.... whether you want to or not. When I was a ticket writer and some idiot customer was at my window calling out his hair-brained parlay bets, I listened, and punched the tickets. I knew the ticket was going to lose. I knew that I was costing the guy money. I knew that I would've been doing him a favor if I gave him half his money back, printed none of his tickets, and told him to run as far as he could and never come back. I knew that I was just going to be hurting him in the long run. But I did it anyway. It was what he wanted.
That period of my life ended on Super Bowl Sunday and I have since moved on. I may not have to deal with people calling out 8-team parlays any more but now I find myself with a new group of people I have to listen to: My readers. And much like the comments I got from those customers, each one is dumber than the last. I'm not going to repeat any of them because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I certainly don't want to alienate any of my readers (Seeing as how there only about a half dozen of you guys to begin with) but I will say that I find it very annoying.
This is a sports gambling blog. This blog is not about farmers. It's not about whipped boyfriends. It's not about Swedish people. It's not about Hot Canadian Moms, although I am considering a second blog that covers that topic exclusively. It's also not about MY Mom, who so many of you seem to find entertaining. She's a nice lady; Why should I make fun of her in the blogosphere just so you can get your jollies? This blog also isn't about people from Florida, who may or may not have a problem with certain members of the early 2000's Miami Heat. So what if he didn't like some of the players on that team who were of a certain.... Oh, I dunno.... Let's call it.... element. It's not his fault he feels that way. The guy's from the South. (And not the South the way Virginia is the South. I mean the South. As in his elementary school bathrooms probably had two separate water fountains South.)
Anyways, maybe it's time to get to the point. (I know how "Long-winded" some of you feel I have become in recent blogs.) What I'm trying to say is that even though my blog is not about any of those topics, I will try my best to write on them as often as possible. For just as we at the Superbook must take care of the "Kids," no matter how outrageously stupid their complaints and/or requests may be, this blogger will from this day forth make it a point to take care of the blogs' "Kids," by quenching their thirst for jokes about Jorgen, my parents, borderline racism, and.... Jorgen. I really don't want to stoop that low and go for the easiest jokes possible. I feel like I am better than that, or at the very least, am capable of being better than that. But I'll do it anyways. I'll appeal to the masses, the lowest common denominator. The jokes will be easy and obvious and repetitive as hell but it's what the people want. And if nothing else, maybe my work will get me a job writing for Family Guy. I love that show.
Okay, already. Let's get this over with:
* On Saturday, I was talking to one of my readers (I won't mention him by name. Let's just say that when he makes his wagers around town he goes by the alias, "Smith.") who asked me if I knew that Jorgen's girlfriend, Amanda, was back home in Iowa. Of course I already knew that because it was wreaking havoc on my cell phone bill, but seeing as how I didn't want to mock "Smith," I pretended to be surprised by this and he and I briefly chatted about young Manda Panda. We both agreed that she was most likely searching for cheap farmland in Iowa, upon which she and Jorgen could one day build a home for Yorgen Yunior, Gunnar, Jan, and of course, baby Helga. "Smith" and I also agreed that Amanda could basically snap her fingers and that kid would be back in Iowa like that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think Jorgen is capable of standing up to Amanda the way he stands up to supervisors downtown after he bets 50 bucks on a bad number....
* Speaking of everyone's favorite Swedish Farm Couple, I was thinking about something the other day. Have you ever been with one of those girls who makes you hold her purse while she goes to the bathroom? You have to stand there awkwardly outside the women's bathroom with a purse in your hand. That really sucks. It's definitely not the best look for a guy. What do you think happens when Jorgen and Amanda are out and she needs to freshen up? Does he hold her purse AND his big red man purse? Or does she carry her purse in there with her because he already has his hands full? Perhaps they just switch? Or maybe he holds her purse and puts his down on the floor, but between his legs so people know that it's his and don't try to snatch it. It's hard to say for sure. Perhaps I will ask young Yorgen next time I see him....
* Speaking of the red man purse, what do you think is in that thing anyway? I mean besides the entire collection of Harry Potter novels and a framed picture of him and Amanda with uncomfortable, forced-out smiles on their faces. It's hard to say. I will guess that he's got lots and lots of betting tickets, the When The Fun Stops pamphlet I dropped in there when I was holding it for him while he was freshening up, newspaper clippings of various job listings, and pictures of all the customers he plans on killing when he finally snaps. Either way, dude - just buy some cargo pants....
* Enough about Jorgen. Wouldn't you guys rather hear me talk about Jeff? I like writing about Jeff. He's just a much more interesting character. This guy is one of the most respected golf handicappers in the city and he runs a renowned golf website - GolfOdds. Meanwhile, he's moving lines on soccer games all over the city, despite the fact that he can't even walk into a sports book without being recognized, asked for an autograph, and shown the door. On top of all that, he still finds the time to appear on local radio shows to talk about his beloved Atlanta Falcons, who, in his mind, were somehow the NFL's biggest revelation AND biggest disappointment in 2007. He's even going to Siberia next month! Incredible. Now this is someone I should be blogging about....
* Hey, don't get me wrong - I love Jorgen. Who doesn't, right? He's the boy next door. He's as All-American as fireworks on the 4th of July. He reminds me of the character Gordie Lachance in the classic tween movie Stand By Me. I just don't find him all that interesting. I know tons of kids like him, and you do too: The type of person that constantly complains about how bad they have it, even though in reality their lives are completely void of any serious problems because they have had everything handed to them on a silver platter. I suspect that Amanda is one of these people, as well. (I am too but at least I admit it. We all it have pretty damn good, you know. Maybe not "Summer Home in Brigantine, New Jersey Growing Up" good, but good.) There's just only so many jokes I can make about this kid. I already used up all my red man purse material and the Amanda stuff is obviously wearing thin. On the other hand, I can come up with a limitless supply of Jeff jokes. Anything from telling him not to squeal with glee upon seeing that I have blogged to reminding him that he can't "Assistant Manaage" my days off. It's all gold. And you know why? Because Jeff is real. He has depth. I can make that same joke about him refreshing my blog 100 times a day and I will still laugh every time because I know it's true. Seriously, thanks for reading, buddy....
* Let's do a few more quick hitters:
- I think I like writing about Jeff because I know there's always a chance that he will consider something to be "Going too far" and get mad at me, perhaps even yell at me. What can I say? I like to live dangerously. The blog doesn't hold back, bro.
- Can we talk sports for a minute? Whatever, I'm doing it anyway.... Saw that the Dodgers actually beat the Angels on Saturday night, despite not getting a hit. Sounds like a perfect fit for Chase Utley.
- After the Bobcats picked D.J. Augustin 9th in the NBA Draft, Brook Lopez could be seen crying. In public. On national TV. (Yeah, don't let the name fool you - Brook Lopez is actually a guy.) Do you think the Nets panicked and considered taking someone else after they saw that? Or have they pretty much just packed things in until LeBron becomes a free agent?
- If you asked me, John, who do you think watched more of the NBA Draft: your little brother, Peter, or Charlotte Bobcats executive Michael Jordan, I would say my brother. Hands down. No contest. My brother not only watched it, he was paying rapt attention. He even sent me roughly 50 text messages, of which maybe 5 are inoffensive enough to share in a public forum.
- My Mom's latest plan is to come out to Vegas and redecorate certain areas of my apartment. She has even taken the time to check out costs of certain items and make specific plans for where she wants certain things to go. I can already see where this is headed - She will schedule a trip out here on her own, without me asking her to or consulting with me. She will buy all kinds of expensive and unnecessary stuff for my apartment that I won't ask her for. She will make me move things around over and over again until they are just right or until I fall to the ground with exhaustion, whichever comes first. And she will love every second of it. Then she will go back to Virginia and complain to anyone who will listen for the next month about how demanding I am and about how she "Had" to do all that "Work" for me. She really is great. Just.... please don't ever link her to this blog. If she figured out how to click on that thing, I'd be staring down the business end of one of those long, painful phone calls where I eventually put the phone down on the table and don't pick it back up until I stop hearing her voice....
Okay, enough already. My picks. They suck. Hard. Enjoy:
Germany +0.5
Orioles
The opposite of any "Multi-unit" plays on this site - Don't Hassel The Hoff
Please go to the Hoff's site. He's so desperate for hits that when I ask him how his bets are doing, he links me to his site instead of just telling me. Unbelievable. I'm glad to see the lovely Kelly Kapowski leading my poll. I know I was one of her votes and that Austin was another. He was pathetically reading my blog at work the other day, while Sean stood over his shoulder making fun of him for reading it in a voice just loud enough to ensure that I would hear him. I didn't even make fun of Sean later that day when I saw that he had been reading the blog. I just felt sorry for the kid.
Trivia Question For Sunday - In the last 20 years, Kansas State has produced two Top 5 NBA Draft picks. Yes, Michael Beasley is one. Who is the other?
I can't post any of the answers to my last trivia question on here. This is a family blog.
Sunday is a huge day with the Euro Final and a Cup Race. So why are you reading this pointless drivel? Find something more productive to do. Me, I'm going to do what I always do on Sundays, what I always do every day, I'm going to find time to....
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
With Apologies to Matt Metcalf
.... I will admit that some of the stuff I wrote about him on Monday may have been untrue. My sources were not the most reliable and I should not have posted those quotes without hearing them directly from the man himself. A good and resposible writer would have never done that. I'm not sure what that has to do with me, but still - I feel bad about the whole thing and I just want you all to know that I take those comments back. Besides, I'm sure Matt would let a person of any color clean his pool.
It's a relatively slow time of year in the sports world, so I don't have much to say and probably should take the next few days off. But screw it - I'm in the mood to blog. And you're just going to have to suffer through it. (Wow. Back-to-back sentences started with the words "But" and "And" and now I have one of those annoying off-topic notes in parentheses. Not a good sign for today's blog.)
I don't care what the people want. I'm going to talk sports today, starting with some baseball:
* The Nationals snapped a 4-game losing streak last night with a walk-off win over the Angels in the bottom of the 9th. The Nats have really been struggling lately but they always seem to do well when Tim Redding takes the mound. Since May 14th, the Nationals have a record of 15-25 but incredibly are 9-0 when Redding starts over that same span. In other words, over their last 40 games, the Nationals are 9-0 when Tim Redding starts and 6-25 when anyone else does. What's even more interesting about this is that Redding has been far from dominant: He has received a no-decision in each of his last 7 starts and sports a mediocre ERA of 4.05 for the season. It may not be as big of a secret as the Tim Wakefield in a dome stat but I feel that this is something to watch for the rest of 2008....
* Chase Utley, also known as "The Great Chase Utley," went 4 for 5 on Wednesday night in Oakland. Going into Wednesday's game, Utley was mired in a 1 for 29 slump. But who cares? He always hustles down the line after weakly grounding out to the shortstop....
* The Tampa Bay Rays won 15-3 last night over the Florida Marlins, and are now 15 games above .500. They are 30-13 at home and have the 4th best record in the major leagues as we approach the midway point of the season. I don't know what is more amazing to me - the fact that everyone on earth had them pegged as a sleeper in 2008 and that everyone was actually right, or that Austin Bhushan STILL won't give them any credit and admit they are a good team....
* How big of a star would Edinson Volquez be right now if he played for the Yankees or Red Sox, or even the Cubs? Volquez is 10-2, with a 1.71 ERA, and 110 K's in 95.0 IP despite playing his home games in one of the best hitters parks in the Major Leagues. And he has done all this despite being in his first full Major League season and being (Allegedly) just 24 years old. He will be taking the mound on Thursday in Canadia against the Toronto Blue Jays....
* Germany managed to squeak by a very game Turkey side on Wednesday, with a 3-2 win that secured them a berth in Sunday's Euro 2008 Final. The Deutsch will play the winner of Thursday's Spain-Russia match. Funny story about this Russian side: Two years ago I was home in Virginia, and sitting in the basement with my brother, when we saw on the ESPN bottom line that famed soccer manager Guus Hiddink would be taking over the Russian national team. I knew that Hiddink was a miracle worker so I checked online to see what the odds were on them winning the next Euro tournament, which was then nearly 2 years away. When I saw they were listed at 100-1 on Pinnacle, I checked to see how difficult their qualifying group was to determine whether or not they were worth a play. When I saw that they had drawn both England and Croatia, I decided to pass and told my brother as much. Upon hearing this, my brother told me that I should play it anyway because the Russians were "Sweet" in his FIFA video game. I replied that there was no point and that the tournament was almost 2 years away and that the whole thing would be nothing but a waste of money. His response: "Dude, just put 5 dollars on it. Who cares?" So.... I did:
*Pending Wagers
Ticket Accepted Event Date Type Description Risking to Win
72593066-1
1Expand 9:31am 9-Jul-06 11:45am 25-Jun-08 Future Soccer: Euro 2008 - Outright. All bets ha... +10000 5.00 500.00
I placed this bet on July 9th, 2006. I totally forgot about it after Pinnacle closed to U.S. customers in January of 2007, until one day when I saw that Croatia had pulled a shocking upset of England at Wembley Stadium to knock the British out of the Euro tournament, therefore allowing Russia to squeak in.
Now they are in the semi-finals and I have a ticket on them at 100-1. Obviously, I wish I had made a real bet on them instead of pussy-footing around with 5 bucks but it would be really nice to take a nickel out of Pinnacle, especially considering it's been about a year and a half since they stopped letting me bet there. Go Russia....
* I like the Raptors move of trading T.J. Ford to the Pacers for Jermaine O'Neal. The duo of O'Neal and Chris Bosh could be very formidable, especially in the weak Eastern Conference. The move also allows them to start Jose Calderon (Whom everyone seems to agree is a better player than Ford, anyway) at point guard. Imagine how good the Raptors could be if they had taken the 2006 Draft seriously and picked a real basketball player like Brandon Roy or Rudy Gay instead of drafting a doofy European guy....
* The Red Sox were the runaway winner of my poll asking who the most annoying Boston team is. I figured the Red Sox would probably win, due to their legions of bandwagon fans, but I have to admit I am surprised they won so easily. People loved my pictures of Kelly Kapowski, which inspired me to do a poll about hot girls from the 1990s. Obviously, I missed a lot of them but I feel that is a pretty strong foursome. Here's hoping the vote in this poll is a little closer. It's definitely a more interesting topic....
* Andy Ross and I chatted about the 2008 Chicago Bears on Wednesday. I'll be posting the transcript soon. I just need to have Andy and his lawyers look it over and sign off on it. Jeff - I'd like to have you on to preview the Falcons next, so take the next few days to gather all your notes on your beloved Dirty Birds and give me a call when you are ready....
Enough of my dumb thoughts. Here are my even dumber picks:
Russia +0.5 goal
Rays
Reds
I know some of you probably wanted more "Jokes" today. Sure, I could've written something about Jorgen and his red man-purse. I could've made the token joke about how many times a day Jeff refreshes my blog to see if I've posted a new one. There was no inapporiate reference to Mike Miller and a naive high school girl in today's blog. No jokes about Austin being obsessed with me, either. It would've been easy to make a joke about how uncomfortable watching the NBA Draft in the same room as Rodney and Metcalf after Matt had downed a few beers would be. It would've practically written itself. (In fact, I did write that joke out and it did practically write itself. It was really funny, too. But I decided against posting it. Sorry, Ed.) I'm taking on a more serious tone here in an effort to one day be linked on GolfOdds.com I know some of you may not like that. I just really want to meet Greta Van Susteran.
Take another day with that trivia question. It's actually pretty good.
Feel free to post a comment on the blog if you are interested in participating in any of my NFL team previews, feel free to vote for your favorite 90s hottie in my poll (Only once this time, Austin. Seriously, bro....), feel free to root for the Russians on Thursday morning, but mostly feel free to....
Enjoy the game.
It's a relatively slow time of year in the sports world, so I don't have much to say and probably should take the next few days off. But screw it - I'm in the mood to blog. And you're just going to have to suffer through it. (Wow. Back-to-back sentences started with the words "But" and "And" and now I have one of those annoying off-topic notes in parentheses. Not a good sign for today's blog.)
I don't care what the people want. I'm going to talk sports today, starting with some baseball:
* The Nationals snapped a 4-game losing streak last night with a walk-off win over the Angels in the bottom of the 9th. The Nats have really been struggling lately but they always seem to do well when Tim Redding takes the mound. Since May 14th, the Nationals have a record of 15-25 but incredibly are 9-0 when Redding starts over that same span. In other words, over their last 40 games, the Nationals are 9-0 when Tim Redding starts and 6-25 when anyone else does. What's even more interesting about this is that Redding has been far from dominant: He has received a no-decision in each of his last 7 starts and sports a mediocre ERA of 4.05 for the season. It may not be as big of a secret as the Tim Wakefield in a dome stat but I feel that this is something to watch for the rest of 2008....
* Chase Utley, also known as "The Great Chase Utley," went 4 for 5 on Wednesday night in Oakland. Going into Wednesday's game, Utley was mired in a 1 for 29 slump. But who cares? He always hustles down the line after weakly grounding out to the shortstop....
* The Tampa Bay Rays won 15-3 last night over the Florida Marlins, and are now 15 games above .500. They are 30-13 at home and have the 4th best record in the major leagues as we approach the midway point of the season. I don't know what is more amazing to me - the fact that everyone on earth had them pegged as a sleeper in 2008 and that everyone was actually right, or that Austin Bhushan STILL won't give them any credit and admit they are a good team....
* How big of a star would Edinson Volquez be right now if he played for the Yankees or Red Sox, or even the Cubs? Volquez is 10-2, with a 1.71 ERA, and 110 K's in 95.0 IP despite playing his home games in one of the best hitters parks in the Major Leagues. And he has done all this despite being in his first full Major League season and being (Allegedly) just 24 years old. He will be taking the mound on Thursday in Canadia against the Toronto Blue Jays....
