (Maybe if enough people send in good ideas they could one day compete with the best of the best - Stations Casinos.) After I finished all my regular work, I drafted an e-mail, with an assist from Mike O., and sent it to Ed. His response?
"you should write books because I would read them. Too funny"
I took that to mean it was good and, after a few touch-ups, I sent it to the boys at Lucky's. Here's a copy of my actual submission:
Sirs,
My name is Murray Murray and I have lived and gambled in Las Vegas for nearly a quarter century.
I am normally hesitant to change my routine, but your claim to have the biggest and most innovative sports betting menu in the city has really grabbed my attention.
I have a somewhat unusual gambling appetite and would like to see any/all of the following:
Side and Total Wagering on every NCAA Football game, 1st half, and 2nd half (Even added games)
Side and Total Wagering on every NCAA Basketball game, 1st half and 2nd half (Even added games)
WNBA 1st and 2nd halves
Canadian Football 1st and 2nd halves
Arena Football 1st and 2nd halves
MLS
Mexican Soccer
English Soccer
Italian Soccer
Spanish Soccer
Superliga Soccer
International Friendly Soccer
2010 World Cup Futures
Nationwide Racing with Matchups
Truck Racing with Matchups
IRL Racing with Matchups
F1 Racing with Matchups
UFC and Mixed Martial Arts
Weekly NBA props
Weekly golf matchups for every tournament
Odds on Golfers To Win a Major
Odds to win the Golf Season Points Championship (FedEx Cup)
Tennis Channel Open wagering
Regular season College Hockey games
Regular Season College Baseball games
Women's College Softball
NHL, NBA, and MLB series price parlays
NHL Regular Season Over/Under Point Totals
NBA Playoff Props
NHL Playoff Props
And such specialty events as:
Rowing - Oxford/Cambridge Boat Race
ICC Cricket World Cup
AHL and ECHL Minor League Hockey
Aussie Rules Football
Australian Rugby League and Tri-Nations Rugby
College Lacrosse
Oh, and I should mention that it's hard for me to access the internet, so if you could make results sheets for every event, that would be just great.
By the way - How much dog racing do you guys handle? I love to play tracks like Palm Beach, Mardi Gras, Flagler, and Derby Lane.
And do you guys offer House Q's on Horse Racing? I love betting those at such major tracks as Belmont, Churchill, Calder, Arlington, Louisiana Downs, etc...
I normally do all of this at the Las Vegas Hilton but the Plaza is closer to my house, so if you guys can offer me the same kind of innovative betting menu they already do, I'd gladly become your newest customer.
Please advise.
Good luck and good gambling,
Murray Murray
The only problem I see with the e-mail is that I'm sure I left out a bunch of other things that the Hilton, and only the Hilton, accepts wagering on. The Plaza has a long, long way to go if they want to catch up. My advice to them: Hire the guy who made the Venetian's College Football Win Totals. Then hire the guy who moves the lines off limit bets. You'll be the top book in town in no time. I mean - Who wouldn't go there to bet?
Alright, let's move on. I'm sure I can force out a few of those mocking thought deals you guys like so much. Gotta do something to pass the time until the debut of Bennett's blog:
* It was really nice to see Gary stop by the book on Monday. I had not seen him in almost 5 months. And I hadn't seen him without a look on his face that screamed "I am going to kill the next customer who crosses me" in 10 months. Gary and I always had a good working relationship for one simple reason: We both despised the kids. The only difference was that he was allowed to yell at them in person and I had to wait until I got home to scream into my pillow. Seriously, the Superbook misses the guy but he's clearly much happier now than he was 5 months ago.
* When I asked Gary if he was going to renew his Fantasy Football partnership with one Austin Bhushan, he informed me that he would not be participating in the league this year and had been meaning to ask me if I wanted to take his spot. Initially, I was thrilled: A chance to compete with the likes of Jay and Ed in fantasy football could be great. (I especially look forward to snickering when Ed drafts Kevin Curtis in the 3rd round.) However, the realization that I will be partnered with Austin is slowly setting it. This is like finding out you are going to be an NFL Head Coach but your quarterback is Rex Grossman: No matter how good of a job you do, the team will have a lot to overcome.
* Watching the Home Run Derby on Monday night, I couldn't help but wonder how good Josh Hamilton could have been over the last 5 years if not for his numerous off field issues. Do you realize he's still only 27 years old? We could be looking at another 10 years of this guy, assuming he doesn't get the itch. I also couldn't help but wonder how TGCU was even invited to the event to begin with. This wasn't a competition to see who can hustle down the line the fastest. It was a Home Run Derby. I want it on the record that the acronym TGCU can be used to mean both "The Great Chase Utley" or "That Garbage Chase Utley," based on what kind of week he's having. (Or in Ed's world - Based on what kind of at-bat he's having.)
* The blog would like to thank Lance Berkman for batting left-handed in the Derby last night after saying he was going to bat right-handed. Add him to the laundry list of professional athletes I hate either for being a Cowboy or for costing me money. Welcome aboard.... Lance.
* Kudos to CC for pointing out this ridiculous fact to me last night: Greta Van Susteren's show On The Record has gone from having Jeff Sherman on as a guest just a few years ago to having Brett Favre on as a guest on Monday. Talk about a quantum leap. I wonder who drew bigger ratings?
Okay, I'm going to write a message to Jeff and Jeff alone now. You guys please just skim down to the next blurgb. I'll have something about Jorgen and a purse. I promise. Just skip ahead.
Okay, I said skip ahead.
Seriously, this is for Jeff's eyes only.
Jorgen.... Purse.... It's all just a few lines away....
I hate you guys.
(Dude, I'm sorry about that ratings crack. I just got a little mad today when you were mocking me and saying you hadn't read the blog in "Like a week" because you were "Too busy." Obviously, we both know that you were lying and that you read the blog every day but it still bothered me. You're a blog fan. You love the blog. Hell, you're Mr. Blog. I just don't understand why you can't admit it, bro. It's just.... It's just sad. Anyways, I hope we can put all that ugliness behind us and be buddies again when/if you make it back from Siberia. And please don't send that Serena look-alike out to get me. Seriously. Thank you.)
* Okay, I'll force out some Yorgen talk. I hear he got to make his first line on Sunday. That's pretty strong. It was halftime of a WNBA game and nobody even noticed (You know - because the WNBA is such a complete joke of a league) until one of the kids came up looking for a line. When the Swedish Super Sharp came into the back room demanding a number be put up, he was told to do it himself. And he did. Nice job, pal. They don't call him Kid Dynamite for nothing. Oh, and by the way, what Jorgen is carrying is not a purse. It's called a satchel. A satchel.
* It will be put up or shut up time on Wednesday night, as this blogger will be hosting a Poker Invitational. (I use the word Invitational loosely. All you really need to do to get through that door is bring a few beers with you. Or Amanda.) Typical format: Everyone buys in, I make the same joke I always make about taking a house cut even when everyone knows I am just kidding, Austin flies off the handle and threatens not to play, I tell him to relax and the cards start flying. Pretty standard stuff, really. I'll also be making a To Win Pool and head-to-head matchups which will be bettable. (Well bettable for everyone but Metcalf. I have this vision of Matt betting the limit on the same matchup 5 times in a row while I'm in the jon or something and then coming back to my house in a different outfit and trying to do it again. This isn't the Venetian, bro. I don't mess around. I'll get a few beers into Mikey Millz and send him after you.)
Sure, I'll give you a pick. I like the American League to win the All-Star game. Because the National League sucks.
Trivia Question For Tuesday - In 1993, Chris Rock starred in the movie CB4, a parody of gangster rap music. (The movie also featured Eddie Murphy's brother Charlie, a decade before he came into our homes on the landmark Chappelle's Show.) I want to see who can name all 3 members of the rap group CB4, which, as we all know, stood for Cell Block 4.
** Sunday's Answer - Serena Williams won the 1999 U.S. Open before older sister Venus won a major. Congrats to Franco Cortes for correctly answering that one. He is my go to guy for tennis information.
Voting on the All-Star poll is supposed to close around the first pitch (Assuming I did that right which is highly unlikely.) Looks like a two horse race between the members of the Fightins'. Take a wild guess who I voted for.
Don't forget poker, don't forget to say bye to Jeff (Forever?), and don't forget to....
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
When the Washington Redskins
.... are playing and I can't actually be at the stadium, I'd prefer to watch the game by myself. I'll watch Redskins games with my Dad, or with my brother, or with a friend who is also a huge Redskins fan, but I'd honestly prefer to just watch it alone. That way I can focus on the game without having to listen to anyone's stupid comments or questions about what's going on. A typical Redskins game is 3-3.5 hours of misery for me and I'd prefer to endure it in privacy.
I'm starting to feel the same way about NASCAR Sprint Cup races. During last night's Lifelock.com 400 in Chicago, I'm trying to follow the race while I do my work, and I got Bhushan in my ear the entire time. Around the 50th lap, one of the drivers I bet on, Virginia's own Denny Hamlin, had an issue with his car and had to pull off the track, falling several laps down. Obviously, this upset me and I cursed for the next few minutes, as this meant my first matchup bet was in the clubhouse as a loser. (Never a good sign.) Meanwhile, I have Austin telling me to shut up and spouting some garbage cliches about how these things always even out in the long run. Now I admit that he's right and over the long term it does all balance out.
BUT IT'S STILL ANNOYING AT THE EXACT FUCKING SECOND IT'S HAPPENING TO YOU.
The last thing I need is Austin sitting back there chiming in throughout the race with his annoying opinions. Remind me to never watch a Redskins game with this kid. I would probably end up killing him. And now I've cursed in the blog which I honestly try not to do. For Murray Murray's sake. Thanks a lot, Austin.
Okay, I'll do some blurgbs. But if you think I'm done talking NASCAR you are fooling yourself. (Sorry, Chris.)
