.... important things like posting pictures of hot girls or writing jokes about Swedish people to keep track of trivial things like what day games I bet on are being played. A lot of you mocked me for thinking the Penguins game was on Friday night, when in reality it will be played on Saturday. I admit it - I goofed, but I say so what? Up until a few weeks ago I didn't even know that the last round of the hockey playoffs was called the Stanley Cup Final, instead of the far more logical Stanley Cup FinalS. Clearly I know nothing about hockey. Nothing about the sport makes sense to me. So, why do I have to know when they are playing the games? Did I not post a really hot picture of Emmanuelle Chriqui? Did I not look up the spelling of her name, so you wouldn't have to? Did I not make funny jokes about Ed, and Jeff, and Jorgen, and Kristy Swanson? Do I also have to be a Don Best book? Get off my case.
(Do you see what I've done here? I'm acting like my thinking the Pens game was on Friday is no big deal and that I shouldn't be ridiculed for it, when the reality is that it was a pretty stupid mistake. So now I'm trying to turn the tables on you all by bringing up positive aspects of my blog to divert your attention from that error. I am good....)
The NBA Finals are now officially set and to the surprise of literally no one on earth it's going to be Lakers-Celtics. David Stern can finally emerge from his hole - he's done his part. Now it's up to the kids to watch and give the NBA the kind of ratings boon that Stern and his refs have been working for the last 2 months.
For the record - no less than 4 different people told me how much they liked the Celtics to win the series on Friday night. No one told me they liked the Lakers. Oh, and one of those Celtics backers was Chad. You know what that means....
Okay, enough. Here are some more of my pointless thoughts that only I laugh at:
* Chris Bennett has teased us all lately with talk of starting his own blog. One that would surely stir up a lot of controversy. I for one would be very interested to read his thoughts on a variety of topics. Behind that gruff exterior, he's a smart kid and a nice enough guy. He even took the time to give me some baseball picks for Saturday, in between taking shots at me and calling my blog garbage. But he didn't hurt my feelings or anything. Anyways, here's one blogger's invitation to Chris to join the party....
* Do you realize we are just four wins away from the reigning NFL and NBA champion head coaches being Tom Coughlin and Doc Rivers, respectively? Plus that imbecile Les Miles of LSU is the reigning BCS champ. Apparently anyone can win given the proper talent.... (Actually that still doesn't explain the Giants winning the Super Bowl. In fact, I still feel like I could wake up at any moment and hear that I dreamed that entire thing....)
* Speaking of LSU, they won their College World Series opener over Texas Southern on Friday afternoon, 12-1. I guarantee Austin followed the entire game online, spitefully rooting against me. Having said that, I have to admit that I am going to miss him the next 3 weeks. (He's going to Colorado and I'm heading back East before he returns.) But that doesn't make me weird or anything. Right....?
Who asked you?
* Saturday's Nationwide Race is called the Heluva Good! 200. Seriously, that's what it's called. With the exclamation point and everything. Look it up....
* I was talking to a buddy of mine yesterday and somehow the topic of the exceptionally stupid Nomar Garciaparra-Mia Hamm "Livin' the G2 Life" commercial came up. He told me that he already knew they were an uber-lame couple after seeing a show where they took viewers on a tour of thier home. During one scene, Nomar dropped an orange and Mia saved it from hitting the ground by juggling it with her feet like a soccer ball and kicking it back up to him....
* Padres 3B Kevin Kouzmanoff went 0-6 on Friday night. His evening featured grounding into both a double play and a triple play. In other words, in 6 trips to the plate, he was responsbile for 9 Padres outs. Maybe sit the next couple of plays out, champ....
* Chase Utley (Or the Great Chase Utley as he is known in some circles) hit a home run last night to give him 18 for the season. In typical Utley fashion, he did during a Phillies blowout win. Meanwhile, a guy whose actually won an NL MVP award and a Home Run crown - 1B Ryan Howard - also went long. The count is now 18-15 in favor of Utley....
* So I'm typing this nonsense and talking to Scotty online about the NBA Finals series price and all of a sudden he tells me that he just had a missed call from a stripper. (Don't ask how she got his number. Even I didn't ask.) Now he's asking me if he should call/text her back. I'm trying to steer the conversation in another direction (Any other direction....) but the Hoff won't let this one go. God bless him. I think this is my cue to wrap up another half-assed edition of the blog. But before I do, I will add that Scott is not the only one who has a crush on the bartender I mentioned in Friday's blog. I also do. If you saw her, you would understand why. (Scott asked me to put that in. Only children are so insecure....)
I'm not making any picks on Saturday. I'm afraid I'll pick a game that isn't being played and be mocked again. Or perhaps I'll just take the Lakers and the points....
Saturday's Trivia Question - What was the name of the fictional college football team coached by James Caan in the movie The Program?
(I bet you didn't think I could mention two Kristy Swanson movies on back-to-back days....)
** Friday's Answer - Warren Morris hit a 2-out, 2-run homer in the bottom of the 9th to win the 1996 College World Series for LSU. The Tigers won it again in 1997 and hopefully will add another national crown this year.
I may not know what games are being played but I'm pretty sure that somewhere someone is playing in a sporting event on Saturday. And if that is in fact true, then I guarantee you can bet on it at the Hilton. I heard that the other day two hobos were fighting over a ham sandwich in the parking lot and we put up a line on who would win. And then Metcalf put up a "Halftime line" on who would get the bag of chips....Anyways, regardless of what sport it is you're watching, please make sure you take the time to....
Enjoy the game.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
I wasn't bothered as much
.... by the fact that Ed told me I should stop making picks in my blog as I was bothered by the way he said it - very condescending with one of his trademark smirks. That's why I was so smug about my recent 3-day winning streak. Well, the house of cards collapsed on Wednesday, as I went 0-4. Somewhere in our neighbor to the north, Ed is closing his laptop with a grin. Wednesday's debacle included a disastrous pick on the USA over England in an international friendly that apparently I was more excited for than the entire U.S. roster combined. I make so many donations to the Palms that Jeff's buddy Todd should put me on his Christmas card list.
The Lakers officially secured a spot in the NBA Finals last night, rallying from a 17 point deficit to eliminate the Spurs. Forget about Kobe, Phil, and the rest of the team - I'm just happy for the Lakers fans. It's been 4 long years since they have had a conference title to celebrate. Game 1 of the NBA Finals is scheduled for Thursday night in Boston. (I mean that is assuming that the Celtics win. I'm sure the Pistons will get a fair shake....) I will be very interested to see what the series price comes. From what I've seen, the Western Conference is head and shoulders above the East. It's like AFC vs. NFC. And we all know there's no way the NFC could beat the AFC in the Super Bowl. (The Giants did what? Over the Patriots? Come on....No they didn't.... That's just ridiculous....With Eli Manning? Dude....Be serious....)
Anyways, I did manage to make a few bucks last night. I happened to be in a sports book when the Lakers game went to halftime and I won my token "I need action on this game because I'm already watching it anyways" bet. You know, the kind that all of us do.... Don't look at me like that. We all do those, right? Oh.... just me and Scotty, huh? Oh, boy.... This.... is awkward.... Let's just cut out of this and into some blurgbs:
* I'm tempted to rotate the girls in my new picture section but I'm pretty sure that if I got rid of the Yellowbook Commercial Girl, Jeff would fire me. What's worse is that I'm also pretty sure that if he explained his reasoning to Kornegay, our director would not disagree with the move. Let's just leave her up there for now....
* Speaking of Jeff, the other day he was telling me that he will be going to Game 4 of the NBA Finals at Staples Center. That game will fall on a Thursday, which he has off. I told him I thought that was awesome and that I was happy for him but truthfully I was thinking - "Well, I have Thursdays off too - I just don't have all kinds of supplementary income pouring in from running a renowned web site and being a local radio star." Must be nice....
* I have to admit I am surprised to see the Lakers running away from the pack in my poll asking which team has the worst fans. As you can probably guess - I voted for the Cowboys. I just want to point out that if the Cowboys were making a run to their sports championship round at the same time the Lakers were mired in the middle of their offseason, the voting would have gone very differently....
* Seeing as how I know nothing about sports, or anything for that matter, I tend to get most of (See: all) my information from outside sources. I am being told that the Oklahoma Sooners are absolutely loaded this year and will be facing a relatively soft schedule: They don't play Mizzou, they get Kansas and Nebraska at home, and Texas is still coached by Mack Brown. (For the record, they do not play Iowa State but their schedule is still pretty easy.) Look for the Sooners to be in Miami for the national championship game next January - and get pounded by an SEC team....
* One thing I don't understand about professional sports is why teams hire the same coaches over and over again. Why would the Bulls hire Doug Collins of all people? He couldn't win anything of consequence during his first tenure in Chicago when he was coaching someone named Michael Jordan. What's he going to do with this current bunch? Perhaps Jim Lynam was unavailable....
* On Thursday night, I was hanging out with my buddy Scotty Hoffman and he requested that I mention him in my next blog. So here goes.... Scott texts me as he's getting off work and I tell him that I'm out at a bar, having just caught the end of the Lakers game. Hoffman tells me he's tired and is just going to go home. I tell him that's fine but he should know that a girl who works there he has a crush on is looking especially good. He texts me back, requesting that I take a picture of her with my camera phone and send it to him. I briefly consider texting him back "Dude...." but instead opt to just not say anything. A few minutes later he texts me again saying he'll be there soon. Before I can even respond, he's walking through the door. What a guy. Anyways, as Scotty walks in, a gaggle of very hot blonde chicks grabs him and asks if they can take a picture with him. Apparently, they all find his T-shirt to be very funny. So Hoffman poses for the picture - and then comes to sit with me. Instead of talking to the hot girls. Dude.... I still love that kid....
* When I woke up this morning, I caught the end of Robin Hood: Men In Tights, a movie I've always enjoyed. One thing I found strange about it was the fact they were showing it on the channel Starz In Black, which describes itself as "Dedicated to showing the best in black cinema and urban entertainment." I'm pretty sure that Dave Chappelle is the only black guy in the whole movie and since when are Mel Brooks movies considered "urban" entertainment? Starz In Black also describes itself as "Culturally connected with the biggest, coolest movies," which I found strange considering that the next movie they showed was Higher Learning, starring Kristy Swanson and a deranged Michael Rapaport. I'm going to keep an eye on this situation....
* There are times when I am out somewhere and I think of something funny and realize: "Hey, that would make a funny quip for my blog." To me this can only mean one of two things - Either I am devoting way too much of my time to this stupid thing or I need to start carrying around a tape recorder....
I'm doing this for you, Ed - See how many loonies you can get down on the opposite sides of these plays:
Penguins
Marlins
Tigers
I don't see how one can bet the NBA game tonight. On one hand, the Pistons are banged up and probably shouldn't be laying that many points. On the other hand, the Celtics are a gutless bunch that I can't see eliminating anybody on the road. I'll pass. It's Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Final(s) tonight at Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh and I like the Pens. I've been to Mellon Arena and I know from experience, dude - you don't just go into Mellon Arena and walk out of there with a W. And yes, it does look like a giant nipple from the outside. Should be a good game tonight.
A few more notes before I wrap up this blog:
Chris - We need to talk about you coming on the blog to discuss the 2008 Green Bay Packers. Yes, I could've called you, or texted you, or e-mailed you, or just waited another 3 hours until I see you at work. I'm just more comfortable communicating in blog form.
Jorgen - I'm sorry I didn't mention you at all today. I just don't think it's a good idea to talk about you in a sports gambling-themed blog. We all know you have a serious, serious problem, man. Clean up your life.... then you can be back in the blog.
Austin - You're leaving today and I won't see you for 3 weeks. I just want you to know that I know you are rooting against LSU out of spite for me. It's really pathetic and childish.... and I would do the same thing.
Chad - Seek help.
Amanda - I honestly don't know who was calling you yesterday and hanging up. That's really weird....
I replaced the picture of Kaley Cuoco with one of actress Emmanuelle Chriqui, who was first brought to my attention by the show Entourage. You're welcome. (Sorry, Scotty.... but there are some people who find non-blonde girls attractive, too. Broaden your horizons, brother....)
Calling people "Brother" is still going great, by the way. How about some trivia....
Friday's Trivia Question: Name the LSU 2nd baseman who hit a walk-off home run to win the 1996 College World Series. (All eyes are on you here, Austin.)
** Wednesday's Answer: The quarterbacks drafted ahead of Marino were John Elway, Todd Blackledge, Jim Kelly, Tony Eason, and Ken O'Brien. I'm sure someone could have easily answered that....
This could be the last night of NBA basketball until the Finals start on Thursday. So all you hoops junkies better make sure you....
Enjoy the game.
The Lakers officially secured a spot in the NBA Finals last night, rallying from a 17 point deficit to eliminate the Spurs. Forget about Kobe, Phil, and the rest of the team - I'm just happy for the Lakers fans. It's been 4 long years since they have had a conference title to celebrate. Game 1 of the NBA Finals is scheduled for Thursday night in Boston. (I mean that is assuming that the Celtics win. I'm sure the Pistons will get a fair shake....) I will be very interested to see what the series price comes. From what I've seen, the Western Conference is head and shoulders above the East. It's like AFC vs. NFC. And we all know there's no way the NFC could beat the AFC in the Super Bowl. (The Giants did what? Over the Patriots? Come on....No they didn't.... That's just ridiculous....With Eli Manning? Dude....Be serious....)
Anyways, I did manage to make a few bucks last night. I happened to be in a sports book when the Lakers game went to halftime and I won my token "I need action on this game because I'm already watching it anyways" bet. You know, the kind that all of us do.... Don't look at me like that. We all do those, right? Oh.... just me and Scotty, huh? Oh, boy.... This.... is awkward.... Let's just cut out of this and into some blurgbs:
* I'm tempted to rotate the girls in my new picture section but I'm pretty sure that if I got rid of the Yellowbook Commercial Girl, Jeff would fire me. What's worse is that I'm also pretty sure that if he explained his reasoning to Kornegay, our director would not disagree with the move. Let's just leave her up there for now....
* Speaking of Jeff, the other day he was telling me that he will be going to Game 4 of the NBA Finals at Staples Center. That game will fall on a Thursday, which he has off. I told him I thought that was awesome and that I was happy for him but truthfully I was thinking - "Well, I have Thursdays off too - I just don't have all kinds of supplementary income pouring in from running a renowned web site and being a local radio star." Must be nice....
* I have to admit I am surprised to see the Lakers running away from the pack in my poll asking which team has the worst fans. As you can probably guess - I voted for the Cowboys. I just want to point out that if the Cowboys were making a run to their sports championship round at the same time the Lakers were mired in the middle of their offseason, the voting would have gone very differently....
* Seeing as how I know nothing about sports, or anything for that matter, I tend to get most of (See: all) my information from outside sources. I am being told that the Oklahoma Sooners are absolutely loaded this year and will be facing a relatively soft schedule: They don't play Mizzou, they get Kansas and Nebraska at home, and Texas is still coached by Mack Brown. (For the record, they do not play Iowa State but their schedule is still pretty easy.) Look for the Sooners to be in Miami for the national championship game next January - and get pounded by an SEC team....