* Germany managed to squeak by a very game Turkey side on Wednesday, with a 3-2 win that secured them a berth in Sunday's Euro 2008 Final. The Deutsch will play the winner of Thursday's Spain-Russia match. Funny story about this Russian side: Two years ago I was home in Virginia, and sitting in the basement with my brother, when we saw on the ESPN bottom line that famed soccer manager Guus Hiddink would be taking over the Russian national team. I knew that Hiddink was a miracle worker so I checked online to see what the odds were on them winning the next Euro tournament, which was then nearly 2 years away. When I saw they were listed at 100-1 on Pinnacle, I checked to see how difficult their qualifying group was to determine whether or not they were worth a play. When I saw that they had drawn both England and Croatia, I decided to pass and told my brother as much. Upon hearing this, my brother told me that I should play it anyway because the Russians were "Sweet" in his FIFA video game. I replied that there was no point and that the tournament was almost 2 years away and that the whole thing would be nothing but a waste of money. His response: "Dude, just put 5 dollars on it. Who cares?" So.... I did:
*Pending Wagers
Ticket Accepted Event Date Type Description Risking to Win
72593066-1
1Expand 9:31am 9-Jul-06 11:45am 25-Jun-08 Future Soccer: Euro 2008 - Outright. All bets ha... +10000 5.00 500.00
I placed this bet on July 9th, 2006. I totally forgot about it after Pinnacle closed to U.S. customers in January of 2007, until one day when I saw that Croatia had pulled a shocking upset of England at Wembley Stadium to knock the British out of the Euro tournament, therefore allowing Russia to squeak in.
Now they are in the semi-finals and I have a ticket on them at 100-1. Obviously, I wish I had made a real bet on them instead of pussy-footing around with 5 bucks but it would be really nice to take a nickel out of Pinnacle, especially considering it's been about a year and a half since they stopped letting me bet there. Go Russia....
* I like the Raptors move of trading T.J. Ford to the Pacers for Jermaine O'Neal. The duo of O'Neal and Chris Bosh could be very formidable, especially in the weak Eastern Conference. The move also allows them to start Jose Calderon (Whom everyone seems to agree is a better player than Ford, anyway) at point guard. Imagine how good the Raptors could be if they had taken the 2006 Draft seriously and picked a real basketball player like Brandon Roy or Rudy Gay instead of drafting a doofy European guy....
* The Red Sox were the runaway winner of my poll asking who the most annoying Boston team is. I figured the Red Sox would probably win, due to their legions of bandwagon fans, but I have to admit I am surprised they won so easily. People loved my pictures of Kelly Kapowski, which inspired me to do a poll about hot girls from the 1990s. Obviously, I missed a lot of them but I feel that is a pretty strong foursome. Here's hoping the vote in this poll is a little closer. It's definitely a more interesting topic....
* Andy Ross and I chatted about the 2008 Chicago Bears on Wednesday. I'll be posting the transcript soon. I just need to have Andy and his lawyers look it over and sign off on it. Jeff - I'd like to have you on to preview the Falcons next, so take the next few days to gather all your notes on your beloved Dirty Birds and give me a call when you are ready....
Enough of my dumb thoughts. Here are my even dumber picks:
Russia +0.5 goal
Rays
Reds
I know some of you probably wanted more "Jokes" today. Sure, I could've written something about Jorgen and his red man-purse. I could've made the token joke about how many times a day Jeff refreshes my blog to see if I've posted a new one. There was no inapporiate reference to Mike Miller and a naive high school girl in today's blog. No jokes about Austin being obsessed with me, either. It would've been easy to make a joke about how uncomfortable watching the NBA Draft in the same room as Rodney and Metcalf after Matt had downed a few beers would be. It would've practically written itself. (In fact, I did write that joke out and it did practically write itself. It was really funny, too. But I decided against posting it. Sorry, Ed.) I'm taking on a more serious tone here in an effort to one day be linked on GolfOdds.com I know some of you may not like that. I just really want to meet Greta Van Susteran.
Take another day with that trivia question. It's actually pretty good.
Feel free to post a comment on the blog if you are interested in participating in any of my NFL team previews, feel free to vote for your favorite 90s hottie in my poll (Only once this time, Austin. Seriously, bro....), feel free to root for the Russians on Thursday morning, but mostly feel free to....
Enjoy the game.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
They tell me that I have been writing
.... way too much lately. They tell me that I have been going way too far lately. (Sorry, Matt.) They tell me that I am "Long-winded" and that I need to get to the point. Fair enough. I'll keep it short and sweet today.
Inspired by Ross showing a video of possibly my favorite scene ever in any movie, I've decided to show some YouTube clips that I find particularly enjoyable. For today's blog, I will step aside and allow the works of others make you think, make you laugh, make you uncomfortable, and, most of all, make you turn the volume down while you're watching them at work. Enjoy.
* Let's start with my comedic hero, Dave Chappelle, explaining the difference between grape juice and grape drink:
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* Here's a funny clip from one of my favorite shows of all-time, HBO's critically acclaimed The Wire. Seriously, try to find one person who has watched this show and doesn't think it's great:
">
* South Park's Randy Marsh is my favorite character on any show. Ever. Watch this clip in the privacy of your own home:
">
* My boy Franco Cortes first showed me this clip. Anything making fun of the Cowboys is amusing to me. Working Hitler into it is just a bonus:
">
* Here's a clip of former UCLA basketball coach Steve Lavin proving that he has the maturity of a 3rd grader. And apparently so do I or it wouldn't be in my blog:
">
* The blog always has its proverbial ear to the streets. Check out this kid dunk a basketball. His name is Kadour Ziani:
">
* And a few years later he was our Super Bowl MVP. But I'm not bitter or anything....
">
* Let's end this with another Chappelle clip. Here Dave answers a question I'm sure Mikey Millz has pondered many, many times - How old is 15 really:
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Well, I hope you guys enjoyed these videos and I'm sure you enjoyed the break from my silly blurgbs. I'll be a lot funnier once I start hanging around Jorgen again. After all, he's the source of roughly 50% of my non-Jeff related material.
I'll give you guys another day to ponder that trivia question and stare at Kelly Kapowski.
I have to go crunch some numbers. I want to see how much I can afford to get down on the Lakers to win the 2009 NBA Title. After their gutty effort in Game 6 in Boston, that price of 9-4 to beat out 29 other teams for a league championship is practically stealing. I'm going to go look for my calculator. You enjoy these videos, enjoy the warm weather, and most importantly....
Enjoy the game.
Inspired by Ross showing a video of possibly my favorite scene ever in any movie, I've decided to show some YouTube clips that I find particularly enjoyable. For today's blog, I will step aside and allow the works of others make you think, make you laugh, make you uncomfortable, and, most of all, make you turn the volume down while you're watching them at work. Enjoy.
* Let's start with my comedic hero, Dave Chappelle, explaining the difference between grape juice and grape drink:
">
* Here's a funny clip from one of my favorite shows of all-time, HBO's critically acclaimed The Wire. Seriously, try to find one person who has watched this show and doesn't think it's great:
">
* South Park's Randy Marsh is my favorite character on any show. Ever. Watch this clip in the privacy of your own home:
">
* My boy Franco Cortes first showed me this clip. Anything making fun of the Cowboys is amusing to me. Working Hitler into it is just a bonus:
">
* Here's a clip of former UCLA basketball coach Steve Lavin proving that he has the maturity of a 3rd grader. And apparently so do I or it wouldn't be in my blog:
">
* The blog always has its proverbial ear to the streets. Check out this kid dunk a basketball. His name is Kadour Ziani:
">
* And a few years later he was our Super Bowl MVP. But I'm not bitter or anything....
">
* Let's end this with another Chappelle clip. Here Dave answers a question I'm sure Mikey Millz has pondered many, many times - How old is 15 really:
">
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed these videos and I'm sure you enjoyed the break from my silly blurgbs. I'll be a lot funnier once I start hanging around Jorgen again. After all, he's the source of roughly 50% of my non-Jeff related material.
I'll give you guys another day to ponder that trivia question and stare at Kelly Kapowski.
I have to go crunch some numbers. I want to see how much I can afford to get down on the Lakers to win the 2009 NBA Title. After their gutty effort in Game 6 in Boston, that price of 9-4 to beat out 29 other teams for a league championship is practically stealing. I'm going to go look for my calculator. You enjoy these videos, enjoy the warm weather, and most importantly....
Enjoy the game.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Take a look at the title of this blog
.... and tell me what you are expecting to read about when you visit this page. Presumably, you're going to read about sports and betting on them. Right? One would think so. Those of you who don't know me personally might have even been tricked into thinking there was "Sharp" information in here the first time you stumbled upon this space. This is a sports and gambling themed blog. Sure, there may be a mock or two thrown in for the occasional giggle, but ultimately I'm here to give my thoughts on sports and vent about all of my unlucky (See: bad) bets.
Imagine my surprise on Saturday when Ed, who is supposedly one of my biggest fans, told me that he considered my latest entry to be "Garbage" and "Long-Winded" and that I spent too much time talking about sports. Later that day, when I saw Jeff and casually thanked him for reading, he coldly informed me that "I really don't read it as much as you think I do." Ouch. (Blogger's note: Obviously, I know that he was lying. But he said it with a bunch of people around so it still hurt.) Overhearing this conversation, Sean mocked Jeff for reading my blog and dismissed blogging as a waste of time. Even Graham told me he hadn't read it in a while, even though he can check it from anywhere at any time on his phone. Making matters worse is the fact that Blog SuperFan #1 Chris Bennett is in Africa and not here to offer encouragement or ideas for future blogs. My confidence hit rock bottom when Ed told me that the blog looked like my Dad had written it. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make sense.... but still - ouch. Bloggers have feelings too, bro.
You have to understand that a blogger is like an athlete. Trash talk can throw us off our game. When I was younger and had a shred of athletic ability, I used to play a lot of sports and heard my share of trash talk. One time I was playing basketball and I got fouled very late in a close game. While I was standing on the sidelines during a timeout, waiting to attempt the free throws, I heard a kid say about me, "Look at his face. He's going to choke." It was hard for me to pretend I didn't hear that but I managed to make a respectable 1 out of 2 from the stripe. During my senior year of high school, our rugby team went on a tour of Europe, playing various high school teams in Ireland and England. The first game of our tour took place in Dublin, Ireland, and the entire school (K-12) crowded around the field to watch us play. As I was standing there waiting for the opening kickoff, a group of Irish kids that were maybe 13-14 years old called out to me, trying to get me to look over at them: "Hey, America! Hey, America!" When I finally turned in their direction, they got really excited and one kid said to me, "Say something! Hey America, say something for us!" Confused, I looked at their group and replied, "Like what?" The kids all erupted in laughter at my American "Accent." Five seconds later the game kicked off and for the next hour I was very aware of how stupid I sounded. (And about 5 minutes later I became very aware of how good Irish kids were at rugby. Yikes.) My confidence was shaken and I was off my game.
My point is that it was hard for me to blog the last few days with my confidence at an all-time low. (And it took me three long-winded paragraphs to get to that point. Wow. Perhaps I should bring Ed on as editor....) Let's jump ahead to the blurgbs, which will have very little to do with sports today, per Ed's request:
* Apparently people want less of my thoughts on sports and gambling, and more about my parents. I have no idea why but I'll try to oblige. The problem is that with me in Vegas and my sister in Europe, I have no fresh material coming in. When she is home, my sister will call me at least 2-3 times per week and start the conversation by saying, "You're never going to believe what Mom/Dad did....," even though I always believe it because I know how crazy they both are. My sister will be back from Europe on July 10th, and I'll start relaying her phone calls as soon as possible....
* Since my sister and I graduated from high school and both moved out, there are not many times where me, my brother, and sister are all together. Even when I come home, they are both off doing their own thing and I'm taking stupid trips to places like Atlanta City, New Jersey or Morgantown, West Virginia. Whenever all three of us are home, we end sitting together to catch up, maybe for an hour or two. I'll tell them a few things about Vegas, my sister will tell some boring story about life in Pittsburgh or her sorority, and my brother will talk about what it's like being 18, still getting an allowance because he doesn't have a job, and having season tickets to the Redskins, Hoyas, and Nationals. This is my favorite part of any trip home, not because I really care about what they have to say, but because these conversations inevitably lead to us swapping crazy stories about our parents. I always assumed that we were the only ones who found our own parents so amusing, but judging by the reaction from my readers, everyone does and I'll start sharing them all with you guys. I was keeping this blog hidden from my Mom because it frequently mentions long nights drinking and/or going to strip clubs, but now I have to keep it a secret so that she doesn't read all my stories about her and start her own blog telling embarassing stories about me....
* I have a future bet on the Tigers to win the World Series and knowing that Ross is a big Tigers fan and has the same bet, I sent him a text last night pointing out that the Tigers were now 12-3 over their last 15 games. Ross replied that he didn't want to say anything, for fear of "Jinxing" his team. I found this strange, as all I had said was that they were 12-3 over their last 15 games. That's just a statement of fact, so how can it be a jinx? Are they going to go back and play those 15 games again now and not have as good of a record? If I say the Celtics won the NBA Finals, would I be jinxing them? It already happened. It's over. They won it already, just like the Tigers already won 12 of their last 15 games. I don't believe in jinxes whatsoever and apparently I have no understanding of how they work. Someone please explain to me what constitutes a jinx. I would appreciate it. And for the record, I don't even believe that the stuff Chad says is "Jinxing" teams. I just think he's an idiot and anything he says has to be wrong....
* Golf analyst Johnny Miller recently said that he thought Rocco Mediate looked like he should be cleaning Tiger Woods' pool, not taking him to sudden death holes at the U.S. Open. Upon hearing this, Metcalf joke that the comment didn't make sense to him because white people don't clean pools, only Mexicans do. Dude.... I feel like Matt is a few more of these comments away from coming to blows with Rodney or Graham, while Ed stands there excitedly yelling "Race War!"....
* Speaking of our young senior supervisor, he was apparently taking shots at me while I was gone, for my somewhat lengthy vacation. What's that all about, cuz? I can go on a 2 week vacation. Hell, I could be gone for 2 months. It doesn't matter. I don't actually do any work. I just sit there for 8 hours, with a pad of paper next to me, taking notes for future blogs. I thought everyone already knew that. Every now and then, I pull a Costanza and act like I'm real mad and stressed out, so that people think I am doing tons of work, when really I'm taking naps under the desk. (Yeah, nobody tell Kornegay or Ed about any of this, please....) Anyways, when I tried to confront Metcalf about what he had said, I was informed that he was already gone for the day. Big surprise. I'm going to get in this kid's face soon enough, assuming that I actually catch him between vacations....
* Have you heard about Marcus Dixon, who is trying to make an NFL roster this summer as an undrafted free agent? Apparently, he was a stud recruit in high school but was convicted of statutory rape. At the time, Dixon was 18 and the girl was 15. It should also be pointed out that Dixon is black and the girl is white and this all took place in Georgia, so there is literally no chance that he got a fair trial. During the trial, it was also brought up that Dixon had been suspended twice from his school for "sexual activity," once for exposing himself in a classroom and again for inappropriately touching a 14-year-old girl. Dixon did his time and is now a free man and with his football talents, he should be fine. I'll give you 3 guesses as to which team recently signed him to a 3-year/$1.1M deal....
* Austin (aka Luckstin) Bhushan is at the College World Series in Omaha right now. Does anyone know if any of the sports book heads in town went to West Virginia University? This kid can do whatever he wants just because he went to same college as Kornegay. He texted me last night from Omaha to inform me that he had been drinking, and that there were lots of pretty co-eds in the crowd, so he might need me to send bail money. I told him he should try to make a move on a UNC girl, seeing as how she would most likely be depressed and vulnerable following their elimination at the hands of Fresno St. (Okay, I actually didn't tell him that. I really wanted to. I just didn't want to type it all out in a text message. And I definitely wasn't going to call him and have one of those awkward phone conversations where the person you're talking to is in a big crowd, and he/she is speaking up but you still can't really understand them, so all you want to do is get off the phone. What did you say, Ed? Long-winded? Dude.... go read Hoffman's blog, then.) Anyways, Austin and his crew of flunkies will be at the game tonight, so if you have a sister or a female cousin that goes to Georgia or Fresno St, I would recommend giving them a call and telling them to be careful....
Okay, I'll wrap this thing up before Ed falls asleep at his desk. If you want to read succinct thoughts from a good writer, go read Rick Reilly. He's outstanding. I'm just making stupid jokes to keep myself entertained in between losing bets. And I'm a little short on material right now. I haven't seen Jorgen in weeks.
I'll be funnier next time, I promise.
Monday's Trivia Question: Legendary comedian George Carlin passed away last night at the age of 71. How many of his "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television," can YOU name?
** Thursday's Answer: Gary Player.
Forgive me if I'm off my game today. Not only was my confidence rattled at work, I hung out with Hoffman on Saturday night. Let's just say that by the time I was going to bed, Jorgen was already arguing with the kids at work. I don't know how I get roped into these things. I think the Hoff is just too wild for me. That reminds me: Still no takers on that wing man thing? Really? Anyone? Please....?
I have no picks today. I'll blog later in the week about the Euro 2008 semi-finals and a bet I have on Russia to win the tournament. I got them at 100-1 in a wager I placed on July 9th, 2006. But I'll talk more about that later.
Check out those new pictures. You're welcome.
Thanks for reading. I've written enough garbage for one day. I'm going to go get ready for work. Should be a slow night but the Nationals are playing the Angels giving me at least one opportunity to....
Enjoy the game.
Imagine my surprise on Saturday when Ed, who is supposedly one of my biggest fans, told me that he considered my latest entry to be "Garbage" and "Long-Winded" and that I spent too much time talking about sports. Later that day, when I saw Jeff and casually thanked him for reading, he coldly informed me that "I really don't read it as much as you think I do." Ouch. (Blogger's note: Obviously, I know that he was lying. But he said it with a bunch of people around so it still hurt.) Overhearing this conversation, Sean mocked Jeff for reading my blog and dismissed blogging as a waste of time. Even Graham told me he hadn't read it in a while, even though he can check it from anywhere at any time on his phone. Making matters worse is the fact that Blog SuperFan #1 Chris Bennett is in Africa and not here to offer encouragement or ideas for future blogs. My confidence hit rock bottom when Ed told me that the blog looked like my Dad had written it. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make sense.... but still - ouch. Bloggers have feelings too, bro.