* Kyle Busch is obviously having an awesome year but he's been very lucky. Look at what happened to his main competition last night: Matt Kenseth was leading the race when he punctured a tire, dropping him back to 34th. (His car was so good he managed to climb all the way back up to 7th, by the way.) Carl Edwards probably had the best car on the track, and was leading the race with 50 laps to go, before car problems sent him to the pits. He finished a lap down. Jimmie Johnson was leading the race with just 16 laps to go and probably would have won if that last caution had not come out. Busch took advantage and passed him on the restart. Kyle's a great driver but he's also had about as many breaks as Austin did when he was betting college baseball.
* Did you know that the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series has a race called the Lifelock 400 and another race called the Lifelock.com 400? No joke here. I just wanted to point that out.
(Smirk.)
* A Ryan Howard Update: The slugging 1B now leads the Majors in HRs with 28 and the NL in RBI with 84. He has been on a tear lately, with 6 HRs in his last 8 games coming into Sunday's action. His current odds to lead the Majors in Home Runs, c/o the Las Vegas Hilton: -300.
What a bum.
* Brett Favre has to eventually retire, right? I mean at some point this guy is going to be out of the league and out of the headlines and we can all move on. And when that day finally arrives, I think we can hand over the title of "Overrated Quarterback The Media Shamelessly Humps" to Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys. This guy is all over the place. Right now I'm watching him play in a celebrity golf tournament, a few weeks after he failed to qualify for the U.S. Open. Meanwhile, he's running around with that dumb skank Jessica Simpson and posing for the cameras as much as possible. Doesn't he ever, you know, practice? This is a guy who threw 19 INTs in 16 regular season games last season, despite his team almost always playing with the lead (And therefore having a conservative second half game plan.) That's almost hard to do. You know that Peyton Manning is locked in a basement somewhere, pouring over every second of game film he can get his hands on. Maybe if Romo wants to pad his career playoff wins total of 0, he should be down there, too.
* It's March 31st. I come up to you and I say, "Hey, dude, what if I told you that you could bet the Mets at 8-1 to win the National League and they will be hovering around first place at the All-Star Break? Is that something you might be interested in?"
* My last blog was apparently a big hit, as people seem to find my family very interesting. I generally try to call home on Sundays to check in with my parents but, when I called this morning, I was informed that my mother and father were not home and had taken our dogs to something called "Dogtopia." I've been to these things before. It's just a bunch of people that are way too obsessed with their dogs (Like me and my family) who take them to a big field and let them run loose. The dogs run around barking and sniffing each other, while my Mom frets every time a bigger dog approaches one of ours and my Dad surveys all the dogs in the field, judging them all out loud, before saying that "None of them are as cute as my boy." I told my brother to tell my Mom that I had called and I assumed she would call me when she got home. However, just a few minutes ago, my brother sent me a picture of my Mom sprawled out on a couch, dead asleep, with a pillow on top of her, and the dogs lying on either side. The caption he sent reads: "Dogtopia proves to be too much to handle." In the picture, my Mom is clutching a magazine, proving that she can never, ever, under any circumstances, take a moment to just relax and do nothing. Even when she was at the point of passing out, she grabbed for a magazine to give her something to do.
No picks for Sunday. There's hardly any games left. How the hell am I going to force out a card of plays? I'm not Mr. Moneybags Hoffman - Don't Hassel This Guy. After all, He Is The Hoff.
I noticed that Cubs closer Kerry Wood will no longer be pitching in Tuesday's All-Star game, so the NL needed to add another pitcher to their roster.
Hmmm.... So many worthy candidates to choose from.... Who should it be? Were there any NL pitchers who were snubbed and now could be added to the roster to make ammends? No one is coming to mind....
Oh, I know: Carlos Marmol. Of course. What was I thinking? He's perfect. That works. The NL team still doesn't have enough Cubs on it.
Brett Favre unretiring won my poll as the Least Surprising Sports Story thus far in 2008. Hard to argue with that. I'm putting up a new poll today. Only two days to vote, so don't hesitate to make your opinions felt.
Trivia Question For Sunday - Which was the first Major Tournament won by a Williams sister, and which sister won it? (Jeff - Please refrain from answering that question. It wouldn't be fair to my other readers. Thanks, bro.)
** Tuesday's Answer - D.C. United won the first MLS Cup. They beat the L.A. Galaxy. I don't know how/why I know these things. I just do.
I apologize for not being funny today. I was really mad at Austin and I haven't seen Jeff or Jorgen in a few days, so most of my material was stale. I'm sure that I'll get some new Jeff stuff on Monday, when he's busting my balls for not getting him a napkin or something. I swear there are times when I just want to....
Okay, we'll stop there for today. Enjoy the poll. Enjoy the new pics.
Enjoy the game.
I'm starting to feel the same way about NASCAR Sprint Cup races. During last night's Lifelock.com 400 in Chicago, I'm trying to follow the race while I do my work, and I got Bhushan in my ear the entire time. Around the 50th lap, one of the drivers I bet on, Virginia's own Denny Hamlin, had an issue with his car and had to pull off the track, falling several laps down. Obviously, this upset me and I cursed for the next few minutes, as this meant my first matchup bet was in the clubhouse as a loser. (Never a good sign.) Meanwhile, I have Austin telling me to shut up and spouting some garbage cliches about how these things always even out in the long run. Now I admit that he's right and over the long term it does all balance out.
BUT IT'S STILL ANNOYING AT THE EXACT FUCKING SECOND IT'S HAPPENING TO YOU.
The last thing I need is Austin sitting back there chiming in throughout the race with his annoying opinions. Remind me to never watch a Redskins game with this kid. I would probably end up killing him. And now I've cursed in the blog which I honestly try not to do. For Murray Murray's sake. Thanks a lot, Austin.
Okay, I'll do some blurgbs. But if you think I'm done talking NASCAR you are fooling yourself. (Sorry, Chris.)
* Kyle Busch is obviously having an awesome year but he's been very lucky. Look at what happened to his main competition last night: Matt Kenseth was leading the race when he punctured a tire, dropping him back to 34th. (His car was so good he managed to climb all the way back up to 7th, by the way.) Carl Edwards probably had the best car on the track, and was leading the race with 50 laps to go, before car problems sent him to the pits. He finished a lap down. Jimmie Johnson was leading the race with just 16 laps to go and probably would have won if that last caution had not come out. Busch took advantage and passed him on the restart. Kyle's a great driver but he's also had about as many breaks as Austin did when he was betting college baseball.
* Did you know that the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series has a race called the Lifelock 400 and another race called the Lifelock.com 400? No joke here. I just wanted to point that out.
(Smirk.)
* A Ryan Howard Update: The slugging 1B now leads the Majors in HRs with 28 and the NL in RBI with 84. He has been on a tear lately, with 6 HRs in his last 8 games coming into Sunday's action. His current odds to lead the Majors in Home Runs, c/o the Las Vegas Hilton: -300.
What a bum.
* Brett Favre has to eventually retire, right? I mean at some point this guy is going to be out of the league and out of the headlines and we can all move on. And when that day finally arrives, I think we can hand over the title of "Overrated Quarterback The Media Shamelessly Humps" to Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys. This guy is all over the place. Right now I'm watching him play in a celebrity golf tournament, a few weeks after he failed to qualify for the U.S. Open. Meanwhile, he's running around with that dumb skank Jessica Simpson and posing for the cameras as much as possible. Doesn't he ever, you know, practice? This is a guy who threw 19 INTs in 16 regular season games last season, despite his team almost always playing with the lead (And therefore having a conservative second half game plan.) That's almost hard to do. You know that Peyton Manning is locked in a basement somewhere, pouring over every second of game film he can get his hands on. Maybe if Romo wants to pad his career playoff wins total of 0, he should be down there, too.
* It's March 31st. I come up to you and I say, "Hey, dude, what if I told you that you could bet the Mets at 8-1 to win the National League and they will be hovering around first place at the All-Star Break? Is that something you might be interested in?"
* My last blog was apparently a big hit, as people seem to find my family very interesting. I generally try to call home on Sundays to check in with my parents but, when I called this morning, I was informed that my mother and father were not home and had taken our dogs to something called "Dogtopia." I've been to these things before. It's just a bunch of people that are way too obsessed with their dogs (Like me and my family) who take them to a big field and let them run loose. The dogs run around barking and sniffing each other, while my Mom frets every time a bigger dog approaches one of ours and my Dad surveys all the dogs in the field, judging them all out loud, before saying that "None of them are as cute as my boy." I told my brother to tell my Mom that I had called and I assumed she would call me when she got home. However, just a few minutes ago, my brother sent me a picture of my Mom sprawled out on a couch, dead asleep, with a pillow on top of her, and the dogs lying on either side. The caption he sent reads: "Dogtopia proves to be too much to handle." In the picture, my Mom is clutching a magazine, proving that she can never, ever, under any circumstances, take a moment to just relax and do nothing. Even when she was at the point of passing out, she grabbed for a magazine to give her something to do.
No picks for Sunday. There's hardly any games left. How the hell am I going to force out a card of plays? I'm not Mr. Moneybags Hoffman - Don't Hassel This Guy. After all, He Is The Hoff.
I noticed that Cubs closer Kerry Wood will no longer be pitching in Tuesday's All-Star game, so the NL needed to add another pitcher to their roster.
Hmmm.... So many worthy candidates to choose from.... Who should it be? Were there any NL pitchers who were snubbed and now could be added to the roster to make ammends? No one is coming to mind....
Oh, I know: Carlos Marmol. Of course. What was I thinking? He's perfect. That works. The NL team still doesn't have enough Cubs on it.
Brett Favre unretiring won my poll as the Least Surprising Sports Story thus far in 2008. Hard to argue with that. I'm putting up a new poll today. Only two days to vote, so don't hesitate to make your opinions felt.