* One thing I don't understand about professional sports is why teams hire the same coaches over and over again. Why would the Bulls hire Doug Collins of all people? He couldn't win anything of consequence during his first tenure in Chicago when he was coaching someone named Michael Jordan. What's he going to do with this current bunch? Perhaps Jim Lynam was unavailable....
* On Thursday night, I was hanging out with my buddy Scotty Hoffman and he requested that I mention him in my next blog. So here goes.... Scott texts me as he's getting off work and I tell him that I'm out at a bar, having just caught the end of the Lakers game. Hoffman tells me he's tired and is just going to go home. I tell him that's fine but he should know that a girl who works there he has a crush on is looking especially good. He texts me back, requesting that I take a picture of her with my camera phone and send it to him. I briefly consider texting him back "Dude...." but instead opt to just not say anything. A few minutes later he texts me again saying he'll be there soon. Before I can even respond, he's walking through the door. What a guy. Anyways, as Scotty walks in, a gaggle of very hot blonde chicks grabs him and asks if they can take a picture with him. Apparently, they all find his T-shirt to be very funny. So Hoffman poses for the picture - and then comes to sit with me. Instead of talking to the hot girls. Dude.... I still love that kid....
* When I woke up this morning, I caught the end of Robin Hood: Men In Tights, a movie I've always enjoyed. One thing I found strange about it was the fact they were showing it on the channel Starz In Black, which describes itself as "Dedicated to showing the best in black cinema and urban entertainment." I'm pretty sure that Dave Chappelle is the only black guy in the whole movie and since when are Mel Brooks movies considered "urban" entertainment? Starz In Black also describes itself as "Culturally connected with the biggest, coolest movies," which I found strange considering that the next movie they showed was Higher Learning, starring Kristy Swanson and a deranged Michael Rapaport. I'm going to keep an eye on this situation....
* There are times when I am out somewhere and I think of something funny and realize: "Hey, that would make a funny quip for my blog." To me this can only mean one of two things - Either I am devoting way too much of my time to this stupid thing or I need to start carrying around a tape recorder....
I'm doing this for you, Ed - See how many loonies you can get down on the opposite sides of these plays:
Penguins
Marlins
Tigers
I don't see how one can bet the NBA game tonight. On one hand, the Pistons are banged up and probably shouldn't be laying that many points. On the other hand, the Celtics are a gutless bunch that I can't see eliminating anybody on the road. I'll pass. It's Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Final(s) tonight at Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh and I like the Pens. I've been to Mellon Arena and I know from experience, dude - you don't just go into Mellon Arena and walk out of there with a W. And yes, it does look like a giant nipple from the outside. Should be a good game tonight.
A few more notes before I wrap up this blog:
Chris - We need to talk about you coming on the blog to discuss the 2008 Green Bay Packers. Yes, I could've called you, or texted you, or e-mailed you, or just waited another 3 hours until I see you at work. I'm just more comfortable communicating in blog form.
Jorgen - I'm sorry I didn't mention you at all today. I just don't think it's a good idea to talk about you in a sports gambling-themed blog. We all know you have a serious, serious problem, man. Clean up your life.... then you can be back in the blog.
Austin - You're leaving today and I won't see you for 3 weeks. I just want you to know that I know you are rooting against LSU out of spite for me. It's really pathetic and childish.... and I would do the same thing.
Chad - Seek help.
Amanda - I honestly don't know who was calling you yesterday and hanging up. That's really weird....
I replaced the picture of Kaley Cuoco with one of actress Emmanuelle Chriqui, who was first brought to my attention by the show Entourage. You're welcome. (Sorry, Scotty.... but there are some people who find non-blonde girls attractive, too. Broaden your horizons, brother....)
Calling people "Brother" is still going great, by the way. How about some trivia....
Friday's Trivia Question: Name the LSU 2nd baseman who hit a walk-off home run to win the 1996 College World Series. (All eyes are on you here, Austin.)
** Wednesday's Answer: The quarterbacks drafted ahead of Marino were John Elway, Todd Blackledge, Jim Kelly, Tony Eason, and Ken O'Brien. I'm sure someone could have easily answered that....
This could be the last night of NBA basketball until the Finals start on Thursday. So all you hoops junkies better make sure you....
Enjoy the game.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
It was just a few days ago
.... that Ed told me I should stop posting picks and stick to writing. Well, guess what, bro? While you've been traipsing through Canadia I have ripped off 3 straight unbeaten days. That's right - my posted picks are 7-0 since Sunday, including a perfect 3-0 on Tuesday night. Now if only I had the money to actually bet them....
The Lakers basically wrapped up the Western Conference Finals on Tuesday night with a win in San Antonio that left the degenerates at the Hilton hugging in the aisles. Let's just say that if you had been in the Superbook on Tuesday night, you would not need to deliberate much over which franchise has the worst fans. Give credit to the Lakers as they dominated the game from start to finish - the Spurs never held the lead. And as usual when the game was on the line and the Spurs made one final push, Phil Jackson turned to his Fireman of the Year - Official Joey Crawford. Isn't Joey Crawford the same ref who threw Tim Duncan out of a game last year in Dallas for laughing from the bench? And isn't he the same ref who got into a verbal spat with Gregg Popovich during the Spurs conference semifinal series with the Hornets? Hmmm.... That's a coincidence....
You ponder that one while you skim through some more blurgbs:
* Graham's in the chair next to me and he's got his laptop out as well. He's researching hotels and whatnot for a trip to Del Mar in July. Has anyone ever been to San Diego and come back with even one negative thing to say? That place is so nice I even had fun there last summer with a girl I now literally avoid being in the same room with. What a magical place. Anyways, it's like an internet cafe in here but I kindof like it.... Very conducive to blogging....
* I've enjoyed calling people "Bro" so much over the last few weeks I have decided to take it one step further by calling people "Brother." It's going great so far. There have only been a few times where the person on the receiving end of a "Brother" gave an awkard pause to mentally rewind what I had said and digest it. I'm going to stick with it for now. I'll keep you guys posted....
* I saw my boy Rodney on Tuesday for the first time in a few days. He had been in San Diego over the weekend with a young lady friend. He told me a story about the guy at the car rental place trying to give him and his girl a huge upgrade for free. I asked why and he said the guy was doing that because the guy was black, like Rodney and his girl. When he could tell that I was puzzled by this, he assured me that it was a "Black thing." I still don't really get it....
* Later that day, former Tampa Bay Bucs QB Shaun King was in the VIP Room and Rodney and I were getting calls from the line telling us to go make sure he was comfortable in there. So Rodney goes over there to talk to King and when he comes back he tells me that he and the former NFL quarterback will be watching the Lakers-Spurs game later that night at the 40/40 club. I got upset by this and asked why King had never invited me to go hang with him at a cool spot like 40/40. Rodney laughed and told me that again it was because he is black. What's up with that? I gotta admit I was shocked there was this much racism going on in the back room considering Metcalf had the day off....
* Looking forward to the USA-England friendly match on Wednesday afternoon at Wembley. Did you know that Wembley Stadium is the largest stadium in the world in which every seat is undercover? This will come in handy if there is a rainy day next month when the England fans gather at the stadium to not watch their team play in the Euro on the Jumbotron....
* Cheers to my boy Mikey Millz who took me up on the Ryan Howard-Chase Utley bet. It's an even money bet on who will hit more home runs - Ryan Howard or Chase Utley. Ryan currently has 14 to Chases's 16. Should be interesting. The biggest thing I have going against me in that wager is the fact that Utley has Howard protecting him in the lineup, while the great #6 is followed by the utterly atrocious Pat "The Babe" Burrell. Now that guy sucks....
* Great job by Andy Ross in his most recent blog entry. The running diary really captured the torture of working with Mike Jaz and Chad on the line. Those guys need to be under round-the-clock psychiatric evaluation. And I'm not talking about one guy. Mike and Chad need an entire team of doctors - each. They are getting worse by the day and the clock is ticking....
* The blog experienced a first on Tuesday - physical backlash. Austin was not pleased by my crack about college baseball oddsmakers not waking up on time to adjust the odds.... So he hit me. He is truly an intellectual giant. Considering that Austin has rarely been a target in this space, I was very surprised by this. If Jorgen or Chad was as tempermental as Austin I'd probably be dead by now.... Wait a minute - what am I talking about? Look at those kids. What could they possibly do? I'm laughing right now....
* Speaking of young Yorgen, he came into the back room on Tuesday, after his shift was over, to follow his many, many, many baseball bets. He was also talking about how I should start betting on Arena Football like him and that I should mention his "picks" in my blog. Feeling concerned about my buddy, I slipped a When The Fun Stops brochure into his red man-purse while he was captivated by one of the meaningless regular season baseball games he had money on. Now I'd like to ask you all to say a prayer that he takes the time to read it. Amanda - if you are reading this - I am really worried about him. We all are. You and I really need to talk about this during our next late night phone conversation....
* Basketball-Reference.com lets you sponsor individual player's pages for a yearly fee. I'm considering having my blog sponsor Robert Swift of the Seattle Sonics with an eventual goal of sponsoring every goofy white stiff in the league. (Now that's an admirable goal.) The only problem is that it costs 10 bucks and no one has ever heard of Robert Swift so it will literally do nothing to increase my blog's visibility. However, if someone ever accidentally stumbled onto Swift's page they would see my blog's URL staring them in the face. But still - 10 bucks....
Now that I've bragged about my recent success, I will surely lose - Or will I....
Celtics
Orioles
Marlins
U.S.A. Soccer
Something tells me the NBA doesn't want to see the Celtics heading back to Detroit down 3-2. Call me crazy. The league already has half of their pre-determined championship matchup in place - time for the other half to put themselves in position to join the party. I'll take the Stars and Stripes plus a goal at England. Oh, and I pulled those baseball picks out of my....
(See Jeff - no cursing. The blog is very family friendly)
I got some compliments on the picture of the super hot Mexican model on my blog Tuesday. Big surprise considering that 100% of my readers are male. We'll make that a regular thing.... I figure since I can't get anyone to read my stupid thoughts, I will try to lure them in with pictures of hot women. It was only a matter of time. That reminds me - Jorgen that picture of Amanda you gave me leaves way too much to the imagination. You got anything a little more.... I don't know.... revealing? Thanks, pal. Anyways, today I added a picture of Kaley Cuoco who stars in the sitcom Big Bang Theory on CBS. Don't ask me how I know these things. It doesn't matter. I just do. The girl is hot. The show is.... Yeah....
Wednesday's Trivia Question - Name 4 of the 5 quarterbacks selected ahead of Dan Marino in the 1983 NFL Draft. Dan Marino - Who doesn't like that guy?
(Racists, that's who....)
Wednesday will be the first day in almost two weeks that I didn't have to go to work or deal with my parents, which is actually more work than my job.... Or any job for that matter.... Perhaps I will indulge myself with an adult beverage. I'm not saying I'm going to end up in a ditch somewhere with vomit all over my shirt like a young Chad, I'm just saying I probably won't be blogging tomorrow night. You all enjoy flipping through my archives (I feel like I've done about 1,000 of these stupid things) but don't let that distract you. There's a lot going on in the sports world on Wednesday so you all have no excuse but to....
Enjoy the game.
The Lakers basically wrapped up the Western Conference Finals on Tuesday night with a win in San Antonio that left the degenerates at the Hilton hugging in the aisles. Let's just say that if you had been in the Superbook on Tuesday night, you would not need to deliberate much over which franchise has the worst fans. Give credit to the Lakers as they dominated the game from start to finish - the Spurs never held the lead. And as usual when the game was on the line and the Spurs made one final push, Phil Jackson turned to his Fireman of the Year - Official Joey Crawford. Isn't Joey Crawford the same ref who threw Tim Duncan out of a game last year in Dallas for laughing from the bench? And isn't he the same ref who got into a verbal spat with Gregg Popovich during the Spurs conference semifinal series with the Hornets? Hmmm.... That's a coincidence....
You ponder that one while you skim through some more blurgbs:
* Graham's in the chair next to me and he's got his laptop out as well. He's researching hotels and whatnot for a trip to Del Mar in July. Has anyone ever been to San Diego and come back with even one negative thing to say? That place is so nice I even had fun there last summer with a girl I now literally avoid being in the same room with. What a magical place. Anyways, it's like an internet cafe in here but I kindof like it.... Very conducive to blogging....
* I've enjoyed calling people "Bro" so much over the last few weeks I have decided to take it one step further by calling people "Brother." It's going great so far. There have only been a few times where the person on the receiving end of a "Brother" gave an awkard pause to mentally rewind what I had said and digest it. I'm going to stick with it for now. I'll keep you guys posted....
* I saw my boy Rodney on Tuesday for the first time in a few days. He had been in San Diego over the weekend with a young lady friend. He told me a story about the guy at the car rental place trying to give him and his girl a huge upgrade for free. I asked why and he said the guy was doing that because the guy was black, like Rodney and his girl. When he could tell that I was puzzled by this, he assured me that it was a "Black thing." I still don't really get it....
* Later that day, former Tampa Bay Bucs QB Shaun King was in the VIP Room and Rodney and I were getting calls from the line telling us to go make sure he was comfortable in there. So Rodney goes over there to talk to King and when he comes back he tells me that he and the former NFL quarterback will be watching the Lakers-Spurs game later that night at the 40/40 club. I got upset by this and asked why King had never invited me to go hang with him at a cool spot like 40/40. Rodney laughed and told me that again it was because he is black. What's up with that? I gotta admit I was shocked there was this much racism going on in the back room considering Metcalf had the day off....
* Looking forward to the USA-England friendly match on Wednesday afternoon at Wembley. Did you know that Wembley Stadium is the largest stadium in the world in which every seat is undercover? This will come in handy if there is a rainy day next month when the England fans gather at the stadium to not watch their team play in the Euro on the Jumbotron....
* Cheers to my boy Mikey Millz who took me up on the Ryan Howard-Chase Utley bet. It's an even money bet on who will hit more home runs - Ryan Howard or Chase Utley. Ryan currently has 14 to Chases's 16. Should be interesting. The biggest thing I have going against me in that wager is the fact that Utley has Howard protecting him in the lineup, while the great #6 is followed by the utterly atrocious Pat "The Babe" Burrell. Now that guy sucks....
* Great job by Andy Ross in his most recent blog entry. The running diary really captured the torture of working with Mike Jaz and Chad on the line. Those guys need to be under round-the-clock psychiatric evaluation. And I'm not talking about one guy. Mike and Chad need an entire team of doctors - each. They are getting worse by the day and the clock is ticking....
* The blog experienced a first on Tuesday - physical backlash. Austin was not pleased by my crack about college baseball oddsmakers not waking up on time to adjust the odds.... So he hit me. He is truly an intellectual giant. Considering that Austin has rarely been a target in this space, I was very surprised by this. If Jorgen or Chad was as tempermental as Austin I'd probably be dead by now.... Wait a minute - what am I talking about? Look at those kids. What could they possibly do? I'm laughing right now....
* Speaking of young Yorgen, he came into the back room on Tuesday, after his shift was over, to follow his many, many, many baseball bets. He was also talking about how I should start betting on Arena Football like him and that I should mention his "picks" in my blog. Feeling concerned about my buddy, I slipped a When The Fun Stops brochure into his red man-purse while he was captivated by one of the meaningless regular season baseball games he had money on. Now I'd like to ask you all to say a prayer that he takes the time to read it. Amanda - if you are reading this - I am really worried about him. We all are. You and I really need to talk about this during our next late night phone conversation....
