This blog may be a lot of work

.... but sometimes you hear something that makes it all worthwhile. When I arrived at work on Monday morning, Jeff Sherman (Yes, the guy from the radio!) told me he had read my blog and gave me some advice for my next entry. Wow. I was definitely planning on taking a day off but now that I know Jeff is reading I feel an obligation to blog it up. (Okay, let's be honest - we all know that Jeff had been reading this thing all along but now he's finally admitting it. Nice to officially have you on board, bro.) Jeff told me to be "Less controversial" in my blogs, which I took to mean to stop being funny. So I'm going to at least try it out. Today's blog will be informative. No jokes.

Even Mike O. came to me today with ideas for the blog. But ultimately I am doing this one for one of my most loyal fans from way, way back in the early days. I could tell he was down after a tough Nationals loss yesterday afternoon and I owe it to him to at least try and cheer him up. Enjoy this one, Chris.

I'm over the Tony Stewart thing now that I have chewed the ear off of every person willing to hear my tale. There will always be another race. Plus there's a lot to look forward to this week in the blogosphere with Scott posting some winners during his upcoming days off and Ross's much anticipated running diary of a day on the sports line with Chad, Mike Jaz, and a delusional Lars. That will be a must read.

Okay, I've got the filler paragraphs out of the way. It's time for some blurgbs:


* Most of you probably read that disturbing blurgb I had the other day about the underaged chick on The Bill Engvall Show. Jeff pointed out that I should really mention that ridiculously hot girl from the Yellowbook commercial. You know - the one who wants to get her tattoo removed before her wedding to "Tom"? Good idea, bro. I did a little research on her and here's what I've found: Her name is Blanca Soto and (not surprisingly) she is a model. She competed in the national beauty pageant Nuestra Belleza Mexico in 1997. She is also married to actor Jack Hartnett, who is most likely a giant douche.

* Another girl who has caught my eye on TV is that brunette chick from the Mercury commercials. Her name is Jill Wagner and she is from North Carolina. Probably a NASCAR fan. Talk about a catch. I also found out that she went to North Carolina State University. I know a girl who went to NCSU who is also pretty hot. Perhaps I should have gone there....

* Moving off the topic of attractive women for a moment, there's a full card of WNBA on Tuesday night. (That means there's three games.) Huge game on the Deuce as the Fever visit the Sun at 4 PM PT. I'm expecting lots of bricks, lots of turnovers, and lots of sloppy play but hey - they're really hustling out there. It's like a league full of Eduardo Najeras, right down to their physical appearance. Someday I will go to a WNBA game and sit in the front row at center court. I will then proceed to pull out a newspaper and read it throughout the entire game in plain view of the players, coaches, fans, and assembled media.... Then I will mention it in my blog.

* I saw the movie Ironman on Monday night at the Palms. It was pretty good. Robert Downey Jr. was solid as Tony Stark and Gwyneth Paltrow did a good job of playing the wet blanket love interest with a stupid name - Pepper Potts. Terence Howard gave a forgettable turn as Stark's buddy/token black guy and Jeff Bridges played the villain who we were supposed to believe was on Stark's side even though it was incredibly transparent that he would prove to be a bad guy. It all worked for me. Leslie Bibb (Will Ferrell's wife in Talladega Nights) also appeared as the extremely hot reporter that Stark plows in one of the opening scenes. I'm giving it 2.5 stars (Apparently I now have a 4 star scale) and would recommend it to you all.

* My only complaint about Ironman was that there were two people sitting a couple rows behind us who were talking pretty much throughout the entire movie. And I don't mean common movie theater whispering that people can hear but everyone ignores. I'm talking real conversations at average decibal levels. It was ridiculous. I even pulled a Seinfeld and gave them the half turn, followed by the full turn when they wouldn't shut up. (I didn't do the eye roll. The theater was too dark and they weren't looking in my direction anyways.) Look, I've been known to crack a joke or two during a movie but I at least have the courtesy to whisper it to the person next to me. How about we institute a policy whereby if you want to say something to another person during a movie you have to text them? I have unlimited text messaging so it's no big deal for me....