Trivia Question For Sunday - Which was the first Major Tournament won by a Williams sister, and which sister won it? (Jeff - Please refrain from answering that question. It wouldn't be fair to my other readers. Thanks, bro.)
** Tuesday's Answer - D.C. United won the first MLS Cup. They beat the L.A. Galaxy. I don't know how/why I know these things. I just do.
I apologize for not being funny today. I was really mad at Austin and I haven't seen Jeff or Jorgen in a few days, so most of my material was stale. I'm sure that I'll get some new Jeff stuff on Monday, when he's busting my balls for not getting him a napkin or something. I swear there are times when I just want to....
Okay, we'll stop there for today. Enjoy the poll. Enjoy the new pics.
Enjoy the game.
Friday, July 11, 2008
I'm sure you'd all agree that Jorgen
.... is the MVP of this blog. He's the guy I get the most requests for: The People's Champ. And if Jorgen's the MVP, then Jeff is definitely the Rookie of the Year. Like a young Joey Logano, Jeff has come out of nowhere to dominate the blog's headlines the last few weeks. In addition to that Dynamic Duo, this space has always received good contributions from solid role players like the The Hoff, A. Ross, Mikey Millz, Chad, Austin, Ed, Metcalf, HCM, TGCU, CC, C.C., and CB (Link coming?), among many others, and without them there is no way I would enjoy the incredibly lame following I do today.
However, there is one other character who has received something of a cult following. She is the character who has entertained me more than any other over the last 25 years. I always thought that only my family and closest friends could appreciate her for the good-intentioned, borderline nut-job she is but apparently my readers find her amusing as well. That's right - in today's blog my Mom will be the featured player. She's earned it.
I've always assumed that one day when my sister is living across the pond with some Euro-trash douchebag and my brother is wasting his life doing something stupid like being a video game tester, it will fall on my shoulders to take care of my parents, specifically my mother. And one day I hope to be able to check her into the best mental institution money can buy. She deserves it and, frankly, she will probably need it.
My sister's monthlong Europen vacation ended yesterday and she's back in Virginia. I knew she would be calling in parental updates as soon as possible:
* Thursday night was my sister's first at home in almost a month. Like most people would be after a long trip, she was looking forward to being back in her own bed and sleeping in on Friday morning. Apparently she forgot about my Mom. My sister was awaken from her slumber by my Mom pounding on her door and barging in with a request: Please go get breakfast for her and my Dad. Naturally, my sister was not pleased by this and it lead to the following exchange:
Sister: What is Dad doing home on a Friday?
Mom: We have a guy coming to install a new computer and he wants to be here to supervise.
(Pausing to digest this)
Sister: Well, why can't you go get breakfast yourself?
Mom: We're not sure when the guy's going to get here and I have to be here to hold the dogs back when he does.
(Blogger's Note: My family has two pugs who weigh a combined 40 pounds and immediately stop barking when a stranger bends down to pet them.)
Sister: Can't you just make breakfast?
Mom: I don't feel like it and besides your father wants bagels.
Sister: Can't you just make Peter (My brother) go to the store?
Mom: He's asleep.
(No response from my sister)
* After she got back from the bagel place, my sister tried to go back to bed but couldn't fall asleep. She sent me a text message saying she had some funny stories about my parents and when I woke up I decided to give her a call, even though I knew it meant I'd probably end up wasting an hour on the phone with her and then another hour blogging. Here's a couple more funny tidbits from the front lines:
- My parents are getting older; They are both now in their late 50s. Lately, my mother has been complaining about her back hurting, so my brother encouraged her to get a massage. She actually listened to him, got a massage, and came home saying she felt much better. About a half hour later, my brother walked into the kitchen and found my mom on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor.
- Naturally, he relayed that story to my sister and I, both of whom found it very funny. On Thursday night, my Dad was complaining of similar back pains and my sister suggested that he too get a massage. After a slight pause, my brother then commented that if my Dad does get a massage, he should probably refrain from scrubbing the floors as soon as gets home. At this point my sister, brother, and father all broke out laughing in front of my Mom. She, however, was not amused demanding to know what was so funny. When the three of them all started laughing even louder, my mother stormed out of the room with the dogs trailing behind her.
- The last time I actually spoke directly with my mother, she spent the majority of the conversation complaining about my brother not having a job. I told her that if she wanted him to get a job, she should stop giving him an allowance and she agreed with me. I assumed that was the end of that problem, until I talked to my sister this morning. Last night, before my brother and his girlfriend left for the Nationals game, my Mom gave him a check for his "Monthly Expenses." I can't get over this. Monthly expenses? He lives at home and my parents gave him a gas card. He literally has no expenses whatsoever that aren't recreational. By all accounts, the only time he ever spends money are when he takes Elaina out for sushi or to the movies, or when he's at a Nationals game and someone I am friends with or someone who knows me offers to buy him beer. (Not thrilled about that by the way, guys.) I'm going to remember this stuff in case I ever become a parent: Don't give Murray Murray checks for monthly expenses when he is 18.
- My sister was nice enough to buy souvenir Euro 2008 T-Shirts for my brother and I while she was over there. Last night, she gave Peter his at which point he informed her that he didn't like it and instead wanted the scarf my sister had bought for herself. (What my brother wants with a scarf is beyond me but that's beside the point.) When my sister refused, it lead to the following exchange:
Sister: That scarf is for me. I got you this shirt.
Brother: I don't want the shirt. Give me that scarf. It's cool.
Sister: No way, Peter!
(They both look at my Mom for her ruling.)
Mom: Just give it to him.
Sister: What?? But I bought this for myself with my own money AND I bought something else for him.
Mom: But he doesn't want the shirt.
Sister: So what?
(Long pause while my Mom contemplates the situation.)
Mom: Just give it to him.
(Blogger's Note: That's some fine parenting.)
* Okay, I think we've made fun of my Mom enough for today. There's someone else I need to make fun of in this blog. I don't want to do it but he really, really has it coming. Did you see the Phillies game yesterday, Ed? The one where Ryan Howard hit 2 HRs in a 4-1 win? It was one day after he hit a tie-breaking homer in the bottom of the 8th in a 4-2 win. That's three more meaningless home runs to add to his Major League leading total of 27 so far this season. Howard now leads the Majors in HRs and extended his NL lead in RBI, while playing for a first place club. What a bum. He is also -125 to lead the Majors in home runs this season. Yeah, that means he is favored over every other play in the league despite the fact that it's not even the All-Star Break. What a "Garbage" player that guy is.
* Did you all see the play TGCU made during yesterday's game? Wow. That was pretty awesome. And don't worry: I've got it on tape. Someday, Murray Murray will fall asleep with that play on a loop in the background.
* Brett Favre has asked the Packers to release him, making him a free agent. The blog recommends Favre sign with the Vikings. They have a solid team but are a QB away from becoming legitimate contenders. Chris - Your thoughts?
* I'm glad Chris is back in town and presumably back to reading the blog. I always like throwing in little comments directed only at him. I'm also looking forward to him coming on the program to discuss the 2008 Packers. It's just going to take me about a week to edit out all the curse words.
I can't possibly make any picks today. I don't know anything about sports. Okay, fine. I like Kyle Busch to win the Busch race tonight. I'm really going out on a limb.
It looks like I posted my poll too soon, as another incredibly unsurprising story broke on Friday morning: Travis Henry just tested positive for marijuana. Now that is shocking. Next you're going to tell me that Chad's blood alcohol was above the legal limit last night.
(Sorry, Chad.)
No trivia question today. Try to answer the last one.
What are the chances Austin actually read this entire thing? I would say 10%.
But what are the chances that he scrolled all the way to the bottom and stopped when he saw his name? I would say 100%. Stop smirking, Austin.
I'm going to go enjoy my day off.
You have a lot of baseball games to watch tonight so there is nothing holding you back in your quest to....
Enjoy the game.
However, there is one other character who has received something of a cult following. She is the character who has entertained me more than any other over the last 25 years. I always thought that only my family and closest friends could appreciate her for the good-intentioned, borderline nut-job she is but apparently my readers find her amusing as well. That's right - in today's blog my Mom will be the featured player. She's earned it.
I've always assumed that one day when my sister is living across the pond with some Euro-trash douchebag and my brother is wasting his life doing something stupid like being a video game tester, it will fall on my shoulders to take care of my parents, specifically my mother. And one day I hope to be able to check her into the best mental institution money can buy. She deserves it and, frankly, she will probably need it.
My sister's monthlong Europen vacation ended yesterday and she's back in Virginia. I knew she would be calling in parental updates as soon as possible:
* Thursday night was my sister's first at home in almost a month. Like most people would be after a long trip, she was looking forward to being back in her own bed and sleeping in on Friday morning. Apparently she forgot about my Mom. My sister was awaken from her slumber by my Mom pounding on her door and barging in with a request: Please go get breakfast for her and my Dad. Naturally, my sister was not pleased by this and it lead to the following exchange:
Sister: What is Dad doing home on a Friday?
Mom: We have a guy coming to install a new computer and he wants to be here to supervise.
(Pausing to digest this)
Sister: Well, why can't you go get breakfast yourself?
Mom: We're not sure when the guy's going to get here and I have to be here to hold the dogs back when he does.
(Blogger's Note: My family has two pugs who weigh a combined 40 pounds and immediately stop barking when a stranger bends down to pet them.)
Sister: Can't you just make breakfast?
Mom: I don't feel like it and besides your father wants bagels.
Sister: Can't you just make Peter (My brother) go to the store?
Mom: He's asleep.