* Basketball-Reference.com lets you sponsor individual player's pages for a yearly fee. I'm considering having my blog sponsor Robert Swift of the Seattle Sonics with an eventual goal of sponsoring every goofy white stiff in the league. (Now that's an admirable goal.) The only problem is that it costs 10 bucks and no one has ever heard of Robert Swift so it will literally do nothing to increase my blog's visibility. However, if someone ever accidentally stumbled onto Swift's page they would see my blog's URL staring them in the face. But still - 10 bucks....
Now that I've bragged about my recent success, I will surely lose - Or will I....
Celtics
Orioles
Marlins
U.S.A. Soccer
Something tells me the NBA doesn't want to see the Celtics heading back to Detroit down 3-2. Call me crazy. The league already has half of their pre-determined championship matchup in place - time for the other half to put themselves in position to join the party. I'll take the Stars and Stripes plus a goal at England. Oh, and I pulled those baseball picks out of my....
(See Jeff - no cursing. The blog is very family friendly)
I got some compliments on the picture of the super hot Mexican model on my blog Tuesday. Big surprise considering that 100% of my readers are male. We'll make that a regular thing.... I figure since I can't get anyone to read my stupid thoughts, I will try to lure them in with pictures of hot women. It was only a matter of time. That reminds me - Jorgen that picture of Amanda you gave me leaves way too much to the imagination. You got anything a little more.... I don't know.... revealing? Thanks, pal. Anyways, today I added a picture of Kaley Cuoco who stars in the sitcom Big Bang Theory on CBS. Don't ask me how I know these things. It doesn't matter. I just do. The girl is hot. The show is.... Yeah....
Wednesday's Trivia Question - Name 4 of the 5 quarterbacks selected ahead of Dan Marino in the 1983 NFL Draft. Dan Marino - Who doesn't like that guy?
(Racists, that's who....)
Wednesday will be the first day in almost two weeks that I didn't have to go to work or deal with my parents, which is actually more work than my job.... Or any job for that matter.... Perhaps I will indulge myself with an adult beverage. I'm not saying I'm going to end up in a ditch somewhere with vomit all over my shirt like a young Chad, I'm just saying I probably won't be blogging tomorrow night. You all enjoy flipping through my archives (I feel like I've done about 1,000 of these stupid things) but don't let that distract you. There's a lot going on in the sports world on Wednesday so you all have no excuse but to....
Enjoy the game.
This blog may be a lot of work
.... but sometimes you hear something that makes it all worthwhile. When I arrived at work on Monday morning, Jeff Sherman (Yes, the guy from the radio!) told me he had read my blog and gave me some advice for my next entry. Wow. I was definitely planning on taking a day off but now that I know Jeff is reading I feel an obligation to blog it up. (Okay, let's be honest - we all know that Jeff had been reading this thing all along but now he's finally admitting it. Nice to officially have you on board, bro.) Jeff told me to be "Less controversial" in my blogs, which I took to mean to stop being funny. So I'm going to at least try it out. Today's blog will be informative. No jokes.
Even Mike O. came to me today with ideas for the blog. But ultimately I am doing this one for one of my most loyal fans from way, way back in the early days. I could tell he was down after a tough Nationals loss yesterday afternoon and I owe it to him to at least try and cheer him up. Enjoy this one, Chris.
I'm over the Tony Stewart thing now that I have chewed the ear off of every person willing to hear my tale. There will always be another race. Plus there's a lot to look forward to this week in the blogosphere with Scott posting some winners during his upcoming days off and Ross's much anticipated running diary of a day on the sports line with Chad, Mike Jaz, and a delusional Lars. That will be a must read.
Okay, I've got the filler paragraphs out of the way. It's time for some blurgbs:
* Most of you probably read that disturbing blurgb I had the other day about the underaged chick on The Bill Engvall Show. Jeff pointed out that I should really mention that ridiculously hot girl from the Yellowbook commercial. You know - the one who wants to get her tattoo removed before her wedding to "Tom"? Good idea, bro. I did a little research on her and here's what I've found: Her name is Blanca Soto and (not surprisingly) she is a model. She competed in the national beauty pageant Nuestra Belleza Mexico in 1997. She is also married to actor Jack Hartnett, who is most likely a giant douche.
* Another girl who has caught my eye on TV is that brunette chick from the Mercury commercials. Her name is Jill Wagner and she is from North Carolina. Probably a NASCAR fan. Talk about a catch. I also found out that she went to North Carolina State University. I know a girl who went to NCSU who is also pretty hot. Perhaps I should have gone there....
* Moving off the topic of attractive women for a moment, there's a full card of WNBA on Tuesday night. (That means there's three games.) Huge game on the Deuce as the Fever visit the Sun at 4 PM PT. I'm expecting lots of bricks, lots of turnovers, and lots of sloppy play but hey - they're really hustling out there. It's like a league full of Eduardo Najeras, right down to their physical appearance. Someday I will go to a WNBA game and sit in the front row at center court. I will then proceed to pull out a newspaper and read it throughout the entire game in plain view of the players, coaches, fans, and assembled media.... Then I will mention it in my blog.
* I saw the movie Ironman on Monday night at the Palms. It was pretty good. Robert Downey Jr. was solid as Tony Stark and Gwyneth Paltrow did a good job of playing the wet blanket love interest with a stupid name - Pepper Potts. Terence Howard gave a forgettable turn as Stark's buddy/token black guy and Jeff Bridges played the villain who we were supposed to believe was on Stark's side even though it was incredibly transparent that he would prove to be a bad guy. It all worked for me. Leslie Bibb (Will Ferrell's wife in Talladega Nights) also appeared as the extremely hot reporter that Stark plows in one of the opening scenes. I'm giving it 2.5 stars (Apparently I now have a 4 star scale) and would recommend it to you all.
* My only complaint about Ironman was that there were two people sitting a couple rows behind us who were talking pretty much throughout the entire movie. And I don't mean common movie theater whispering that people can hear but everyone ignores. I'm talking real conversations at average decibal levels. It was ridiculous. I even pulled a Seinfeld and gave them the half turn, followed by the full turn when they wouldn't shut up. (I didn't do the eye roll. The theater was too dark and they weren't looking in my direction anyways.) Look, I've been known to crack a joke or two during a movie but I at least have the courtesy to whisper it to the person next to me. How about we institute a policy whereby if you want to say something to another person during a movie you have to text them? I have unlimited text messaging so it's no big deal for me....
* The Celtics managed to score a whopping 75 points in Game 4 on Monday night, despite being sent to the charity stripe a Lakers-like 39 times. Just how good is this Boston team? Antonio McDyess had 21 points and 16 rebounds. No, not in the series. I'm talking about just last night. It didn't go to overtime or anything. He put together that stat line in just 34 minutes! My math may be a tad off here but I have that translating to roughly 84 points and 67 rebounds per game for Tim Duncan if the Spurs play Boston in the next round. (Which the NBA won't possibly allow so I'm not sure why I even bothered to mention it. Nevermind.) Speaking of that, David Stern may want to give his boys an extra pep talk before Game 5 in Boston. There's no way he's going to want to see that gutless team down 3-2 heading back to Detroit.
* Can someone set an Over/Under on the amount of times a Spurs or Pistons player will be called for a foul, look at the ref in disbelief, and then break out in a grin when he remembers that the league is openly fixing the game, so that his team will lose and try his best to laugh off the whole thing? Chris?
* Tom Brady and Peyton Manning each make somewhere between $13-14 Million per year to play quarterback for the Patriots and Colts, respectively. Brady is a 3-time Super Bowl Champion who is a sure Hall of Famer. Manning is likewise a lock to go to Canton and quarterbacked the Colts to victory in Super Bowl XLI. Meanwhile, Falcons rookie QB Matt Ryan will make an average of $12 Million a year over the life of his new contract. Ryan finished 5th in the ACC in passing efficiency last season behind such stalwarts as Cullen Harper, Sean Glennon, Chris Turner, and Riley Skinner. Imagine the riches Harper has waiting for him in the NFL....
* I now have a bet on LSU to win the College Baseball World Series next month. They are on a roll right now, having not lost a game in just over a month. I may even try to bet on some more teams to win it all, assuming the college baseball bookmakers in this city come back from vacation or wake up in time to update their odds.
* Did you guys see Danica Patrick angrily get out of her car after crashing out of the Indy 500? She's a feisty one that, Danica.... What exactly was her plan if Ryan Briscoe had stood up to her and wanted to fight? Was she just going to close her eyes and smack him with her palms while he laughed uncontrollably?
I'm 4-0 the last 2 days on this blog, so it's time to double down on those fades:
Lakers
Rangers
Padres
David Stern has enough to worry about in the Eastern Conference Finals. He'll pull the plug on the Western Finals on Tuesday night.
Wait Jeff - is all this Stern fixing the NBA playoff games talk too controversial? Is this the kindof thing you're talking about? I really don't want to go back and delete all this, dude. I'm not creative enough to write a long blog without mocking the same issues over and over. That's why I write so much stuff about Jorgen. I mean it's not like the kid is that fascinating of a figure. He's just so easy to make fun of. I literally could come home drunk off my ass and write a dozen funny blurgbs about him. I could write 10 of them just about Swedish names. It's that easy.... That's why I do it - to fill up space. Anyways, I don't think the whole Lakers-Celtics fix thing is that much of a hot button issue. I think everyone knows the NBA wants Lakers-Celtics and we've all just accepted it. Let me know what you think. Thanks, bro.
As for the rest of you - when are you going to tell me what movie to review? Right now I'm leaning towards the "film" Lucky You, starring Eric Bana, Robert Duvall, and Drew Barrymore. Bana was terrible and Barrymore's performance made Chris Graham's last few weeks on the line look like solid effort. I'm not even sure she knew there was a movie being filmed. Perhaps she just thought there was a film crew following her around Vegas for a few weeks. It is truly terrible. I'm also considering reviewing "All In," another forced-out movie that tried to capitalize on the poker surge but came out too late. This one stars Michael Madsen, whose daughter Alicia, or "Ace," as she is called, is a crackerjack card player. Without giving away too much - this is seriously the biggest piece of garbage I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure they filmed it over a holiday weekend using a home video camera.
Yeah, I've seen both of these movies in their entirety and I have a blog. So what? What's your point?
I can't think of a good trivia question today. Monday's answer was the Texas State Fighting Armadillos. CC got that one. Nicely done.
I hear Chase Utley had 6 RBI on Monday. About time that bum did something. Okay, I'll admit it - Utley is a solid player. He plays the game the right way. He's like a young Brooks Robinson. But for me, it's all about watching #6 Ryan Howard when I want to....
Enjoy the game.
Even Mike O. came to me today with ideas for the blog. But ultimately I am doing this one for one of my most loyal fans from way, way back in the early days. I could tell he was down after a tough Nationals loss yesterday afternoon and I owe it to him to at least try and cheer him up. Enjoy this one, Chris.
I'm over the Tony Stewart thing now that I have chewed the ear off of every person willing to hear my tale. There will always be another race. Plus there's a lot to look forward to this week in the blogosphere with Scott posting some winners during his upcoming days off and Ross's much anticipated running diary of a day on the sports line with Chad, Mike Jaz, and a delusional Lars. That will be a must read.
Okay, I've got the filler paragraphs out of the way. It's time for some blurgbs:
* Most of you probably read that disturbing blurgb I had the other day about the underaged chick on The Bill Engvall Show. Jeff pointed out that I should really mention that ridiculously hot girl from the Yellowbook commercial. You know - the one who wants to get her tattoo removed before her wedding to "Tom"? Good idea, bro. I did a little research on her and here's what I've found: Her name is Blanca Soto and (not surprisingly) she is a model. She competed in the national beauty pageant Nuestra Belleza Mexico in 1997. She is also married to actor Jack Hartnett, who is most likely a giant douche.
* Another girl who has caught my eye on TV is that brunette chick from the Mercury commercials. Her name is Jill Wagner and she is from North Carolina. Probably a NASCAR fan. Talk about a catch. I also found out that she went to North Carolina State University. I know a girl who went to NCSU who is also pretty hot. Perhaps I should have gone there....
* Moving off the topic of attractive women for a moment, there's a full card of WNBA on Tuesday night. (That means there's three games.) Huge game on the Deuce as the Fever visit the Sun at 4 PM PT. I'm expecting lots of bricks, lots of turnovers, and lots of sloppy play but hey - they're really hustling out there. It's like a league full of Eduardo Najeras, right down to their physical appearance. Someday I will go to a WNBA game and sit in the front row at center court. I will then proceed to pull out a newspaper and read it throughout the entire game in plain view of the players, coaches, fans, and assembled media.... Then I will mention it in my blog.
* I saw the movie Ironman on Monday night at the Palms. It was pretty good. Robert Downey Jr. was solid as Tony Stark and Gwyneth Paltrow did a good job of playing the wet blanket love interest with a stupid name - Pepper Potts. Terence Howard gave a forgettable turn as Stark's buddy/token black guy and Jeff Bridges played the villain who we were supposed to believe was on Stark's side even though it was incredibly transparent that he would prove to be a bad guy. It all worked for me. Leslie Bibb (Will Ferrell's wife in Talladega Nights) also appeared as the extremely hot reporter that Stark plows in one of the opening scenes. I'm giving it 2.5 stars (Apparently I now have a 4 star scale) and would recommend it to you all.
* My only complaint about Ironman was that there were two people sitting a couple rows behind us who were talking pretty much throughout the entire movie. And I don't mean common movie theater whispering that people can hear but everyone ignores. I'm talking real conversations at average decibal levels. It was ridiculous. I even pulled a Seinfeld and gave them the half turn, followed by the full turn when they wouldn't shut up. (I didn't do the eye roll. The theater was too dark and they weren't looking in my direction anyways.) Look, I've been known to crack a joke or two during a movie but I at least have the courtesy to whisper it to the person next to me. How about we institute a policy whereby if you want to say something to another person during a movie you have to text them? I have unlimited text messaging so it's no big deal for me....
* The Celtics managed to score a whopping 75 points in Game 4 on Monday night, despite being sent to the charity stripe a Lakers-like 39 times. Just how good is this Boston team? Antonio McDyess had 21 points and 16 rebounds. No, not in the series. I'm talking about just last night. It didn't go to overtime or anything. He put together that stat line in just 34 minutes! My math may be a tad off here but I have that translating to roughly 84 points and 67 rebounds per game for Tim Duncan if the Spurs play Boston in the next round. (Which the NBA won't possibly allow so I'm not sure why I even bothered to mention it. Nevermind.) Speaking of that, David Stern may want to give his boys an extra pep talk before Game 5 in Boston. There's no way he's going to want to see that gutless team down 3-2 heading back to Detroit.
* Can someone set an Over/Under on the amount of times a Spurs or Pistons player will be called for a foul, look at the ref in disbelief, and then break out in a grin when he remembers that the league is openly fixing the game, so that his team will lose and try his best to laugh off the whole thing? Chris?