You have to understand that a blogger is like an athlete. Trash talk can throw us off our game. When I was younger and had a shred of athletic ability, I used to play a lot of sports and heard my share of trash talk. One time I was playing basketball and I got fouled very late in a close game. While I was standing on the sidelines during a timeout, waiting to attempt the free throws, I heard a kid say about me, "Look at his face. He's going to choke." It was hard for me to pretend I didn't hear that but I managed to make a respectable 1 out of 2 from the stripe. During my senior year of high school, our rugby team went on a tour of Europe, playing various high school teams in Ireland and England. The first game of our tour took place in Dublin, Ireland, and the entire school (K-12) crowded around the field to watch us play. As I was standing there waiting for the opening kickoff, a group of Irish kids that were maybe 13-14 years old called out to me, trying to get me to look over at them: "Hey, America! Hey, America!" When I finally turned in their direction, they got really excited and one kid said to me, "Say something! Hey America, say something for us!" Confused, I looked at their group and replied, "Like what?" The kids all erupted in laughter at my American "Accent." Five seconds later the game kicked off and for the next hour I was very aware of how stupid I sounded. (And about 5 minutes later I became very aware of how good Irish kids were at rugby. Yikes.) My confidence was shaken and I was off my game.
My point is that it was hard for me to blog the last few days with my confidence at an all-time low. (And it took me three long-winded paragraphs to get to that point. Wow. Perhaps I should bring Ed on as editor....) Let's jump ahead to the blurgbs, which will have very little to do with sports today, per Ed's request:
* Apparently people want less of my thoughts on sports and gambling, and more about my parents. I have no idea why but I'll try to oblige. The problem is that with me in Vegas and my sister in Europe, I have no fresh material coming in. When she is home, my sister will call me at least 2-3 times per week and start the conversation by saying, "You're never going to believe what Mom/Dad did....," even though I always believe it because I know how crazy they both are. My sister will be back from Europe on July 10th, and I'll start relaying her phone calls as soon as possible....
* Since my sister and I graduated from high school and both moved out, there are not many times where me, my brother, and sister are all together. Even when I come home, they are both off doing their own thing and I'm taking stupid trips to places like Atlanta City, New Jersey or Morgantown, West Virginia. Whenever all three of us are home, we end sitting together to catch up, maybe for an hour or two. I'll tell them a few things about Vegas, my sister will tell some boring story about life in Pittsburgh or her sorority, and my brother will talk about what it's like being 18, still getting an allowance because he doesn't have a job, and having season tickets to the Redskins, Hoyas, and Nationals. This is my favorite part of any trip home, not because I really care about what they have to say, but because these conversations inevitably lead to us swapping crazy stories about our parents. I always assumed that we were the only ones who found our own parents so amusing, but judging by the reaction from my readers, everyone does and I'll start sharing them all with you guys. I was keeping this blog hidden from my Mom because it frequently mentions long nights drinking and/or going to strip clubs, but now I have to keep it a secret so that she doesn't read all my stories about her and start her own blog telling embarassing stories about me....
* I have a future bet on the Tigers to win the World Series and knowing that Ross is a big Tigers fan and has the same bet, I sent him a text last night pointing out that the Tigers were now 12-3 over their last 15 games. Ross replied that he didn't want to say anything, for fear of "Jinxing" his team. I found this strange, as all I had said was that they were 12-3 over their last 15 games. That's just a statement of fact, so how can it be a jinx? Are they going to go back and play those 15 games again now and not have as good of a record? If I say the Celtics won the NBA Finals, would I be jinxing them? It already happened. It's over. They won it already, just like the Tigers already won 12 of their last 15 games. I don't believe in jinxes whatsoever and apparently I have no understanding of how they work. Someone please explain to me what constitutes a jinx. I would appreciate it. And for the record, I don't even believe that the stuff Chad says is "Jinxing" teams. I just think he's an idiot and anything he says has to be wrong....
* Golf analyst Johnny Miller recently said that he thought Rocco Mediate looked like he should be cleaning Tiger Woods' pool, not taking him to sudden death holes at the U.S. Open. Upon hearing this, Metcalf joke that the comment didn't make sense to him because white people don't clean pools, only Mexicans do. Dude.... I feel like Matt is a few more of these comments away from coming to blows with Rodney or Graham, while Ed stands there excitedly yelling "Race War!"....
* Speaking of our young senior supervisor, he was apparently taking shots at me while I was gone, for my somewhat lengthy vacation. What's that all about, cuz? I can go on a 2 week vacation. Hell, I could be gone for 2 months. It doesn't matter. I don't actually do any work. I just sit there for 8 hours, with a pad of paper next to me, taking notes for future blogs. I thought everyone already knew that. Every now and then, I pull a Costanza and act like I'm real mad and stressed out, so that people think I am doing tons of work, when really I'm taking naps under the desk. (Yeah, nobody tell Kornegay or Ed about any of this, please....) Anyways, when I tried to confront Metcalf about what he had said, I was informed that he was already gone for the day. Big surprise. I'm going to get in this kid's face soon enough, assuming that I actually catch him between vacations....
* Have you heard about Marcus Dixon, who is trying to make an NFL roster this summer as an undrafted free agent? Apparently, he was a stud recruit in high school but was convicted of statutory rape. At the time, Dixon was 18 and the girl was 15. It should also be pointed out that Dixon is black and the girl is white and this all took place in Georgia, so there is literally no chance that he got a fair trial. During the trial, it was also brought up that Dixon had been suspended twice from his school for "sexual activity," once for exposing himself in a classroom and again for inappropriately touching a 14-year-old girl. Dixon did his time and is now a free man and with his football talents, he should be fine. I'll give you 3 guesses as to which team recently signed him to a 3-year/$1.1M deal....
* Austin (aka Luckstin) Bhushan is at the College World Series in Omaha right now. Does anyone know if any of the sports book heads in town went to West Virginia University? This kid can do whatever he wants just because he went to same college as Kornegay. He texted me last night from Omaha to inform me that he had been drinking, and that there were lots of pretty co-eds in the crowd, so he might need me to send bail money. I told him he should try to make a move on a UNC girl, seeing as how she would most likely be depressed and vulnerable following their elimination at the hands of Fresno St. (Okay, I actually didn't tell him that. I really wanted to. I just didn't want to type it all out in a text message. And I definitely wasn't going to call him and have one of those awkward phone conversations where the person you're talking to is in a big crowd, and he/she is speaking up but you still can't really understand them, so all you want to do is get off the phone. What did you say, Ed? Long-winded? Dude.... go read Hoffman's blog, then.) Anyways, Austin and his crew of flunkies will be at the game tonight, so if you have a sister or a female cousin that goes to Georgia or Fresno St, I would recommend giving them a call and telling them to be careful....
Okay, I'll wrap this thing up before Ed falls asleep at his desk. If you want to read succinct thoughts from a good writer, go read Rick Reilly. He's outstanding. I'm just making stupid jokes to keep myself entertained in between losing bets. And I'm a little short on material right now. I haven't seen Jorgen in weeks.
I'll be funnier next time, I promise.
Monday's Trivia Question: Legendary comedian George Carlin passed away last night at the age of 71. How many of his "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television," can YOU name?
** Thursday's Answer: Gary Player.
Forgive me if I'm off my game today. Not only was my confidence rattled at work, I hung out with Hoffman on Saturday night. Let's just say that by the time I was going to bed, Jorgen was already arguing with the kids at work. I don't know how I get roped into these things. I think the Hoff is just too wild for me. That reminds me: Still no takers on that wing man thing? Really? Anyone? Please....?
I have no picks today. I'll blog later in the week about the Euro 2008 semi-finals and a bet I have on Russia to win the tournament. I got them at 100-1 in a wager I placed on July 9th, 2006. But I'll talk more about that later.
Check out those new pictures. You're welcome.
Thanks for reading. I've written enough garbage for one day. I'm going to go get ready for work. Should be a slow night but the Nationals are playing the Angels giving me at least one opportunity to....
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I just got home, sat down, and
turned the TV to ESPN, hoping to catch the end of the LSU-UNC College World Series game. (I have a ticket on the Tigers to win the CWS.) Their matchup with UNC is in a rain delay, so ESPN is showing a replay of LSU's incredible comeback win over Rice on Tuesday. I had given up on that game when I saw that the Tigers were down 4-0 in the 7th, but, much like they did in the Super Regionals against Cal-Irvine, LSU miraculously rallied to victory in the bottom of the 9th.
I'm heading back to Vegas early tomorrow morning and since the game is in a rain delay and I will literally do anything to put off packing for another hour, I'm going to do that thing where I give my thoughts on recent events and then call people to ask if they laughed at any of them. Enjoy.
Here's the latest:
* Taking the advice of my pollsters, I turned off Game 6 of the NBA Finals sometime during the 2nd quarter and decided to "Watch Something Else," so I'm really not capable of talking about that game. Why should I show up to watch the game if none of the Lakers are going to show up to play in it? Did anyone call Jeff's house after the game to make sure he was still alive? Between that performance by his Lakers and the recent infrequency of my blogs, he must be really down....
* I complained after the Lakers blew that huge lead in Game 4 but the truth is they never had a chance of winning that series. Not only were the Celtics the much better team, they were clearly the hungrier team. I've been gambling for a long time and I think my bet on them to win that series could be the single worst wager of my life. At the time I made my bet, the Lakers were down 1-0, playing a superior opponent, giving up home court advantage, AND I was laying money. Wow. In my defense, I had no way of knowing that Pau Gasol wouldn't be participating in the series but it was still a terrible bet....
* Perhaps I was too hard on Sam Cassell and Ray Allen over the last few weeks. Have you actually played basketball lately? It's pretty hard. I played a lot over the last couple days and it wasn't as fun as I remembered. Everything started well enough: I was hitting every shot I took for the first 10 minutes. But then we decided to divide up teams and actually play a "Game." All of a sudden, some prick had his hand in my face every time I got the ball. What's that all about....?
* On Monday, I had a blurgb about how I think 100% of people who play poker are not as good as they think they are. I stand by that comment and I would like to add that I feel the same way about kids who play basketball in Morgantown, West Virginia. Every kid in the gym thinks he's a young Jerry West. These kids will pull up for a 3 on a 2-on-1 break, even when the lone defender is right in their face. The "Offense" is basically 5 guys standing around, outside the 3-point line, hoping that the guy who brought the ball up will pass it to him so he can shoot it. Except that guy usually ends up shooting himself, as soon as he gets even the slightest opening. Upon releasing the ball, the shooter usually says one of the following words: "Good," "Buckets," "Wet," "Splash," or "Money." I saw this one kid pull up for a wild, off-balanced 3 while his team was on a fast break and as he released the ball, he actually yelled out "All Day." Not only did this kid miss, he didn't even hit the rim. He didn't even hit the backboard. He missed everything. Really, really badly. And the ball went back to other team. Why do I care, you say? This moron was on my team....
* One of my buddies who came up to Morgantown with me is about 6'6'', hates to shave, and has wild and stupid hair. Every time this kid did anything on the court, all the black guys in the gym would laugh and yell out "Pau Gasol!" I was offended by this. If one of those kids had done something nice and bore a resemblance to a black NBA star, and I had yelled out "Kobe!" or "LeBron!" wouldn't I have been labeled a racist? I'm not sure but I wasn't about to tempt fate by trying it out....
* Big moment for me on Thursday: I knew that Portugal should not have been favored over Germany in the Euro 2008 quarters, so I bet on the Deutschbags +0.5 goal. Sure, I could've just told a bunch of people that I thought the line was wrong and then bragged about it afterwards when they won (Or pretended like I had never said anything when they lost) but this time I actually followed myself and fired. Germany jumped out to a 2-nil lead and held on to win 3-2. I'm on the road to recovery following the NBA Finals debacle....
* Here's a blog I stumbled upon while I was doing some "Research" on the Germany game:
Grant Wahl's Euro 2008 blog
So, this guy gets paid to go out to Austria/Switzerland, watch the Euro games and then write his thoughts about them each day? That's unbelievable. I'm writing my thoughts on the Euro, the NBA, MLB, College World Series, golf, and Jorgen, and nobody pays for me to go to any of the events and/or Jorgen's apartment. Nobody pays me at all! What a job this Grant Wahl has. Who is he to have that job over me? I mean - Is he a better writer than me? Clearly. More experienced than me? Check. More knowledgable about the subject matter? I'd say at least twice as much. But so what? CNNSI - Send me over there. I'll blog twice as much as this guy. Quantity over quality! I could even do video blogs each day of me drunk in some pub, embarassing myself trying to pick up European chicks, and giving all kinds of pointless opinions on the games I had watched earlier that afternoon. Oh, and for the record: Grant picked Portugal to win 2-0 and I ignored him and made my bet anyway. Murray 1, Wahl 0....
* Not long after we watched Tiger Woods win the 2008 U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, the sports world found out that Woods had been playing since last August with a torn ACL. Since suffering that injury jogging last July, Woods won the PGA and the U.S. Open, finished 2nd at the Masters, and won 7 other events he played in. That really is amazing. My question to you is what "Overcoming An Injury Feat" was more impressive - Woods winning 2 majors on a torn ACL or Paul Pierce coming back to make a couple 3-pointers after faking an injury in Game 1 of the NBA Finals? Have I mentioned that I bet on the Lakers to win that series? Yeah, I did. But I'm not bitter or anything and I think I'm handling it very well, thank you....
* Speaking of the Celtics, can you believe that the city of Boston has now won 3 Super Bowls, 2 World Series, and an NBA Championship since 2002? And the Red Sox and the Patriots are the current betting favorites to win their respective championships, potentially adding to Boston's ridiculous haul this decade. If you had said to a Boston fan in 2001 that he could see his favorites teams win 3 Super Bowls, 2 World Series (Feauring a comeback from 3-0 down in the ALCS against the Yankees of all teams), and win an NBA Finals over the Lakers, with a 39 point win at home, all in the next 7 years and all he had to do was give up an appendage, what would he have been willing to sacrifice? A finger? An entire hand? His left nut? I haven't even mentioned the fact that the Patriots had a 16-0 regular season and a 4th AFC Championship in 2007, or that Roger Clemens is now arguably the most disgraced sports figure in our country this side of Orenthal James Simpson. I'm getting really tired of Bostons sports fans. Can't we spread it around a little? Those guys are due for a fall from grace....
* Thursday was my last night in Virginia, so my parents took me out to dinner. It was a nice enough gesture but it was about as uncomfortable as being in the same room as Matt and Rodney, while Metcalf is discussing his favorite Miami Heat players. My Mom spent a good portion of the meal crying over the fact that I was leaving tomorrow morning (Despite the fact that I have lived away from home since the fall of 2001) and, for some reason, my Dad was sweating profusely while he ate his mussles. He looked like Jorgen waiting in line to cash a ticket at the Golden Nugget. On the plus side, the crab was sublime and our waiter looked like James Gandolfini, so it wasn't all bad....
* I have a morning flight so it will be more difficult to sleep on the plane than it normally is when I take the redeye. Since my IPod is still not working and United Ted has been known to show movies such as Mad Money and Music and Lyrics, I decided to stockpile every college football preview magazine I could get my hands on and plow through them while I am in the air. I will board that plane with no idea how to bet college football in 2008 but when we touch down in Vegas, I will be a college football expert. I mean - I still won't have any idea whatsoever how to pick the winners, I'll just know a lot about players and schedules and stuff like that....
* Chris Bennett is heading to Africa (Yeah - Africa, Africa) on Friday and I waited too long to interview him about the 2008 Green Bay Packers, so I won't be posting my first NFL team preview on June 21st as planned. Sorry about that, Chris. If anyone is ready to discuss their team (Or any team for that matter) please let me know and we can get it done. (Jeff - I'm ready to hear all your thoughts on the 2008 Atlanta Falcons, bro.) Football is just around the corner, guys. It's time to get all of your thoughts on wax. (Or in this case - my blog. Which is actually just on a computer.) I had a few other specialty blogs planned out but never got around to actually, you know, writing them out. I'll do them, I promise. I was just busy playing basketball, and drinking, and watching TV with my dog. I do love to blog but I have to focus on the important things in life....
I'm not giving you guys any picks for Friday. You don't need me anymore. After all,
The Hoff Is Back
Speaking of the Hoff, the kid just got promoted at the Venetian and he texted me today, asking me how I thought we should celebrate his success. My first and only thought: "Oh, crap." I guess I have to pick some winners in the next 48 hours, if I'm going to be able to afford to "Celebrate" with that guy.
While I ponder that predicament, you try this PGA puzzler:
Thursday's Trivia Question: Name the South African golf legend who coined this phrase: "The harder you practice, the luckier you get."
** Monday's Answer - I didn't bother to look it up. I know Notah Begay III was one. And I'm pretty sure Casey Martin was another. Obviously, there were a bunch of them.
I put up a new poll and some new pics. If Option "D" wins that poll I'm going to be pissed. Seriously. Don't vote for the so-called "Joke option." Let's have a real democratic election here. Come on.... I'll be at work on Friday at 3:30. I hope Austin doesn't like.... hug me or anything. Although I am pretty sure that he will. Someone's going to have to show me what to do because I probably forgot everything. Give me a break, I've been off for a while and as you can tell by this rambling entry, I am scatter-brained and forgetful. It will all come back to me soon enough and before you know it I'll be back at work, hanging out with some of you guys, and taking the time to....
Enjoy the game.
I'm heading back to Vegas early tomorrow morning and since the game is in a rain delay and I will literally do anything to put off packing for another hour, I'm going to do that thing where I give my thoughts on recent events and then call people to ask if they laughed at any of them. Enjoy.
Here's the latest:
* Taking the advice of my pollsters, I turned off Game 6 of the NBA Finals sometime during the 2nd quarter and decided to "Watch Something Else," so I'm really not capable of talking about that game. Why should I show up to watch the game if none of the Lakers are going to show up to play in it? Did anyone call Jeff's house after the game to make sure he was still alive? Between that performance by his Lakers and the recent infrequency of my blogs, he must be really down....