(No response from my sister)
* After she got back from the bagel place, my sister tried to go back to bed but couldn't fall asleep. She sent me a text message saying she had some funny stories about my parents and when I woke up I decided to give her a call, even though I knew it meant I'd probably end up wasting an hour on the phone with her and then another hour blogging. Here's a couple more funny tidbits from the front lines:
- My parents are getting older; They are both now in their late 50s. Lately, my mother has been complaining about her back hurting, so my brother encouraged her to get a massage. She actually listened to him, got a massage, and came home saying she felt much better. About a half hour later, my brother walked into the kitchen and found my mom on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor.
- Naturally, he relayed that story to my sister and I, both of whom found it very funny. On Thursday night, my Dad was complaining of similar back pains and my sister suggested that he too get a massage. After a slight pause, my brother then commented that if my Dad does get a massage, he should probably refrain from scrubbing the floors as soon as gets home. At this point my sister, brother, and father all broke out laughing in front of my Mom. She, however, was not amused demanding to know what was so funny. When the three of them all started laughing even louder, my mother stormed out of the room with the dogs trailing behind her.
- The last time I actually spoke directly with my mother, she spent the majority of the conversation complaining about my brother not having a job. I told her that if she wanted him to get a job, she should stop giving him an allowance and she agreed with me. I assumed that was the end of that problem, until I talked to my sister this morning. Last night, before my brother and his girlfriend left for the Nationals game, my Mom gave him a check for his "Monthly Expenses." I can't get over this. Monthly expenses? He lives at home and my parents gave him a gas card. He literally has no expenses whatsoever that aren't recreational. By all accounts, the only time he ever spends money are when he takes Elaina out for sushi or to the movies, or when he's at a Nationals game and someone I am friends with or someone who knows me offers to buy him beer. (Not thrilled about that by the way, guys.) I'm going to remember this stuff in case I ever become a parent: Don't give Murray Murray checks for monthly expenses when he is 18.
- My sister was nice enough to buy souvenir Euro 2008 T-Shirts for my brother and I while she was over there. Last night, she gave Peter his at which point he informed her that he didn't like it and instead wanted the scarf my sister had bought for herself. (What my brother wants with a scarf is beyond me but that's beside the point.) When my sister refused, it lead to the following exchange:
Sister: That scarf is for me. I got you this shirt.
Brother: I don't want the shirt. Give me that scarf. It's cool.
Sister: No way, Peter!
(They both look at my Mom for her ruling.)
Mom: Just give it to him.
Sister: What?? But I bought this for myself with my own money AND I bought something else for him.
Mom: But he doesn't want the shirt.
Sister: So what?
(Long pause while my Mom contemplates the situation.)
Mom: Just give it to him.
(Blogger's Note: That's some fine parenting.)
* Okay, I think we've made fun of my Mom enough for today. There's someone else I need to make fun of in this blog. I don't want to do it but he really, really has it coming. Did you see the Phillies game yesterday, Ed? The one where Ryan Howard hit 2 HRs in a 4-1 win? It was one day after he hit a tie-breaking homer in the bottom of the 8th in a 4-2 win. That's three more meaningless home runs to add to his Major League leading total of 27 so far this season. Howard now leads the Majors in HRs and extended his NL lead in RBI, while playing for a first place club. What a bum. He is also -125 to lead the Majors in home runs this season. Yeah, that means he is favored over every other play in the league despite the fact that it's not even the All-Star Break. What a "Garbage" player that guy is.
* Did you all see the play TGCU made during yesterday's game? Wow. That was pretty awesome. And don't worry: I've got it on tape. Someday, Murray Murray will fall asleep with that play on a loop in the background.
* Brett Favre has asked the Packers to release him, making him a free agent. The blog recommends Favre sign with the Vikings. They have a solid team but are a QB away from becoming legitimate contenders. Chris - Your thoughts?
* I'm glad Chris is back in town and presumably back to reading the blog. I always like throwing in little comments directed only at him. I'm also looking forward to him coming on the program to discuss the 2008 Packers. It's just going to take me about a week to edit out all the curse words.
I can't possibly make any picks today. I don't know anything about sports. Okay, fine. I like Kyle Busch to win the Busch race tonight. I'm really going out on a limb.
It looks like I posted my poll too soon, as another incredibly unsurprising story broke on Friday morning: Travis Henry just tested positive for marijuana. Now that is shocking. Next you're going to tell me that Chad's blood alcohol was above the legal limit last night.
(Sorry, Chad.)
No trivia question today. Try to answer the last one.
What are the chances Austin actually read this entire thing? I would say 10%.
But what are the chances that he scrolled all the way to the bottom and stopped when he saw his name? I would say 100%. Stop smirking, Austin.
I'm going to go enjoy my day off.
You have a lot of baseball games to watch tonight so there is nothing holding you back in your quest to....
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Is It Just Me Or
.... does anyone else think it is unreasonable that certain people expect me to work on my normal days off and entertain the masses with witty blogs? That leaves me very little time to watch DVRed episodes of My Name Is Earl or call Amanda and hang up when Jorgen answers. It's going to be tough but I'll try my best.
I actually have a few things to say today. Let's do this:
* It's pretty well established that I like writing about Jeff. I also like hanging out with Jeff. I even like working for/with Jeff. He's a good guy. But I'll tell you what I don't like: Getting him lunch. Every day it's something with this guy. On Wednesday, he tells me to get him a Caesar salad and a Coke. Seems simple enough. But when I come back with his order he gets on my case because there's no chicken in it. So I tell him "Dude, you didn't say 'Chicken.' You just said Caesar salad," and he gets all defensive and makes some errant threat about writing me up. He also gets on my case for forgetting to bring him a fork. (Okay, maybe that time he had a point.) Meanwhile, one of our runners (Wait - What do we call those guys again, Ed? Wise Guys? Yeah, okay....He's a "Wise Guy") is standing at the counter mocking me with such names as "Kiss Ass" and "Bitch Boy" in front of everyone. That's Sandwich Boy to you, bro.
* I find it annoying at times (Mostly the times when Jeff is complaining) but overall I don't mind getting Jeff and Ed lunch. Seems like a typical duty for a young employee such as myself. Especially one with the title of Sandwich Boy. However, getting Austin lunch.... now that's another story. From the moment this kid walks in the door he is relentless in his quest to make me go get him a hamburger. He also wants specific dipping sauces that I have to put into little cups for him. Who is this kid? Yesterday I go over to the deli to get Austin his daily feast and while I am waiting for them to make it, I somehow end up sitting next to three guys having arguably the dumbest conversation I have ever overheard. They were (loudly) debating, in public mind you, whether or not "Bay Area Emcees" get enough respect from Dr. Dre. Seriously. You really think I could make that up? And for the record, these guys were more Murray than Rodney, if you know what I mean. I really wish I hadn't overheard their conversation. Although, come to think of it, maybe it's possible that E-40 has never gotten enough love. But that's a topic for another day and another blog.
* I'm not done with the Austin talk today. The other night, I was hanging out with him, the legendary Hoff, and Austin's boy Joey. After we left a very, very low class gentlemen's club (I literally started to feel sick to my stomach looking at some of the broads in that place) someone came up with the bright idea of going to the Hard Rock for the Gambler's Special. For those of you not familiar with the Special, it's an off-menu item at Lucky's in the Hard Rock Hotel. Steak, shrimp, and salad for $7.77. Pretty strong and always a good time. (Okay, well.... not always. There was that one time I was there with the Hoff and a third party. But that story is way too adult for this space. This is a family blog. Someday when my son Murray Murray is taking a break from watching old clips of Chase Utley hustling down the line after another weak groundball, I want him to be able to read through this blog and see what an idiot his old man was. So there are a few things I'm taking to the grave.)
What was I saying? Oh, yeah.... So we are at the Rock and Austin's boy Joey decides he wants to try his hand at roulette. Joey makes his bet with Austin standing behind him and the dealer looks up at them and asks AUSTIN for ID. Not Joey, the guy who is making a bet but Austin, the kid who is just standing there. I think Hoffman might have been too distracted by the ladies of the night to fully appreciate how funny that was, but I assure you that this blogger got a kick out of it. I just love seeing Austin taken down a notch.
* Allow me to set the stage for you: It's the bottom of the 8th on Wednesday night in Philadelphia. Most of the drunken moron Phillies fans have tired hours ago, as they tend to do. The score is tied at 2 when the mighty Ryan Howard strides to the plate. Howard has already knocked in a run with 2 outs in the 5th but Philadelphia is a What Have You Done For Me Lately town. Sure, Howard came into Wednesday's game on a 10-game hitting streak, having hit 5 HRs during that stretch, but that isn't enough for Philadelphia's great fans. They want more. And if he didn't give them more they would be whining. Facing an 0-2 count, Ryan crushes a pitch into the seats, giving Philadelphia a lead they would not relinquish. Howard is now tied for the Major League lead with 25 HRs and leads the NL in RBI with 80. The haters can have TGCU. The blog still loves Ryan Howard.
* Speaking of Phillies fans, they reached a new low in my eyes the other day. (And that's really saying something. I've been going to Eagles-Redskins games since I was a kid and I've seen a lot of stupid things from these people.) I'm in the back room with Ed and he's listening to the radio. Basically it's nothing but Phillies fans calling in to whine and bitch about their first place ball club. (I should mention that Ed is resisting the urge to literally stand and applaud in agreement.) So we come to the token wannabe GM caller who suggests the Phillies switch Brad Lidge, their All-Star closer, with Brett Myers, their worthless wife-beater, by putting Lidge in the rotation and moving Myers to the bullpen. Lidge is 20 for 20 in save situations this season with a 0.95 ERA and has started one game in his entire Major League career, back in 2002 with the Astros. So this guy wants to take him out of the bullpen and stick him in the rotation? Great idea! The Redskins defensive line has struggled the last couple seasons but they have had a consistently good running game. Maybe they should move Clinton Portis to defensive tackle? That will fix the problem. Ladies and gentlemen - Philadelphia sports fans!