* Tom Brady and Peyton Manning each make somewhere between $13-14 Million per year to play quarterback for the Patriots and Colts, respectively. Brady is a 3-time Super Bowl Champion who is a sure Hall of Famer. Manning is likewise a lock to go to Canton and quarterbacked the Colts to victory in Super Bowl XLI. Meanwhile, Falcons rookie QB Matt Ryan will make an average of $12 Million a year over the life of his new contract. Ryan finished 5th in the ACC in passing efficiency last season behind such stalwarts as Cullen Harper, Sean Glennon, Chris Turner, and Riley Skinner. Imagine the riches Harper has waiting for him in the NFL....
* I now have a bet on LSU to win the College Baseball World Series next month. They are on a roll right now, having not lost a game in just over a month. I may even try to bet on some more teams to win it all, assuming the college baseball bookmakers in this city come back from vacation or wake up in time to update their odds.
* Did you guys see Danica Patrick angrily get out of her car after crashing out of the Indy 500? She's a feisty one that, Danica.... What exactly was her plan if Ryan Briscoe had stood up to her and wanted to fight? Was she just going to close her eyes and smack him with her palms while he laughed uncontrollably?
I'm 4-0 the last 2 days on this blog, so it's time to double down on those fades:
Lakers
Rangers
Padres
David Stern has enough to worry about in the Eastern Conference Finals. He'll pull the plug on the Western Finals on Tuesday night.
Wait Jeff - is all this Stern fixing the NBA playoff games talk too controversial? Is this the kindof thing you're talking about? I really don't want to go back and delete all this, dude. I'm not creative enough to write a long blog without mocking the same issues over and over. That's why I write so much stuff about Jorgen. I mean it's not like the kid is that fascinating of a figure. He's just so easy to make fun of. I literally could come home drunk off my ass and write a dozen funny blurgbs about him. I could write 10 of them just about Swedish names. It's that easy.... That's why I do it - to fill up space. Anyways, I don't think the whole Lakers-Celtics fix thing is that much of a hot button issue. I think everyone knows the NBA wants Lakers-Celtics and we've all just accepted it. Let me know what you think. Thanks, bro.
As for the rest of you - when are you going to tell me what movie to review? Right now I'm leaning towards the "film" Lucky You, starring Eric Bana, Robert Duvall, and Drew Barrymore. Bana was terrible and Barrymore's performance made Chris Graham's last few weeks on the line look like solid effort. I'm not even sure she knew there was a movie being filmed. Perhaps she just thought there was a film crew following her around Vegas for a few weeks. It is truly terrible. I'm also considering reviewing "All In," another forced-out movie that tried to capitalize on the poker surge but came out too late. This one stars Michael Madsen, whose daughter Alicia, or "Ace," as she is called, is a crackerjack card player. Without giving away too much - this is seriously the biggest piece of garbage I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure they filmed it over a holiday weekend using a home video camera.
Yeah, I've seen both of these movies in their entirety and I have a blog. So what? What's your point?
I can't think of a good trivia question today. Monday's answer was the Texas State Fighting Armadillos. CC got that one. Nicely done.
I hear Chase Utley had 6 RBI on Monday. About time that bum did something. Okay, I'll admit it - Utley is a solid player. He plays the game the right way. He's like a young Brooks Robinson. But for me, it's all about watching #6 Ryan Howard when I want to....
Enjoy the game.
Monday, May 26, 2008
I may not have a fancy degree
.... in mathematics like some of my work superiors but I do know this - when a driver has a 5.5 second lead with 2 laps left in a 400 lap race, the chances of him winning are really, really good. I planned on taking a break from blogging today but the whole Tony Stewart situation has me bummed out. I figure I have two options - jump off my balcony or blog. I live on the second floor and would probably just sprain my ankle so I feel the former would be counter-productive. Therefore, I am blogging.
So I have my money down on Tony Stewart in the #20 car to tame The Beast of the Southeast on Sunday night and thanks to solid pit strategy he finds himself with a 5.5 second lead with just 2 laps remaining. In other words he is going to win - or so I think. I look up to see the #20 pulling up with a flat tire moments away from his and my victory. For the record - the fact that Chad was sitting next to me when this happened the same way he was sitting next to me when Denny Hamlin (And I) had similarly bad luck in Richmond a few weeks ago is not lost on me. I read that after the race Stewart stormed to his trailer without talking reporters. I would've loved to have stormed home without talking to the blogosphere but I like to feel I am better than that. I want my readers to feel (See: bask in) my pain. Anyways, thanks for indulging me. I know how much everyone loves other people's bad beat stories.... Although, I do feel like you guys owe me after all the crap I've written about Jorgen the last couple months....
Whatever. It's over. I'll move past it even though I'm a few more of these losses away from walking around work rattling off ridiculous catchphrases to no one imparticular like a young Mike Jaz. Let's just throw it on the pile of "fun" gambling stories.
And now how about some blurgbs:
* Johns Hopkins is -105 in the NCAA Lacrosse Final on Monday? Who made that line? I want some.
* Funny story about a group of Lakers fans at the Venetian on Sunday. Apparently Kobe hit a shot late in the 4th quarter and they went nuts, chanting "MVP, MVP, MVP." Of course, the Lakers were down by about 70 points at the time. In fact, I think Lamar Odom was actually already at a strip club. The Lakers may not win my poll but they are certainly the clubhouse leaders for "Dumbest fanbase." Prove me wrong, Jeff.
* I think the NBA has two officiating crews awaiting the call for Game 5 of the Western Conference Finals. Crew "A" will be there if the Lakers are up 3-1 and will call a relatively fair game - In other words Kobe will go to the line 20 times and Pau Gasol will be allowed to travel everytime he gets the ball. Standard stuff. Crew "B" will be there if the series is tied 2-2, with the following instructions - eject Tim Duncan if he makes eye contact with any of them, stick their legs out when Tony Parker is dribbling by, and tell Manu Ginobili he's not allowed to play until he shaves. The NBA - Where Leaving Nothing To Chance Happens.
* The Nationals gave up a 6-0 lead yesterday but managed to win the game in the bottom of the 9th on a wild pitch by Brewers reliever Guillermo Mota. The Nats are now 22-29 after a 6-16 start. That's a solid 16-13 stretch. Nice job, fellas. Before you rush out to bet on them on Monday however, you should know that my ridiculously spoiled season-ticket-holding younger brother Peter is taking his girlfriend to the game. The Nationals are roughly 0-12 when Elaina is there. Dude, leave her in the car. (Sorry, Elaina.)
* Comedy Central is airing another season of Mind of Mencia? Really? If I sat by myself in the front row of an auditorium and Carlos Mencia performed for me and only me for 6 hours I don't think I would so much as smirk. Awful.
* Okay, I know what you're thinking but I don't think that makes me a racist. Carlos Mencia just isn't funny.... What? George Lopez is okay. And I like that guy who played Scarface in Half Baked. He's really funny.... My disdain for Carlos Mencia has nothing to do with him being Mexican. Get off your damn high horse.
* Ryan Howard now has 14 home runs. Chase Utley has 15. Anyone want to make an even money bet with me over who ends up with more? I'll take Howard.... Anyone? Ed? Don't pretend like you're not reading the blog just because you're on vacation. The offer is out there, bro....
* On Sunday, the Hilton was accepting wagers on the first and second halves of WNBA games and taking bets on a minor league hockey game. No joke in this blurgb. I'm just asking seriously - where do we go from here?
* Speaking of the WNBA, their unbelieavbly bad slogan of "Expect Great" has me thinking. (And not just about how I should've been a marketing major because apparently that is the easiest job on earth.) I did some research to find what I felt were the worst baseball team slogans of 2008.
Here are my three worst:
3. Detroit Tigers: "Whose Your Tiger?" Is that really the best they could do? No mention of the supposed All-Star hitting lineup? Just a stupid knockoff of a catchphrase that was funny about 10 years ago. Yikes.
2. Minnesota Twins: "This Is Your State, This Is Your Team." This one feels racist to me. So does this mean we can't root for the Twins if we aren't from Minnesota? What about transplanted Minnesotans (Minnesota-gons?) who still want to root for the Twinkies? I don't like it. But nothing could be worse than:
1. Pittsburgh Pirates: "Let's Go Bucs." What? That's the whole thing? Was the normal slogan guy in the jon or something? Did they save money by using old Tampa Bay Buccaneers banners? Did Bud Selig call them one morning and tell them time was up? Was someone actually paid to pen this gem? No wonder they suck every year. Even their marketing team is mailing it in.
Oh, right, you guys probably want some Memorial Day fades:
Red Wings (Puck Line)
Orioles
That's right - I'll take the Greed Line with the Red Wings on Monday night. The Penguins goalie fell to the ground taking his position on Saturday night.... Until they go back to Ty Conklin - I don't like their chances. Red Wings in a rout.
That's three straight days of blogging. There's no way I'm coming back for four so don't even bother checking.
You're gonna check aren't you?
You know.... I'm not getting paid to do this. I do this out of the goodness of my heart to entertain you all in between NASCAR races. It's actually a lot of work....
Okay, I'll try to blog tomorrow. For the kids. I wouldn't have the zero fame and zero success I currently enjoy without you guys.
Monday's Trivia Question: In the classic 1991 football movie Necessary Roughness, what was the full name of the team quarterbacked by Paul Blake, ably played by Scott Bakula?
** Sunday's Answer - Roy Munson was from Iowa. Talk about being "Munsoned" out in the middle of nowhere.
I'm going to work on a pitch to Comedy Central for my own TV show. This could take a while. You may as well just go and....
Enjoy the game.
So I have my money down on Tony Stewart in the #20 car to tame The Beast of the Southeast on Sunday night and thanks to solid pit strategy he finds himself with a 5.5 second lead with just 2 laps remaining. In other words he is going to win - or so I think. I look up to see the #20 pulling up with a flat tire moments away from his and my victory. For the record - the fact that Chad was sitting next to me when this happened the same way he was sitting next to me when Denny Hamlin (And I) had similarly bad luck in Richmond a few weeks ago is not lost on me. I read that after the race Stewart stormed to his trailer without talking reporters. I would've loved to have stormed home without talking to the blogosphere but I like to feel I am better than that. I want my readers to feel (See: bask in) my pain. Anyways, thanks for indulging me. I know how much everyone loves other people's bad beat stories.... Although, I do feel like you guys owe me after all the crap I've written about Jorgen the last couple months....
Whatever. It's over. I'll move past it even though I'm a few more of these losses away from walking around work rattling off ridiculous catchphrases to no one imparticular like a young Mike Jaz. Let's just throw it on the pile of "fun" gambling stories.
And now how about some blurgbs:
* Johns Hopkins is -105 in the NCAA Lacrosse Final on Monday? Who made that line? I want some.
* Funny story about a group of Lakers fans at the Venetian on Sunday. Apparently Kobe hit a shot late in the 4th quarter and they went nuts, chanting "MVP, MVP, MVP." Of course, the Lakers were down by about 70 points at the time. In fact, I think Lamar Odom was actually already at a strip club. The Lakers may not win my poll but they are certainly the clubhouse leaders for "Dumbest fanbase." Prove me wrong, Jeff.
* I think the NBA has two officiating crews awaiting the call for Game 5 of the Western Conference Finals. Crew "A" will be there if the Lakers are up 3-1 and will call a relatively fair game - In other words Kobe will go to the line 20 times and Pau Gasol will be allowed to travel everytime he gets the ball. Standard stuff. Crew "B" will be there if the series is tied 2-2, with the following instructions - eject Tim Duncan if he makes eye contact with any of them, stick their legs out when Tony Parker is dribbling by, and tell Manu Ginobili he's not allowed to play until he shaves. The NBA - Where Leaving Nothing To Chance Happens.
* The Nationals gave up a 6-0 lead yesterday but managed to win the game in the bottom of the 9th on a wild pitch by Brewers reliever Guillermo Mota. The Nats are now 22-29 after a 6-16 start. That's a solid 16-13 stretch. Nice job, fellas. Before you rush out to bet on them on Monday however, you should know that my ridiculously spoiled season-ticket-holding younger brother Peter is taking his girlfriend to the game. The Nationals are roughly 0-12 when Elaina is there. Dude, leave her in the car. (Sorry, Elaina.)
* Comedy Central is airing another season of Mind of Mencia? Really? If I sat by myself in the front row of an auditorium and Carlos Mencia performed for me and only me for 6 hours I don't think I would so much as smirk. Awful.
* Okay, I know what you're thinking but I don't think that makes me a racist. Carlos Mencia just isn't funny.... What? George Lopez is okay. And I like that guy who played Scarface in Half Baked. He's really funny.... My disdain for Carlos Mencia has nothing to do with him being Mexican. Get off your damn high horse.
* Ryan Howard now has 14 home runs. Chase Utley has 15. Anyone want to make an even money bet with me over who ends up with more? I'll take Howard.... Anyone? Ed? Don't pretend like you're not reading the blog just because you're on vacation. The offer is out there, bro....
* On Sunday, the Hilton was accepting wagers on the first and second halves of WNBA games and taking bets on a minor league hockey game. No joke in this blurgb. I'm just asking seriously - where do we go from here?
* Speaking of the WNBA, their unbelieavbly bad slogan of "Expect Great" has me thinking. (And not just about how I should've been a marketing major because apparently that is the easiest job on earth.) I did some research to find what I felt were the worst baseball team slogans of 2008.
Here are my three worst:
3. Detroit Tigers: "Whose Your Tiger?" Is that really the best they could do? No mention of the supposed All-Star hitting lineup? Just a stupid knockoff of a catchphrase that was funny about 10 years ago. Yikes.
2. Minnesota Twins: "This Is Your State, This Is Your Team." This one feels racist to me. So does this mean we can't root for the Twins if we aren't from Minnesota? What about transplanted Minnesotans (Minnesota-gons?) who still want to root for the Twinkies? I don't like it. But nothing could be worse than:
1. Pittsburgh Pirates: "Let's Go Bucs." What? That's the whole thing? Was the normal slogan guy in the jon or something? Did they save money by using old Tampa Bay Buccaneers banners? Did Bud Selig call them one morning and tell them time was up? Was someone actually paid to pen this gem? No wonder they suck every year. Even their marketing team is mailing it in.
Oh, right, you guys probably want some Memorial Day fades:
Red Wings (Puck Line)
Orioles
That's right - I'll take the Greed Line with the Red Wings on Monday night. The Penguins goalie fell to the ground taking his position on Saturday night.... Until they go back to Ty Conklin - I don't like their chances. Red Wings in a rout.
That's three straight days of blogging. There's no way I'm coming back for four so don't even bother checking.
You're gonna check aren't you?
You know.... I'm not getting paid to do this. I do this out of the goodness of my heart to entertain you all in between NASCAR races. It's actually a lot of work....
Okay, I'll try to blog tomorrow. For the kids. I wouldn't have the zero fame and zero success I currently enjoy without you guys.
Monday's Trivia Question: In the classic 1991 football movie Necessary Roughness, what was the full name of the team quarterbacked by Paul Blake, ably played by Scott Bakula?
** Sunday's Answer - Roy Munson was from Iowa. Talk about being "Munsoned" out in the middle of nowhere.
I'm going to work on a pitch to Comedy Central for my own TV show. This could take a while. You may as well just go and....
