There is just way too much going on

.... this weekend for me to not blog at least one time. On Sunday, the sports world will be overloaded with the French Open Men's Final, a full card of MLB, college baseball super-regionals, two more Euro 2008 matches, and a Sprint Cup race in Long Pond, Pennsylvania. There's a basketball game in Boston or something, too. Big day.

Normally, I would love to just sit at home in front of the big screen on a day like this but instead I will be going to Nationals Park to watch that garbage team take on the Giants. I was at Friday's 10-1 embarassment but was spared from Saturday night's 6-0 humiliation. On the plus side, the Giants starter on Sunday is Barry Zito so the Nationals will probably win. It's great that the Nats finally have a real home stadium to play in but the fact of the matter is that Washington, D.C. is not a good sports town. People here only care about one team: the Redskins. "Fans" at the Nationals games are there to drink, text, and take pictures of themselves on their camera phones. In that order. I don't like it.

I've been home for 3 full days now and it's been pretty interesting so far. I should've pulled a Ross and done a running diary but I'm not that creative. Here are the "funny" parts I can remember:

* I took a redeye flight home on Wednesday night that got into Dulles at around 7:00 am. I slept pretty much the whole way but did wake up towards the end of the flight to unfortunately catch the last few scenes of Mad Money, starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes. That.... was not pleasant....

* When my plane landed, I called home to let my family know I had arrived. My sister answered and informed me that my mom was already on her way to the airport. I figured I'd just go to baggage claim and wait for her call. I grabbed my bag and started walking towards the parking lot, at which time I figured this was a good time to call my mom. I call her - no answer. I sit down and wait for her to call back - nothing. I try her again - no answer. I call my sister and she says she'll call Mom and tell her to call me. I wait and wait and wait - nothing. I start walking up and down the baggage carousels and there she is. She offers to grab my suitcase (Which is approximately half her size) and when it nearly knocks her over, I grab it back from her and hand her my laptop case. I tell her I had tried to call her several times and she casually informs me that "Oh, I didn't bring my cell phone with me." I consider asking why she decided that aimlessly walking around an international airport looking for me was more sensible than just calling me to tell me where she was but I resisted. We've only been together for 2 minutes. I figure our first argument is at least a half hour away....

* When I finally get to the house my dog is waiting in the front yard and I rush over to see him. I put my bags down and bend down to pet him. Like a young Lawrence Taylor going past a helpless offensive tackle, he blows by me and scurries to my mother's side, excitedly barking and running around in circles. In fairness to him, she has been gone for about 45 minutes and I was just home in December....

* I immediately fall asleep and a few hour later am awaken by the sound of the phone ringing - It was my Dad calling from work. I said "Hey, Dad" and he started talking to me for about 2 minutes, thinking I was my brother. Finally, I interrupted him and said "Dad, you know this is John, right?" He paused for a good 3 seconds and then asked if my brother was home. I said no and he told me had to go....

* When I was younger, I always thought my parents were crazy but as I got older I guess I just figured that all kids thought that about their parents and chalked it up as me just being young and immature. Now that I'm older and I've lived apart from them for almost 7 years, I have come to a conclusion: The young me was absolutely right - my parents are completely crazy. When I haven't seem them for a while, it slips my mind just how ridiculous the two of them are. And then something like this happens....

So, one day my Mom decide that she wants to cook for everyone at the house. At the time it was her, my father, me, my sister, my brother, and my brother's girlfriend. My Mom points out that she bought too much chicken at the grocery store the other day and wants to cook it before it spoils, so my Dad offers to grill it. There is one problem, however: It is raining outside. I don't see this as a good idea at all but my parents are confident that their plan will work. First, my Dad will go outside and fire up the grill. He'll come back inside, get all the meat, put it on the grill, and close it. After waiting a few minutes, he'll run back out there, and turn it over. My brother's girlfriend has a look on her face like "Wow, this is a really terrible idea," but at this point I think we are all just intersted to see how this plays out....

Step 1 is a success as my Dad manages to get the meat on the grill and shut it. But trouble lurks in the sky, as the rain is starting to come down much more heavily. Suddenly, the wind starts to pick up and blow things around on our deck. My Mom decides to go get an umbrella but instead of giving it to my Dad she informs him that she will hold it over the both of them, so he can flip the meat over. (Blogger's note: My mom is 5'2 tops and my Dad is over 6'0 feet tall.) I'm starting to think that that we should have ordered a pizza. My Dad rushes outside and my Mom quickly follows, umbrella in hand. At this point, my sister is already laughing uncontrollably at the sight of the two of them out there in the rain. It's way too windy for my Mom to control the umbrella and she ends up in a corner holding it over her head, nowhere near my Dad. Meanwhile, he is getting soaked. I mean SOAKED. He literally looks like he just dove into a lake. He turns over all the chicken and closes the grill. The two of them come back inside and sit down at the kitchen table. My Dad is completely drenched and my sister is laughing so hard that I can't even hear myself think. My brother's girlfriend has a look on her face of "Oh, my God...."

A few minutes pass and the braintrust decides to go back outside and get the chicken. I really don't know why my Mom is going back out there. She literally did nothing to help the first time but there she is preparing herself to head back out into this monsoon. Once again, my Dad is alone in the rain, while my Mom holds the umbrella over her own head, desperately trying to keep it from flying out of her hands. My Dad manages to load all the chicken onto a tray and turns to head back into the house. The wind knocks a fork off the tray and onto the ground and my Dad turns to pick it up. Acting as she is in the middle of a hurricane in some bad movie, my Mom yells out "Leave it!" and runs back into the kitchen. At this point, I'm almost positive that my sister is going to die laughing. I'm laughing. My brother is laughing. Even my brother's girlfriend, who had admirably held it back this whole time in an effort to be polite, is laughing. My Mom puts down the umbrella and yells at my sister, demanding to know what's so funny. This only prompts my sister to laugh even harder. I look over at my Dad unloading the chicken onto a plate. He is so wet that he looks like he had prepared the meal as he bathed, a la Kramer. The whole scene is just completely ridiculous. I tell my brother that he is lucky he's been with his girlfriend for over 6 months and that she was already numb to how crazy my parents are. I'm pretty sure that if this had been her first time meeting my family that she would've backed out of the room and ran home when no one is looking....

This is what I have come home to.


Neither me nor Hoffy has posted any picks lately. You guys must be desperate for some fades:

Lakers

Poland

Reds

Red Sox


Oh, I also have a bet on Nadal to win the French Open.... And perhaps we will see the #99 car in victory lane on Sunday afternoon. I'll be watching the Nationals pathetically try to play baseball while I put away 8 dollar beers. Please feel free to call with any Cup race updates. (Or text if you are into that sort of thing. I have unlimited text messaging so it's no big deal....)

I've been off the last few days and I realize today's blog wasn't my best work, so I've added a new poll and posted some new pictures. "America" was the winner of my last poll. I guess we should all consider ourselves lucky to watch this crappy Celtics team battle it out with the Lakers in a Finals that reminds literally no one in my age group of anything. Dude, I grew up in the 90s. Heat-Knicks was more my speed. Alan Houston was a badass....

Trivia Question For Sunday - Which of these horses did NOT win the Triple Crown: Secretariat, Citation, Man O' War, Sir Barton.

Yeah, this one is for you Graham.


Man, there is a lot of stuff to watch on Sunday. I don't know what you guys are doing but I'm going to Nationals Park to....




Enjoy the game.