* While I'm here, let's throw out some predictions:
- Ryan Howard will lead the Major Leagues in HRs
- The Tampa Bay Rays will not make the playoffs
- Neither will the Milwaukee Brewers
- The Mets will win the National League
- Sean Gallagher will win more games during his tenure in Oakland than Rich Harden will win for the Cubs
- The Red Sox will win the World Series again
- Everyone will be bored and annoyed by it
- I will talk about how sick I am of baseball another dozen times before the season ends
- Then I will blog about it and make terrible predictions for no reason
- Ed will make a bet on the 76ers to win the NBA Title at 25-1
- He will never admit it to anyone
- Ed will not laugh at this
(Whoops. How'd those last few get in there? Sorry, bro.)
I'll make some picks for Thursday. Hoffman's refusing to release multi-unit plays so someone has to give you guys fades.
I'll step up to the plate:
L.A. Galaxy
Cardinals
The Good Guys
I'm actually going to bet that Galaxy play. Crazy.
I don't know what's more surprising about my latest poll: The fact that 16 people have voted or the fact that none of them voted for O.J. Mayo getting paid by USC. I didn't even think I knew 16 people, let alone had that many readers. But I still think the lack of Mayo votes is more surprising. Haven't you people seen Blue Chips? This stuff has been going on for years. Would Ricky Roe have gone to Western University if Coach Pete Bennett hadn't given him 30 dimes and a new tractor for his father? Doubtful.
I apologize for that Eli Manning pic. There were requests made and things just got taken too far. I've cleaned up the picture section.
Trivia Question For Thursday - Which team won the first MLS Cup? Bonus point if you tell me who they beat.
** Tuesday's Answer - The "C.C" in C.C. Sabathia stands for Carsten Charles. I'm still going to call him C.C. instead of CC. It just feels right. I'm really surprised that the C.C. didn't stand for Chocolate Chip. Looks like I owe C.B. a coke.
Austin - I hope you were able to make it all the way to the end. And I hope you enjoyed it.
As for the rest of you, I hope you....
Enjoy the game.
I actually have a few things to say today. Let's do this:
* It's pretty well established that I like writing about Jeff. I also like hanging out with Jeff. I even like working for/with Jeff. He's a good guy. But I'll tell you what I don't like: Getting him lunch. Every day it's something with this guy. On Wednesday, he tells me to get him a Caesar salad and a Coke. Seems simple enough. But when I come back with his order he gets on my case because there's no chicken in it. So I tell him "Dude, you didn't say 'Chicken.' You just said Caesar salad," and he gets all defensive and makes some errant threat about writing me up. He also gets on my case for forgetting to bring him a fork. (Okay, maybe that time he had a point.) Meanwhile, one of our runners (Wait - What do we call those guys again, Ed? Wise Guys? Yeah, okay....He's a "Wise Guy") is standing at the counter mocking me with such names as "Kiss Ass" and "Bitch Boy" in front of everyone. That's Sandwich Boy to you, bro.
* I find it annoying at times (Mostly the times when Jeff is complaining) but overall I don't mind getting Jeff and Ed lunch. Seems like a typical duty for a young employee such as myself. Especially one with the title of Sandwich Boy. However, getting Austin lunch.... now that's another story. From the moment this kid walks in the door he is relentless in his quest to make me go get him a hamburger. He also wants specific dipping sauces that I have to put into little cups for him. Who is this kid? Yesterday I go over to the deli to get Austin his daily feast and while I am waiting for them to make it, I somehow end up sitting next to three guys having arguably the dumbest conversation I have ever overheard. They were (loudly) debating, in public mind you, whether or not "Bay Area Emcees" get enough respect from Dr. Dre. Seriously. You really think I could make that up? And for the record, these guys were more Murray than Rodney, if you know what I mean. I really wish I hadn't overheard their conversation. Although, come to think of it, maybe it's possible that E-40 has never gotten enough love. But that's a topic for another day and another blog.
* I'm not done with the Austin talk today. The other night, I was hanging out with him, the legendary Hoff, and Austin's boy Joey. After we left a very, very low class gentlemen's club (I literally started to feel sick to my stomach looking at some of the broads in that place) someone came up with the bright idea of going to the Hard Rock for the Gambler's Special. For those of you not familiar with the Special, it's an off-menu item at Lucky's in the Hard Rock Hotel. Steak, shrimp, and salad for $7.77. Pretty strong and always a good time. (Okay, well.... not always. There was that one time I was there with the Hoff and a third party. But that story is way too adult for this space. This is a family blog. Someday when my son Murray Murray is taking a break from watching old clips of Chase Utley hustling down the line after another weak groundball, I want him to be able to read through this blog and see what an idiot his old man was. So there are a few things I'm taking to the grave.)
What was I saying? Oh, yeah.... So we are at the Rock and Austin's boy Joey decides he wants to try his hand at roulette. Joey makes his bet with Austin standing behind him and the dealer looks up at them and asks AUSTIN for ID. Not Joey, the guy who is making a bet but Austin, the kid who is just standing there. I think Hoffman might have been too distracted by the ladies of the night to fully appreciate how funny that was, but I assure you that this blogger got a kick out of it. I just love seeing Austin taken down a notch.
* Allow me to set the stage for you: It's the bottom of the 8th on Wednesday night in Philadelphia. Most of the drunken moron Phillies fans have tired hours ago, as they tend to do. The score is tied at 2 when the mighty Ryan Howard strides to the plate. Howard has already knocked in a run with 2 outs in the 5th but Philadelphia is a What Have You Done For Me Lately town. Sure, Howard came into Wednesday's game on a 10-game hitting streak, having hit 5 HRs during that stretch, but that isn't enough for Philadelphia's great fans. They want more. And if he didn't give them more they would be whining. Facing an 0-2 count, Ryan crushes a pitch into the seats, giving Philadelphia a lead they would not relinquish. Howard is now tied for the Major League lead with 25 HRs and leads the NL in RBI with 80. The haters can have TGCU. The blog still loves Ryan Howard.
* Speaking of Phillies fans, they reached a new low in my eyes the other day. (And that's really saying something. I've been going to Eagles-Redskins games since I was a kid and I've seen a lot of stupid things from these people.) I'm in the back room with Ed and he's listening to the radio. Basically it's nothing but Phillies fans calling in to whine and bitch about their first place ball club. (I should mention that Ed is resisting the urge to literally stand and applaud in agreement.) So we come to the token wannabe GM caller who suggests the Phillies switch Brad Lidge, their All-Star closer, with Brett Myers, their worthless wife-beater, by putting Lidge in the rotation and moving Myers to the bullpen. Lidge is 20 for 20 in save situations this season with a 0.95 ERA and has started one game in his entire Major League career, back in 2002 with the Astros. So this guy wants to take him out of the bullpen and stick him in the rotation? Great idea! The Redskins defensive line has struggled the last couple seasons but they have had a consistently good running game. Maybe they should move Clinton Portis to defensive tackle? That will fix the problem. Ladies and gentlemen - Philadelphia sports fans!
* While I'm here, let's throw out some predictions:
- Ryan Howard will lead the Major Leagues in HRs
- The Tampa Bay Rays will not make the playoffs
- Neither will the Milwaukee Brewers
- The Mets will win the National League
- Sean Gallagher will win more games during his tenure in Oakland than Rich Harden will win for the Cubs
- The Red Sox will win the World Series again
- Everyone will be bored and annoyed by it
- I will talk about how sick I am of baseball another dozen times before the season ends
- Then I will blog about it and make terrible predictions for no reason
- Ed will make a bet on the 76ers to win the NBA Title at 25-1
- He will never admit it to anyone
- Ed will not laugh at this
(Whoops. How'd those last few get in there? Sorry, bro.)
I'll make some picks for Thursday. Hoffman's refusing to release multi-unit plays so someone has to give you guys fades.
I'll step up to the plate:
L.A. Galaxy
Cardinals
The Good Guys
I'm actually going to bet that Galaxy play. Crazy.
I don't know what's more surprising about my latest poll: The fact that 16 people have voted or the fact that none of them voted for O.J. Mayo getting paid by USC. I didn't even think I knew 16 people, let alone had that many readers. But I still think the lack of Mayo votes is more surprising. Haven't you people seen Blue Chips? This stuff has been going on for years. Would Ricky Roe have gone to Western University if Coach Pete Bennett hadn't given him 30 dimes and a new tractor for his father? Doubtful.
I apologize for that Eli Manning pic. There were requests made and things just got taken too far. I've cleaned up the picture section.
Trivia Question For Thursday - Which team won the first MLS Cup? Bonus point if you tell me who they beat.
** Tuesday's Answer - The "C.C" in C.C. Sabathia stands for Carsten Charles. I'm still going to call him C.C. instead of CC. It just feels right. I'm really surprised that the C.C. didn't stand for Chocolate Chip. Looks like I owe C.B. a coke.
Austin - I hope you were able to make it all the way to the end. And I hope you enjoyed it.
As for the rest of you, I hope you....
Enjoy the game.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Wake Me Up
.... when Chris Bennett's vacation ends. With the blog's official SuperFan out of the country, the last couple weeks have been rough. Not only have I been without Chris to bounce ideas off, I am also trying to come up with blogs without my sister feeding me crazy stories about my parents (She is still in Europe) and without Metcalf in town to make comments I can manipulate, exaggerate, and then shamelessly beat into the ground. I honestly don't know how I would have filled this space over the last couple weeks without all the gold I got from Jeff. That guy is all time.
Let's leave Jeff alone for the rest of today's blog. He seemed a little miffed at me today. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's plotting to have me fired behind my back, not that I blame him. I certainly have that coming. Besides, I like the guy, so I'm going to try to get through today's entry without any more Jeff talk.
(Looking through notes)
Ummm.... Have you guys heard the one about Jorgen carrying a purse even though he is a guy?
You have, huh?