* I complained after the Lakers blew that huge lead in Game 4 but the truth is they never had a chance of winning that series. Not only were the Celtics the much better team, they were clearly the hungrier team. I've been gambling for a long time and I think my bet on them to win that series could be the single worst wager of my life. At the time I made my bet, the Lakers were down 1-0, playing a superior opponent, giving up home court advantage, AND I was laying money. Wow. In my defense, I had no way of knowing that Pau Gasol wouldn't be participating in the series but it was still a terrible bet....
* Perhaps I was too hard on Sam Cassell and Ray Allen over the last few weeks. Have you actually played basketball lately? It's pretty hard. I played a lot over the last couple days and it wasn't as fun as I remembered. Everything started well enough: I was hitting every shot I took for the first 10 minutes. But then we decided to divide up teams and actually play a "Game." All of a sudden, some prick had his hand in my face every time I got the ball. What's that all about....?
* On Monday, I had a blurgb about how I think 100% of people who play poker are not as good as they think they are. I stand by that comment and I would like to add that I feel the same way about kids who play basketball in Morgantown, West Virginia. Every kid in the gym thinks he's a young Jerry West. These kids will pull up for a 3 on a 2-on-1 break, even when the lone defender is right in their face. The "Offense" is basically 5 guys standing around, outside the 3-point line, hoping that the guy who brought the ball up will pass it to him so he can shoot it. Except that guy usually ends up shooting himself, as soon as he gets even the slightest opening. Upon releasing the ball, the shooter usually says one of the following words: "Good," "Buckets," "Wet," "Splash," or "Money." I saw this one kid pull up for a wild, off-balanced 3 while his team was on a fast break and as he released the ball, he actually yelled out "All Day." Not only did this kid miss, he didn't even hit the rim. He didn't even hit the backboard. He missed everything. Really, really badly. And the ball went back to other team. Why do I care, you say? This moron was on my team....
* One of my buddies who came up to Morgantown with me is about 6'6'', hates to shave, and has wild and stupid hair. Every time this kid did anything on the court, all the black guys in the gym would laugh and yell out "Pau Gasol!" I was offended by this. If one of those kids had done something nice and bore a resemblance to a black NBA star, and I had yelled out "Kobe!" or "LeBron!" wouldn't I have been labeled a racist? I'm not sure but I wasn't about to tempt fate by trying it out....
* Big moment for me on Thursday: I knew that Portugal should not have been favored over Germany in the Euro 2008 quarters, so I bet on the Deutschbags +0.5 goal. Sure, I could've just told a bunch of people that I thought the line was wrong and then bragged about it afterwards when they won (Or pretended like I had never said anything when they lost) but this time I actually followed myself and fired. Germany jumped out to a 2-nil lead and held on to win 3-2. I'm on the road to recovery following the NBA Finals debacle....
* Here's a blog I stumbled upon while I was doing some "Research" on the Germany game:
Grant Wahl's Euro 2008 blog
So, this guy gets paid to go out to Austria/Switzerland, watch the Euro games and then write his thoughts about them each day? That's unbelievable. I'm writing my thoughts on the Euro, the NBA, MLB, College World Series, golf, and Jorgen, and nobody pays for me to go to any of the events and/or Jorgen's apartment. Nobody pays me at all! What a job this Grant Wahl has. Who is he to have that job over me? I mean - Is he a better writer than me? Clearly. More experienced than me? Check. More knowledgable about the subject matter? I'd say at least twice as much. But so what? CNNSI - Send me over there. I'll blog twice as much as this guy. Quantity over quality! I could even do video blogs each day of me drunk in some pub, embarassing myself trying to pick up European chicks, and giving all kinds of pointless opinions on the games I had watched earlier that afternoon. Oh, and for the record: Grant picked Portugal to win 2-0 and I ignored him and made my bet anyway. Murray 1, Wahl 0....
* Not long after we watched Tiger Woods win the 2008 U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, the sports world found out that Woods had been playing since last August with a torn ACL. Since suffering that injury jogging last July, Woods won the PGA and the U.S. Open, finished 2nd at the Masters, and won 7 other events he played in. That really is amazing. My question to you is what "Overcoming An Injury Feat" was more impressive - Woods winning 2 majors on a torn ACL or Paul Pierce coming back to make a couple 3-pointers after faking an injury in Game 1 of the NBA Finals? Have I mentioned that I bet on the Lakers to win that series? Yeah, I did. But I'm not bitter or anything and I think I'm handling it very well, thank you....
* Speaking of the Celtics, can you believe that the city of Boston has now won 3 Super Bowls, 2 World Series, and an NBA Championship since 2002? And the Red Sox and the Patriots are the current betting favorites to win their respective championships, potentially adding to Boston's ridiculous haul this decade. If you had said to a Boston fan in 2001 that he could see his favorites teams win 3 Super Bowls, 2 World Series (Feauring a comeback from 3-0 down in the ALCS against the Yankees of all teams), and win an NBA Finals over the Lakers, with a 39 point win at home, all in the next 7 years and all he had to do was give up an appendage, what would he have been willing to sacrifice? A finger? An entire hand? His left nut? I haven't even mentioned the fact that the Patriots had a 16-0 regular season and a 4th AFC Championship in 2007, or that Roger Clemens is now arguably the most disgraced sports figure in our country this side of Orenthal James Simpson. I'm getting really tired of Bostons sports fans. Can't we spread it around a little? Those guys are due for a fall from grace....
* Thursday was my last night in Virginia, so my parents took me out to dinner. It was a nice enough gesture but it was about as uncomfortable as being in the same room as Matt and Rodney, while Metcalf is discussing his favorite Miami Heat players. My Mom spent a good portion of the meal crying over the fact that I was leaving tomorrow morning (Despite the fact that I have lived away from home since the fall of 2001) and, for some reason, my Dad was sweating profusely while he ate his mussles. He looked like Jorgen waiting in line to cash a ticket at the Golden Nugget. On the plus side, the crab was sublime and our waiter looked like James Gandolfini, so it wasn't all bad....
* I have a morning flight so it will be more difficult to sleep on the plane than it normally is when I take the redeye. Since my IPod is still not working and United Ted has been known to show movies such as Mad Money and Music and Lyrics, I decided to stockpile every college football preview magazine I could get my hands on and plow through them while I am in the air. I will board that plane with no idea how to bet college football in 2008 but when we touch down in Vegas, I will be a college football expert. I mean - I still won't have any idea whatsoever how to pick the winners, I'll just know a lot about players and schedules and stuff like that....
* Chris Bennett is heading to Africa (Yeah - Africa, Africa) on Friday and I waited too long to interview him about the 2008 Green Bay Packers, so I won't be posting my first NFL team preview on June 21st as planned. Sorry about that, Chris. If anyone is ready to discuss their team (Or any team for that matter) please let me know and we can get it done. (Jeff - I'm ready to hear all your thoughts on the 2008 Atlanta Falcons, bro.) Football is just around the corner, guys. It's time to get all of your thoughts on wax. (Or in this case - my blog. Which is actually just on a computer.) I had a few other specialty blogs planned out but never got around to actually, you know, writing them out. I'll do them, I promise. I was just busy playing basketball, and drinking, and watching TV with my dog. I do love to blog but I have to focus on the important things in life....
I'm not giving you guys any picks for Friday. You don't need me anymore. After all,
The Hoff Is Back
Speaking of the Hoff, the kid just got promoted at the Venetian and he texted me today, asking me how I thought we should celebrate his success. My first and only thought: "Oh, crap." I guess I have to pick some winners in the next 48 hours, if I'm going to be able to afford to "Celebrate" with that guy.
While I ponder that predicament, you try this PGA puzzler:
Thursday's Trivia Question: Name the South African golf legend who coined this phrase: "The harder you practice, the luckier you get."
** Monday's Answer - I didn't bother to look it up. I know Notah Begay III was one. And I'm pretty sure Casey Martin was another. Obviously, there were a bunch of them.
I put up a new poll and some new pics. If Option "D" wins that poll I'm going to be pissed. Seriously. Don't vote for the so-called "Joke option." Let's have a real democratic election here. Come on.... I'll be at work on Friday at 3:30. I hope Austin doesn't like.... hug me or anything. Although I am pretty sure that he will. Someone's going to have to show me what to do because I probably forgot everything. Give me a break, I've been off for a while and as you can tell by this rambling entry, I am scatter-brained and forgetful. It will all come back to me soon enough and before you know it I'll be back at work, hanging out with some of you guys, and taking the time to....
Enjoy the game.
Monday, June 16, 2008
It's Monday morning and I'm watching
.... the U.S. Open playoff between Tiger Woods and Rocco Mediate with my dogs. All of my friends are at work (you know, because it's a Monday), my brother is off at beach week, and my sister is backpacking through Europe. Basically, I am completely alone here for the next few hours and the way I see it I have two options: Shave, shower, and go run the errands my Mom has outlined for me, or blog. Luckily for Jeff, I am choosing the latter. You're welcome, bro.
It's been a while since my last entry and I'm sorry about that. I was planning on blogging after the Lakers Game 4 victory over the Celtics but apparently the Lakers lost that game. Frankly, I'm really not sure how that is possible. I can remember watching most of the game, seeing the Lakers up 35-14 at the end of the 1st quarter and leading by as many as 24 points in the 2nd quarter. They were still up 18 at halftime. Lamar Odom even appeared to be interested in the outcome of the game! Anyways, I apparently blacked out sometime during the 4th quarter when I realized that my Lakers series price bet was probably not going to win and I am just now regaining the ability to string together coherent sentences. 24 point leads at home aren't what they used to be.
"Tiger Woods" received the most votes in my poll asking who would be the biggest winner this weekend at Torrey Pines. I want to know who the comedian is that voted for "Europe." I already know who voted for "Jeff's Matchup Bets." The first vote was by Jeff at home and the second vote was by Jeff on another computer. Pretty sad, really. A lot has happened since my last blog, including my first trek to Atlantic City in almost 2 years. Let's get to some blurgbs, starting with my NBA Finals thoughts:
* As you probably know, I have this ridiculously stupid bet on the Lakers series price over the Celtics in the NBA Finals. (The price I got it at is not important but let's just say that my play would be looking absolutely fine if the Lakers had not inexplicably blown a 20 point 3rd quarter lead in Game 4 and were up 3-2 heading back to Boston. What did you say? People don't like hearing others complain about gambling losses? Well go read someone else's blog then, jackass.) So, for Game 5 I devised a (stupid) plan to hedge some of my money off on the Celtics +7. I figured that if the Celtics won straight up and ended the series, at least I'd get some money back on that win and if the Lakers blew them out at least my series price ticket would live to fight another day. And can you believe what happened? The Celtics actually covered in a loss because Eddie House made a ridiculous 3-pointer late in the game and the Lakers missed a couple free throws. I won my Game 5 bet AND the Lakers series price ticket is still technically live. God, I'm good....
* Obviously, the NBA desperately wanted the Lakers to win Game 5 to extend the series as long as possible. Conspiracy theorists expected L.A. to get every call to ensure that this party go back to Beantown. However, a look at the box score shows no favoritism whatsoever to the Lakers. The two teams went to the line exactly 31 times each. In fact, Boston F Paul Pierce went to the charity stripe a Kobe-like 19 times, while the man himself only toed the line 7 times....
* Speaking of Kobe, I think we need to officially end all these ridiculous Kobe-MJ comparisons. Michael Jordan would have never let his team blow a 24 point lead at home in the NBA Finals. He would have never let a player like Paul Pierce completely outplay him in a championship series. And he would have never let a teammate leave the house with facial hair as ridiculous as Pau Gasol's....
* Kevin Garnett has put up decent numbers in this series (Including 13 points and 14 rebounds in Game 5) but he has done so in a quiet fashion not befitting a superstar. Why don't the Celitcs post him up on Gasol more often? Garnett should be killing him on the block. It's almost like KG's plan for this series was to close his eyes until it was over and hope that Pierce and Allen could carry the team to victory....
* Was Chris Mihm getting on the floor the most shocking moment in recent NBA Finals history? Talk about throwing us a curve ball. Is Phil Jackson saving Coby Karl for Game 6? Speaking of Mihm, I would like to do a blog entry about all the white stiffs who had their careers derailed by foot injuries but I think it would take me about 2 months. If I was an NBA GM, I wouldn't touch a white guy over 6'8'' with a ten foot pole....
* We were all uncomfortable during Bill Walton's interview with son Luke Walton at hafltime. Very uncomfortable. But I don't think anyone wanted that interview to be over more than Luke. I'm not sure what bothered him more: His father gushing about how much he loved him on national TV or the glare from Bill's chompers. The elder Walton looked like Matt Dillon's character in There's Something About Mary....
* If you think that comment was mean-spirited, you should have heard my buddy's dad last Thursday during Game 4. He was asking people to guess which one of Stuart Scott's eyes was the lazy one....
* I can't believe Sam Cassell scored 9 points last night. I also can't believe he was on the floor for 18 minutes. This got me thinking: Am I the only one who thinks Cassell is literally the worst player on either team? I stopped in Philly on the way back from Atlantic City yesterday to get a cheese steak (Yeah, it is worth it) and we were watching some guys play basketball on a public court (I'm pretty sure it was the same court used during the opening montage of Fresh Price of Bel Air, by the way) and I made a comment to my buddies that Sam Cassell would be coming off the bench in this game. Much to my surprise, I was the only one who laughed at that joke. I felt like a young Chad....
Speaking of Atlantic City, let's do some blurgbs about that crappy place:
* I played a lot of poker (And several other card games) while I was in AC and I came to the following conclusion: Literally 100% of people that play poker are not as good as they think they are. I think I absolutely suck at poker and have no idea what I'm doing and I'm still not as good as I think am....
* We were playing Saturday night at the Tropicana during the third round of the U.S. Open. These guys were so locked in on their 1-2 No Limit games, they barely even looked up when Tiger made incredible eagles on the 13th and 18th holes. They were too busy putting the finishing touches on highly unsuccesful 14 hour sessions and trying to get their "Play rated" by the managers. I don't like poker players....
* One of my buddies (For the purposes of this blog, let's call him "GX") got way too wrapped up in the fun of being in a casino and playing poker and was even talking trash during the games, despite the fact that he sucks and has no clue what he's doing. GX took a big (I think it was like 60 bucks) pot off some poor old guy, who was just trying to have fun on his vacation, and started talking smack to him for no reason. A few minutes later, the old guy got up to leave and GX wouldn't let him just walk away, demanding to know where he was going. When the old guy replied that he was going upstairs because his back hurt, GX replied "How could your back hurt? You haven't raked in a pot all night." What a dickhead....
* At about 3 AM, me and one of my friends decided to head back downstairs and play craps. (I am a surprisingly bad decision maker when I have been drinking for 12 hours.) We got into the elevator and saw that someone had puked in the corner. We stood all the way to the other side and held our breath until we got to the bottom. When we reached the casino floor, we were getting out as a group of young looking kids were getting on. My buddy told them to watch their step and pointed to the pile of vomit. One of the kids looked down at it and said, "Dude, someone took a piss in here!" I'm pretty sure those kids were from Jersey....
* Before we left on Sunday afternoon, I decided to try my hand at roulette for the first time on the trip, you know - because I have a gambling problem. We were actually having a good time until this jackass sits down in between us and starts gushing about how great Tiger Woods is: "I think Tiger is the new Michael. Did you see him last night? He's like Michael. I mean- Michael's Michael but Tiger's the new Michael. He's the best, man. He's like Michael," and so forth. The guy was obviously drunk (I thought only the Hoff got drunk and gambled that early in the day) and very annoying but we were able to put up with his ramblings. However, when the new dealer (A doofy looking kid from Jersey) started asking my friends and I to visit his website, I knew it was time to go. Nobody wants to hear that crap. So, I handed the guy a card with my blog's URL and got the hell out of there....
And a few more thoughts I want to get off my chest:
* How dumb are golf fans? I have a bet on Tiger to win the U.S. Open (Don't judge me, Jeff) and I've been watching the tournament pretty closely. Every time the guy hits a shot the entire gallery yells out generic things like "Get in the hole" or "You're the man, Tiger!" even when his ball is obviously heading for the tall stuff or a bunker....
* Tiger is wearing his famous "Sunday Red" today, despite the fact that it is Monday. Do you think that he brings two red shirts with him in case he ends up in a playoff? Or do you think he had Elin wash the one he wore on Sunday? Or perhaps Nike gave him a new one to wear today? I'm going to look into this. (Okay, no I'm not. I just thought it would make a funny blurgb. I honestly don't care....)
* Is the fact that Tiger is in a playoff at the U.S. Open, despite being hobbled by a knee injury, more a commentary on his greatness or on the weakness of his competition....?
* NASCAR has a huge scandal on their hands thanks to former Nationwide Series employee Mauricia Grant's lawsuit. The scandal has been dominating car racing headlines all week. Luckily for the NASCAR suits, fan favorite Dale Earnhardt Jr. won for the first time in 76 races yesterday in Michigan, despite clearly not having the best car. That should dominate the headlines for a while. What a coincidence....
* There's bottom, there's rock bottom, and there's where the Seattle Mariners are right now. This weekend, they were swept by the Washington Nationals. In Seattle. We could put together a team at the Hilton that could take a game off the Nats with home field advantage....
* I don't like Philadelphia sports fans. While we were driving home from AC, my buddy was listening to the Phillies-Cardinals game on the radio, as Chase Utley comes to the plate in the 8th inning with runners on 1st and 3rd and 2 outs. Instead of rooting for Utley to get a hit, he actually says "I hope they don't walk Utley to pitch to Howard." This kid has never met Ed, nor does he have any idea that Ed says the same kind of crap about Ryan Howard. Also, keep in mind that this guy was part of my group that won 10 dimes off Pinnacle when Howard lead the Major Leagues in homers in 2006. For the record, Utley walked loading the bases and Howard walked in a run, his 4th RBI of the game. Ryan is approaching 150 homers since 2006 and Philadelphia fans still don't like the guy. These are the same fans who booed the Eagles' drafting of Donovan McNabb in 1999. My conclusion? Philadelphia sports fans are a bunch of racists....