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
This may be a good time
.... to start stockpiling canned goods as Chad Jackson won another "Lock" yesterday in blowout fashion on the Boston Celtics. I don't think I want to live in a world where that guy wins consistently. Next thing you know Austin's going to have something negative to say about a Colorado sports team, Chris Graham's going to put in a 40 hour work week, Hoffman's going to take a harmless joke in stride, and a Lakers opponent will get a fair shake from the refs. (Scratch that last one. That's just taking it too far. When that happens I really will start stockpiling canned goods.)
No need to beat around the bush today, let's just jump ahead to the blurgbs:
* Do the Pistons really have that much confidence in themselves that they feel comfortable mailing in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals? They don't want to leave themselves in a position where they have to beat the Celtics, the refs, and the NBA in Game 7 at Boston Garden. I wouldn't put it past David Stern to pay some deranged fan to throw a cup of beer at Rasheed Wallace in an effort to bait him into coming into the stands to fight. The Pistons are in trouble.
* Based on what I saw during the NHL Playoff(s), I thought the Penguins were the best team in hockey. Apparently I know nothing about hockey and shouldn't talk about it in this space ever again. Of course, I really don't know anything about gambling (or sports) and look at the name of this blog....
* The only topic I'm truly qualified to write about is Jorgen and I'm sick of it. Even though making fun of Jorgen is the only genre I've mastered, I don't want to be labeled a "Jorgen writer" any more than I want to be labeled a "Comic writer" or a "Sports writer." I can do it all. That's right - I'm a "Blog writer."
* Don't you think Jorgen secretly loves the attention he's getting from this blog? Think about it - the quiet, All-American farm boy from Iowa, who all his life has been an ancillary character in most people's lives. Now all of a sudden he's the star of stars in a blog that's read by as many as 8 people, as many as 3 times per week! Only in America.
* Like most of you, I've been watching a lot of the NBA Playoffs on TNT and I've seen more commercials for The Bill Engvall Show than I can count. Also like most of you, I have never bothered to watch it - you know, because it looks so stupid. However, unlike most of you, I took the initiative to check online and see how old the actress who plays Engvall's daughter is. She's uh.... she's too young.
* I've also seen a lot of commercials for Tyler Perry's House of Payne. I ignored them.
* For the record - It may not be my favorite show but King of the Hill makes me laugh harder than any other.
* Speaking of TV, now that The Sopranos and the The Wire are both over, what exactly is HBO bringing to the table? Curb Your Enthusiasm only has a new season every 2 years and Entourage has been pretty weak the last couple seasons. Please don't make me resort to watching Flight of the Conchords again. I think that the New Zealand sense of humor may be too sophisticated for me.
* In Sports Illustrated this week, they named the top high school sports program in each state, including the District of Columbia. Not surprisingly, my high school -Gonzaga College High School - was named the best high school sports program in D.C. Maybe that's why it was so hard for me to get playing time. Or maybe I just sucked....
* The option "Define Rape" was the runaway winner of my Kobe Bryant poll. Nobody voted for "Yes" - Not even Mike O. So not only was Kobe found not guilty by a jury of his peers in court, he's now been found not guilty by a jury of (mostly) haters on my blog. Time to let this one go - the guy didn't do it. Sorry, Kobe.
* Pac Man Jones should really be in prison right now so he'll be in the closest thing available this fall - Valley Ranch, the headquarters of the Dallas Cowboys. If the Cowboys are really "America's Team" does that mean we are a country of gun-toting, dollar-bill-raining, pom-pom-waving, winking-at-no-one-imparticular, thugs/showboats. I don't care for that moniker. Someone make a fair price on "Will Mike Vick End Up Playing for the Dallas Cowboys Before 2010." You have my number, Chris.
The majority of baseball games started before I woke up, so Sunday's card is rather light:
Spurs
White Sox
I also wouldn't mind seeing the #20 car in Victory lane tonight at Lowe's Motor Speedway. Although, at this point I'd be satisfied with anyone other than Kyle Busch winning.
Sunday's Trivia Question - In the classic bowling movie Kingpin, what state is Woody Harrelson's ill-fated character Roy Munson from?
** Saturday's Answer - can't wait to hear d.w. say.... " boogity, boogity, boogity, lets go racing boys."
Personally, I can't wait to hear D.W. say "Boogity, Boogity, Boogity" this afternoon. Should be a great race. I'm going to go watch Those Nasty Nats try to blow a lead against the Brewers. You should really vote in my poll before you head off to....
Enjoy the game.
No need to beat around the bush today, let's just jump ahead to the blurgbs:
* Do the Pistons really have that much confidence in themselves that they feel comfortable mailing in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals? They don't want to leave themselves in a position where they have to beat the Celtics, the refs, and the NBA in Game 7 at Boston Garden. I wouldn't put it past David Stern to pay some deranged fan to throw a cup of beer at Rasheed Wallace in an effort to bait him into coming into the stands to fight. The Pistons are in trouble.
* Based on what I saw during the NHL Playoff(s), I thought the Penguins were the best team in hockey. Apparently I know nothing about hockey and shouldn't talk about it in this space ever again. Of course, I really don't know anything about gambling (or sports) and look at the name of this blog....
* The only topic I'm truly qualified to write about is Jorgen and I'm sick of it. Even though making fun of Jorgen is the only genre I've mastered, I don't want to be labeled a "Jorgen writer" any more than I want to be labeled a "Comic writer" or a "Sports writer." I can do it all. That's right - I'm a "Blog writer."
* Don't you think Jorgen secretly loves the attention he's getting from this blog? Think about it - the quiet, All-American farm boy from Iowa, who all his life has been an ancillary character in most people's lives. Now all of a sudden he's the star of stars in a blog that's read by as many as 8 people, as many as 3 times per week! Only in America.
* Like most of you, I've been watching a lot of the NBA Playoffs on TNT and I've seen more commercials for The Bill Engvall Show than I can count. Also like most of you, I have never bothered to watch it - you know, because it looks so stupid. However, unlike most of you, I took the initiative to check online and see how old the actress who plays Engvall's daughter is. She's uh.... she's too young.
* I've also seen a lot of commercials for Tyler Perry's House of Payne. I ignored them.
* For the record - It may not be my favorite show but King of the Hill makes me laugh harder than any other.
* Speaking of TV, now that The Sopranos and the The Wire are both over, what exactly is HBO bringing to the table? Curb Your Enthusiasm only has a new season every 2 years and Entourage has been pretty weak the last couple seasons. Please don't make me resort to watching Flight of the Conchords again. I think that the New Zealand sense of humor may be too sophisticated for me.
* In Sports Illustrated this week, they named the top high school sports program in each state, including the District of Columbia. Not surprisingly, my high school -Gonzaga College High School - was named the best high school sports program in D.C. Maybe that's why it was so hard for me to get playing time. Or maybe I just sucked....
* The option "Define Rape" was the runaway winner of my Kobe Bryant poll. Nobody voted for "Yes" - Not even Mike O. So not only was Kobe found not guilty by a jury of his peers in court, he's now been found not guilty by a jury of (mostly) haters on my blog. Time to let this one go - the guy didn't do it. Sorry, Kobe.
* Pac Man Jones should really be in prison right now so he'll be in the closest thing available this fall - Valley Ranch, the headquarters of the Dallas Cowboys. If the Cowboys are really "America's Team" does that mean we are a country of gun-toting, dollar-bill-raining, pom-pom-waving, winking-at-no-one-imparticular, thugs/showboats. I don't care for that moniker. Someone make a fair price on "Will Mike Vick End Up Playing for the Dallas Cowboys Before 2010." You have my number, Chris.
The majority of baseball games started before I woke up, so Sunday's card is rather light:
Spurs
White Sox
I also wouldn't mind seeing the #20 car in Victory lane tonight at Lowe's Motor Speedway. Although, at this point I'd be satisfied with anyone other than Kyle Busch winning.
Sunday's Trivia Question - In the classic bowling movie Kingpin, what state is Woody Harrelson's ill-fated character Roy Munson from?
** Saturday's Answer - can't wait to hear d.w. say.... " boogity, boogity, boogity, lets go racing boys."
Personally, I can't wait to hear D.W. say "Boogity, Boogity, Boogity" this afternoon. Should be a great race. I'm going to go watch Those Nasty Nats try to blow a lead against the Brewers. You should really vote in my poll before you head off to....
Enjoy the game.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
I really just want to
.... go to bed right now. My parents are gone after a weeklong stay at my apartment. I just wrapped up an 8 hour shift at the Superbook. I'm licking my wounds from another stupid NBA bet. Real nice effort in the second half by the Spurs. What a stupid bet.... No wonder the internet is buzzing about how my blog is really nothing more than an elaborate fade site. I'm none too happy about that by the way....
Anyways, what was I just saying? Oh, right.... I really want to just go to bed and rest up for a huge weekend of car racing but there's something pulling me to my computer. Perhaps it's the thought of young Jorgen, refreshing this screen one last time to see if I've blogged, before Amanda tells him it's "Lights out." Or perhaps it's young Jeff, checking to see if I've posted another solid blog entry and trying to come up with ways to improve his site so that it stays one step ahead of the blog. Or maybe it's young Chris, taking a break from snatching up every good baseball line in the city, to indulge himself with a chuckle or two. Perhaps I'm blogging right now for young Austin. Sure he pretends he doesn't read the blog but we all know the truth - he loves it. Maybe I'm blogging for young Chad, who is no doubt lying face down in the street somewhere, having embarassed and soiled himself hours ago. You know that guy is going to need a laugh tomorrow morning. Could I be blogging for my good friend Scott, who we all know just skims through these marathon essays looking for his name to make sure I haven't made fun of him that day. Sorry, pal. Perhaps I'm doing it for young Ed, as dedicated a fan of the blog as there is. Sure, he's on vacation right now - but can it really be a fun vacation without the blog? I say no. This one's for you, Boss.
Before I get into my own nonsensical ramblings, let's talk about some other websites I have been enjoying recently. With all the recent hype surrounding this blog I'm concerned that some other guys are not getting their due. It's time to rectify that:
** Andy Ross has filed some very strong entries lately. Some great Chad jokes in there. Although, as I've proven time and time again - it doesn't take a genius to make that kid look stupid.
** Meanwhile, Mikey Miller's blog has been equally entertaining. Mike's blog has been so successful that he is in talks with Planet Hollywood about a blog-sponsored party next month. Talk to Mike for details and be sure to visit him on the web.
** The original blog in this bunch is still one of the best - my boy Scotty's. The Rays have been on fire and Scott's baseball picks have been.... Well.... How 'bout those Rays huh? Pretty, pretty, pretty good.... Pretty good....
(Nervous laughter)
Moving right along....
Let's go to the blurgbs:
* If I had to sit between Chad and Mike Jaz for an entire shift, I'm pretty sure I'd light myself on fire just so I could get out of there. The look on Jorgen's face today really said it all....
* Speaking of work.... When was the last time Austin and CC were in the same room? Has that ever happened? Perhaps I will look that one up....
* Just because someone is tall and takes long strides doesn't mean they should be allowed to travel. I'm watching you, Pau Gasol....
* How the hell am I going to write a movie review? I wouldn't even know where to begin doing something like that. Perhaps Chris was right to call me out. Or perhaps I will do a 2-part blog entry reviewing You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Stay tuned....
* Barry Zito won his first game of 2008 last night after winning 11 games in 2007. That's 12 wins so far as a San Francisco Giant after signing a $126 million contract with the club. Right now it seems highly unlikely that he will win 60 games as a Giant, meaning that he will be making well over $2 million per win in San Fran. I don't care what my wife says - I am forcing my son to throw left-handed. I'll leave him out in the yard until he has thrown 500 pitches with his left hand every night. Either he'll be a major leaguer or my wife will serve me with a restraining order. Stay tuned to that as well....
* What are the odds that David Tyree will be the subject of a Where Are They Now segment within the next 5 years? 90%? More? I hate that man. He haunts my dreams....
* If the Lakers win the NBA Championship would the refs get rings? Haven't they done more for that team than Chris Mihm? They should at least give one to David Stern. He's lost more sleep over this team than anyone.
* If Stephon Marbury, Darius Miles, and Tim Thomas all huddled together - how many of the remaining 4 NBA Playoffs teams do you think they could name? How many of them even know that the season is still going on? Are we sure that Darius Miles is still alive? I'll look into this....
* Every time I see a commercial for the movie What Happens In Vegas, I consider quitting my job and moving to L.A. to be a screenplay writer. Seriously, if they are making that kindof crap - how hard could it be?
* The Stanley Cup Final(s) begins tonight in Detroit. Do I not understand the game of hockey well enough or is Evgeni Malkin better than Sidney Crosby? That guy is awesome.
* Congrats to Manchester United on winning the Champions League Final over Chelsea. I bet Over .5 goals (+400) with Austin. He's a helluva bookmaker. I want my money, dude....
* Interesting debate at work tonight on the topic of which franchise had a bigger group of scumbag, degenerate, bandwagon fans: the Cowboys or the Lakers? I say the Cowboys.... Is my personal hatred of that team and their "fans" clouding my judgement? Are the Laker fans even worse? Have I not been out on the West Coast long enough to notice that? Is there a cap on the number of rhetorical questions I can ask in one blog? No? Are you sure?
That's a lot of blurbs for one blog. I apologize. Perhaps we should go to Saturday's card.
It really hurts my feelings that you guys are fading these:
Celtics
Red Wings/Pens Over(s)
Giants
Yes, I do hate the Celtics. But I believe very strongly that the league will fix one game in Detroit to ensure that Boston advances to the Finals. Why not start with Game 3? David Stern isn't leaving anything to chance.
As I alluded to earlier in the blog, we have a huge weekend of car racing to look forward to. The truck series is in Mansfield, Ohio for a pointless race no one will watch. The Nationwide (nee Busch) Series will be at Lowe's Motor Speedway aka The Beast of Southeast on Saturday and feature a star-studded field. The Grand Prix of Monaco will be running Sunday morning on SPEED. I already have it programmed on my DVR and suggest you do the same. One of my good buddies will actually be at that race. In Monaco. While I am here doing nothing but working and blogging. I hate that kid.
On Sunday we have the Indy 500 and the Coca-Cola 600 on the slate. This may sound crazy but this weekend is so stacked with great car races I think I could enjoy watching them even without young Amanda at my side. She's all yours, Yorgs.
You can probably tell I'm excited for this weekend's races. But for anyone still not convinced, let's go to the trivia:
Saturday's Trivia Question - Finish these song lyrics:
love it's when its four wide, love it when it's fast,
love it when the leader's caught, the pack is moving past,
love it when they're making lots and lots of noise,
can't wait to hear d.w. say....
** Thursday's Answer - Kobe Bryant's middle name is "Bean." Congrats to Andy Ross again. The guy's pretty cocky for someone whose answered 3 of my 20+ trivia questions. This kid's batting average is lower than Andruw Jones' and he's talking smack.... Answer this one hot shot.
That has to be enough for one day. I can't wait for a good night's sleep that doesn't end with my Mom banging on my door to alert me to the fact that she's going to the store or to the pool. Please no one call me tomorrow morning. Well, except you Amanda - I'll leave the Bat Phone on.