Oh, boy....
(Shuffling papers)
Is it hot in here?
(Loosens collar)
Okay, here we go.... I got a few things:
* Ryan Howard went 2-4 with a HR and 2 RBI on Monday night but it wasn't enough to overcome an atrocious outing by Phillies starter Adam Eaton. TGCU also homered in the game to stay one ahead of Ryan, although Utley's homer came much earlier in the game and was a meaningless solo shot. (This was before he pulled a Tony Stewart and grabbed some pine for the rest of the night.) I have a question for all the racist Howard-haters out there: If this guy is such a choker how does he lead the NL in RBI despite hitting just .226? I mean, if you are hitting for poor average and still managing to lead your league in RBI, you must be getting lots of hits with RISP, right? What is more important for a hitter to do than drive in runs? Isn't that exactly what a clean up hitter is supposed to do? Actually, let me cut out all this rhetorical question crap. That IS exactly what a clean up hitter is supposed to do. Here's a guy who is 2nd in the NL in HRs and RBI, while playing for a first place club. Last year he was 2nd in the NL in HRs and RBI, while helping the Phils to an NL East title. In 2006, he lead the Majors in HRs and RBI and won the NL MVP. And before 2006 he had never even spent a full season in the big leagues. (He won the 2005 NL Rookie of the Year in an abbreviated season.) I'm pretty sure a lot of teams would want a guy like Howard in the middle of their order. But there is no outcry in Philadelphia over Howard not being an All-Star, while they are crying like babies over pitcher Cole Hamles not getting a ticket to the Bronx. In 3 years with the Phils, Hamels has won 33 games, production not even approaching that of Howard's. I should point out that Hamels is white and Howard is black. Black like Donovan McNabb. Black like Allen Iverson. What's my point? I think it's obvious:
Philadelphia fans are a bunch of....
Idiots.
* Are you still reading, Austin? Really? Huh.... Well I underestimated you I guess. But be prepared to skip over this next blurgb as I am not done talking about Ryan Howard yet. When the Mets jumped out to a 5 run lead last night, Ed offered me an even money bet that Howard would hit a home run. This is actually the second time he has made that wager with me. (He won this time but lost the first one.) I would like to publically issue the following change to Ed: Any time the Phillies are trailing by 5 runs or more, we can automatically lock into a bet on Howard hitting a HR. I will take the "No" and you can have the "Yes" at even money in every game. If you think that's a fair price, you were right: You really are a "Bookmaker." I think Howard is a great power hitter but I will bet the "No" on any player hitting a home run in any game at even money, especially when he's already had 1-2 of his at bats.
Note to self: Stop mocking bosses in blog. Jeff is already mad at you and Matt practically hates you. Stop short of alienating Ed as well.
Noted.
* Okay, I admit that I am being hard on Ed today. Maybe I'm even being unfair. I'm just mad at him for his constant mocking of my boy Ryan Howard (Not to mention pointless digs at Jason Campbell) but at least when he asks me to do something, I do it. Ed was telling me that the other morning he asked Jorgen to get him coffee and Jorgen said no. Ummm.... dude do you understand the concept of having a boss? He tells you what to do and then you do it. All I know is that in a few years when Jorgen inevitably comes crawling to me for a job, it's going to be a different story. When I say "Jump" that kid better say "How high?" or I will replace him with someone who will. (God, I hope it's Austin. That would be sweet revenge.) And I'm also going to institute a strict policy on purses. As in, you must have a vagina in order to bring one to work. Sorry, pal.
* Here's something that came across my desk today: NFL Mascot Contest. It's a competition on NFL.com to decide which NFL team has the best mascot. After getting over my initial shock that people at NFL.com were actually being paid to do something so stupid, I noticed that the Redskins mascot "Chief Zee" was in the finals against the Ravens mascot "Poe." The Redskins "Mascot" is really just a black guy from D.C. who dresses up in a borderline offensive outfit for every game and walks through the crowd high-fiving drunk guys my age. I actually met him once about 8 years ago. We were staying at the same motel in Tampa Bay while the Redskins were down there for a divisional playoff game. He told my brother, dad, and I a story about getting beat up by a bunch of Philadelphia fans at a Redskins-Eagles game. Those Eagles fans sure are bitter. You have to look really, really closely but it's there. The bitterness is there.
But I'm not here to mock Eagles fans, at least not this time. Seeing that article about the Ravens mascot "Poe" reminded me of just how lame I think that franchise is. Here's the bio NFL.com gives about "Poe":
He's 11 years old, weighs 692, 537 feathers, attended the University of Poe-try, enjoys the TV show That's so Raven and when asked if Chief Zee is the best mascot, can be heard squawking the word, "nevermore."
Wow.
I really could and probably should stop there, having already proven how lame the Ravens are but I have more: I don't like the Ravens because they copied the Redskins by becoming the 2nd team in the NFL with a marching band. I don't like the Ravens because they have male cheerleaders. And I especially don't like the Ravens because of all the kids from Maryland I went to high school with that jumped on their bandwagon in 2000. My high school was in D.C. and there were kids from Maryland, Virginia, and the city. For the most part all the kids from Maryland were Redskins fans (Save for the comedians who were Dallas fans just to see what kindof reaction they got out of Redskins fans every time they brought it up) when I first started there in the fall of 1997. During my junior year, the Redskins managed to win the NFC East and crush the Detroit Lions in the first round of the playoffs. It was great. Kids were allowed to wear Redskins jerseys to school instead of the normal uniform. Everyone was going to the home games. We even went to random Redskins pep rallies in the city. During the off-season, the Redskins signed Deion Sanders and Bruce Smith among others and were a consensus pick to challenge for the Super Bowl. Everyone was on the Redskins bandwagon. Of course, the 2000 season did not go as planned and the Skins failed to even make the postseason.
Meanwhile, the Ravens were riding a ridiculous defense to the AFC playoffs as a wild card entry. No one made a peep when they won their wild card game the first week but when they went to Tennessee and upset the #1 seeded Titans, suddenly every kid from Maryland at that school took notice. It was like a light bulb went off in their collective heads: "Hey, I'm from Maryland. I can root for Baltimore and no one can say I'm a bandwagon fan because I'm kindof from there." The Ravens crushed the Giants in the Super Bowl a few weeks later, and those kids were rewarded for their monthlong dedication to the Ravens. And that was that. They became Ravens "Fans."
The regular season is two months away and I'm already pissed at fans of a team that isn't even in our conference. I think I'm ready. Hail to the Redskins.
I'm not doing any picks today. I don't even like baseball. Leave me alone. Okay, fine. I like the Cardinals tomorrow. Who is Cole Hamels to be laying two dollars against anyone? He's not even an All-Star. And when guys like Ryan Ludwick make the All-Star team, you know it's a true barometer of how good a player is.
A lot of bitterness in the blog today. I think it was because there was no Jeff talk. That's always good, light-hearted fun the whole family can enjoy. But I'm going to stick to my promise to leave him out of today's entry. Even though I did have a great blurgb all worked out. Let's just say that it involved the man himself, Serena Williams, and Steven Jackson and that Jeff probably would have punched me in the back of the head after reading it.
Tuesday's Trivia Question - I was informed today that the "C.C." in C.C. Sabathia actually does not stand for Chocolate Chip. Didn't see that coming. So.... What does it stand for? (I had to look this one up but if you do that it would pretty much be cheating.)
** Sunday's Answer - The Falcons drafted RB Tony Smith with the 19th overall pick in the 1992 NFL Draft. Incidentally, Smith also attended Southern Mississippi. That trade did not work out too well for the Falcons but it was a crucial moment in that it helped turn Chris Bennett into the bitter cynic we know and love today.
Chad says I have become too much of a hater lately. Reading over this blog.... I think he's right. But I'm not going to stop any time soon. You can stop reading the blog but I'm not going to stop spewing the hate.
Perhaps I should go work on my resume. I may be needing it very soon.
Enjoy the game.
Let's leave Jeff alone for the rest of today's blog. He seemed a little miffed at me today. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's plotting to have me fired behind my back, not that I blame him. I certainly have that coming. Besides, I like the guy, so I'm going to try to get through today's entry without any more Jeff talk.
(Looking through notes)
Ummm.... Have you guys heard the one about Jorgen carrying a purse even though he is a guy?
You have, huh?
Oh, boy....
(Shuffling papers)
Is it hot in here?
(Loosens collar)
Okay, here we go.... I got a few things:
* Ryan Howard went 2-4 with a HR and 2 RBI on Monday night but it wasn't enough to overcome an atrocious outing by Phillies starter Adam Eaton. TGCU also homered in the game to stay one ahead of Ryan, although Utley's homer came much earlier in the game and was a meaningless solo shot. (This was before he pulled a Tony Stewart and grabbed some pine for the rest of the night.) I have a question for all the racist Howard-haters out there: If this guy is such a choker how does he lead the NL in RBI despite hitting just .226? I mean, if you are hitting for poor average and still managing to lead your league in RBI, you must be getting lots of hits with RISP, right? What is more important for a hitter to do than drive in runs? Isn't that exactly what a clean up hitter is supposed to do? Actually, let me cut out all this rhetorical question crap. That IS exactly what a clean up hitter is supposed to do. Here's a guy who is 2nd in the NL in HRs and RBI, while playing for a first place club. Last year he was 2nd in the NL in HRs and RBI, while helping the Phils to an NL East title. In 2006, he lead the Majors in HRs and RBI and won the NL MVP. And before 2006 he had never even spent a full season in the big leagues. (He won the 2005 NL Rookie of the Year in an abbreviated season.) I'm pretty sure a lot of teams would want a guy like Howard in the middle of their order. But there is no outcry in Philadelphia over Howard not being an All-Star, while they are crying like babies over pitcher Cole Hamles not getting a ticket to the Bronx. In 3 years with the Phils, Hamels has won 33 games, production not even approaching that of Howard's. I should point out that Hamels is white and Howard is black. Black like Donovan McNabb. Black like Allen Iverson. What's my point? I think it's obvious:
Philadelphia fans are a bunch of....