* A pair of my future tickets took serious hits over the weekend. Chien-Ming Wang, who I bet to lead the majors in wins, injured his foot and may be out for the season and the LSU Tigers dropped their College World Series opener to the UNC Tar Heels, 8-4. That reminds me: I'm going to start charging membership for the blog. I'll have more details on that in the coming weeks....
That is certainly more than enough blogging for one day. I can't believe you're actually still reading. If I were you, I would've bailed on this thing a while ago. I appreciate the effort and to show my gratitude, I'll give you what you're really here for.
How's about a fresh batch of fades:
Tigers
Marlins
Red Sox
It's a travel day for Hoffy and he's been on hiatus for a while anyway, so somebody's gotta pick up the slack and post some baseball picks. You're welcome. Tiger just took a 3 shot lead and I'm in such a good mood, I'll even post a trivia question.
Trivia Question For Monday: Name a Stanford teammate of Tiger Woods, without looking at www.golfodds.com. Good luck.
** Wednesday's Answer: The Miami (FL) outfielder was Pat "The Babe" Burrell. Ed - you knew that.
I'm adding a new poll and put up some new pictures. Enjoy. I'm also planning out my Top 5 Favorite Cartoons blog, which I hope to post before Bennett leaves for Africa.
My dogs have been jockeying for position next to me on the couch the entire time I've been blogging. The girl had the inside spot and I could tell the boy was getting angry so he devised a pretty smart plan. He ran to the door barking, pretending that there was someone out there. The girl followed to see what all the commotion was about and while she was standing at the door, he ran back to the couch and hopped up next to me.
I'm going to go take these guys for a walk. You've been on your computer too long. Go take a nap and get ready to....
Enjoy the game.
It's been a while since my last entry and I'm sorry about that. I was planning on blogging after the Lakers Game 4 victory over the Celtics but apparently the Lakers lost that game. Frankly, I'm really not sure how that is possible. I can remember watching most of the game, seeing the Lakers up 35-14 at the end of the 1st quarter and leading by as many as 24 points in the 2nd quarter. They were still up 18 at halftime. Lamar Odom even appeared to be interested in the outcome of the game! Anyways, I apparently blacked out sometime during the 4th quarter when I realized that my Lakers series price bet was probably not going to win and I am just now regaining the ability to string together coherent sentences. 24 point leads at home aren't what they used to be.
"Tiger Woods" received the most votes in my poll asking who would be the biggest winner this weekend at Torrey Pines. I want to know who the comedian is that voted for "Europe." I already know who voted for "Jeff's Matchup Bets." The first vote was by Jeff at home and the second vote was by Jeff on another computer. Pretty sad, really. A lot has happened since my last blog, including my first trek to Atlantic City in almost 2 years. Let's get to some blurgbs, starting with my NBA Finals thoughts:
* As you probably know, I have this ridiculously stupid bet on the Lakers series price over the Celtics in the NBA Finals. (The price I got it at is not important but let's just say that my play would be looking absolutely fine if the Lakers had not inexplicably blown a 20 point 3rd quarter lead in Game 4 and were up 3-2 heading back to Boston. What did you say? People don't like hearing others complain about gambling losses? Well go read someone else's blog then, jackass.) So, for Game 5 I devised a (stupid) plan to hedge some of my money off on the Celtics +7. I figured that if the Celtics won straight up and ended the series, at least I'd get some money back on that win and if the Lakers blew them out at least my series price ticket would live to fight another day. And can you believe what happened? The Celtics actually covered in a loss because Eddie House made a ridiculous 3-pointer late in the game and the Lakers missed a couple free throws. I won my Game 5 bet AND the Lakers series price ticket is still technically live. God, I'm good....
* Obviously, the NBA desperately wanted the Lakers to win Game 5 to extend the series as long as possible. Conspiracy theorists expected L.A. to get every call to ensure that this party go back to Beantown. However, a look at the box score shows no favoritism whatsoever to the Lakers. The two teams went to the line exactly 31 times each. In fact, Boston F Paul Pierce went to the charity stripe a Kobe-like 19 times, while the man himself only toed the line 7 times....
* Speaking of Kobe, I think we need to officially end all these ridiculous Kobe-MJ comparisons. Michael Jordan would have never let his team blow a 24 point lead at home in the NBA Finals. He would have never let a player like Paul Pierce completely outplay him in a championship series. And he would have never let a teammate leave the house with facial hair as ridiculous as Pau Gasol's....
* Kevin Garnett has put up decent numbers in this series (Including 13 points and 14 rebounds in Game 5) but he has done so in a quiet fashion not befitting a superstar. Why don't the Celitcs post him up on Gasol more often? Garnett should be killing him on the block. It's almost like KG's plan for this series was to close his eyes until it was over and hope that Pierce and Allen could carry the team to victory....
* Was Chris Mihm getting on the floor the most shocking moment in recent NBA Finals history? Talk about throwing us a curve ball. Is Phil Jackson saving Coby Karl for Game 6? Speaking of Mihm, I would like to do a blog entry about all the white stiffs who had their careers derailed by foot injuries but I think it would take me about 2 months. If I was an NBA GM, I wouldn't touch a white guy over 6'8'' with a ten foot pole....
* We were all uncomfortable during Bill Walton's interview with son Luke Walton at hafltime. Very uncomfortable. But I don't think anyone wanted that interview to be over more than Luke. I'm not sure what bothered him more: His father gushing about how much he loved him on national TV or the glare from Bill's chompers. The elder Walton looked like Matt Dillon's character in There's Something About Mary....
* If you think that comment was mean-spirited, you should have heard my buddy's dad last Thursday during Game 4. He was asking people to guess which one of Stuart Scott's eyes was the lazy one....
* I can't believe Sam Cassell scored 9 points last night. I also can't believe he was on the floor for 18 minutes. This got me thinking: Am I the only one who thinks Cassell is literally the worst player on either team? I stopped in Philly on the way back from Atlantic City yesterday to get a cheese steak (Yeah, it is worth it) and we were watching some guys play basketball on a public court (I'm pretty sure it was the same court used during the opening montage of Fresh Price of Bel Air, by the way) and I made a comment to my buddies that Sam Cassell would be coming off the bench in this game. Much to my surprise, I was the only one who laughed at that joke. I felt like a young Chad....
Speaking of Atlantic City, let's do some blurgbs about that crappy place:
* I played a lot of poker (And several other card games) while I was in AC and I came to the following conclusion: Literally 100% of people that play poker are not as good as they think they are. I think I absolutely suck at poker and have no idea what I'm doing and I'm still not as good as I think am....
* We were playing Saturday night at the Tropicana during the third round of the U.S. Open. These guys were so locked in on their 1-2 No Limit games, they barely even looked up when Tiger made incredible eagles on the 13th and 18th holes. They were too busy putting the finishing touches on highly unsuccesful 14 hour sessions and trying to get their "Play rated" by the managers. I don't like poker players....
* One of my buddies (For the purposes of this blog, let's call him "GX") got way too wrapped up in the fun of being in a casino and playing poker and was even talking trash during the games, despite the fact that he sucks and has no clue what he's doing. GX took a big (I think it was like 60 bucks) pot off some poor old guy, who was just trying to have fun on his vacation, and started talking smack to him for no reason. A few minutes later, the old guy got up to leave and GX wouldn't let him just walk away, demanding to know where he was going. When the old guy replied that he was going upstairs because his back hurt, GX replied "How could your back hurt? You haven't raked in a pot all night." What a dickhead....
* At about 3 AM, me and one of my friends decided to head back downstairs and play craps. (I am a surprisingly bad decision maker when I have been drinking for 12 hours.) We got into the elevator and saw that someone had puked in the corner. We stood all the way to the other side and held our breath until we got to the bottom. When we reached the casino floor, we were getting out as a group of young looking kids were getting on. My buddy told them to watch their step and pointed to the pile of vomit. One of the kids looked down at it and said, "Dude, someone took a piss in here!" I'm pretty sure those kids were from Jersey....
* Before we left on Sunday afternoon, I decided to try my hand at roulette for the first time on the trip, you know - because I have a gambling problem. We were actually having a good time until this jackass sits down in between us and starts gushing about how great Tiger Woods is: "I think Tiger is the new Michael. Did you see him last night? He's like Michael. I mean- Michael's Michael but Tiger's the new Michael. He's the best, man. He's like Michael," and so forth. The guy was obviously drunk (I thought only the Hoff got drunk and gambled that early in the day) and very annoying but we were able to put up with his ramblings. However, when the new dealer (A doofy looking kid from Jersey) started asking my friends and I to visit his website, I knew it was time to go. Nobody wants to hear that crap. So, I handed the guy a card with my blog's URL and got the hell out of there....
And a few more thoughts I want to get off my chest:
* How dumb are golf fans? I have a bet on Tiger to win the U.S. Open (Don't judge me, Jeff) and I've been watching the tournament pretty closely. Every time the guy hits a shot the entire gallery yells out generic things like "Get in the hole" or "You're the man, Tiger!" even when his ball is obviously heading for the tall stuff or a bunker....
* Tiger is wearing his famous "Sunday Red" today, despite the fact that it is Monday. Do you think that he brings two red shirts with him in case he ends up in a playoff? Or do you think he had Elin wash the one he wore on Sunday? Or perhaps Nike gave him a new one to wear today? I'm going to look into this. (Okay, no I'm not. I just thought it would make a funny blurgb. I honestly don't care....)
* Is the fact that Tiger is in a playoff at the U.S. Open, despite being hobbled by a knee injury, more a commentary on his greatness or on the weakness of his competition....?
* NASCAR has a huge scandal on their hands thanks to former Nationwide Series employee Mauricia Grant's lawsuit. The scandal has been dominating car racing headlines all week. Luckily for the NASCAR suits, fan favorite Dale Earnhardt Jr. won for the first time in 76 races yesterday in Michigan, despite clearly not having the best car. That should dominate the headlines for a while. What a coincidence....
* There's bottom, there's rock bottom, and there's where the Seattle Mariners are right now. This weekend, they were swept by the Washington Nationals. In Seattle. We could put together a team at the Hilton that could take a game off the Nats with home field advantage....
* I don't like Philadelphia sports fans. While we were driving home from AC, my buddy was listening to the Phillies-Cardinals game on the radio, as Chase Utley comes to the plate in the 8th inning with runners on 1st and 3rd and 2 outs. Instead of rooting for Utley to get a hit, he actually says "I hope they don't walk Utley to pitch to Howard." This kid has never met Ed, nor does he have any idea that Ed says the same kind of crap about Ryan Howard. Also, keep in mind that this guy was part of my group that won 10 dimes off Pinnacle when Howard lead the Major Leagues in homers in 2006. For the record, Utley walked loading the bases and Howard walked in a run, his 4th RBI of the game. Ryan is approaching 150 homers since 2006 and Philadelphia fans still don't like the guy. These are the same fans who booed the Eagles' drafting of Donovan McNabb in 1999. My conclusion? Philadelphia sports fans are a bunch of racists....
* A pair of my future tickets took serious hits over the weekend. Chien-Ming Wang, who I bet to lead the majors in wins, injured his foot and may be out for the season and the LSU Tigers dropped their College World Series opener to the UNC Tar Heels, 8-4. That reminds me: I'm going to start charging membership for the blog. I'll have more details on that in the coming weeks....
That is certainly more than enough blogging for one day. I can't believe you're actually still reading. If I were you, I would've bailed on this thing a while ago. I appreciate the effort and to show my gratitude, I'll give you what you're really here for.
How's about a fresh batch of fades:
Tigers
Marlins
Red Sox
It's a travel day for Hoffy and he's been on hiatus for a while anyway, so somebody's gotta pick up the slack and post some baseball picks. You're welcome. Tiger just took a 3 shot lead and I'm in such a good mood, I'll even post a trivia question.
Trivia Question For Monday: Name a Stanford teammate of Tiger Woods, without looking at www.golfodds.com. Good luck.
** Wednesday's Answer: The Miami (FL) outfielder was Pat "The Babe" Burrell. Ed - you knew that.
I'm adding a new poll and put up some new pictures. Enjoy. I'm also planning out my Top 5 Favorite Cartoons blog, which I hope to post before Bennett leaves for Africa.
My dogs have been jockeying for position next to me on the couch the entire time I've been blogging. The girl had the inside spot and I could tell the boy was getting angry so he devised a pretty smart plan. He ran to the door barking, pretending that there was someone out there. The girl followed to see what all the commotion was about and while she was standing at the door, he ran back to the couch and hopped up next to me.
I'm going to go take these guys for a walk. You've been on your computer too long. Go take a nap and get ready to....
Enjoy the game.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
There appears to be an event happening
.... in everyone's favorite (fixed) professional sports league - the National Basketball Association. Between Tim Donaghy's allegations, that have been read and heard by millions during the last 24 hours, and all my stupid "jokes" that have been read and heard by nearly 10 people over the last month, David Stern has a lot of explaining to do. I know I make a lot of jokes but I have to say - it's hard to believe that the NBA is fixing its games. Especially playoff games. And especially playoff games involving the Los Angeles Lakers. That's just too unbelievable. A league with the integrity of the NBA fixing its biggest games? Please. Next you're going to tell me that stud recruits like O.J. Mayo have been receiving gifts from boosters. Wait - what? Oh. Right. Let's move on....
For whatever reason, Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol sent body doubles to take their places in Game 3 of the NBA Finals last night at the Staples Center. However, thanks to tremendous games from Kobe Bryant and Sasha Vujacic, the Lakers were able to get back into the series with an 87-81 win. Seriously, how bad were Odom and Gasol? Here's a quick recap of Lamar's performance on Tuesday night: 2-9 FGs, 4 points, 5 turnovers, 5 fouls, and 37 lap dances after the game. What a player. Meanwhile, everyone's favorite doofy European chipped in with a 9 point effort, by way of 3-9 from the field and a Shaq-like 3-8 from the charity stripe. Oh, and these guys start for the team that won. (It doesn't take much when your opponent shoots 34% from the field.) What a great game this was. This is truly the Finals we've all be dreaming of.
I'm sure you guys are dying to hear all of my thoughts on Game 3. And I'm sure you want them in the form of my infamous blurgbs. Right? Well, I'm going to do it anyway....
* I'm not done talking about Pau Gasol yet. I thought he was absolutely terrible last night, which was stunning to me considering how well he has played since being "Traded" to the Lakers. (I put the word traded in quotations because I am pretty sure that deal was finalized while a team of David Stern's assassins was holding the Memphis brass at gunpoint.) The only explanation I can come up with for Gasol's performance last night was that it's because he is European. These guys have a history of choking in big spots like this. I can't actually think of any specific instances where a Euro choked on the big stage but I'm sure it's happened before. Yes, that has to be the problem....
* Taking a look at the box score, there are a few other notable things that jump out at me. Paul Pierce went 2-14? Yikes. Eddie House played 20 minutes? In the NBA Finals? 20 minutes in 1 game? Really? Kobe Bryant only had 1 assist? He touched the ball on practically half the Lakers possessions. How did he end up with that Carmelo Anthony-like shot-to-assist ratio?
* Having mentioned those, here are The Top 3 things I Was Shocked By:
3. Celtics F Leon Powe only played 6 minutes and scored just 1 point in Game 3 after scoring 21 points in a Game 2 victory that saw him get to the free throw line 13 times. Perhaps Doc Rivers might want to include him more in Thursday's game plan....
2. Ray Allen carried the Celtics, scoring 25 points on 8-13 shooting, including 5-7 from behind the arc in 41 minutes. Ummm, where on earth did that come from? Watching him in the Cleveland series, I was 100% convinced he was finished. It's truly amazing that someone with as many opinions as me is never right. But to me the most amazing thing about Game 3 was....
1. Sam Cassell played 7 minutes and squeezed off 4 shots. That translates to 0.57 shots per minute. (He only made 1 for the record.) For comparisons sake, Kobe Bryant took 0.44 shots per minute and Paul Pierce attempted 0.43 shots per minute. Who the hell is Sam Cassell to be shooting at a more frequent clip than Bryant or Pierce? I can't get over this. Seriously, trap him in between two hotel room doors. Based on what I saw in Rookie of the Year, there is no way he could get out of there until the maids came by. And yeah, I did calculate those numbers myself. I kill myself for this blog, guys....
* Lots of celebrities courtside on Tuesday night. I saw Jack Nicholson, Sly Stallone, Eddie Murphy, Tobey Maguire, Steven Spielberg, and Denzel Washington, among many, many others.... on my TV. I'm usually not interested in the segments where the camera pans the crowd showing all the celebrities while the announcers mention them by name but I will definitely be watching it closely on Thursday night. After he runs through all the A-listers sitting courtside, I expect to hear Mike Breen say "And up there - way, way up there - it's Jeff Sherman, a frequent Las Vegas radio guest and the proprietor of GolfOdds.com. I wonder how he got tickets for this game?" Have fun in L.A., bro....
* I'd like to see betting available on the following props:
- Will Tim Donaghy be found dead in the next 6 months?
- Will Cedric Benson play for the Dallas Cowboys in 2008?
- Will Dontrelle Willis ever get anyone out at the major league level again?
- Will ABC's new shows Wipeout and I Survived A Japanese Game Show last more than 5 episodes combined?
- Will Donovan McNabb start Over or Under 9.5 games in 2008?
- Will Jorgen finally snap, jump over the counter, and bludgeon a customer to death with his red man-purse before January 1st, 2009?
See what kind of prices you come up with for these Chris and give me a call. Thank you, sir....
You want more blurgbs, huh? Fine.... Here are a few more things on my mind:
* LSU made it into the 2008 College World Series field and will be facing North Carolina on Sunday in Omaha. I heard a rumor that Austin has an LSU Tigers voodoo doll that he sticks pins into during their games. I uh, I am the one who started that rumor....
* I talked to Chris Bennett on Monday and he gave me the thumbs up on my plans to blog about My 5 Favorite Cartoon Shows. I really think it's going to be the best blog I've ever done and also will almost definitely be the least popular, as it will contain very few jokes and no references to Jorgen. There's something to look forward to....
