I'm sure there are many high stress jobs

.... out there and I don't want to take anything away from the brave people who take them on. I've heard that being an air traffic controller is the most stressful job in the world. I've read stories about NFL head coaches working 20 hour days and sleeping on cots in their offices. I've experienced firsthand how stressful it is to work the line at the busiest sportsbook in the world when 50 meaningless college basketball games all go to halftime at the same time (and 50 more games are all about to start) and every braindead moron in the room wants to parlay every one of those games (side to total) but has not made any preparations whatsoever to do so before getting in line.... Having said all that, I think I've found something even more stressful - having a blog. (That's slang for weblog by the way.)

See, bloggers just cannot win. If I update the site every day, I will be rudely mocked by one of my bosses wondering why I have nothing better to do with my time. If I don't update the site for a few days, I get mocking text messages from fellow bloggers who want to see more of my contributions to the blogosphere. The bottom line is that I love this blog (It's a big part of my life) and even though I have nothing "funny" or interesting to say today, I am going to try my best to entertain you all. Especially Jeff, who most likely fell asleep last night refreshing this screen. You can stop hitting that refresh button buddy - the blog is back.

Since I really have no good topics today I am going to an old standby - the blurb. Today's blog will consist of several blurbs as they pop into my head. These are blurbs. In my blog. That's right - these are blurgbs. Enjoy.

* I somehow get labeled an alcoholic because I am Irish. Everyone says all Irish people are alcoholics. Fair enough. But if we are going to hand out labels that liberally I think it's time we label Swedish people as degenerates. Jorgen came by my house last night to watch the basketball games and he had no less than 12 pending bet tickets in his red man-purse. I was trying to watch The Rapist and his loyal striped shirted sidekicks battle the Jazz and I got this kid bitching at me to switch it to the MLB Mix Channel so he can keep tabs on all his bets. It was really sad. Swedish people are degenerates, and not particularly good handicappers either judging by all the cursing Jorgen was doing.

* I think strippers get a bad rap for no good reason. Last night I was at a local gentlemen's club with a few friends of mine and this nice girl came up to me out of nowhere, and started rubbing my back. She proceeded to give me a very pleasant massage and kissed my cheek while I sat there happily drinking my beer, which was brought to me by one of her friends. That's an A+ for ambience in my book. She then overheard me and one of my buddies talking about our sports bets and she asked me how I had done that day. I told her that it was a disappointing day (I went 0-2 on Wednesday) and I made a joke that I didn't have much money on me. Instead of mocking my 0-2 record like some people would have or making light of the fact that I only had a few bucks in my pocket, she calmly got up, changed out of her suggestive outfit, and left. She felt no need to tease me for my losing day and left me alone to start handicapping Thursday's card. Nice girl.

* The home team is 20-1 SU in this round of the NBA Playoffs after last night's not-so-surprising wins by the Celtics and Lakers. I think we'd all be wise to lay the points tonight with the Spurs in Game 6 of their series with the Hornets. Call it a hunch but I'm pretty sure that sometime during the 3rd quarter the Spurs will go on a run and the Hornets will collectively realize that they have dominated the 2nd half of every game played in New Orleans in this series and decide that there's no need to bust their butts tonight in San Antonio in a game they will most likely lose anyway when they have Game 7 back in the friendly confines of New Orleans Arena. In other words, I expect the entire Hornets team to pull a Tim Thomas tonight. Spurs by 15+.

* Here is an item I am planning for future blogs: Full previews of every NFL team leading up to the kickoff of the 2008 season. Am I qualified to do that? Of course not. But I can look up columns written by more talented people and use my trusty English With a Concentration In Writing Degree to make it look like I know what I'm talking about.

* One thing I'm considering for the NFL Previews is to discuss specific teams with a guest blogger in an AOL IM chat session and then copy and paste it in the blog. (Yes, I know how to do that. Well, I'll have Austin or Graham show me. Whatever. It will work.)

Here's a possible example of how that might go:

Me: Okay, now we come to the New York Giants. They went 10-6 last season and won the Super Bowl.

Guest: What? The Giants? No they didn't. They suck.

Me: Well, now come on.... they don't suck. Eli Manning is a fine quarterback.

Guest: No, they sucked. Didn't they get blown off the field at home in December by average Vikings and Redskins teams when they were all in the playoff hunt? That would never happen to a good team. Manning threw like 12 picks in that Vikings game. He's horrible. There's no way the Giants won the Super Bowl, bro. The Patriots did. They went like 20-0 last season.

Me: No, really. The Giants won the Super Bowl. They beat the Patriots, 17-14.

Guest: Dude, there's no way that happened. Their coach is Tom Coughlin. He's an idiot. He couldn't beat Bill Belichick in a million years.

Me: Seriously, look it up. They won the game on a stupid Hail Mary pass that took 5 years off my life.

Guest: I'm not even going to humor that with a response. There's no way that Eli Manning could beat Tom Brady in a Super Bowl. Your blog is stupid, John. I'm outta here.

Guest signed off at 12:36:24 PM.


It's going to be great. Let me know if you're interested in contributing to any of these previews. Should be a lot of fun.

Okay, that seems like enough for today. I'm not sure how much blogging I'll get done next week. My parents are coming into town tomorrow night and my mother has put together an itinerary that literally says stuff like "9:00 AM: Sit on the balcony and have coffee," or "3 PM: Hang out at John's condo," or "11:00 AM: John's Choice," so I may end up running away from home for a few days. I don't think anyone could possibly take 8 days of that. Perhaps I will grab her itinerary and write in "John's Choice - to blog.... you know, for the kids."

I'm playing the Spurs and Angels tonight.

Your job is clear - vote in my poll right now.

But obviously you know your biggest responsibility is always to....




Enjoy the game.