* The Celtics managed to score a whopping 75 points in Game 4 on Monday night, despite being sent to the charity stripe a Lakers-like 39 times. Just how good is this Boston team? Antonio McDyess had 21 points and 16 rebounds. No, not in the series. I'm talking about just last night. It didn't go to overtime or anything. He put together that stat line in just 34 minutes! My math may be a tad off here but I have that translating to roughly 84 points and 67 rebounds per game for Tim Duncan if the Spurs play Boston in the next round. (Which the NBA won't possibly allow so I'm not sure why I even bothered to mention it. Nevermind.) Speaking of that, David Stern may want to give his boys an extra pep talk before Game 5 in Boston. There's no way he's going to want to see that gutless team down 3-2 heading back to Detroit.

* Can someone set an Over/Under on the amount of times a Spurs or Pistons player will be called for a foul, look at the ref in disbelief, and then break out in a grin when he remembers that the league is openly fixing the game, so that his team will lose and try his best to laugh off the whole thing? Chris?

* Tom Brady and Peyton Manning each make somewhere between $13-14 Million per year to play quarterback for the Patriots and Colts, respectively. Brady is a 3-time Super Bowl Champion who is a sure Hall of Famer. Manning is likewise a lock to go to Canton and quarterbacked the Colts to victory in Super Bowl XLI. Meanwhile, Falcons rookie QB Matt Ryan will make an average of $12 Million a year over the life of his new contract. Ryan finished 5th in the ACC in passing efficiency last season behind such stalwarts as Cullen Harper, Sean Glennon, Chris Turner, and Riley Skinner. Imagine the riches Harper has waiting for him in the NFL....

* I now have a bet on LSU to win the College Baseball World Series next month. They are on a roll right now, having not lost a game in just over a month. I may even try to bet on some more teams to win it all, assuming the college baseball bookmakers in this city come back from vacation or wake up in time to update their odds.

* Did you guys see Danica Patrick angrily get out of her car after crashing out of the Indy 500? She's a feisty one that, Danica.... What exactly was her plan if Ryan Briscoe had stood up to her and wanted to fight? Was she just going to close her eyes and smack him with her palms while he laughed uncontrollably?


I'm 4-0 the last 2 days on this blog, so it's time to double down on those fades:

Lakers

Rangers

Padres


David Stern has enough to worry about in the Eastern Conference Finals. He'll pull the plug on the Western Finals on Tuesday night.

Wait Jeff - is all this Stern fixing the NBA playoff games talk too controversial? Is this the kindof thing you're talking about? I really don't want to go back and delete all this, dude. I'm not creative enough to write a long blog without mocking the same issues over and over. That's why I write so much stuff about Jorgen. I mean it's not like the kid is that fascinating of a figure. He's just so easy to make fun of. I literally could come home drunk off my ass and write a dozen funny blurgbs about him. I could write 10 of them just about Swedish names. It's that easy.... That's why I do it - to fill up space. Anyways, I don't think the whole Lakers-Celtics fix thing is that much of a hot button issue. I think everyone knows the NBA wants Lakers-Celtics and we've all just accepted it. Let me know what you think. Thanks, bro.

As for the rest of you - when are you going to tell me what movie to review? Right now I'm leaning towards the "film" Lucky You, starring Eric Bana, Robert Duvall, and Drew Barrymore. Bana was terrible and Barrymore's performance made Chris Graham's last few weeks on the line look like solid effort. I'm not even sure she knew there was a movie being filmed. Perhaps she just thought there was a film crew following her around Vegas for a few weeks. It is truly terrible. I'm also considering reviewing "All In," another forced-out movie that tried to capitalize on the poker surge but came out too late. This one stars Michael Madsen, whose daughter Alicia, or "Ace," as she is called, is a crackerjack card player. Without giving away too much - this is seriously the biggest piece of garbage I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure they filmed it over a holiday weekend using a home video camera.

Yeah, I've seen both of these movies in their entirety and I have a blog. So what? What's your point?


I can't think of a good trivia question today. Monday's answer was the Texas State Fighting Armadillos. CC got that one. Nicely done.

I hear Chase Utley had 6 RBI on Monday. About time that bum did something. Okay, I'll admit it - Utley is a solid player. He plays the game the right way. He's like a young Brooks Robinson. But for me, it's all about watching #6 Ryan Howard when I want to....



Enjoy the game.