I may not have a fancy degree

.... in mathematics like some of my work superiors but I do know this - when a driver has a 5.5 second lead with 2 laps left in a 400 lap race, the chances of him winning are really, really good. I planned on taking a break from blogging today but the whole Tony Stewart situation has me bummed out. I figure I have two options - jump off my balcony or blog. I live on the second floor and would probably just sprain my ankle so I feel the former would be counter-productive. Therefore, I am blogging.

So I have my money down on Tony Stewart in the #20 car to tame The Beast of the Southeast on Sunday night and thanks to solid pit strategy he finds himself with a 5.5 second lead with just 2 laps remaining. In other words he is going to win - or so I think. I look up to see the #20 pulling up with a flat tire moments away from his and my victory. For the record - the fact that Chad was sitting next to me when this happened the same way he was sitting next to me when Denny Hamlin (And I) had similarly bad luck in Richmond a few weeks ago is not lost on me. I read that after the race Stewart stormed to his trailer without talking reporters. I would've loved to have stormed home without talking to the blogosphere but I like to feel I am better than that. I want my readers to feel (See: bask in) my pain. Anyways, thanks for indulging me. I know how much everyone loves other people's bad beat stories.... Although, I do feel like you guys owe me after all the crap I've written about Jorgen the last couple months....

Whatever. It's over. I'll move past it even though I'm a few more of these losses away from walking around work rattling off ridiculous catchphrases to no one imparticular like a young Mike Jaz. Let's just throw it on the pile of "fun" gambling stories.


And now how about some blurgbs:

* Johns Hopkins is -105 in the NCAA Lacrosse Final on Monday? Who made that line? I want some.

* Funny story about a group of Lakers fans at the Venetian on Sunday. Apparently Kobe hit a shot late in the 4th quarter and they went nuts, chanting "MVP, MVP, MVP." Of course, the Lakers were down by about 70 points at the time. In fact, I think Lamar Odom was actually already at a strip club. The Lakers may not win my poll but they are certainly the clubhouse leaders for "Dumbest fanbase." Prove me wrong, Jeff.

* I think the NBA has two officiating crews awaiting the call for Game 5 of the Western Conference Finals. Crew "A" will be there if the Lakers are up 3-1 and will call a relatively fair game - In other words Kobe will go to the line 20 times and Pau Gasol will be allowed to travel everytime he gets the ball. Standard stuff. Crew "B" will be there if the series is tied 2-2, with the following instructions - eject Tim Duncan if he makes eye contact with any of them, stick their legs out when Tony Parker is dribbling by, and tell Manu Ginobili he's not allowed to play until he shaves. The NBA - Where Leaving Nothing To Chance Happens.

* The Nationals gave up a 6-0 lead yesterday but managed to win the game in the bottom of the 9th on a wild pitch by Brewers reliever Guillermo Mota. The Nats are now 22-29 after a 6-16 start. That's a solid 16-13 stretch. Nice job, fellas. Before you rush out to bet on them on Monday however, you should know that my ridiculously spoiled season-ticket-holding younger brother Peter is taking his girlfriend to the game. The Nationals are roughly 0-12 when Elaina is there. Dude, leave her in the car. (Sorry, Elaina.)

* Comedy Central is airing another season of Mind of Mencia? Really? If I sat by myself in the front row of an auditorium and Carlos Mencia performed for me and only me for 6 hours I don't think I would so much as smirk. Awful.

* Okay, I know what you're thinking but I don't think that makes me a racist. Carlos Mencia just isn't funny.... What? George Lopez is okay. And I like that guy who played Scarface in Half Baked. He's really funny.... My disdain for Carlos Mencia has nothing to do with him being Mexican. Get off your damn high horse.

* Ryan Howard now has 14 home runs. Chase Utley has 15. Anyone want to make an even money bet with me over who ends up with more? I'll take Howard.... Anyone? Ed? Don't pretend like you're not reading the blog just because you're on vacation. The offer is out there, bro....

* On Sunday, the Hilton was accepting wagers on the first and second halves of WNBA games and taking bets on a minor league hockey game. No joke in this blurgb. I'm just asking seriously - where do we go from here?

* Speaking of the WNBA, their unbelieavbly bad slogan of "Expect Great" has me thinking. (And not just about how I should've been a marketing major because apparently that is the easiest job on earth.) I did some research to find what I felt were the worst baseball team slogans of 2008.

Here are my three worst:

3. Detroit Tigers: "Whose Your Tiger?" Is that really the best they could do? No mention of the supposed All-Star hitting lineup? Just a stupid knockoff of a catchphrase that was funny about 10 years ago. Yikes.

2. Minnesota Twins: "This Is Your State, This Is Your Team." This one feels racist to me. So does this mean we can't root for the Twins if we aren't from Minnesota? What about transplanted Minnesotans (Minnesota-gons?) who still want to root for the Twinkies? I don't like it. But nothing could be worse than:

1. Pittsburgh Pirates: "Let's Go Bucs." What? That's the whole thing? Was the normal slogan guy in the jon or something? Did they save money by using old Tampa Bay Buccaneers banners? Did Bud Selig call them one morning and tell them time was up? Was someone actually paid to pen this gem? No wonder they suck every year. Even their marketing team is mailing it in.


Oh, right, you guys probably want some Memorial Day fades:

Red Wings (Puck Line)

Orioles


That's right - I'll take the Greed Line with the Red Wings on Monday night. The Penguins goalie fell to the ground taking his position on Saturday night.... Until they go back to Ty Conklin - I don't like their chances. Red Wings in a rout.

That's three straight days of blogging. There's no way I'm coming back for four so don't even bother checking.


You're gonna check aren't you?

You know.... I'm not getting paid to do this. I do this out of the goodness of my heart to entertain you all in between NASCAR races. It's actually a lot of work....

Okay, I'll try to blog tomorrow. For the kids. I wouldn't have the zero fame and zero success I currently enjoy without you guys.


Monday's Trivia Question: In the classic 1991 football movie Necessary Roughness, what was the full name of the team quarterbacked by Paul Blake, ably played by Scott Bakula?

** Sunday's Answer - Roy Munson was from Iowa. Talk about being "Munsoned" out in the middle of nowhere.


I'm going to work on a pitch to Comedy Central for my own TV show. This could take a while. You may as well just go and....



Enjoy the game.