When the people talk, you have to listen

.... whether you want to or not. When I was a ticket writer and some idiot customer was at my window calling out his hair-brained parlay bets, I listened, and punched the tickets. I knew the ticket was going to lose. I knew that I was costing the guy money. I knew that I would've been doing him a favor if I gave him half his money back, printed none of his tickets, and told him to run as far as he could and never come back. I knew that I was just going to be hurting him in the long run. But I did it anyway. It was what he wanted.

That period of my life ended on Super Bowl Sunday and I have since moved on. I may not have to deal with people calling out 8-team parlays any more but now I find myself with a new group of people I have to listen to: My readers. And much like the comments I got from those customers, each one is dumber than the last. I'm not going to repeat any of them because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I certainly don't want to alienate any of my readers (Seeing as how there only about a half dozen of you guys to begin with) but I will say that I find it very annoying.

This is a sports gambling blog. This blog is not about farmers. It's not about whipped boyfriends. It's not about Swedish people. It's not about Hot Canadian Moms, although I am considering a second blog that covers that topic exclusively. It's also not about MY Mom, who so many of you seem to find entertaining. She's a nice lady; Why should I make fun of her in the blogosphere just so you can get your jollies? This blog also isn't about people from Florida, who may or may not have a problem with certain members of the early 2000's Miami Heat. So what if he didn't like some of the players on that team who were of a certain.... Oh, I dunno.... Let's call it.... element. It's not his fault he feels that way. The guy's from the South. (And not the South the way Virginia is the South. I mean the South. As in his elementary school bathrooms probably had two separate water fountains South.)

Anyways, maybe it's time to get to the point. (I know how "Long-winded" some of you feel I have become in recent blogs.) What I'm trying to say is that even though my blog is not about any of those topics, I will try my best to write on them as often as possible. For just as we at the Superbook must take care of the "Kids," no matter how outrageously stupid their complaints and/or requests may be, this blogger will from this day forth make it a point to take care of the blogs' "Kids," by quenching their thirst for jokes about Jorgen, my parents, borderline racism, and.... Jorgen. I really don't want to stoop that low and go for the easiest jokes possible. I feel like I am better than that, or at the very least, am capable of being better than that. But I'll do it anyways. I'll appeal to the masses, the lowest common denominator. The jokes will be easy and obvious and repetitive as hell but it's what the people want. And if nothing else, maybe my work will get me a job writing for Family Guy. I love that show.


Okay, already. Let's get this over with:

* On Saturday, I was talking to one of my readers (I won't mention him by name. Let's just say that when he makes his wagers around town he goes by the alias, "Smith.") who asked me if I knew that Jorgen's girlfriend, Amanda, was back home in Iowa. Of course I already knew that because it was wreaking havoc on my cell phone bill, but seeing as how I didn't want to mock "Smith," I pretended to be surprised by this and he and I briefly chatted about young Manda Panda. We both agreed that she was most likely searching for cheap farmland in Iowa, upon which she and Jorgen could one day build a home for Yorgen Yunior, Gunnar, Jan, and of course, baby Helga. "Smith" and I also agreed that Amanda could basically snap her fingers and that kid would be back in Iowa like that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think Jorgen is capable of standing up to Amanda the way he stands up to supervisors downtown after he bets 50 bucks on a bad number....

* Speaking of everyone's favorite Swedish Farm Couple, I was thinking about something the other day. Have you ever been with one of those girls who makes you hold her purse while she goes to the bathroom? You have to stand there awkwardly outside the women's bathroom with a purse in your hand. That really sucks. It's definitely not the best look for a guy. What do you think happens when Jorgen and Amanda are out and she needs to freshen up? Does he hold her purse AND his big red man purse? Or does she carry her purse in there with her because he already has his hands full? Perhaps they just switch? Or maybe he holds her purse and puts his down on the floor, but between his legs so people know that it's his and don't try to snatch it. It's hard to say for sure. Perhaps I will ask young Yorgen next time I see him....

* Speaking of the red man purse, what do you think is in that thing anyway? I mean besides the entire collection of Harry Potter novels and a framed picture of him and Amanda with uncomfortable, forced-out smiles on their faces. It's hard to say. I will guess that he's got lots and lots of betting tickets, the When The Fun Stops pamphlet I dropped in there when I was holding it for him while he was freshening up, newspaper clippings of various job listings, and pictures of all the customers he plans on killing when he finally snaps. Either way, dude - just buy some cargo pants....