* Keeping in mind the implications of the word "Hate," I think I hate ESPN's Skip Bayless. This guy does no actual reporting whatsoever. I do more research for my blog than he does for his ESPN segments. All he does is spew hate. He's a complete blowhard and gives players incredibly stupid nicknames that no one could possibly be amused by. Examples include: Kevin GarNOT, Team Obliterator (As in T.O., or Terrell Owens), and Tony Romeo. You know a nickname is stupid/not funny if it's making fun of a Dallas Cowboy and I don't like it. I was watching a segment this morning where Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless were debating the sports topics of the day and Smith was the one who came off as the more reasonable and knowledgable of the two. Think about that for a second....
* Ex-NASCAR worker Mauricia Grant is alleging that she was subjected to racial and sexual taunts during her time working for the Nationwide Series. I am from the South (According to some people at least) and I have to say that I find it very hard to believe that old, white, Southern redneck men would ever make racist or sexist remarks about a black female. I'm sorry - It's just too hard to believe this story....
* The blog is now sponsoring David West's page on Basketball-reference.com. Be sure to check that out. I'm really getting my name out there, now. (But what I really need is Jeff to link my blog on his site. I want to be mentioned in Esquire magazine ....)
* Hoffy hasn't blogged since last Thursday which sucks because I have no idea who to bet on.... ....
Oh, man.... I couldn't even type that with a straight face. Seriously, Hoff, bring back the plays brother, preferably some of the "Multi-unit" variety. Thanks....
* Great Heavyweights reference in Andy Ross's blog on Tuesday. Don't pretend like you don't remember that comedy classic. And don't tell me you didn't laugh when you saw that picture Ross posted of Tom McGowan. I'm not buying it....
No picks on Wednesday from this blogger. I feel bad about that so I will give you guys a trivia question.
Trivia Question for Wednesday: As I've mentioned in this space before, the LSU Tigers won the 1996 College World Series on a walk-off home run by 2B Warren Morris. However, a slugger from Miami (FL), who would go on to be the 1st overall pick, won the Most Oustanding Player award of that tournament. Name that player.
** Sunday's Answer: Man O' War did not win the Triple Crown. He was held out of the Kentucky Derby by his handlers. Congrats to CG on that one.
I'm going to go apply for a job as an NBA ref. It seems like a really hard job but I feel it will be worth it to see an advanced copy of the script for playoff games. I'm a little occupied here so I'll let you guys go. Just be sure to....
Enjoy the game.
For whatever reason, Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol sent body doubles to take their places in Game 3 of the NBA Finals last night at the Staples Center. However, thanks to tremendous games from Kobe Bryant and Sasha Vujacic, the Lakers were able to get back into the series with an 87-81 win. Seriously, how bad were Odom and Gasol? Here's a quick recap of Lamar's performance on Tuesday night: 2-9 FGs, 4 points, 5 turnovers, 5 fouls, and 37 lap dances after the game. What a player. Meanwhile, everyone's favorite doofy European chipped in with a 9 point effort, by way of 3-9 from the field and a Shaq-like 3-8 from the charity stripe. Oh, and these guys start for the team that won. (It doesn't take much when your opponent shoots 34% from the field.) What a great game this was. This is truly the Finals we've all be dreaming of.
I'm sure you guys are dying to hear all of my thoughts on Game 3. And I'm sure you want them in the form of my infamous blurgbs. Right? Well, I'm going to do it anyway....
* I'm not done talking about Pau Gasol yet. I thought he was absolutely terrible last night, which was stunning to me considering how well he has played since being "Traded" to the Lakers. (I put the word traded in quotations because I am pretty sure that deal was finalized while a team of David Stern's assassins was holding the Memphis brass at gunpoint.) The only explanation I can come up with for Gasol's performance last night was that it's because he is European. These guys have a history of choking in big spots like this. I can't actually think of any specific instances where a Euro choked on the big stage but I'm sure it's happened before. Yes, that has to be the problem....
* Taking a look at the box score, there are a few other notable things that jump out at me. Paul Pierce went 2-14? Yikes. Eddie House played 20 minutes? In the NBA Finals? 20 minutes in 1 game? Really? Kobe Bryant only had 1 assist? He touched the ball on practically half the Lakers possessions. How did he end up with that Carmelo Anthony-like shot-to-assist ratio?
* Having mentioned those, here are The Top 3 things I Was Shocked By:
3. Celtics F Leon Powe only played 6 minutes and scored just 1 point in Game 3 after scoring 21 points in a Game 2 victory that saw him get to the free throw line 13 times. Perhaps Doc Rivers might want to include him more in Thursday's game plan....
2. Ray Allen carried the Celtics, scoring 25 points on 8-13 shooting, including 5-7 from behind the arc in 41 minutes. Ummm, where on earth did that come from? Watching him in the Cleveland series, I was 100% convinced he was finished. It's truly amazing that someone with as many opinions as me is never right. But to me the most amazing thing about Game 3 was....
1. Sam Cassell played 7 minutes and squeezed off 4 shots. That translates to 0.57 shots per minute. (He only made 1 for the record.) For comparisons sake, Kobe Bryant took 0.44 shots per minute and Paul Pierce attempted 0.43 shots per minute. Who the hell is Sam Cassell to be shooting at a more frequent clip than Bryant or Pierce? I can't get over this. Seriously, trap him in between two hotel room doors. Based on what I saw in Rookie of the Year, there is no way he could get out of there until the maids came by. And yeah, I did calculate those numbers myself. I kill myself for this blog, guys....
* Lots of celebrities courtside on Tuesday night. I saw Jack Nicholson, Sly Stallone, Eddie Murphy, Tobey Maguire, Steven Spielberg, and Denzel Washington, among many, many others.... on my TV. I'm usually not interested in the segments where the camera pans the crowd showing all the celebrities while the announcers mention them by name but I will definitely be watching it closely on Thursday night. After he runs through all the A-listers sitting courtside, I expect to hear Mike Breen say "And up there - way, way up there - it's Jeff Sherman, a frequent Las Vegas radio guest and the proprietor of GolfOdds.com. I wonder how he got tickets for this game?" Have fun in L.A., bro....
* I'd like to see betting available on the following props:
- Will Tim Donaghy be found dead in the next 6 months?
- Will Cedric Benson play for the Dallas Cowboys in 2008?
- Will Dontrelle Willis ever get anyone out at the major league level again?
- Will ABC's new shows Wipeout and I Survived A Japanese Game Show last more than 5 episodes combined?
- Will Donovan McNabb start Over or Under 9.5 games in 2008?
- Will Jorgen finally snap, jump over the counter, and bludgeon a customer to death with his red man-purse before January 1st, 2009?
See what kind of prices you come up with for these Chris and give me a call. Thank you, sir....
You want more blurgbs, huh? Fine.... Here are a few more things on my mind:
* LSU made it into the 2008 College World Series field and will be facing North Carolina on Sunday in Omaha. I heard a rumor that Austin has an LSU Tigers voodoo doll that he sticks pins into during their games. I uh, I am the one who started that rumor....
* I talked to Chris Bennett on Monday and he gave me the thumbs up on my plans to blog about My 5 Favorite Cartoon Shows. I really think it's going to be the best blog I've ever done and also will almost definitely be the least popular, as it will contain very few jokes and no references to Jorgen. There's something to look forward to....
* Keeping in mind the implications of the word "Hate," I think I hate ESPN's Skip Bayless. This guy does no actual reporting whatsoever. I do more research for my blog than he does for his ESPN segments. All he does is spew hate. He's a complete blowhard and gives players incredibly stupid nicknames that no one could possibly be amused by. Examples include: Kevin GarNOT, Team Obliterator (As in T.O., or Terrell Owens), and Tony Romeo. You know a nickname is stupid/not funny if it's making fun of a Dallas Cowboy and I don't like it. I was watching a segment this morning where Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless were debating the sports topics of the day and Smith was the one who came off as the more reasonable and knowledgable of the two. Think about that for a second....
* Ex-NASCAR worker Mauricia Grant is alleging that she was subjected to racial and sexual taunts during her time working for the Nationwide Series. I am from the South (According to some people at least) and I have to say that I find it very hard to believe that old, white, Southern redneck men would ever make racist or sexist remarks about a black female. I'm sorry - It's just too hard to believe this story....
* The blog is now sponsoring David West's page on Basketball-reference.com. Be sure to check that out. I'm really getting my name out there, now. (But what I really need is Jeff to link my blog on his site. I want to be mentioned in Esquire magazine ....)
* Hoffy hasn't blogged since last Thursday which sucks because I have no idea who to bet on.... ....
Oh, man.... I couldn't even type that with a straight face. Seriously, Hoff, bring back the plays brother, preferably some of the "Multi-unit" variety. Thanks....
* Great Heavyweights reference in Andy Ross's blog on Tuesday. Don't pretend like you don't remember that comedy classic. And don't tell me you didn't laugh when you saw that picture Ross posted of Tom McGowan. I'm not buying it....
No picks on Wednesday from this blogger. I feel bad about that so I will give you guys a trivia question.
Trivia Question for Wednesday: As I've mentioned in this space before, the LSU Tigers won the 1996 College World Series on a walk-off home run by 2B Warren Morris. However, a slugger from Miami (FL), who would go on to be the 1st overall pick, won the Most Oustanding Player award of that tournament. Name that player.
** Sunday's Answer: Man O' War did not win the Triple Crown. He was held out of the Kentucky Derby by his handlers. Congrats to CG on that one.
I'm going to go apply for a job as an NBA ref. It seems like a really hard job but I feel it will be worth it to see an advanced copy of the script for playoff games. I'm a little occupied here so I'll let you guys go. Just be sure to....
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Perhaps Kobe should have been
.... working on his game instead of walking the streets of Boston, looking for cameras to pose for like a young Tony Romo. The Lakers looked pretty weak for most of the game on Sunday night, falling behind the Celtics 2-0 in the overhyped, predetermined sham known as the NBA Finals. I am looking forward to seeing a moneyline for Game 3. My prediction is Lakers -8,000/Celtics +6,000. I still wouldn't take Boston.
Anyways, between the fact that I'm sure my buddy Jeff is bummed about his team being down 2-0 and the fact that Ed complimented me on my blog when I e-mailed him on Sunday night to thank him for his NASCAR picks, I figure I could find it in me to blog on back-to-back days. Really good job by Ed and Matt on Sunday. Their information was beyond solid. They are quickly becoming to NASCAR handicapping what Jorgen has long been to Arena Football. I'm pretty sure that if Elliott Sadler had finished ahead of Casey Mears Bodog would've sent someone to my house to dispose of me.
I'm sure you'd all love to hear my thoughts on the NBA Finals, through 2 games:
* Isn't it weird watching a Los Angeles Lakers playoff game and seeing the other team get every 50/50 call? I don't even know what to say about that. It makes no sense. The only possibility is that David Stern knows there is no way Boston can win a game at Staples Center, so he had his writers script the series for the Celtics to take Games 1 and 2. (Wait - that actually makes perfect sense....)
* If you had told me before the series that one star player would fake an injury, be carried into the locker room by his teammates, and emerge to "heroically" lead them to victory, I would've laid literally any price that the player would have been Kobe Bryant. Touche, Paul Pierce....
* ABC is showing a lot of promos for their new summer show Wipeout. Apparently, the show is about nothing but contestants taking on nearly impossible obstacles and falling, at which point the viewer laughs at the pain said contestant is in. This would be a good idea if not for the fact that Spike TV already has the exact same show - Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, or MXC. Wipeout appears to be the biggest ripoff of someone else's ideas since Carlos Mencia's last standup act....
* Am I the only one who literally gasps when P.J. Brown makes a jump shot? Isn't he like 40 years old? If the Lakers big men weren't so European they would be able to abuse him down low....
* Speaking of aging Celtics, why exactly does Doc Rivers still let Sam Cassell on the court? Calling Cassell "Washed up" is really an insult to truly washed up players like Shaq or Jason Kidd. Cassell is way, way beyond that. If I were a member of the Boston brass out in L.A. this week, I would try to get Cassell trapped between two hotel room doors like Daniel Stern's character in the movie Rookie of the Year. The farther away he is from the court, the better....
* The Lakers staged a furious 4th quarter rally, cutting a 24 point deficit to 2 in the final minute, before finally falling by 6, 108-102. As Lakers opponents proved during the Western Conference Playoffs, it's hard to win games when the other team goes to the free throw line 28 more times than you do. Some might call this a taste of their own medicine....
* Three different people called me on Sunday seeking my advice on Game 2. This bothers me for two reasons. First of all, my pick was posted in my blog. You are basically admitting that you don't read the blog. Ouch. Second, and more important, would be the fact that I have friends who seek MY advice on gambling. Haven't I already proven that I know absolutely nothing about sports and/or how to bet on them? If you need my advice to make a wager, you shouldn't be betting. You should go to Jorgen's house and thumb through his When The Fun Stops pamphlet....
And how about some more random blurgbs:
* LSU is still alive in the race for the College World Series, rallying to defeat UC Irvine, 9-7, on Sunday afternoon. Take that, Austin....
* On Sunday, I went to the Nationals game and saw them lose yet again to the horrendous Barry Zito, 6-3. The Nats actually lead 3-0 early on in this game but gave up 4 runs in a 5th inning that featured 3 walks, a balk, and no extra-base hits. As soon as they fell behind, the entire team quit and simply went through the motions for the next 4 1/2 innings. To make matters worse, it was Little League Day at Nationals Park and the kids in our row got up to go to the jon and/or walk around for no reason approximately 814 times. Anther fun day at the ball park....
* During Friday's Nats/Giants game, San Francisco SS Emmanuel Burriss was recognized in a brief tribute on the Jumbotron. Burriss is the first D.C. native to make it to the Major Leagues in 38 years. I don't have anything sarcastic to add here. I just thought that was amazing and wanted to share it with the blogosphere....
* One good thing about going to the games on Friday and Sunday was hanging out with my brother, Peter, who has season tickets and his own parking pass. (Seems fair considering he is 18 and has never worked a day in his life.) I've honestly been enjoying hanging out with him more than any of my friends but he did make me a little nervous on the way to the game. The kid likes to drive with the windows down and the album Ready to Die by the late Notorious B.I.G. blasting at head-turning decibals. Normally, I wouldn't care - after all that album is a classic. But he insists on doing this even during the drives to Nationals Park, which is in Washington, D.C. (Actually it's in Anacostia, which could very well be the worst part of the city.) I like hanging out with the kid but I didn't like having to roll my windows up and duck down in my seat everytime we were at a stop light. It made me feel like Michael Bolton in Office Space....
* Speaking of my brother, he got in trouble the other day when a guy over at my house to fix the air conditioner found two cases of beer in our storage room. Very discreet. On the plus side, my Dad doesn't like Coors Light and has requested that I drink it all while I'm home. For the record, the vented wide mouth can does manage to lock in that Rocky Mountain taste....
* I'm contemplating possible blogs in which I rank my Top 5 Favorite HBO shows or my Top 5 Favorite Cartoons, among other things. Why would anyone want to read this? I honestly have no idea but I figure someone might. And you just may find it funny and informative. Please let me know what you think. Looking for feedback from you here, Bennett. Let me know, brother....
Sunday's blog picks were pretty bad and yet I managed to win some pretty good money thanks to Rafa Nadal and a handful of NASCAR plays.
I'm going to stick to the pitch on Monday:
Romania +0.5
Italy/Netherlands Under 2
Yeah, I've managed to make a few bucks so far in the Euro in spite of myself. Congrats to Frano Cortes for winning his play on Germany over Poland on Sunday. Nice job, sir.
I've been out of town for a few days and a lot's happened lately but I still think the Celtics suck, I still think Doc Rivers is an idiot, I still think Austin's rooting against my LSU pick out of spite, I still think Jeff refreshes my blog every hour, on the hour, I still think Matt feels uncomfortable around Rodney, I still think the NHL's final series should be called the NHL FinalS, I still think Jorgen's going to get fired for attempting to kill a customer, I still think I'd rather sit between Chad and Mike Jaz for a 12 hour shift than go see the Tina Fey vehicle, Baby Mama, I still think Bennett doesn't realize how much work a blog really is, and I still think the Lakers are going to win the NBA Championship. In short I'm still stubborn, I'm still sarcastic, and I'm still a prick.
But I'll give Graham another day to try answer that trivia question.
And I'll let you guys go so you can....
Enjoy the game.
Anyways, between the fact that I'm sure my buddy Jeff is bummed about his team being down 2-0 and the fact that Ed complimented me on my blog when I e-mailed him on Sunday night to thank him for his NASCAR picks, I figure I could find it in me to blog on back-to-back days. Really good job by Ed and Matt on Sunday. Their information was beyond solid. They are quickly becoming to NASCAR handicapping what Jorgen has long been to Arena Football. I'm pretty sure that if Elliott Sadler had finished ahead of Casey Mears Bodog would've sent someone to my house to dispose of me.
I'm sure you'd all love to hear my thoughts on the NBA Finals, through 2 games:
* Isn't it weird watching a Los Angeles Lakers playoff game and seeing the other team get every 50/50 call? I don't even know what to say about that. It makes no sense. The only possibility is that David Stern knows there is no way Boston can win a game at Staples Center, so he had his writers script the series for the Celtics to take Games 1 and 2. (Wait - that actually makes perfect sense....)
* If you had told me before the series that one star player would fake an injury, be carried into the locker room by his teammates, and emerge to "heroically" lead them to victory, I would've laid literally any price that the player would have been Kobe Bryant. Touche, Paul Pierce....
* ABC is showing a lot of promos for their new summer show Wipeout. Apparently, the show is about nothing but contestants taking on nearly impossible obstacles and falling, at which point the viewer laughs at the pain said contestant is in. This would be a good idea if not for the fact that Spike TV already has the exact same show - Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, or MXC. Wipeout appears to be the biggest ripoff of someone else's ideas since Carlos Mencia's last standup act....
