It's Monday morning and I'm watching

.... the U.S. Open playoff between Tiger Woods and Rocco Mediate with my dogs. All of my friends are at work (you know, because it's a Monday), my brother is off at beach week, and my sister is backpacking through Europe. Basically, I am completely alone here for the next few hours and the way I see it I have two options: Shave, shower, and go run the errands my Mom has outlined for me, or blog. Luckily for Jeff, I am choosing the latter. You're welcome, bro.

It's been a while since my last entry and I'm sorry about that. I was planning on blogging after the Lakers Game 4 victory over the Celtics but apparently the Lakers lost that game. Frankly, I'm really not sure how that is possible. I can remember watching most of the game, seeing the Lakers up 35-14 at the end of the 1st quarter and leading by as many as 24 points in the 2nd quarter. They were still up 18 at halftime. Lamar Odom even appeared to be interested in the outcome of the game! Anyways, I apparently blacked out sometime during the 4th quarter when I realized that my Lakers series price bet was probably not going to win and I am just now regaining the ability to string together coherent sentences. 24 point leads at home aren't what they used to be.

"Tiger Woods" received the most votes in my poll asking who would be the biggest winner this weekend at Torrey Pines. I want to know who the comedian is that voted for "Europe." I already know who voted for "Jeff's Matchup Bets." The first vote was by Jeff at home and the second vote was by Jeff on another computer. Pretty sad, really. A lot has happened since my last blog, including my first trek to Atlantic City in almost 2 years. Let's get to some blurgbs, starting with my NBA Finals thoughts:


* As you probably know, I have this ridiculously stupid bet on the Lakers series price over the Celtics in the NBA Finals. (The price I got it at is not important but let's just say that my play would be looking absolutely fine if the Lakers had not inexplicably blown a 20 point 3rd quarter lead in Game 4 and were up 3-2 heading back to Boston. What did you say? People don't like hearing others complain about gambling losses? Well go read someone else's blog then, jackass.) So, for Game 5 I devised a (stupid) plan to hedge some of my money off on the Celtics +7. I figured that if the Celtics won straight up and ended the series, at least I'd get some money back on that win and if the Lakers blew them out at least my series price ticket would live to fight another day. And can you believe what happened? The Celtics actually covered in a loss because Eddie House made a ridiculous 3-pointer late in the game and the Lakers missed a couple free throws. I won my Game 5 bet AND the Lakers series price ticket is still technically live. God, I'm good....

* Obviously, the NBA desperately wanted the Lakers to win Game 5 to extend the series as long as possible. Conspiracy theorists expected L.A. to get every call to ensure that this party go back to Beantown. However, a look at the box score shows no favoritism whatsoever to the Lakers. The two teams went to the line exactly 31 times each. In fact, Boston F Paul Pierce went to the charity stripe a Kobe-like 19 times, while the man himself only toed the line 7 times....

* Speaking of Kobe, I think we need to officially end all these ridiculous Kobe-MJ comparisons. Michael Jordan would have never let his team blow a 24 point lead at home in the NBA Finals. He would have never let a player like Paul Pierce completely outplay him in a championship series. And he would have never let a teammate leave the house with facial hair as ridiculous as Pau Gasol's....

* Kevin Garnett has put up decent numbers in this series (Including 13 points and 14 rebounds in Game 5) but he has done so in a quiet fashion not befitting a superstar. Why don't the Celitcs post him up on Gasol more often? Garnett should be killing him on the block. It's almost like KG's plan for this series was to close his eyes until it was over and hope that Pierce and Allen could carry the team to victory....

* Was Chris Mihm getting on the floor the most shocking moment in recent NBA Finals history? Talk about throwing us a curve ball. Is Phil Jackson saving Coby Karl for Game 6? Speaking of Mihm, I would like to do a blog entry about all the white stiffs who had their careers derailed by foot injuries but I think it would take me about 2 months. If I was an NBA GM, I wouldn't touch a white guy over 6'8'' with a ten foot pole....