So, there you have it: Don't call me, do suggest a reviewable movie, don't follow my picks, and DO....
Enjoy the game.
Anyways, what was I just saying? Oh, right.... I really want to just go to bed and rest up for a huge weekend of car racing but there's something pulling me to my computer. Perhaps it's the thought of young Jorgen, refreshing this screen one last time to see if I've blogged, before Amanda tells him it's "Lights out." Or perhaps it's young Jeff, checking to see if I've posted another solid blog entry and trying to come up with ways to improve his site so that it stays one step ahead of the blog. Or maybe it's young Chris, taking a break from snatching up every good baseball line in the city, to indulge himself with a chuckle or two. Perhaps I'm blogging right now for young Austin. Sure he pretends he doesn't read the blog but we all know the truth - he loves it. Maybe I'm blogging for young Chad, who is no doubt lying face down in the street somewhere, having embarassed and soiled himself hours ago. You know that guy is going to need a laugh tomorrow morning. Could I be blogging for my good friend Scott, who we all know just skims through these marathon essays looking for his name to make sure I haven't made fun of him that day. Sorry, pal. Perhaps I'm doing it for young Ed, as dedicated a fan of the blog as there is. Sure, he's on vacation right now - but can it really be a fun vacation without the blog? I say no. This one's for you, Boss.
Before I get into my own nonsensical ramblings, let's talk about some other websites I have been enjoying recently. With all the recent hype surrounding this blog I'm concerned that some other guys are not getting their due. It's time to rectify that:
** Andy Ross has filed some very strong entries lately. Some great Chad jokes in there. Although, as I've proven time and time again - it doesn't take a genius to make that kid look stupid.
** Meanwhile, Mikey Miller's blog has been equally entertaining. Mike's blog has been so successful that he is in talks with Planet Hollywood about a blog-sponsored party next month. Talk to Mike for details and be sure to visit him on the web.
** The original blog in this bunch is still one of the best - my boy Scotty's. The Rays have been on fire and Scott's baseball picks have been.... Well.... How 'bout those Rays huh? Pretty, pretty, pretty good.... Pretty good....
(Nervous laughter)
Moving right along....
Let's go to the blurgbs:
* If I had to sit between Chad and Mike Jaz for an entire shift, I'm pretty sure I'd light myself on fire just so I could get out of there. The look on Jorgen's face today really said it all....
* Speaking of work.... When was the last time Austin and CC were in the same room? Has that ever happened? Perhaps I will look that one up....
* Just because someone is tall and takes long strides doesn't mean they should be allowed to travel. I'm watching you, Pau Gasol....
* How the hell am I going to write a movie review? I wouldn't even know where to begin doing something like that. Perhaps Chris was right to call me out. Or perhaps I will do a 2-part blog entry reviewing You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Stay tuned....
* Barry Zito won his first game of 2008 last night after winning 11 games in 2007. That's 12 wins so far as a San Francisco Giant after signing a $126 million contract with the club. Right now it seems highly unlikely that he will win 60 games as a Giant, meaning that he will be making well over $2 million per win in San Fran. I don't care what my wife says - I am forcing my son to throw left-handed. I'll leave him out in the yard until he has thrown 500 pitches with his left hand every night. Either he'll be a major leaguer or my wife will serve me with a restraining order. Stay tuned to that as well....
* What are the odds that David Tyree will be the subject of a Where Are They Now segment within the next 5 years? 90%? More? I hate that man. He haunts my dreams....
* If the Lakers win the NBA Championship would the refs get rings? Haven't they done more for that team than Chris Mihm? They should at least give one to David Stern. He's lost more sleep over this team than anyone.
* If Stephon Marbury, Darius Miles, and Tim Thomas all huddled together - how many of the remaining 4 NBA Playoffs teams do you think they could name? How many of them even know that the season is still going on? Are we sure that Darius Miles is still alive? I'll look into this....
* Every time I see a commercial for the movie What Happens In Vegas, I consider quitting my job and moving to L.A. to be a screenplay writer. Seriously, if they are making that kindof crap - how hard could it be?
* The Stanley Cup Final(s) begins tonight in Detroit. Do I not understand the game of hockey well enough or is Evgeni Malkin better than Sidney Crosby? That guy is awesome.
* Congrats to Manchester United on winning the Champions League Final over Chelsea. I bet Over .5 goals (+400) with Austin. He's a helluva bookmaker. I want my money, dude....
* Interesting debate at work tonight on the topic of which franchise had a bigger group of scumbag, degenerate, bandwagon fans: the Cowboys or the Lakers? I say the Cowboys.... Is my personal hatred of that team and their "fans" clouding my judgement? Are the Laker fans even worse? Have I not been out on the West Coast long enough to notice that? Is there a cap on the number of rhetorical questions I can ask in one blog? No? Are you sure?
That's a lot of blurbs for one blog. I apologize. Perhaps we should go to Saturday's card.
It really hurts my feelings that you guys are fading these:
Celtics
Red Wings/Pens Over(s)
Giants
Yes, I do hate the Celtics. But I believe very strongly that the league will fix one game in Detroit to ensure that Boston advances to the Finals. Why not start with Game 3? David Stern isn't leaving anything to chance.
As I alluded to earlier in the blog, we have a huge weekend of car racing to look forward to. The truck series is in Mansfield, Ohio for a pointless race no one will watch. The Nationwide (nee Busch) Series will be at Lowe's Motor Speedway aka The Beast of Southeast on Saturday and feature a star-studded field. The Grand Prix of Monaco will be running Sunday morning on SPEED. I already have it programmed on my DVR and suggest you do the same. One of my good buddies will actually be at that race. In Monaco. While I am here doing nothing but working and blogging. I hate that kid.
On Sunday we have the Indy 500 and the Coca-Cola 600 on the slate. This may sound crazy but this weekend is so stacked with great car races I think I could enjoy watching them even without young Amanda at my side. She's all yours, Yorgs.
You can probably tell I'm excited for this weekend's races. But for anyone still not convinced, let's go to the trivia:
Saturday's Trivia Question - Finish these song lyrics:
love it's when its four wide, love it when it's fast,
love it when the leader's caught, the pack is moving past,
love it when they're making lots and lots of noise,
can't wait to hear d.w. say....
** Thursday's Answer - Kobe Bryant's middle name is "Bean." Congrats to Andy Ross again. The guy's pretty cocky for someone whose answered 3 of my 20+ trivia questions. This kid's batting average is lower than Andruw Jones' and he's talking smack.... Answer this one hot shot.
That has to be enough for one day. I can't wait for a good night's sleep that doesn't end with my Mom banging on my door to alert me to the fact that she's going to the store or to the pool. Please no one call me tomorrow morning. Well, except you Amanda - I'll leave the Bat Phone on.
So, there you have it: Don't call me, do suggest a reviewable movie, don't follow my picks, and DO....
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Great comeback by the Lakers
.... last night at the Staples Center as they rallied from a 20 point 3rd quarter deficit to win Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol did most of the damage and then Phil Jackson, in his infinite wisdom, brought in three striped shirted players to close it out in the final minute. There's a reason this guy has won 9 NBA Championships as a head coach - he always knows when to make the call to the bullpen.
The NBA is now 6 wins away from their dream of a Lakers-Celtics Finals and I don't see any possible way that it does not happen. The league won't allow it. In the meantime, I'd love to see the Lakers-Spurs series go to 7 games. Perhaps Kobe Bryant would find himself at the FT line a few times during such a game. I don't even think the league would leave it to chance - I'm pretty sure that David Stern would pull a Jeff Gillooly and hire someone to bash in Tim Duncan's legs with a crowbar the night before the game. Or maybe he'd just sabotage the Spurs team flight and make them sleep on a plane instead of in a hotel room....(No wait, scratch that. That's too outrageous. That would never happen.)
It's Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals tonight in Boston and the Celtics are a 4.5 point favorite. I heard JK on the radio yesterday bragging about a big play on Pistons +2.5. Not sure where he got that number but I doubt he'll need the extra bucket. No big deal - all his big money is on WNBA games anyway.... The Pistons could really put a lot of pressure on the Celtics (and David Stern, the NBA, and ABC) by winning tonight's game so my prediction is.... they won't. Celtics win and we draw one game closer to our "dream" Finals.
Yesterday morning I had 2 options - go watch the Champions League Final at a bar with several people from work or drive out to Red Rock Canyon with my parents. I could either get drunk and publically embarass myself watching sports (Literally my favorite pasttime) or sit in the back seat while my parents argue over which way to turn as they both cling to different maps. It was a tough call. When I finally worked up the courage to approach my mom and tell her I wanted to go watch the soccer game (Yes, she's 5'2 tops and now in her late 50s, but trust me she is intimidating) she had the same look on her face I probably did when I found out I was on the same side as one of Chad's "locks" last week. I then glanced at my Dad who gave me a look that screamed "Boy if you ditch me to go watch a game and I have to listen to your mother bitch about this all day long, I am going to cut your balls off...." so I chose Option B: Go to the Red Rock Canyon and drive around aimlessly with my folks. It was great: We got lost (somehow), they argued most of the way there, and when we finally arrived it was so windy at the lookout points that it was difficult to keep our eyes open and basically impossible to take pictures. Another great family outing. I hear that the soccer match was decided on penalty kicks. How was the beer? Was it good?
I hate you guys.
Ed says that my picks are garbage and I should just stick to writing. We'll see about that....
Here's what I'm playing on Thursday:
Angels
Astros
Indians
No Silver Bullet Special today. I like all these plays equally. That's right - 100 dimes across the board. I'm definitely going to keep my eye on that Phillies-Astros game. Not because of my play on the Astros, but because it is an opportunity to watch Phillies slugger Ryan Howard play the game. What a mammoth shot he hit last night at Nationals Park. He then followed that up with another HR - his 12th of the season. Say what you want about this guy but he is truly one of the greatest sluggers of this generation. I'm sure none of you (certainly not any Phillies fans) would disagree with that.
The blog was recently dealt a blow as one of my biggest fans and a future contributor, Chris Bennett, told me that he felt I needed to broaden my horizons and write about more topics. He felt the blog was too sports gambling and Jorgen-themed (Yes, there's Jorgen's name.... everyone calm down) and that I needed to branch out. Chris said that I should do reviews of bad movies in my blog. I see what you're saying Chris - you don't think I have the acumen to write about anything other than sports (and Jorgen.) Well, I will take your challenge, sir, and I will write a review of any movie, so long as it is a terrible one. That narrows your choices down to only 99.9% of all movies, so choose wisely. In fact, the blog will now be taking suggestions for a movie I can review. Once I receive 4 suggestions that I feel are good enough (In other words - movies I've already seen) I will create a poll that will allow the reader's to decide which film it is I review. I am capable, Chris. You'll see.
Let's go to the trivia:
Thursday's Trivia Question: What is Kobe Bryant's middle name?
** Tuesday's answer: Pearl Jam's original name was Mookie Blaylock. Several people got that one but special kudos to Andy Ross for answering in the blog. Nice job. But how many of you also knew that their 1991 album Ten was a reference to Blaylock's jersey number?
All of you, huh? Alright....moving along....
Send in those movie suggestions and we are still taking sign ups for the NFL team previews.
That's two homework assignments for you, guys, and here's a third:
Enjoy the game.
The NBA is now 6 wins away from their dream of a Lakers-Celtics Finals and I don't see any possible way that it does not happen. The league won't allow it. In the meantime, I'd love to see the Lakers-Spurs series go to 7 games. Perhaps Kobe Bryant would find himself at the FT line a few times during such a game. I don't even think the league would leave it to chance - I'm pretty sure that David Stern would pull a Jeff Gillooly and hire someone to bash in Tim Duncan's legs with a crowbar the night before the game. Or maybe he'd just sabotage the Spurs team flight and make them sleep on a plane instead of in a hotel room....(No wait, scratch that. That's too outrageous. That would never happen.)
It's Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals tonight in Boston and the Celtics are a 4.5 point favorite. I heard JK on the radio yesterday bragging about a big play on Pistons +2.5. Not sure where he got that number but I doubt he'll need the extra bucket. No big deal - all his big money is on WNBA games anyway.... The Pistons could really put a lot of pressure on the Celtics (and David Stern, the NBA, and ABC) by winning tonight's game so my prediction is.... they won't. Celtics win and we draw one game closer to our "dream" Finals.
Yesterday morning I had 2 options - go watch the Champions League Final at a bar with several people from work or drive out to Red Rock Canyon with my parents. I could either get drunk and publically embarass myself watching sports (Literally my favorite pasttime) or sit in the back seat while my parents argue over which way to turn as they both cling to different maps. It was a tough call. When I finally worked up the courage to approach my mom and tell her I wanted to go watch the soccer game (Yes, she's 5'2 tops and now in her late 50s, but trust me she is intimidating) she had the same look on her face I probably did when I found out I was on the same side as one of Chad's "locks" last week. I then glanced at my Dad who gave me a look that screamed "Boy if you ditch me to go watch a game and I have to listen to your mother bitch about this all day long, I am going to cut your balls off...." so I chose Option B: Go to the Red Rock Canyon and drive around aimlessly with my folks. It was great: We got lost (somehow), they argued most of the way there, and when we finally arrived it was so windy at the lookout points that it was difficult to keep our eyes open and basically impossible to take pictures. Another great family outing. I hear that the soccer match was decided on penalty kicks. How was the beer? Was it good?
I hate you guys.
Ed says that my picks are garbage and I should just stick to writing. We'll see about that....
Here's what I'm playing on Thursday:
Angels
Astros
Indians
No Silver Bullet Special today. I like all these plays equally. That's right - 100 dimes across the board. I'm definitely going to keep my eye on that Phillies-Astros game. Not because of my play on the Astros, but because it is an opportunity to watch Phillies slugger Ryan Howard play the game. What a mammoth shot he hit last night at Nationals Park. He then followed that up with another HR - his 12th of the season. Say what you want about this guy but he is truly one of the greatest sluggers of this generation. I'm sure none of you (certainly not any Phillies fans) would disagree with that.
The blog was recently dealt a blow as one of my biggest fans and a future contributor, Chris Bennett, told me that he felt I needed to broaden my horizons and write about more topics. He felt the blog was too sports gambling and Jorgen-themed (Yes, there's Jorgen's name.... everyone calm down) and that I needed to branch out. Chris said that I should do reviews of bad movies in my blog. I see what you're saying Chris - you don't think I have the acumen to write about anything other than sports (and Jorgen.) Well, I will take your challenge, sir, and I will write a review of any movie, so long as it is a terrible one. That narrows your choices down to only 99.9% of all movies, so choose wisely. In fact, the blog will now be taking suggestions for a movie I can review. Once I receive 4 suggestions that I feel are good enough (In other words - movies I've already seen) I will create a poll that will allow the reader's to decide which film it is I review. I am capable, Chris. You'll see.
Let's go to the trivia:
Thursday's Trivia Question: What is Kobe Bryant's middle name?
** Tuesday's answer: Pearl Jam's original name was Mookie Blaylock. Several people got that one but special kudos to Andy Ross for answering in the blog. Nice job. But how many of you also knew that their 1991 album Ten was a reference to Blaylock's jersey number?