* Am I the only one who literally gasps when P.J. Brown makes a jump shot? Isn't he like 40 years old? If the Lakers big men weren't so European they would be able to abuse him down low....
* Speaking of aging Celtics, why exactly does Doc Rivers still let Sam Cassell on the court? Calling Cassell "Washed up" is really an insult to truly washed up players like Shaq or Jason Kidd. Cassell is way, way beyond that. If I were a member of the Boston brass out in L.A. this week, I would try to get Cassell trapped between two hotel room doors like Daniel Stern's character in the movie Rookie of the Year. The farther away he is from the court, the better....
* The Lakers staged a furious 4th quarter rally, cutting a 24 point deficit to 2 in the final minute, before finally falling by 6, 108-102. As Lakers opponents proved during the Western Conference Playoffs, it's hard to win games when the other team goes to the free throw line 28 more times than you do. Some might call this a taste of their own medicine....
* Three different people called me on Sunday seeking my advice on Game 2. This bothers me for two reasons. First of all, my pick was posted in my blog. You are basically admitting that you don't read the blog. Ouch. Second, and more important, would be the fact that I have friends who seek MY advice on gambling. Haven't I already proven that I know absolutely nothing about sports and/or how to bet on them? If you need my advice to make a wager, you shouldn't be betting. You should go to Jorgen's house and thumb through his When The Fun Stops pamphlet....
And how about some more random blurgbs:
* LSU is still alive in the race for the College World Series, rallying to defeat UC Irvine, 9-7, on Sunday afternoon. Take that, Austin....
* On Sunday, I went to the Nationals game and saw them lose yet again to the horrendous Barry Zito, 6-3. The Nats actually lead 3-0 early on in this game but gave up 4 runs in a 5th inning that featured 3 walks, a balk, and no extra-base hits. As soon as they fell behind, the entire team quit and simply went through the motions for the next 4 1/2 innings. To make matters worse, it was Little League Day at Nationals Park and the kids in our row got up to go to the jon and/or walk around for no reason approximately 814 times. Anther fun day at the ball park....
* During Friday's Nats/Giants game, San Francisco SS Emmanuel Burriss was recognized in a brief tribute on the Jumbotron. Burriss is the first D.C. native to make it to the Major Leagues in 38 years. I don't have anything sarcastic to add here. I just thought that was amazing and wanted to share it with the blogosphere....
* One good thing about going to the games on Friday and Sunday was hanging out with my brother, Peter, who has season tickets and his own parking pass. (Seems fair considering he is 18 and has never worked a day in his life.) I've honestly been enjoying hanging out with him more than any of my friends but he did make me a little nervous on the way to the game. The kid likes to drive with the windows down and the album Ready to Die by the late Notorious B.I.G. blasting at head-turning decibals. Normally, I wouldn't care - after all that album is a classic. But he insists on doing this even during the drives to Nationals Park, which is in Washington, D.C. (Actually it's in Anacostia, which could very well be the worst part of the city.) I like hanging out with the kid but I didn't like having to roll my windows up and duck down in my seat everytime we were at a stop light. It made me feel like Michael Bolton in Office Space....
* Speaking of my brother, he got in trouble the other day when a guy over at my house to fix the air conditioner found two cases of beer in our storage room. Very discreet. On the plus side, my Dad doesn't like Coors Light and has requested that I drink it all while I'm home. For the record, the vented wide mouth can does manage to lock in that Rocky Mountain taste....
* I'm contemplating possible blogs in which I rank my Top 5 Favorite HBO shows or my Top 5 Favorite Cartoons, among other things. Why would anyone want to read this? I honestly have no idea but I figure someone might. And you just may find it funny and informative. Please let me know what you think. Looking for feedback from you here, Bennett. Let me know, brother....
Sunday's blog picks were pretty bad and yet I managed to win some pretty good money thanks to Rafa Nadal and a handful of NASCAR plays.
I'm going to stick to the pitch on Monday:
Romania +0.5
Italy/Netherlands Under 2
Yeah, I've managed to make a few bucks so far in the Euro in spite of myself. Congrats to Frano Cortes for winning his play on Germany over Poland on Sunday. Nice job, sir.
I've been out of town for a few days and a lot's happened lately but I still think the Celtics suck, I still think Doc Rivers is an idiot, I still think Austin's rooting against my LSU pick out of spite, I still think Jeff refreshes my blog every hour, on the hour, I still think Matt feels uncomfortable around Rodney, I still think the NHL's final series should be called the NHL FinalS, I still think Jorgen's going to get fired for attempting to kill a customer, I still think I'd rather sit between Chad and Mike Jaz for a 12 hour shift than go see the Tina Fey vehicle, Baby Mama, I still think Bennett doesn't realize how much work a blog really is, and I still think the Lakers are going to win the NBA Championship. In short I'm still stubborn, I'm still sarcastic, and I'm still a prick.
But I'll give Graham another day to try answer that trivia question.
And I'll let you guys go so you can....
Enjoy the game.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
There is just way too much going on
.... this weekend for me to not blog at least one time. On Sunday, the sports world will be overloaded with the French Open Men's Final, a full card of MLB, college baseball super-regionals, two more Euro 2008 matches, and a Sprint Cup race in Long Pond, Pennsylvania. There's a basketball game in Boston or something, too. Big day.
Normally, I would love to just sit at home in front of the big screen on a day like this but instead I will be going to Nationals Park to watch that garbage team take on the Giants. I was at Friday's 10-1 embarassment but was spared from Saturday night's 6-0 humiliation. On the plus side, the Giants starter on Sunday is Barry Zito so the Nationals will probably win. It's great that the Nats finally have a real home stadium to play in but the fact of the matter is that Washington, D.C. is not a good sports town. People here only care about one team: the Redskins. "Fans" at the Nationals games are there to drink, text, and take pictures of themselves on their camera phones. In that order. I don't like it.
I've been home for 3 full days now and it's been pretty interesting so far. I should've pulled a Ross and done a running diary but I'm not that creative. Here are the "funny" parts I can remember:
* I took a redeye flight home on Wednesday night that got into Dulles at around 7:00 am. I slept pretty much the whole way but did wake up towards the end of the flight to unfortunately catch the last few scenes of Mad Money, starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes. That.... was not pleasant....
* When my plane landed, I called home to let my family know I had arrived. My sister answered and informed me that my mom was already on her way to the airport. I figured I'd just go to baggage claim and wait for her call. I grabbed my bag and started walking towards the parking lot, at which time I figured this was a good time to call my mom. I call her - no answer. I sit down and wait for her to call back - nothing. I try her again - no answer. I call my sister and she says she'll call Mom and tell her to call me. I wait and wait and wait - nothing. I start walking up and down the baggage carousels and there she is. She offers to grab my suitcase (Which is approximately half her size) and when it nearly knocks her over, I grab it back from her and hand her my laptop case. I tell her I had tried to call her several times and she casually informs me that "Oh, I didn't bring my cell phone with me." I consider asking why she decided that aimlessly walking around an international airport looking for me was more sensible than just calling me to tell me where she was but I resisted. We've only been together for 2 minutes. I figure our first argument is at least a half hour away....
* When I finally get to the house my dog is waiting in the front yard and I rush over to see him. I put my bags down and bend down to pet him. Like a young Lawrence Taylor going past a helpless offensive tackle, he blows by me and scurries to my mother's side, excitedly barking and running around in circles. In fairness to him, she has been gone for about 45 minutes and I was just home in December....
* I immediately fall asleep and a few hour later am awaken by the sound of the phone ringing - It was my Dad calling from work. I said "Hey, Dad" and he started talking to me for about 2 minutes, thinking I was my brother. Finally, I interrupted him and said "Dad, you know this is John, right?" He paused for a good 3 seconds and then asked if my brother was home. I said no and he told me had to go....
* When I was younger, I always thought my parents were crazy but as I got older I guess I just figured that all kids thought that about their parents and chalked it up as me just being young and immature. Now that I'm older and I've lived apart from them for almost 7 years, I have come to a conclusion: The young me was absolutely right - my parents are completely crazy. When I haven't seem them for a while, it slips my mind just how ridiculous the two of them are. And then something like this happens....
So, one day my Mom decide that she wants to cook for everyone at the house. At the time it was her, my father, me, my sister, my brother, and my brother's girlfriend. My Mom points out that she bought too much chicken at the grocery store the other day and wants to cook it before it spoils, so my Dad offers to grill it. There is one problem, however: It is raining outside. I don't see this as a good idea at all but my parents are confident that their plan will work. First, my Dad will go outside and fire up the grill. He'll come back inside, get all the meat, put it on the grill, and close it. After waiting a few minutes, he'll run back out there, and turn it over. My brother's girlfriend has a look on her face like "Wow, this is a really terrible idea," but at this point I think we are all just intersted to see how this plays out....
Step 1 is a success as my Dad manages to get the meat on the grill and shut it. But trouble lurks in the sky, as the rain is starting to come down much more heavily. Suddenly, the wind starts to pick up and blow things around on our deck. My Mom decides to go get an umbrella but instead of giving it to my Dad she informs him that she will hold it over the both of them, so he can flip the meat over. (Blogger's note: My mom is 5'2 tops and my Dad is over 6'0 feet tall.) I'm starting to think that that we should have ordered a pizza. My Dad rushes outside and my Mom quickly follows, umbrella in hand. At this point, my sister is already laughing uncontrollably at the sight of the two of them out there in the rain. It's way too windy for my Mom to control the umbrella and she ends up in a corner holding it over her head, nowhere near my Dad. Meanwhile, he is getting soaked. I mean SOAKED. He literally looks like he just dove into a lake. He turns over all the chicken and closes the grill. The two of them come back inside and sit down at the kitchen table. My Dad is completely drenched and my sister is laughing so hard that I can't even hear myself think. My brother's girlfriend has a look on her face of "Oh, my God...."
A few minutes pass and the braintrust decides to go back outside and get the chicken. I really don't know why my Mom is going back out there. She literally did nothing to help the first time but there she is preparing herself to head back out into this monsoon. Once again, my Dad is alone in the rain, while my Mom holds the umbrella over her own head, desperately trying to keep it from flying out of her hands. My Dad manages to load all the chicken onto a tray and turns to head back into the house. The wind knocks a fork off the tray and onto the ground and my Dad turns to pick it up. Acting as she is in the middle of a hurricane in some bad movie, my Mom yells out "Leave it!" and runs back into the kitchen. At this point, I'm almost positive that my sister is going to die laughing. I'm laughing. My brother is laughing. Even my brother's girlfriend, who had admirably held it back this whole time in an effort to be polite, is laughing. My Mom puts down the umbrella and yells at my sister, demanding to know what's so funny. This only prompts my sister to laugh even harder. I look over at my Dad unloading the chicken onto a plate. He is so wet that he looks like he had prepared the meal as he bathed, a la Kramer. The whole scene is just completely ridiculous. I tell my brother that he is lucky he's been with his girlfriend for over 6 months and that she was already numb to how crazy my parents are. I'm pretty sure that if this had been her first time meeting my family that she would've backed out of the room and ran home when no one is looking....
This is what I have come home to.
Neither me nor Hoffy has posted any picks lately. You guys must be desperate for some fades:
Lakers
Poland
Reds
Red Sox
Oh, I also have a bet on Nadal to win the French Open.... And perhaps we will see the #99 car in victory lane on Sunday afternoon. I'll be watching the Nationals pathetically try to play baseball while I put away 8 dollar beers. Please feel free to call with any Cup race updates. (Or text if you are into that sort of thing. I have unlimited text messaging so it's no big deal....)
I've been off the last few days and I realize today's blog wasn't my best work, so I've added a new poll and posted some new pictures. "America" was the winner of my last poll. I guess we should all consider ourselves lucky to watch this crappy Celtics team battle it out with the Lakers in a Finals that reminds literally no one in my age group of anything. Dude, I grew up in the 90s. Heat-Knicks was more my speed. Alan Houston was a badass....
Trivia Question For Sunday - Which of these horses did NOT win the Triple Crown: Secretariat, Citation, Man O' War, Sir Barton.
Yeah, this one is for you Graham.
Man, there is a lot of stuff to watch on Sunday. I don't know what you guys are doing but I'm going to Nationals Park to....
Enjoy the game.
Normally, I would love to just sit at home in front of the big screen on a day like this but instead I will be going to Nationals Park to watch that garbage team take on the Giants. I was at Friday's 10-1 embarassment but was spared from Saturday night's 6-0 humiliation. On the plus side, the Giants starter on Sunday is Barry Zito so the Nationals will probably win. It's great that the Nats finally have a real home stadium to play in but the fact of the matter is that Washington, D.C. is not a good sports town. People here only care about one team: the Redskins. "Fans" at the Nationals games are there to drink, text, and take pictures of themselves on their camera phones. In that order. I don't like it.
I've been home for 3 full days now and it's been pretty interesting so far. I should've pulled a Ross and done a running diary but I'm not that creative. Here are the "funny" parts I can remember:
* I took a redeye flight home on Wednesday night that got into Dulles at around 7:00 am. I slept pretty much the whole way but did wake up towards the end of the flight to unfortunately catch the last few scenes of Mad Money, starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes. That.... was not pleasant....
* When my plane landed, I called home to let my family know I had arrived. My sister answered and informed me that my mom was already on her way to the airport. I figured I'd just go to baggage claim and wait for her call. I grabbed my bag and started walking towards the parking lot, at which time I figured this was a good time to call my mom. I call her - no answer. I sit down and wait for her to call back - nothing. I try her again - no answer. I call my sister and she says she'll call Mom and tell her to call me. I wait and wait and wait - nothing. I start walking up and down the baggage carousels and there she is. She offers to grab my suitcase (Which is approximately half her size) and when it nearly knocks her over, I grab it back from her and hand her my laptop case. I tell her I had tried to call her several times and she casually informs me that "Oh, I didn't bring my cell phone with me." I consider asking why she decided that aimlessly walking around an international airport looking for me was more sensible than just calling me to tell me where she was but I resisted. We've only been together for 2 minutes. I figure our first argument is at least a half hour away....
* When I finally get to the house my dog is waiting in the front yard and I rush over to see him. I put my bags down and bend down to pet him. Like a young Lawrence Taylor going past a helpless offensive tackle, he blows by me and scurries to my mother's side, excitedly barking and running around in circles. In fairness to him, she has been gone for about 45 minutes and I was just home in December....
* I immediately fall asleep and a few hour later am awaken by the sound of the phone ringing - It was my Dad calling from work. I said "Hey, Dad" and he started talking to me for about 2 minutes, thinking I was my brother. Finally, I interrupted him and said "Dad, you know this is John, right?" He paused for a good 3 seconds and then asked if my brother was home. I said no and he told me had to go....
* When I was younger, I always thought my parents were crazy but as I got older I guess I just figured that all kids thought that about their parents and chalked it up as me just being young and immature. Now that I'm older and I've lived apart from them for almost 7 years, I have come to a conclusion: The young me was absolutely right - my parents are completely crazy. When I haven't seem them for a while, it slips my mind just how ridiculous the two of them are. And then something like this happens....
So, one day my Mom decide that she wants to cook for everyone at the house. At the time it was her, my father, me, my sister, my brother, and my brother's girlfriend. My Mom points out that she bought too much chicken at the grocery store the other day and wants to cook it before it spoils, so my Dad offers to grill it. There is one problem, however: It is raining outside. I don't see this as a good idea at all but my parents are confident that their plan will work. First, my Dad will go outside and fire up the grill. He'll come back inside, get all the meat, put it on the grill, and close it. After waiting a few minutes, he'll run back out there, and turn it over. My brother's girlfriend has a look on her face like "Wow, this is a really terrible idea," but at this point I think we are all just intersted to see how this plays out....
Step 1 is a success as my Dad manages to get the meat on the grill and shut it. But trouble lurks in the sky, as the rain is starting to come down much more heavily. Suddenly, the wind starts to pick up and blow things around on our deck. My Mom decides to go get an umbrella but instead of giving it to my Dad she informs him that she will hold it over the both of them, so he can flip the meat over. (Blogger's note: My mom is 5'2 tops and my Dad is over 6'0 feet tall.) I'm starting to think that that we should have ordered a pizza. My Dad rushes outside and my Mom quickly follows, umbrella in hand. At this point, my sister is already laughing uncontrollably at the sight of the two of them out there in the rain. It's way too windy for my Mom to control the umbrella and she ends up in a corner holding it over her head, nowhere near my Dad. Meanwhile, he is getting soaked. I mean SOAKED. He literally looks like he just dove into a lake. He turns over all the chicken and closes the grill. The two of them come back inside and sit down at the kitchen table. My Dad is completely drenched and my sister is laughing so hard that I can't even hear myself think. My brother's girlfriend has a look on her face of "Oh, my God...."
A few minutes pass and the braintrust decides to go back outside and get the chicken. I really don't know why my Mom is going back out there. She literally did nothing to help the first time but there she is preparing herself to head back out into this monsoon. Once again, my Dad is alone in the rain, while my Mom holds the umbrella over her own head, desperately trying to keep it from flying out of her hands. My Dad manages to load all the chicken onto a tray and turns to head back into the house. The wind knocks a fork off the tray and onto the ground and my Dad turns to pick it up. Acting as she is in the middle of a hurricane in some bad movie, my Mom yells out "Leave it!" and runs back into the kitchen. At this point, I'm almost positive that my sister is going to die laughing. I'm laughing. My brother is laughing. Even my brother's girlfriend, who had admirably held it back this whole time in an effort to be polite, is laughing. My Mom puts down the umbrella and yells at my sister, demanding to know what's so funny. This only prompts my sister to laugh even harder. I look over at my Dad unloading the chicken onto a plate. He is so wet that he looks like he had prepared the meal as he bathed, a la Kramer. The whole scene is just completely ridiculous. I tell my brother that he is lucky he's been with his girlfriend for over 6 months and that she was already numb to how crazy my parents are. I'm pretty sure that if this had been her first time meeting my family that she would've backed out of the room and ran home when no one is looking....
This is what I have come home to.