Idiots.
* Are you still reading, Austin? Really? Huh.... Well I underestimated you I guess. But be prepared to skip over this next blurgb as I am not done talking about Ryan Howard yet. When the Mets jumped out to a 5 run lead last night, Ed offered me an even money bet that Howard would hit a home run. This is actually the second time he has made that wager with me. (He won this time but lost the first one.) I would like to publically issue the following change to Ed: Any time the Phillies are trailing by 5 runs or more, we can automatically lock into a bet on Howard hitting a HR. I will take the "No" and you can have the "Yes" at even money in every game. If you think that's a fair price, you were right: You really are a "Bookmaker." I think Howard is a great power hitter but I will bet the "No" on any player hitting a home run in any game at even money, especially when he's already had 1-2 of his at bats.
Note to self: Stop mocking bosses in blog. Jeff is already mad at you and Matt practically hates you. Stop short of alienating Ed as well.
Noted.
* Okay, I admit that I am being hard on Ed today. Maybe I'm even being unfair. I'm just mad at him for his constant mocking of my boy Ryan Howard (Not to mention pointless digs at Jason Campbell) but at least when he asks me to do something, I do it. Ed was telling me that the other morning he asked Jorgen to get him coffee and Jorgen said no. Ummm.... dude do you understand the concept of having a boss? He tells you what to do and then you do it. All I know is that in a few years when Jorgen inevitably comes crawling to me for a job, it's going to be a different story. When I say "Jump" that kid better say "How high?" or I will replace him with someone who will. (God, I hope it's Austin. That would be sweet revenge.) And I'm also going to institute a strict policy on purses. As in, you must have a vagina in order to bring one to work. Sorry, pal.
* Here's something that came across my desk today: NFL Mascot Contest. It's a competition on NFL.com to decide which NFL team has the best mascot. After getting over my initial shock that people at NFL.com were actually being paid to do something so stupid, I noticed that the Redskins mascot "Chief Zee" was in the finals against the Ravens mascot "Poe." The Redskins "Mascot" is really just a black guy from D.C. who dresses up in a borderline offensive outfit for every game and walks through the crowd high-fiving drunk guys my age. I actually met him once about 8 years ago. We were staying at the same motel in Tampa Bay while the Redskins were down there for a divisional playoff game. He told my brother, dad, and I a story about getting beat up by a bunch of Philadelphia fans at a Redskins-Eagles game. Those Eagles fans sure are bitter. You have to look really, really closely but it's there. The bitterness is there.
But I'm not here to mock Eagles fans, at least not this time. Seeing that article about the Ravens mascot "Poe" reminded me of just how lame I think that franchise is. Here's the bio NFL.com gives about "Poe":
He's 11 years old, weighs 692, 537 feathers, attended the University of Poe-try, enjoys the TV show That's so Raven and when asked if Chief Zee is the best mascot, can be heard squawking the word, "nevermore."
Wow.
I really could and probably should stop there, having already proven how lame the Ravens are but I have more: I don't like the Ravens because they copied the Redskins by becoming the 2nd team in the NFL with a marching band. I don't like the Ravens because they have male cheerleaders. And I especially don't like the Ravens because of all the kids from Maryland I went to high school with that jumped on their bandwagon in 2000. My high school was in D.C. and there were kids from Maryland, Virginia, and the city. For the most part all the kids from Maryland were Redskins fans (Save for the comedians who were Dallas fans just to see what kindof reaction they got out of Redskins fans every time they brought it up) when I first started there in the fall of 1997. During my junior year, the Redskins managed to win the NFC East and crush the Detroit Lions in the first round of the playoffs. It was great. Kids were allowed to wear Redskins jerseys to school instead of the normal uniform. Everyone was going to the home games. We even went to random Redskins pep rallies in the city. During the off-season, the Redskins signed Deion Sanders and Bruce Smith among others and were a consensus pick to challenge for the Super Bowl. Everyone was on the Redskins bandwagon. Of course, the 2000 season did not go as planned and the Skins failed to even make the postseason.
Meanwhile, the Ravens were riding a ridiculous defense to the AFC playoffs as a wild card entry. No one made a peep when they won their wild card game the first week but when they went to Tennessee and upset the #1 seeded Titans, suddenly every kid from Maryland at that school took notice. It was like a light bulb went off in their collective heads: "Hey, I'm from Maryland. I can root for Baltimore and no one can say I'm a bandwagon fan because I'm kindof from there." The Ravens crushed the Giants in the Super Bowl a few weeks later, and those kids were rewarded for their monthlong dedication to the Ravens. And that was that. They became Ravens "Fans."
The regular season is two months away and I'm already pissed at fans of a team that isn't even in our conference. I think I'm ready. Hail to the Redskins.
I'm not doing any picks today. I don't even like baseball. Leave me alone. Okay, fine. I like the Cardinals tomorrow. Who is Cole Hamels to be laying two dollars against anyone? He's not even an All-Star. And when guys like Ryan Ludwick make the All-Star team, you know it's a true barometer of how good a player is.
A lot of bitterness in the blog today. I think it was because there was no Jeff talk. That's always good, light-hearted fun the whole family can enjoy. But I'm going to stick to my promise to leave him out of today's entry. Even though I did have a great blurgb all worked out. Let's just say that it involved the man himself, Serena Williams, and Steven Jackson and that Jeff probably would have punched me in the back of the head after reading it.
Tuesday's Trivia Question - I was informed today that the "C.C." in C.C. Sabathia actually does not stand for Chocolate Chip. Didn't see that coming. So.... What does it stand for? (I had to look this one up but if you do that it would pretty much be cheating.)
** Sunday's Answer - The Falcons drafted RB Tony Smith with the 19th overall pick in the 1992 NFL Draft. Incidentally, Smith also attended Southern Mississippi. That trade did not work out too well for the Falcons but it was a crucial moment in that it helped turn Chris Bennett into the bitter cynic we know and love today.
Chad says I have become too much of a hater lately. Reading over this blog.... I think he's right. But I'm not going to stop any time soon. You can stop reading the blog but I'm not going to stop spewing the hate.
Perhaps I should go work on my resume. I may be needing it very soon.
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I may have to bail on today's blog
.... half-way through it, get out of my seat, and allow a backup blogger to take my spot on the couch. (It's not that I don't want to blog. I have a little baby tummy ache so I can't go on. Just call me the Tony Stewart of blogging.) Remember that time Lawrence Taylor pulled himself out of a playoff game because he was feeling sick? Yeah, me neither. What a sport....
I know I haven't blogged in a while. Normally, I would apologize for such a thing but this time I honestly don't feel bad about it. I really forced out those last two blogs about Jorgen and I deserved a few days off. I don't even like writing about the kid any more. It's just all crap: "Hey! Look at Jorgen! He has a purse! He has a purse, even though he is a guy. Isn't that weird? I wonder what's in that thing? Lipstick, right? I bet it's lipstick, or other products that are generally only associated with girls. That's why it's funny." To quote Mr. White - "Hardy fuckin' har." It's not even really a purse. It's just a man bag. A lot of guys carry man bags. Really, really, really effeminate guys. It's not that big of a deal.
Not only am I getting tired of writing about this kid, I'm on the verge of losing the first and only friend I've ever had from Iowa. The last time I saw Jorgen, he told me not to talk to him and that he felt the last blog had gone too far. (Although, he did quietly admit that me comparing him to Matthew Broderick's character in Election was both funny and insightful. Hard to argue with that.) Let's give Jorgen the rest of the blog off. It's bad enough that he has to punch parlay tickets for that mob of morons at the Superbook every day. Why should he also have to come home to a blog making fun of him? Sorry, pal. I hope you still want to come on the trip to Del Mar. (I bet I could get a LOT of blog material out of that thing....)
Austin says that my blogs are too long and that while he finds them funny, he can't read the whole thing at once. I can't believe this kid was allowed to boss me around for almost 9 months of my life. See if you can handle today's entry all in one sitting, college boy:
* My bet with Mikey Millz is really heating up, as Ryan Howard hit his 23rd HR of the season last night and now finds himself just 1 behind TGCU. For the record, the Phillies were trailing 3-0 at the time and Howard's homer tied the game at 3-3. For a player who is "Garbage," Howard sure has low odds to lead the Major Leagues in home runs....
* While most guys I know were disappointed that Maria Sharapova, Ana Ivanovic, or one of those other hotass European girls weren't in the Wimbledon Ladies Finals, I hear that Jeff actually asked for the day off so that he could watch the All-Williams sister Championship Match. Alone. In his basement. And apparently he needed an entire day to recover after all that excitement. Seems strange to me. To each his own, I guess....
* I've had my fill of baseball for one year. Rooting for the Nationals is like rooting for the Redskins: Both teams are constantly racked by injuries and both teams practically discover new ways to lose games they should have won. As the blog goes to press today, the Nats are without their every day 1B, 3B, CF, LF, #2 C and closer, all of whom are enjoying extended stints on the DL. And they are starting a 21-year-old rookie pitcher because the guy whose normal turn it is in the rotation is also on the Disabled List. Luckily, their starting RF just came off the DL after a 6 week stay. I guess they figured someone has to play. Come to think of it, rooting for the Nationals is actually even worse than rooting for Redskins - They play almost every day and they suck even worse. When does football start....?
* But I don't expect any sympathy. How could I? During last night's Cup race, one of my buddies in West Virginia and I were exchanging text messages. When he saw that the driver I had bet on was getting out of his car and leaving the race because he had the flu, my friend texted me to say that I "Should have done my research." I replied that I had placed my bet much earlier in the week and assumed Tony Stewart had a sack. Obviously, if I had known that "Smoke" was going to get sand in his vagina half-way through the race, I would have bet on someone else. "Real" NASCAR fans suck. Just a bunch of dumb rednecks mindlessly watching the cars turning left and rooting for "Junya." (Sorry, Cliff....)