All of you, huh? Alright....moving along....
Send in those movie suggestions and we are still taking sign ups for the NFL team previews.
That's two homework assignments for you, guys, and here's a third:
Enjoy the game.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
All you must do is look at
.... the poll on the right side of this page to know that I am one blogger who does not pull any punches. This blog is not afraid to speak its mind. It may not have good information like Jeff's site, pictures of hot (albeit probably underaged) girls like Mikey Miller's site, crazy videos like Andy's site, or "winners" like Hoffman's site but dammit - this blog speaks the truth.
As you loyal readers probably already know, my parents are in town from (Northern) Virginia this week and I've been going around to a number of sports books with my Dad in search of a fun future bet he can make here and then tell people back home about. For the most part, this has been a futile search as most of the books we have been to are garbage and afraid to take a bet. I won't name any names but we went to one place on Saturday that had the Red Wings at 4-7 to win the Stanley Cup and the Penguins at 5-6 to win that same title. In other words, BOTH teams were favored to emerge triumphant in the Stanley Cup Final(s). Another book we went to today had crappy odds on just about every team in every future pool imaginable. It looks like these guys take a bet on a team, panic and bring the number way down, but don't bring any of the other teams up to compensate.
I may have to tell my Dad to just come in and place his bet at the Hilton. At least he'll get a fair number. The Hilton has by far the largest betting menu in the city and their assistant manager is a local radio star. What more could you want from a Race and Sports Book? Today's blog will pay tribute to the Hilton's famous prop bets, as I will make up some fun ones of my own for the upcoming NBA Conference Finals.
Unlike some places, I'm not afraid to take a bet so if you like any of these numbers, you have MY number. Enjoy.
What Will Be More?
4701- Kobe Bryant Free Throw Attempts In Game 1 -0.5 (EV)
4702- Times Jeff Says "Atlanta Falcons" During Next Radio Show +0.5 (-120)
4703- Times Ed Complains About Officiating In Lakers Series -2.5 (-110)
4704- Times Jeff Calls Ed a ******* Baby +2.5 (-110)
4705- Games Played During the Conference Finals Round PK (-110)
4706- "Locks" Chad Releases During the Conference Finals Round PK (-110)
4707- Times Doc Rivers Has No Clue What Play to Call -1.5 (-130)
4708- Times Flip Saunders Has No Clue What Play to Call +1.5 (+110)
4709- Times Kobe Bryant Looks Out Into the Crowd During Game 3 PK (-115)
4710- Times Dads in SA Will Nervously Clutch Their Daughters PK (-105)
4711- Times Gasol Shoves A Player and Grabs a Board vs. SA -5.5 (-160)
4712- Times the Refs See That Happen and Call Him For It +5.5 (+140)
4713- Games the Pistons and Spurs Combine To Win PK (-120)
4714- ABC Executives Who Contemplate Suicide PK (EV)
4715- Points By All 4 Teams Combined During Conf Final Round* +2.5 (-140)
4716- Times Jeff Refreshes My Blog Per Day -2.5 (+120)
* Both Series Must Go 7 Games for Bet to Have Action
4717- Minutes Ray Allen Will Play During East Finals -3.5 (-110)
4718- Days Chris Graham Will Work During the Month of June +3.5 (-110)
4719- Games the Spurs Will Attempt More FTs Than Lakers PK (-110)
4720- Times Tim Thomas Will Think About Basketball Until October PK (-110)
On Monday night, I went to the the Beatles Love Show at the Mirage with my parents. Since I am on such a roll with my prop bets, I have created a few that you all can bet into after the fact:
What Was More?
5701- Times My Mom Clapped Loudly By Herself -0.5 (-110)
5702- Times My Mom Looked to See If Anyone Else Was Clapping +0.5 (-110)
5703- Times I Hid My Laughter When My Mom Clapped +10.5 (+155)
5704- Times I Glanced at My Dad to Make Sure He Was Awake -10.5 (-175)
5705- Number of People That Were Part of the Show PK (-110)
5706- Number of People From Europe That Were Part of the Show PK (-110)
Pretty good show, really. My Dad was still awake at the end even though it was after 11:30. That's 2:30 AM East Coast/Southern time. Let's finish off these prop bets with a batch of work-related ones. They are coming to me faster than I can type them out. Try not to get those feelings hurt now....
What Will Be More?
6701- Customers Jorgen Will Deal With On Tuesday -2.5 (-110)
6702- Customers Jorgen Will Want to Strangle on Tuesday +2.5 (-110)
6703- People Working the Sports Line on Tuesday PK (-110)
6704- People Glad Chad Has Tuesdays Off PK (-110)
6705- Calls About Horse Racing I Will Answer on Tuesday -6.5 (-150)
6706- Calls Our "Race Book Coordinator" Will Answer +6.5 (+130)
6707- People Who Will Work With Austin on Tuesday -2.5 (-120)
6708- People Who Will Recognize Austin on Tuesday +2.5 (EV)
6709- Sports Books Jorgen Will Make a Bet in This Summer -0.5 (+110)
6710- Sports Books Jorgen Will Be Banned From This Summer +0.5 (-130)
6711- Times Ed Will Praise Chase Utley During Phillies Game -0.5 (EV)
6712- Times Ed Will Curse Chase Utley During Phillies Game +0.5 (-120)
6713- Times Ed Will Check Scott's Blog for An Action Bet -2.5 (-130)
6714- Times Ed Will Get Impatient and Ask Me To Call Scott +2.5 (+110)
6715- "Multi-Unit" Picks Scott Will Post On Tuesday PK (-110)
6716- Times Ed Will Ask Me What Constitutes a "Multi-Unit" Play PK (-110)
6717- Times Austin Will Read My Blog At Work PK (-110)
6718- Times Austin Will Call Back to Ask Me What BI #6708 Means PK (-110)
6719- Hours Matt Spent Worrying Whether Rodney Was Mad -1.5 (EV)
6720- Hours I Spent Doing This Blog That I Get No Money For +1.5 (-120)
Here's one last one to prove there are no hard feelings....
What Will Be More?
7001 - Times Every Reader Combined Will Laugh At This Entry +17.5 (-150)
7002 - Times I Had to Stifle My Own Giggles Writing This Drivel -17.5 (+130)
That is a Hilton-esque batch of props right there. As soon as Covers.com sends over the stat sheets I'll post them in the blog so you guys can make some educated bets. My limit is a BoDog-like $300. Unless Fezzik wants a piece in which case I will give him $200 Million.
Please contact me if you feel the need to bet into any of these numbers. Just make sure you give me that betting number. I don't want to hear any team names.
And please - no group bets.
Finally kudos to Chad Jackson for winning his "Lock" play on Monday as the San Antonio Spurs won straight up in New Orleans. This kid releases so many locks he may as well call himself Chad Allyn Root but he did pick up a big winner there. Nice job.
Tuesday's Trivia Question - What was the original name of 90's Seattle rock band Pearl Jam?
** Sunday's Answer - Affirmed won the Triple Crown in 1978. Everyone knew that one.... well almost everyone.
That will wrap it up for today. I'm going to bed. My mom has arranged to have someone come and "clean my windows" tomorrow and what better time to do this than at 8 o'clock in the morning? I'm going to go think about how much I love having houseguests. You guys go and....
Enjoy the game.
As you loyal readers probably already know, my parents are in town from (Northern) Virginia this week and I've been going around to a number of sports books with my Dad in search of a fun future bet he can make here and then tell people back home about. For the most part, this has been a futile search as most of the books we have been to are garbage and afraid to take a bet. I won't name any names but we went to one place on Saturday that had the Red Wings at 4-7 to win the Stanley Cup and the Penguins at 5-6 to win that same title. In other words, BOTH teams were favored to emerge triumphant in the Stanley Cup Final(s). Another book we went to today had crappy odds on just about every team in every future pool imaginable. It looks like these guys take a bet on a team, panic and bring the number way down, but don't bring any of the other teams up to compensate.
I may have to tell my Dad to just come in and place his bet at the Hilton. At least he'll get a fair number. The Hilton has by far the largest betting menu in the city and their assistant manager is a local radio star. What more could you want from a Race and Sports Book? Today's blog will pay tribute to the Hilton's famous prop bets, as I will make up some fun ones of my own for the upcoming NBA Conference Finals.
Unlike some places, I'm not afraid to take a bet so if you like any of these numbers, you have MY number. Enjoy.
What Will Be More?
4701- Kobe Bryant Free Throw Attempts In Game 1 -0.5 (EV)
4702- Times Jeff Says "Atlanta Falcons" During Next Radio Show +0.5 (-120)
4703- Times Ed Complains About Officiating In Lakers Series -2.5 (-110)
4704- Times Jeff Calls Ed a ******* Baby +2.5 (-110)
4705- Games Played During the Conference Finals Round PK (-110)
4706- "Locks" Chad Releases During the Conference Finals Round PK (-110)
4707- Times Doc Rivers Has No Clue What Play to Call -1.5 (-130)
4708- Times Flip Saunders Has No Clue What Play to Call +1.5 (+110)
4709- Times Kobe Bryant Looks Out Into the Crowd During Game 3 PK (-115)
4710- Times Dads in SA Will Nervously Clutch Their Daughters PK (-105)
4711- Times Gasol Shoves A Player and Grabs a Board vs. SA -5.5 (-160)
4712- Times the Refs See That Happen and Call Him For It +5.5 (+140)
4713- Games the Pistons and Spurs Combine To Win PK (-120)
4714- ABC Executives Who Contemplate Suicide PK (EV)
4715- Points By All 4 Teams Combined During Conf Final Round* +2.5 (-140)
4716- Times Jeff Refreshes My Blog Per Day -2.5 (+120)
* Both Series Must Go 7 Games for Bet to Have Action
4717- Minutes Ray Allen Will Play During East Finals -3.5 (-110)
4718- Days Chris Graham Will Work During the Month of June +3.5 (-110)
4719- Games the Spurs Will Attempt More FTs Than Lakers PK (-110)
4720- Times Tim Thomas Will Think About Basketball Until October PK (-110)
On Monday night, I went to the the Beatles Love Show at the Mirage with my parents. Since I am on such a roll with my prop bets, I have created a few that you all can bet into after the fact:
What Was More?
5701- Times My Mom Clapped Loudly By Herself -0.5 (-110)
5702- Times My Mom Looked to See If Anyone Else Was Clapping +0.5 (-110)
5703- Times I Hid My Laughter When My Mom Clapped +10.5 (+155)
5704- Times I Glanced at My Dad to Make Sure He Was Awake -10.5 (-175)
5705- Number of People That Were Part of the Show PK (-110)
5706- Number of People From Europe That Were Part of the Show PK (-110)
Pretty good show, really. My Dad was still awake at the end even though it was after 11:30. That's 2:30 AM East Coast/Southern time. Let's finish off these prop bets with a batch of work-related ones. They are coming to me faster than I can type them out. Try not to get those feelings hurt now....
What Will Be More?
6701- Customers Jorgen Will Deal With On Tuesday -2.5 (-110)
6702- Customers Jorgen Will Want to Strangle on Tuesday +2.5 (-110)
6703- People Working the Sports Line on Tuesday PK (-110)
6704- People Glad Chad Has Tuesdays Off PK (-110)
6705- Calls About Horse Racing I Will Answer on Tuesday -6.5 (-150)
6706- Calls Our "Race Book Coordinator" Will Answer +6.5 (+130)
6707- People Who Will Work With Austin on Tuesday -2.5 (-120)
6708- People Who Will Recognize Austin on Tuesday +2.5 (EV)
6709- Sports Books Jorgen Will Make a Bet in This Summer -0.5 (+110)
6710- Sports Books Jorgen Will Be Banned From This Summer +0.5 (-130)
6711- Times Ed Will Praise Chase Utley During Phillies Game -0.5 (EV)
6712- Times Ed Will Curse Chase Utley During Phillies Game +0.5 (-120)
6713- Times Ed Will Check Scott's Blog for An Action Bet -2.5 (-130)
6714- Times Ed Will Get Impatient and Ask Me To Call Scott +2.5 (+110)
6715- "Multi-Unit" Picks Scott Will Post On Tuesday PK (-110)
6716- Times Ed Will Ask Me What Constitutes a "Multi-Unit" Play PK (-110)
6717- Times Austin Will Read My Blog At Work PK (-110)
6718- Times Austin Will Call Back to Ask Me What BI #6708 Means PK (-110)
6719- Hours Matt Spent Worrying Whether Rodney Was Mad -1.5 (EV)
6720- Hours I Spent Doing This Blog That I Get No Money For +1.5 (-120)
Here's one last one to prove there are no hard feelings....
What Will Be More?
7001 - Times Every Reader Combined Will Laugh At This Entry +17.5 (-150)
7002 - Times I Had to Stifle My Own Giggles Writing This Drivel -17.5 (+130)
That is a Hilton-esque batch of props right there. As soon as Covers.com sends over the stat sheets I'll post them in the blog so you guys can make some educated bets. My limit is a BoDog-like $300. Unless Fezzik wants a piece in which case I will give him $200 Million.
Please contact me if you feel the need to bet into any of these numbers. Just make sure you give me that betting number. I don't want to hear any team names.
And please - no group bets.
Finally kudos to Chad Jackson for winning his "Lock" play on Monday as the San Antonio Spurs won straight up in New Orleans. This kid releases so many locks he may as well call himself Chad Allyn Root but he did pick up a big winner there. Nice job.
Tuesday's Trivia Question - What was the original name of 90's Seattle rock band Pearl Jam?
** Sunday's Answer - Affirmed won the Triple Crown in 1978. Everyone knew that one.... well almost everyone.
That will wrap it up for today. I'm going to bed. My mom has arranged to have someone come and "clean my windows" tomorrow and what better time to do this than at 8 o'clock in the morning? I'm going to go think about how much I love having houseguests. You guys go and....
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
On the evening of September 4th, 2008
.... the Washington Redskins will be in the Meadowlands to take on the New York Giants in the opening game of the 2008 NFL Regular Season. That is a long ways away but that doesn't mean we can't start preparing for another exciting NFL season now. The blog will be taking great measures to ensure that you all have prosperous NFL campaigns as I will be doing team-by-team previews of all 32 NFL franchises over the summer. In order to thoroughly evaluate each club, I will be doing chat sessions with "experts" of each team, who can give the blog an in depth look at that team's chances in 2008.
I am taking sign ups right now with a target date of June 21st to publish the first of these team previews. That day we will be previewing the 2008 Green Bay Packers and our guest will be a noted NFC North expert - Chris Bennett. Chris is one of the most respected baseball sharps in Vegas and he was raised in the middle of NFC North country in Minnesota, so I feel he is an ideal guest to kickoff these previews. Chris has even been so kind as to agree to come on and do a second chat session after Brett Favre inevitably unretires. What a guy.
So far the entire NFC North is spoken for and I am currently in talks with Jeff Sherman to come on and discuss his favorite team - the Atlanta Falcons. Having a guy like Jeff come on the blog will really lend it some (much needed) credibility and I want to thank him in advance for taking time away from his busy radio schedule to contribute to my blog. Jeff can be a little rough around the edges at times but seriously - he is a great guy. In fact, I'll throw in another plug for his site right now - http://www.golfodds.com/. Some would say it's even better than mine. You be the judge.