Neither me nor Hoffy has posted any picks lately. You guys must be desperate for some fades:
Lakers
Poland
Reds
Red Sox
Oh, I also have a bet on Nadal to win the French Open.... And perhaps we will see the #99 car in victory lane on Sunday afternoon. I'll be watching the Nationals pathetically try to play baseball while I put away 8 dollar beers. Please feel free to call with any Cup race updates. (Or text if you are into that sort of thing. I have unlimited text messaging so it's no big deal....)
I've been off the last few days and I realize today's blog wasn't my best work, so I've added a new poll and posted some new pictures. "America" was the winner of my last poll. I guess we should all consider ourselves lucky to watch this crappy Celtics team battle it out with the Lakers in a Finals that reminds literally no one in my age group of anything. Dude, I grew up in the 90s. Heat-Knicks was more my speed. Alan Houston was a badass....
Trivia Question For Sunday - Which of these horses did NOT win the Triple Crown: Secretariat, Citation, Man O' War, Sir Barton.
Yeah, this one is for you Graham.
Man, there is a lot of stuff to watch on Sunday. I don't know what you guys are doing but I'm going to Nationals Park to....
Enjoy the game.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
No, you're not seeing things
.... this is really happening - two blogs in one day. (Stop squealing, Jeff. It's just a blog.) I'm blogging again for several reasons. First and foremost - I am bored. I'm so bored that I'm reading online previews of Euro 2008 written by people no more qualified than I am. My flight home doesn't leave for another 4 hours and I'm just sitting here on the couch watching the Stanley Cup Final. I was watching the game with Graham but he just fell asleep. Poor little guy - he was up all night looking at strippers and he needs to get some rest, as he has a long week of coordinating ahead of him. Another reason for this blogging double dip is the fact that I know I won't be writing as much during the coming weeks and I feel bad about that. I know how much some of you have come to enjoy my mindless "banter." The main reason for this blog, however, is that I have what I consider to be a funny story to share with you guys. (I wanted to tell it today while it's still fresh in my mind.) It features a hot Canadian mom, a loud, overbearing blowhard, lots of confused foreigners, dozens of utterly overwhelmed employees, and a young boy from Virginia just trying to get home to see his dog. And it takes place at the airport. Enjoy.
The plan is for me to fly home to Virginia on Wednesday afternoon. My flight on United Ted is scheduled to leave at 1:05 pm. I arrive at the airport around 10:50 am, which is usually more than enough time to check baggage, be molested by security, and make it to my terminal. However, on this day it would not be nearly enough time. In order to make a 1:05 flight today I think I would have needed to get to the airport at approximately the same time Scotty Hoff went stumbling out of the strip club this morning.
There are certain people I work with who enjoy seeing others panic. I would say that Ed imparticular enjoys watching people panic. In fact, there have been times that I have been "panicking" by his estimation and he has found it so amusing that he has taken the time to point it out to the other people in the room - "Look at Murray, he's panicking!" and so on. If you are like Ed and you enjoy panic, you would've been in heaven watching the scene at the United Ted terminal on Wednesday morning. It was an absolute zoo. Within 10 minutes of getting into line, I knew there was no chance in hell of me making my 1:05 flight. (Blogger's note: Normally I just go to the kiosk and print out my boarding pass but I had a bag to check.) So, basically.... I was completely screwed.
I called my mom to tell her about my situation and let her know that I wouldn't be arriving at the planned time. Panic must be contagious as she immediatley started freaking out - which really helped the situation. She started yelling at me to go talk to one of the United agents and explain to them that I was going to miss my flight. I looked around the room at the various agents. Not only did they appear to be, for lack of a better word, worthless, they were also completely overwhelmed by shouting tourists, many of whom were foreign and didn't speak any English. Those agents weren't going to be able to help me. After moving up literally 10 feet in my first half hour in the line, I became resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to make my flight. I figured I may as well just wait there and talk to the lady behind the counter about getting another flight home. And so the waiting began....
The highlight of my time in line was definitely the hot blonde Canadian girl next to me. Wow. Let's just say that if I had a picture of her, Ron Burgundy over there would be getting the boot. She was standing there in a very suggestive top, next to a little boy, yakking away on her cell phone. I'm going to be honest - I was a little hungover this morning and probably not as discreet as I normally am, so it didn't take long her for to pick up on the fact that my "Looking around the room" act was really just a pathetic way of checking her out. Hot and perceptive - what a catch. (I wonder if she is someone who likes to blog about her ideals....?)
She takes the initiative to start talking to me by asking where I am going and I start chatting with her and the kid she's with. She tells me she's going to Toronto by way of Denver and that she's been waiting at the airport for over 2 1/2 hours - at this point she has already missed her earlier flight and is now waiting to get information on her new one. I am taken aback when the kid (Who is probably 10-11 years old) calls this chick "Mom." Mom? What? Seriously? You? That stunned me. There was a moment where I briefly blacked out as I pictured what she must have looked like 10-11 years ago and before I knew it someone else had joined into our conversation.
This new lady was one of those rabble-rowsers and she was pissed off. Normally I wouldn't have cared but not only did she interrupt my one-on-one with Hot Canadian Mommy, she was boring me to tears with her sob story about missing her flight and complaining about the incompetence of the United employees. I think I even heard her give some errant threat about writing a letter to United but it was during one of those moments where HCM was looking away and I therefore was looking at her and paying no attention to the world around me. (I know what you're thinking and I agree with you - I'm a total douche but you're the one taking the time to read my blog so what does that say about you?)
Meanwhile, another annoying character has joined our line. This guy was the token tall, overbearing, blowhard, trying to galvanize everybody by complaining about our situation very loudly. (I hate people like this. We all know this sucks, guy. Going to the front of the line and demanding to speak with a supervisor doesn't help anyone. It just slows things down. You're not that important.) This guy also had a laptop out and seemed to be working on some sortof project on his computer (A fellow blogger perhaps?) and he would periodically make phone calls in which he would talk at a decibal level loud enough to ensure that every person around him could hear everything he said, whether we wanted to or not. (Did I mention that my IPod is broken? Yeah, it is. Great timing for that....)
I'm getting more than a little annoyed at this point. I'm going to miss my flight. My mom is making my sister send me frantic text messages asking for updates, HCM is getting her ear chewed off by the Rabble Rowser and the loudmouth was really starting to grind my gears. As I watched person after person take 10-15 minutes at the counter, and saw the line behind me grow out to the door, I looked over at the airlines to my left and right. Southwest Airlines was a ghost town. It was a sports book during a hockey game. It was Chad's birthday party. Seriously - there was no one there. Why couldn't I be flying with them? I looked to my right - Allegiant Air. I'm not sure that's a real line air line as there was no one in line there either. I looked further down to U.S. Airways. There were a few scattered people, probably looking at the United Ted scene the way people stop to look at a car crash. And I'm in the middle of the wreck, alone with my thoughts - "Why the hell am I flying with these guys?" "This airline sucks." "I don't even want to go home." "I wonder what Austin's up to." I start looking at the people who are at the front of this mess, talking to the women behind the counters. There is one jackass young kid who is wearing jeans and a blazer and is practically screaming at the United employees. A supervisor comes over to try to calm him down and he just gets more and more angry. He even takes the time to literally take off his blazer and slam it down on the counter as he yells at the supervisor. (I thought people only did that on TV.) This kid was a total moron. There were only three counters my line was feeding into and he compromised one of them for almost a half an hour. Thanks a lot, buddy.
At this point I'm way past annoyed. I'm past pissed. I'm like Jorgen during one of those shifts where the kids have really gotten to him and he's walking around in a Peter Gibbons-like state, cursing the world and his life in general. (Speaking of that - how much would you pay to see Kornegay go up to Jorgen with a coffee mug in his hand and say "Yeah.... we're going to need you to go ahead and come in on your day off....") It was around this time that an insane-looking old foreign man came up to me, by cutting in front of several people, got right in my face, and said only "Picky Pocky." I looked at Insane Foreign Man with one of my trademark pouts and did not say a word. What exactly was I supposed to say? I ended up pulling a Seinfeld, by simply shaking my head, not giving any verbal response, until the man got away from me. What the hell is going on....
If you haven't seen the South Park where Mr. Garrison invents the "It" machine, I highly recommend it. Garrison gets so tired of dealing with the air lines that he invents his own method of travel - a machine built for one that moves at astronomical speeds. When a passenger gets into the "It" they are locked in by a rod that is inserted into their ass and another rod that is inserted into their mouth. It is extremely painful but as all the characters point out - "It beats dealing with the air lines....)
At this point, I want my own "It."
Almost an hour after my flight has taken off, I finally get to the front of the line. I am slightly nervous about having to explain my situation to the woman behind the counter. I don't want to have to pay any fees or end up with a long layover. Before I can even say anything the lady says to me "Sorry for the wait, sir. Have you already missed your flight?" What a well-oiled machine United Ted is. They just assume that their customers have already missed their planes. I explain my situation to her and she gives me 2 options - a flight that leaves in about 90 minutes and has a 2 hour layover in Denver, or a redeye flight that leaves at 11:30 pm and goes straight to Dulles. I chose the latter. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of that place. The lady did get me an aisle seat, gave me a boarding pass, and checked my bag, so when I get back to the airport tonight all I'll have to do is go through security and board my flight. (By the way this whole process took roughly 2 minutes. I don't understand what people are doing standing at those counters for 10 or 15 minutes....) I actually enjoy redeye flights. I usually go to a bar, have a few beers, and then pass out on the flight. The only way to fly.
In the end it wasn't all bad. Hot Canadian Mommy touched my shoulder when she said goodbye (Score!) and I got to hang out with Graham this afternoon. We even made a few bucks on that bad total the Golden Nugget hung last night (CB you are good, sir.) Plus, the power is out in my neighborhood in Virginia and apparently my mom is annoying my whole family by trying to get them to play board games by candlelight. I'm really glad I'm not there for that.
Well, that's my story. I know I promised a funny story at the start - I lied.
Sorry about that.
(Told you I could write about more than just sports and Jorgen, Bennett.)
Hope you guys followed my Silver Bullet Special on the Wings tonight.
Two blogs in one day and it's so late there's no opportunities left for you to....
Enjoy the game.
The plan is for me to fly home to Virginia on Wednesday afternoon. My flight on United Ted is scheduled to leave at 1:05 pm. I arrive at the airport around 10:50 am, which is usually more than enough time to check baggage, be molested by security, and make it to my terminal. However, on this day it would not be nearly enough time. In order to make a 1:05 flight today I think I would have needed to get to the airport at approximately the same time Scotty Hoff went stumbling out of the strip club this morning.
There are certain people I work with who enjoy seeing others panic. I would say that Ed imparticular enjoys watching people panic. In fact, there have been times that I have been "panicking" by his estimation and he has found it so amusing that he has taken the time to point it out to the other people in the room - "Look at Murray, he's panicking!" and so on. If you are like Ed and you enjoy panic, you would've been in heaven watching the scene at the United Ted terminal on Wednesday morning. It was an absolute zoo. Within 10 minutes of getting into line, I knew there was no chance in hell of me making my 1:05 flight. (Blogger's note: Normally I just go to the kiosk and print out my boarding pass but I had a bag to check.) So, basically.... I was completely screwed.
I called my mom to tell her about my situation and let her know that I wouldn't be arriving at the planned time. Panic must be contagious as she immediatley started freaking out - which really helped the situation. She started yelling at me to go talk to one of the United agents and explain to them that I was going to miss my flight. I looked around the room at the various agents. Not only did they appear to be, for lack of a better word, worthless, they were also completely overwhelmed by shouting tourists, many of whom were foreign and didn't speak any English. Those agents weren't going to be able to help me. After moving up literally 10 feet in my first half hour in the line, I became resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to make my flight. I figured I may as well just wait there and talk to the lady behind the counter about getting another flight home. And so the waiting began....
The highlight of my time in line was definitely the hot blonde Canadian girl next to me. Wow. Let's just say that if I had a picture of her, Ron Burgundy over there would be getting the boot. She was standing there in a very suggestive top, next to a little boy, yakking away on her cell phone. I'm going to be honest - I was a little hungover this morning and probably not as discreet as I normally am, so it didn't take long her for to pick up on the fact that my "Looking around the room" act was really just a pathetic way of checking her out. Hot and perceptive - what a catch. (I wonder if she is someone who likes to blog about her ideals....?)
She takes the initiative to start talking to me by asking where I am going and I start chatting with her and the kid she's with. She tells me she's going to Toronto by way of Denver and that she's been waiting at the airport for over 2 1/2 hours - at this point she has already missed her earlier flight and is now waiting to get information on her new one. I am taken aback when the kid (Who is probably 10-11 years old) calls this chick "Mom." Mom? What? Seriously? You? That stunned me. There was a moment where I briefly blacked out as I pictured what she must have looked like 10-11 years ago and before I knew it someone else had joined into our conversation.
This new lady was one of those rabble-rowsers and she was pissed off. Normally I wouldn't have cared but not only did she interrupt my one-on-one with Hot Canadian Mommy, she was boring me to tears with her sob story about missing her flight and complaining about the incompetence of the United employees. I think I even heard her give some errant threat about writing a letter to United but it was during one of those moments where HCM was looking away and I therefore was looking at her and paying no attention to the world around me. (I know what you're thinking and I agree with you - I'm a total douche but you're the one taking the time to read my blog so what does that say about you?)
Meanwhile, another annoying character has joined our line. This guy was the token tall, overbearing, blowhard, trying to galvanize everybody by complaining about our situation very loudly. (I hate people like this. We all know this sucks, guy. Going to the front of the line and demanding to speak with a supervisor doesn't help anyone. It just slows things down. You're not that important.) This guy also had a laptop out and seemed to be working on some sortof project on his computer (A fellow blogger perhaps?) and he would periodically make phone calls in which he would talk at a decibal level loud enough to ensure that every person around him could hear everything he said, whether we wanted to or not. (Did I mention that my IPod is broken? Yeah, it is. Great timing for that....)
I'm getting more than a little annoyed at this point. I'm going to miss my flight. My mom is making my sister send me frantic text messages asking for updates, HCM is getting her ear chewed off by the Rabble Rowser and the loudmouth was really starting to grind my gears. As I watched person after person take 10-15 minutes at the counter, and saw the line behind me grow out to the door, I looked over at the airlines to my left and right. Southwest Airlines was a ghost town. It was a sports book during a hockey game. It was Chad's birthday party. Seriously - there was no one there. Why couldn't I be flying with them? I looked to my right - Allegiant Air. I'm not sure that's a real line air line as there was no one in line there either. I looked further down to U.S. Airways. There were a few scattered people, probably looking at the United Ted scene the way people stop to look at a car crash. And I'm in the middle of the wreck, alone with my thoughts - "Why the hell am I flying with these guys?" "This airline sucks." "I don't even want to go home." "I wonder what Austin's up to." I start looking at the people who are at the front of this mess, talking to the women behind the counters. There is one jackass young kid who is wearing jeans and a blazer and is practically screaming at the United employees. A supervisor comes over to try to calm him down and he just gets more and more angry. He even takes the time to literally take off his blazer and slam it down on the counter as he yells at the supervisor. (I thought people only did that on TV.) This kid was a total moron. There were only three counters my line was feeding into and he compromised one of them for almost a half an hour. Thanks a lot, buddy.
At this point I'm way past annoyed. I'm past pissed. I'm like Jorgen during one of those shifts where the kids have really gotten to him and he's walking around in a Peter Gibbons-like state, cursing the world and his life in general. (Speaking of that - how much would you pay to see Kornegay go up to Jorgen with a coffee mug in his hand and say "Yeah.... we're going to need you to go ahead and come in on your day off....") It was around this time that an insane-looking old foreign man came up to me, by cutting in front of several people, got right in my face, and said only "Picky Pocky." I looked at Insane Foreign Man with one of my trademark pouts and did not say a word. What exactly was I supposed to say? I ended up pulling a Seinfeld, by simply shaking my head, not giving any verbal response, until the man got away from me. What the hell is going on....
If you haven't seen the South Park where Mr. Garrison invents the "It" machine, I highly recommend it. Garrison gets so tired of dealing with the air lines that he invents his own method of travel - a machine built for one that moves at astronomical speeds. When a passenger gets into the "It" they are locked in by a rod that is inserted into their ass and another rod that is inserted into their mouth. It is extremely painful but as all the characters point out - "It beats dealing with the air lines....)
At this point, I want my own "It."
Almost an hour after my flight has taken off, I finally get to the front of the line. I am slightly nervous about having to explain my situation to the woman behind the counter. I don't want to have to pay any fees or end up with a long layover. Before I can even say anything the lady says to me "Sorry for the wait, sir. Have you already missed your flight?" What a well-oiled machine United Ted is. They just assume that their customers have already missed their planes. I explain my situation to her and she gives me 2 options - a flight that leaves in about 90 minutes and has a 2 hour layover in Denver, or a redeye flight that leaves at 11:30 pm and goes straight to Dulles. I chose the latter. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of that place. The lady did get me an aisle seat, gave me a boarding pass, and checked my bag, so when I get back to the airport tonight all I'll have to do is go through security and board my flight. (By the way this whole process took roughly 2 minutes. I don't understand what people are doing standing at those counters for 10 or 15 minutes....) I actually enjoy redeye flights. I usually go to a bar, have a few beers, and then pass out on the flight. The only way to fly.
In the end it wasn't all bad. Hot Canadian Mommy touched my shoulder when she said goodbye (Score!) and I got to hang out with Graham this afternoon. We even made a few bucks on that bad total the Golden Nugget hung last night (CB you are good, sir.) Plus, the power is out in my neighborhood in Virginia and apparently my mom is annoying my whole family by trying to get them to play board games by candlelight. I'm really glad I'm not there for that.
Well, that's my story. I know I promised a funny story at the start - I lied.
Sorry about that.
(Told you I could write about more than just sports and Jorgen, Bennett.)
Hope you guys followed my Silver Bullet Special on the Wings tonight.
Two blogs in one day and it's so late there's no opportunities left for you to....
Enjoy the game.
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Carl Edwards
May be the blog's biggest hero....