* Good article in Sports Illustrated this week about Giants ace Tim Lincencum, who is 10-1 with a 2.49 ERA so far this season, while making $405,000. Teammate Barry Zito is 4-12 with a 5.73 ERA. His 2008 salary? $14,500,000, or roughly 5 million times what I make....
* Meanwhile, Major League Clubs are lining up to submit their bids for the services of C.C. Sabathia, aka "Chocolate Chip." Based on what I've read (Okay, casually glanced at because I am sick of baseball) the Brewers and Rays appear to be the frontrunners to land Sabathia. The Brewers appear to be his most aggressive suitor but are reportedly unwilling to include either of their top two prospects in a potential deal. Meanwhile, years and years of being terrible and having high draft choices is finally paying off for the Rays, who are loaded with top prospects to dangle in front of the Tribe. Imagine a rotation of Kazmir, The Chip, Shields, Garza, and Sonnanstine. That would be almost as good as the Yankees' rotation. Maybe if they get C.C., Austin will finally call for the Rays to edge out the Jays and Orioles and avoid last place in the East....
Picks? Are you kidding me? I have no idea whose going to win. Go here - That Wacky Hoff! Just remember to tiptoe around those land mines he calls "Multi-Unit" plays and you'll be fine.
I have to admit I didn't realize how many comedians were reading my blog until Eli Manning received as many votes for the best QB in the NFL as his older brother, Peyton and Tom Brady did. Very funny, guys. The guy throws 20 picks in the regular season, gets through the playoffs thanks to choke jobs by Romo and Favre and then rides his defense, several dropped INTs by the Patriots, and a fluke catch by a scrub WR to a garbage victory and suddenly he's Johnny Unitas. Wait a minute - I think I hate football, too. When does basketball start....?
Anyways, we ended up with a 3-way tie between the Manning brothers and Brady. How exciting. I actually think this next poll could be my best one yet. What has been the least surprising sports story so far this year: Charles Barkley's gambling, O.J. Mayo receiving gifts from USC, Pac Man Jones signing with the Cowboys, or Brett Favre unretiring. I'm going to go out on a huge limb and assume that he will. Call it a hunch. Speaking of Favre, look at this pointless article about his potential destinations, assuming he unretires and doesn't come back to the Packers - Dude - What's the point? Basically, all the guy does is go through each team and talk about why they wouldn't want Favre. I think there's more good content in my blog than in this article. There might even be more good content in Ross's blog than in this article....
Trivia Question for Sunday - After just one season with the Atlanta Falcons, QB Brett Favre was traded to the Green Bay Packers for a first round pick. Who did the Falcons select with that pick? (Please sit this one out, Jeff. It wouldn't be fair to the others.)
** Tuesday's Answer - Utah's Alex Smith and Andrew Bogut were drafted first overall by the 49ers and Bucks, respectively, in 2005. Nice picks, guys.
Not much left to watch today. The most overrated rivalry in sports history is on center stage tonight on ESPN. I guess you could watch that. Don't know what else to tell you. Slim pickings tonight if you're like me and are hoping to....
Enjoy the game.
I know I haven't blogged in a while. Normally, I would apologize for such a thing but this time I honestly don't feel bad about it. I really forced out those last two blogs about Jorgen and I deserved a few days off. I don't even like writing about the kid any more. It's just all crap: "Hey! Look at Jorgen! He has a purse! He has a purse, even though he is a guy. Isn't that weird? I wonder what's in that thing? Lipstick, right? I bet it's lipstick, or other products that are generally only associated with girls. That's why it's funny." To quote Mr. White - "Hardy fuckin' har." It's not even really a purse. It's just a man bag. A lot of guys carry man bags. Really, really, really effeminate guys. It's not that big of a deal.
Not only am I getting tired of writing about this kid, I'm on the verge of losing the first and only friend I've ever had from Iowa. The last time I saw Jorgen, he told me not to talk to him and that he felt the last blog had gone too far. (Although, he did quietly admit that me comparing him to Matthew Broderick's character in Election was both funny and insightful. Hard to argue with that.) Let's give Jorgen the rest of the blog off. It's bad enough that he has to punch parlay tickets for that mob of morons at the Superbook every day. Why should he also have to come home to a blog making fun of him? Sorry, pal. I hope you still want to come on the trip to Del Mar. (I bet I could get a LOT of blog material out of that thing....)
Austin says that my blogs are too long and that while he finds them funny, he can't read the whole thing at once. I can't believe this kid was allowed to boss me around for almost 9 months of my life. See if you can handle today's entry all in one sitting, college boy:
* My bet with Mikey Millz is really heating up, as Ryan Howard hit his 23rd HR of the season last night and now finds himself just 1 behind TGCU. For the record, the Phillies were trailing 3-0 at the time and Howard's homer tied the game at 3-3. For a player who is "Garbage," Howard sure has low odds to lead the Major Leagues in home runs....
* While most guys I know were disappointed that Maria Sharapova, Ana Ivanovic, or one of those other hotass European girls weren't in the Wimbledon Ladies Finals, I hear that Jeff actually asked for the day off so that he could watch the All-Williams sister Championship Match. Alone. In his basement. And apparently he needed an entire day to recover after all that excitement. Seems strange to me. To each his own, I guess....
* I've had my fill of baseball for one year. Rooting for the Nationals is like rooting for the Redskins: Both teams are constantly racked by injuries and both teams practically discover new ways to lose games they should have won. As the blog goes to press today, the Nats are without their every day 1B, 3B, CF, LF, #2 C and closer, all of whom are enjoying extended stints on the DL. And they are starting a 21-year-old rookie pitcher because the guy whose normal turn it is in the rotation is also on the Disabled List. Luckily, their starting RF just came off the DL after a 6 week stay. I guess they figured someone has to play. Come to think of it, rooting for the Nationals is actually even worse than rooting for Redskins - They play almost every day and they suck even worse. When does football start....?
* But I don't expect any sympathy. How could I? During last night's Cup race, one of my buddies in West Virginia and I were exchanging text messages. When he saw that the driver I had bet on was getting out of his car and leaving the race because he had the flu, my friend texted me to say that I "Should have done my research." I replied that I had placed my bet much earlier in the week and assumed Tony Stewart had a sack. Obviously, if I had known that "Smoke" was going to get sand in his vagina half-way through the race, I would have bet on someone else. "Real" NASCAR fans suck. Just a bunch of dumb rednecks mindlessly watching the cars turning left and rooting for "Junya." (Sorry, Cliff....)
* Good article in Sports Illustrated this week about Giants ace Tim Lincencum, who is 10-1 with a 2.49 ERA so far this season, while making $405,000. Teammate Barry Zito is 4-12 with a 5.73 ERA. His 2008 salary? $14,500,000, or roughly 5 million times what I make....
* Meanwhile, Major League Clubs are lining up to submit their bids for the services of C.C. Sabathia, aka "Chocolate Chip." Based on what I've read (Okay, casually glanced at because I am sick of baseball) the Brewers and Rays appear to be the frontrunners to land Sabathia. The Brewers appear to be his most aggressive suitor but are reportedly unwilling to include either of their top two prospects in a potential deal. Meanwhile, years and years of being terrible and having high draft choices is finally paying off for the Rays, who are loaded with top prospects to dangle in front of the Tribe. Imagine a rotation of Kazmir, The Chip, Shields, Garza, and Sonnanstine. That would be almost as good as the Yankees' rotation. Maybe if they get C.C., Austin will finally call for the Rays to edge out the Jays and Orioles and avoid last place in the East....
Picks? Are you kidding me? I have no idea whose going to win. Go here - That Wacky Hoff! Just remember to tiptoe around those land mines he calls "Multi-Unit" plays and you'll be fine.
I have to admit I didn't realize how many comedians were reading my blog until Eli Manning received as many votes for the best QB in the NFL as his older brother, Peyton and Tom Brady did. Very funny, guys. The guy throws 20 picks in the regular season, gets through the playoffs thanks to choke jobs by Romo and Favre and then rides his defense, several dropped INTs by the Patriots, and a fluke catch by a scrub WR to a garbage victory and suddenly he's Johnny Unitas. Wait a minute - I think I hate football, too. When does basketball start....?
Anyways, we ended up with a 3-way tie between the Manning brothers and Brady. How exciting. I actually think this next poll could be my best one yet. What has been the least surprising sports story so far this year: Charles Barkley's gambling, O.J. Mayo receiving gifts from USC, Pac Man Jones signing with the Cowboys, or Brett Favre unretiring. I'm going to go out on a huge limb and assume that he will. Call it a hunch. Speaking of Favre, look at this pointless article about his potential destinations, assuming he unretires and doesn't come back to the Packers - Dude - What's the point? Basically, all the guy does is go through each team and talk about why they wouldn't want Favre. I think there's more good content in my blog than in this article. There might even be more good content in Ross's blog than in this article....
Trivia Question for Sunday - After just one season with the Atlanta Falcons, QB Brett Favre was traded to the Green Bay Packers for a first round pick. Who did the Falcons select with that pick? (Please sit this one out, Jeff. It wouldn't be fair to the others.)
** Tuesday's Answer - Utah's Alex Smith and Andrew Bogut were drafted first overall by the 49ers and Bucks, respectively, in 2005. Nice picks, guys.
Not much left to watch today. The most overrated rivalry in sports history is on center stage tonight on ESPN. I guess you could watch that. Don't know what else to tell you. Slim pickings tonight if you're like me and are hoping to....
Enjoy the game.
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Carl Edwards
May be the blog's biggest hero....