* We were all uncomfortable during Bill Walton's interview with son Luke Walton at hafltime. Very uncomfortable. But I don't think anyone wanted that interview to be over more than Luke. I'm not sure what bothered him more: His father gushing about how much he loved him on national TV or the glare from Bill's chompers. The elder Walton looked like Matt Dillon's character in There's Something About Mary....

* If you think that comment was mean-spirited, you should have heard my buddy's dad last Thursday during Game 4. He was asking people to guess which one of Stuart Scott's eyes was the lazy one....

* I can't believe Sam Cassell scored 9 points last night. I also can't believe he was on the floor for 18 minutes. This got me thinking: Am I the only one who thinks Cassell is literally the worst player on either team? I stopped in Philly on the way back from Atlantic City yesterday to get a cheese steak (Yeah, it is worth it) and we were watching some guys play basketball on a public court (I'm pretty sure it was the same court used during the opening montage of Fresh Price of Bel Air, by the way) and I made a comment to my buddies that Sam Cassell would be coming off the bench in this game. Much to my surprise, I was the only one who laughed at that joke. I felt like a young Chad....

Speaking of Atlantic City, let's do some blurgbs about that crappy place:

* I played a lot of poker (And several other card games) while I was in AC and I came to the following conclusion: Literally 100% of people that play poker are not as good as they think they are. I think I absolutely suck at poker and have no idea what I'm doing and I'm still not as good as I think am....

* We were playing Saturday night at the Tropicana during the third round of the U.S. Open. These guys were so locked in on their 1-2 No Limit games, they barely even looked up when Tiger made incredible eagles on the 13th and 18th holes. They were too busy putting the finishing touches on highly unsuccesful 14 hour sessions and trying to get their "Play rated" by the managers. I don't like poker players....

* One of my buddies (For the purposes of this blog, let's call him "GX") got way too wrapped up in the fun of being in a casino and playing poker and was even talking trash during the games, despite the fact that he sucks and has no clue what he's doing. GX took a big (I think it was like 60 bucks) pot off some poor old guy, who was just trying to have fun on his vacation, and started talking smack to him for no reason. A few minutes later, the old guy got up to leave and GX wouldn't let him just walk away, demanding to know where he was going. When the old guy replied that he was going upstairs because his back hurt, GX replied "How could your back hurt? You haven't raked in a pot all night." What a dickhead....

* At about 3 AM, me and one of my friends decided to head back downstairs and play craps. (I am a surprisingly bad decision maker when I have been drinking for 12 hours.) We got into the elevator and saw that someone had puked in the corner. We stood all the way to the other side and held our breath until we got to the bottom. When we reached the casino floor, we were getting out as a group of young looking kids were getting on. My buddy told them to watch their step and pointed to the pile of vomit. One of the kids looked down at it and said, "Dude, someone took a piss in here!" I'm pretty sure those kids were from Jersey....

* Before we left on Sunday afternoon, I decided to try my hand at roulette for the first time on the trip, you know - because I have a gambling problem. We were actually having a good time until this jackass sits down in between us and starts gushing about how great Tiger Woods is: "I think Tiger is the new Michael. Did you see him last night? He's like Michael. I mean- Michael's Michael but Tiger's the new Michael. He's the best, man. He's like Michael," and so forth. The guy was obviously drunk (I thought only the Hoff got drunk and gambled that early in the day) and very annoying but we were able to put up with his ramblings. However, when the new dealer (A doofy looking kid from Jersey) started asking my friends and I to visit his website, I knew it was time to go. Nobody wants to hear that crap. So, I handed the guy a card with my blog's URL and got the hell out of there....

And a few more thoughts I want to get off my chest:

* How dumb are golf fans? I have a bet on Tiger to win the U.S. Open (Don't judge me, Jeff) and I've been watching the tournament pretty closely. Every time the guy hits a shot the entire gallery yells out generic things like "Get in the hole" or "You're the man, Tiger!" even when his ball is obviously heading for the tall stuff or a bunker....