* Enough about Jorgen. Wouldn't you guys rather hear me talk about Jeff? I like writing about Jeff. He's just a much more interesting character. This guy is one of the most respected golf handicappers in the city and he runs a renowned golf website - GolfOdds. Meanwhile, he's moving lines on soccer games all over the city, despite the fact that he can't even walk into a sports book without being recognized, asked for an autograph, and shown the door. On top of all that, he still finds the time to appear on local radio shows to talk about his beloved Atlanta Falcons, who, in his mind, were somehow the NFL's biggest revelation AND biggest disappointment in 2007. He's even going to Siberia next month! Incredible. Now this is someone I should be blogging about....

* Hey, don't get me wrong - I love Jorgen. Who doesn't, right? He's the boy next door. He's as All-American as fireworks on the 4th of July. He reminds me of the character Gordie Lachance in the classic tween movie Stand By Me. I just don't find him all that interesting. I know tons of kids like him, and you do too: The type of person that constantly complains about how bad they have it, even though in reality their lives are completely void of any serious problems because they have had everything handed to them on a silver platter. I suspect that Amanda is one of these people, as well. (I am too but at least I admit it. We all it have pretty damn good, you know. Maybe not "Summer Home in Brigantine, New Jersey Growing Up" good, but good.) There's just only so many jokes I can make about this kid. I already used up all my red man purse material and the Amanda stuff is obviously wearing thin. On the other hand, I can come up with a limitless supply of Jeff jokes. Anything from telling him not to squeal with glee upon seeing that I have blogged to reminding him that he can't "Assistant Manaage" my days off. It's all gold. And you know why? Because Jeff is real. He has depth. I can make that same joke about him refreshing my blog 100 times a day and I will still laugh every time because I know it's true. Seriously, thanks for reading, buddy....

* Let's do a few more quick hitters:

- I think I like writing about Jeff because I know there's always a chance that he will consider something to be "Going too far" and get mad at me, perhaps even yell at me. What can I say? I like to live dangerously. The blog doesn't hold back, bro.

- Can we talk sports for a minute? Whatever, I'm doing it anyway.... Saw that the Dodgers actually beat the Angels on Saturday night, despite not getting a hit. Sounds like a perfect fit for Chase Utley.

- After the Bobcats picked D.J. Augustin 9th in the NBA Draft, Brook Lopez could be seen crying. In public. On national TV. (Yeah, don't let the name fool you - Brook Lopez is actually a guy.) Do you think the Nets panicked and considered taking someone else after they saw that? Or have they pretty much just packed things in until LeBron becomes a free agent?

- If you asked me, John, who do you think watched more of the NBA Draft: your little brother, Peter, or Charlotte Bobcats executive Michael Jordan, I would say my brother. Hands down. No contest. My brother not only watched it, he was paying rapt attention. He even sent me roughly 50 text messages, of which maybe 5 are inoffensive enough to share in a public forum.

- My Mom's latest plan is to come out to Vegas and redecorate certain areas of my apartment. She has even taken the time to check out costs of certain items and make specific plans for where she wants certain things to go. I can already see where this is headed - She will schedule a trip out here on her own, without me asking her to or consulting with me. She will buy all kinds of expensive and unnecessary stuff for my apartment that I won't ask her for. She will make me move things around over and over again until they are just right or until I fall to the ground with exhaustion, whichever comes first. And she will love every second of it. Then she will go back to Virginia and complain to anyone who will listen for the next month about how demanding I am and about how she "Had" to do all that "Work" for me. She really is great. Just.... please don't ever link her to this blog. If she figured out how to click on that thing, I'd be staring down the business end of one of those long, painful phone calls where I eventually put the phone down on the table and don't pick it back up until I stop hearing her voice....


Okay, enough already. My picks. They suck. Hard. Enjoy:

Germany +0.5

Orioles

The opposite of any "Multi-unit" plays on this site - Don't Hassel The Hoff


Please go to the Hoff's site. He's so desperate for hits that when I ask him how his bets are doing, he links me to his site instead of just telling me. Unbelievable. I'm glad to see the lovely Kelly Kapowski leading my poll. I know I was one of her votes and that Austin was another. He was pathetically reading my blog at work the other day, while Sean stood over his shoulder making fun of him for reading it in a voice just loud enough to ensure that I would hear him. I didn't even make fun of Sean later that day when I saw that he had been reading the blog. I just felt sorry for the kid.


Trivia Question For Sunday - In the last 20 years, Kansas State has produced two Top 5 NBA Draft picks. Yes, Michael Beasley is one. Who is the other?


I can't post any of the answers to my last trivia question on here. This is a family blog.


Sunday is a huge day with the Euro Final and a Cup Race. So why are you reading this pointless drivel? Find something more productive to do. Me, I'm going to do what I always do on Sundays, what I always do every day, I'm going to find time to....





Enjoy the game.