* Tiger is wearing his famous "Sunday Red" today, despite the fact that it is Monday. Do you think that he brings two red shirts with him in case he ends up in a playoff? Or do you think he had Elin wash the one he wore on Sunday? Or perhaps Nike gave him a new one to wear today? I'm going to look into this. (Okay, no I'm not. I just thought it would make a funny blurgb. I honestly don't care....)

* Is the fact that Tiger is in a playoff at the U.S. Open, despite being hobbled by a knee injury, more a commentary on his greatness or on the weakness of his competition....?

* NASCAR has a huge scandal on their hands thanks to former Nationwide Series employee Mauricia Grant's lawsuit. The scandal has been dominating car racing headlines all week. Luckily for the NASCAR suits, fan favorite Dale Earnhardt Jr. won for the first time in 76 races yesterday in Michigan, despite clearly not having the best car. That should dominate the headlines for a while. What a coincidence....

* There's bottom, there's rock bottom, and there's where the Seattle Mariners are right now. This weekend, they were swept by the Washington Nationals. In Seattle. We could put together a team at the Hilton that could take a game off the Nats with home field advantage....

* I don't like Philadelphia sports fans. While we were driving home from AC, my buddy was listening to the Phillies-Cardinals game on the radio, as Chase Utley comes to the plate in the 8th inning with runners on 1st and 3rd and 2 outs. Instead of rooting for Utley to get a hit, he actually says "I hope they don't walk Utley to pitch to Howard." This kid has never met Ed, nor does he have any idea that Ed says the same kind of crap about Ryan Howard. Also, keep in mind that this guy was part of my group that won 10 dimes off Pinnacle when Howard lead the Major Leagues in homers in 2006. For the record, Utley walked loading the bases and Howard walked in a run, his 4th RBI of the game. Ryan is approaching 150 homers since 2006 and Philadelphia fans still don't like the guy. These are the same fans who booed the Eagles' drafting of Donovan McNabb in 1999. My conclusion? Philadelphia sports fans are a bunch of racists....

* A pair of my future tickets took serious hits over the weekend. Chien-Ming Wang, who I bet to lead the majors in wins, injured his foot and may be out for the season and the LSU Tigers dropped their College World Series opener to the UNC Tar Heels, 8-4. That reminds me: I'm going to start charging membership for the blog. I'll have more details on that in the coming weeks....


That is certainly more than enough blogging for one day. I can't believe you're actually still reading. If I were you, I would've bailed on this thing a while ago. I appreciate the effort and to show my gratitude, I'll give you what you're really here for.

How's about a fresh batch of fades:

Tigers

Marlins

Red Sox


It's a travel day for Hoffy and he's been on hiatus for a while anyway, so somebody's gotta pick up the slack and post some baseball picks. You're welcome. Tiger just took a 3 shot lead and I'm in such a good mood, I'll even post a trivia question.


Trivia Question For Monday: Name a Stanford teammate of Tiger Woods, without looking at www.golfodds.com. Good luck.

** Wednesday's Answer: The Miami (FL) outfielder was Pat "The Babe" Burrell. Ed - you knew that.


I'm adding a new poll and put up some new pictures. Enjoy. I'm also planning out my Top 5 Favorite Cartoons blog, which I hope to post before Bennett leaves for Africa.

My dogs have been jockeying for position next to me on the couch the entire time I've been blogging. The girl had the inside spot and I could tell the boy was getting angry so he devised a pretty smart plan. He ran to the door barking, pretending that there was someone out there. The girl followed to see what all the commotion was about and while she was standing at the door, he ran back to the couch and hopped up next to me.

I'm going to go take these guys for a walk. You've been on your computer too long. Go take a nap and get ready to....




Enjoy the game.