Austin Bhushan appears to be the frontrunner to give us his take on the Denver Broncos' chances in 2008. Austin reportedly made the Broncos regular season over/under total an eyebrow-raising 12.5 and we're all wondering why. I can't wait to have him on the blog to shed some light on that. (I'm assuming he'll be around work at some point in the next month but if not I do have his cell phone number.)
The most interesting chat sessions could be in the NFC East with the possibility of noted NFL SuperFan Ed Salmons discussing the Philadelphia Eagles prospects for this season. Perhaps I will take a shot or two at the Eagles during such a chat. And perhaps Ed would come back on the program to discuss the outlooks of the Washington Redskins and QB Jason Campbell in '08. You don't want to miss out as Ed takes unnecessary shot after unnecessary shot at the Redskins and fits in hurtful references to the #21 as I get angrier and angrier before slamming my laptop shut.
These previews have infinite possiblities so sign up now! You all know where to find me and if you don't - just find Jorgen's girlfriend and look around. I will be in my normal spot at a safe distance that still affords me a good visual.
Okay, that's enough NFL talk for now. I have big news on the NBA front. Chad Jackson has stated that the San Antonio Spurs are a "lock" in Game 7 of their playoff series with the New Orleans Hornets. My advice is simple: take every dollar you can find and bet it on the Hornets. Chad's gone so far as to recommend playing the Spurs on the moneyline, meaning that he feels they will win this game straight up. Therefore, my feeling is that if you can get any alternate point spreads such as Hornets -8, -10, or even -15 points at plus, plus money you should lay those numbers until the end of time. Chad was so confident that the Spurs would win the game, I am now convinced that the Hornets will win by as many as 20 points. Enjoy.
Here are some plays for Sunday, you know - for the degenerates:
Cavaliers (Silver Bullet Special)
Twins/Rockies Under
Pirates
Those Fightin' Phils
I don't even have a Covers.com stat sheet in front of me with pointless numbers that everyone in America has access to, so I'm not sure how good these picks really are. I like the Cavs tomorrow but I think it's more of what my old gambling buddies and I call a "Hate Pick," due to the fact that I can't stand this garbage Boston team. The Twins Under play was given to me by the aforementioned Chris Bennett so I feel it's pretty strong. The Pirates play is stupid. That last play on the Phils is a result of Mike Jaz coming into the back room and telling me he liked the Blue Jays on Sunday. I literally made a note of "Blue Jays Opponent," and later found out it was the Phillies. Plus it's an excuse to watch Chase Utley play the game of baseball and isn't that what really matters? Card looks solid.
I put up a new poll today. (Jeff your vote doesn't count, bro.) Congrats to Chad Jackson for winning the last poll. He received twice as many votes as anyone else in the "Favorite Fade" category. Big surprise. (Scotty, you can exhale now, pal. You're not everyone's favorite fade.)
In closing, I'm going to bring back an old favorite from way back in the early days of the blog: the trivia question.
Sunday's Trivia Question: Who was the last horse to win the Triple Crown?
I have to ask Race Book Coordinator Chris Graham to refrain from answering this question as I am sure it is beneath him.
The rest of you take your time with that one and please....
Enjoy the game.
I am taking sign ups right now with a target date of June 21st to publish the first of these team previews. That day we will be previewing the 2008 Green Bay Packers and our guest will be a noted NFC North expert - Chris Bennett. Chris is one of the most respected baseball sharps in Vegas and he was raised in the middle of NFC North country in Minnesota, so I feel he is an ideal guest to kickoff these previews. Chris has even been so kind as to agree to come on and do a second chat session after Brett Favre inevitably unretires. What a guy.
So far the entire NFC North is spoken for and I am currently in talks with Jeff Sherman to come on and discuss his favorite team - the Atlanta Falcons. Having a guy like Jeff come on the blog will really lend it some (much needed) credibility and I want to thank him in advance for taking time away from his busy radio schedule to contribute to my blog. Jeff can be a little rough around the edges at times but seriously - he is a great guy. In fact, I'll throw in another plug for his site right now - http://www.golfodds.com/. Some would say it's even better than mine. You be the judge.
Austin Bhushan appears to be the frontrunner to give us his take on the Denver Broncos' chances in 2008. Austin reportedly made the Broncos regular season over/under total an eyebrow-raising 12.5 and we're all wondering why. I can't wait to have him on the blog to shed some light on that. (I'm assuming he'll be around work at some point in the next month but if not I do have his cell phone number.)
The most interesting chat sessions could be in the NFC East with the possibility of noted NFL SuperFan Ed Salmons discussing the Philadelphia Eagles prospects for this season. Perhaps I will take a shot or two at the Eagles during such a chat. And perhaps Ed would come back on the program to discuss the outlooks of the Washington Redskins and QB Jason Campbell in '08. You don't want to miss out as Ed takes unnecessary shot after unnecessary shot at the Redskins and fits in hurtful references to the #21 as I get angrier and angrier before slamming my laptop shut.
These previews have infinite possiblities so sign up now! You all know where to find me and if you don't - just find Jorgen's girlfriend and look around. I will be in my normal spot at a safe distance that still affords me a good visual.
Okay, that's enough NFL talk for now. I have big news on the NBA front. Chad Jackson has stated that the San Antonio Spurs are a "lock" in Game 7 of their playoff series with the New Orleans Hornets. My advice is simple: take every dollar you can find and bet it on the Hornets. Chad's gone so far as to recommend playing the Spurs on the moneyline, meaning that he feels they will win this game straight up. Therefore, my feeling is that if you can get any alternate point spreads such as Hornets -8, -10, or even -15 points at plus, plus money you should lay those numbers until the end of time. Chad was so confident that the Spurs would win the game, I am now convinced that the Hornets will win by as many as 20 points. Enjoy.
Here are some plays for Sunday, you know - for the degenerates:
Cavaliers (Silver Bullet Special)
Twins/Rockies Under
Pirates
Those Fightin' Phils
I don't even have a Covers.com stat sheet in front of me with pointless numbers that everyone in America has access to, so I'm not sure how good these picks really are. I like the Cavs tomorrow but I think it's more of what my old gambling buddies and I call a "Hate Pick," due to the fact that I can't stand this garbage Boston team. The Twins Under play was given to me by the aforementioned Chris Bennett so I feel it's pretty strong. The Pirates play is stupid. That last play on the Phils is a result of Mike Jaz coming into the back room and telling me he liked the Blue Jays on Sunday. I literally made a note of "Blue Jays Opponent," and later found out it was the Phillies. Plus it's an excuse to watch Chase Utley play the game of baseball and isn't that what really matters? Card looks solid.
I put up a new poll today. (Jeff your vote doesn't count, bro.) Congrats to Chad Jackson for winning the last poll. He received twice as many votes as anyone else in the "Favorite Fade" category. Big surprise. (Scotty, you can exhale now, pal. You're not everyone's favorite fade.)
In closing, I'm going to bring back an old favorite from way back in the early days of the blog: the trivia question.
Sunday's Trivia Question: Who was the last horse to win the Triple Crown?
I have to ask Race Book Coordinator Chris Graham to refrain from answering this question as I am sure it is beneath him.
The rest of you take your time with that one and please....
Enjoy the game.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I dodged a major bullet last night
.... and I feel the need to share my story with all of my loyal readers. Those of you who read yesterday's blog know that I liked the San Antonio Spurs last night in Game 6 of their series with the New Orleans Hornets. So just before game time I am sitting at the bar, having already placed the wager at a relatively good number. My favorite bartender has just put a cold beer in front of me and another bartender, who I have a somewhat tumultuos past with, was on her way out the door, following another uncomfortable hug. To my left sits young Jorgen, who incidentally has a bet on the other side. Things are looking up. (Way up after he told me that.)
And then it happened.
I look down at my phone and see that Andrew Ross has sent me a text message. He's been known to make me laugh (sometimes even with him) so I figure I'll take a look at what he has to say....
"Chad just said the Spurs are a lock...."
The words sent shivers down my spine. A million different thoughts came rushing to me at once:
* Should I try to have the bet voided (even though I placed it hours ago) by lying and complaining that the ticket writer (a certain baseball wunderkind) had messed up and I had not bothered to actually look at it until just now?
* Should I try to sell the ticket for 5 dollars to the nearest degenerate? (At the time it felt like a worthless piece of paper.)
* Should I beat up Jorgen and take his Hornets ticket? Betting tickets on the opposite sides of Chad's "locks" should be used as currency.
* Should I yell at Ross for not telling me this sooner? When Chad releases a "lock" you need to get that information out to the masses ASAP.
I briefly considered grabbing Jorgen's man-purse and clocking him over the head with it but he just looked so pure and innocent sitting there nursing his beer. I couldn't do it.... so I decided my only hope was that somewhere out there an even dumber and louder person than Chad had called the Hornets a "lock" and that this person's stupidity would override Chad's.
Even when the Spurs were up by 20 points in the 4th quarter and the Hornets players were in full blown "Tim Thomas The Year After a Contract Year Mode," I was still nervous. Everytime the Hornets made a shot I thought about Chad, sitting there watching the game, laughing maniacally for no apparent reason. When it was finally over and I could write the W in the top right hand corner of my ticket, I clutched it to my chest and laughed at my own good fortune. So good was my mood just then that I yelled out "Another round of drinks for everyone on me!" and the whole bar cheered. (Okay, that never happened. Actually I waited for Jorgen to go to the bathroom and announced that my rich foreign buddy was buying the whole bar a round and had the bartender bill it to him. When his bill came I told him that they charged like 50 bucks for a plate of potato skins and he bought it. These kids from Iowa are adorable....)
So that's my story. I bet on the same side as a Chad Jackson "lock" in a major sporting event and I won. Savor the flavor Johnny Boy, because it won't happen again!
There are two games tonight in the Lakers-Celtics Invitational. I will be rooting for both home teams to force Game 7s. It'd be hilarious watching the refs panic if the Jazz could keep it close in Game 7 at Staples Center. I'm pretty sure David Stern would be holed up in some dark basement somewhere with his finger literally on a button that sent shockwaves to the refs genitals whenver they called anything for the Jazz. Perhaps he will outfit the refs with collars(like the ones dogs wear to be kept in the yard) that will electrocute them any time they try to send the Jazz to the FT line. That will teach them to be careful about not showing favor to the (alleged) rapist.
It's too bad that LeBron James doesn't have even one good teammate in Cleveland. If the rest of that roster was even average, he'd be able to cruise past this horrible Boston team into the Eastern Conference Finals. If Boston can't win road games in Cleveland or Atlanta how exactly are they going to win in Detroit or Los Angeles? They are giving themselves a very slim margin for error. Speaking of the Celtics, I know that Ray Allen is getting older but wow is that guy ever finished. Bodog has him matched up in player props with Wally Szczerbiak. (Yeah, I did double check that spelling. So what? Wanna fight about it?) I'm going to bet Wally World +2.5.
Here's the rest of my card for Friday:
Blue Jays (Silver Bullet Special)
Nationals
Cavaliers
I've been told that the Phillies can't hit lefties so I'll take my chances against the garbage Jamie Moyer tonight. Did you know that the Nationals are 1-8 against the Marlins and 17-16 against the rest of the major leagues so far this season? (Damn - that would've made a great blurgb.) As for the Cavaliers pick, Chad has called the Celtics a lock tonight. I know he was right about the Spurs last night and I won my bet but I still feel like I was on the wrong side of that game. Yeah, the game played out exactly how I predicted it would but the mere fact that Chad Jackson came to the same conclusion I did about that game, makes me feel like I was way off. I'm going to re-evaluate some stuff now. Why don't you guys just go and....
Enjoy the game.
And then it happened.
I look down at my phone and see that Andrew Ross has sent me a text message. He's been known to make me laugh (sometimes even with him) so I figure I'll take a look at what he has to say....
"Chad just said the Spurs are a lock...."
The words sent shivers down my spine. A million different thoughts came rushing to me at once:
* Should I try to have the bet voided (even though I placed it hours ago) by lying and complaining that the ticket writer (a certain baseball wunderkind) had messed up and I had not bothered to actually look at it until just now?
* Should I try to sell the ticket for 5 dollars to the nearest degenerate? (At the time it felt like a worthless piece of paper.)
* Should I beat up Jorgen and take his Hornets ticket? Betting tickets on the opposite sides of Chad's "locks" should be used as currency.
* Should I yell at Ross for not telling me this sooner? When Chad releases a "lock" you need to get that information out to the masses ASAP.
I briefly considered grabbing Jorgen's man-purse and clocking him over the head with it but he just looked so pure and innocent sitting there nursing his beer. I couldn't do it.... so I decided my only hope was that somewhere out there an even dumber and louder person than Chad had called the Hornets a "lock" and that this person's stupidity would override Chad's.
Even when the Spurs were up by 20 points in the 4th quarter and the Hornets players were in full blown "Tim Thomas The Year After a Contract Year Mode," I was still nervous. Everytime the Hornets made a shot I thought about Chad, sitting there watching the game, laughing maniacally for no apparent reason. When it was finally over and I could write the W in the top right hand corner of my ticket, I clutched it to my chest and laughed at my own good fortune. So good was my mood just then that I yelled out "Another round of drinks for everyone on me!" and the whole bar cheered. (Okay, that never happened. Actually I waited for Jorgen to go to the bathroom and announced that my rich foreign buddy was buying the whole bar a round and had the bartender bill it to him. When his bill came I told him that they charged like 50 bucks for a plate of potato skins and he bought it. These kids from Iowa are adorable....)
So that's my story. I bet on the same side as a Chad Jackson "lock" in a major sporting event and I won. Savor the flavor Johnny Boy, because it won't happen again!
There are two games tonight in the Lakers-Celtics Invitational. I will be rooting for both home teams to force Game 7s. It'd be hilarious watching the refs panic if the Jazz could keep it close in Game 7 at Staples Center. I'm pretty sure David Stern would be holed up in some dark basement somewhere with his finger literally on a button that sent shockwaves to the refs genitals whenver they called anything for the Jazz. Perhaps he will outfit the refs with collars(like the ones dogs wear to be kept in the yard) that will electrocute them any time they try to send the Jazz to the FT line. That will teach them to be careful about not showing favor to the (alleged) rapist.
It's too bad that LeBron James doesn't have even one good teammate in Cleveland. If the rest of that roster was even average, he'd be able to cruise past this horrible Boston team into the Eastern Conference Finals. If Boston can't win road games in Cleveland or Atlanta how exactly are they going to win in Detroit or Los Angeles? They are giving themselves a very slim margin for error. Speaking of the Celtics, I know that Ray Allen is getting older but wow is that guy ever finished. Bodog has him matched up in player props with Wally Szczerbiak. (Yeah, I did double check that spelling. So what? Wanna fight about it?) I'm going to bet Wally World +2.5.
Here's the rest of my card for Friday:
Blue Jays (Silver Bullet Special)
Nationals
Cavaliers
I've been told that the Phillies can't hit lefties so I'll take my chances against the garbage Jamie Moyer tonight. Did you know that the Nationals are 1-8 against the Marlins and 17-16 against the rest of the major leagues so far this season? (Damn - that would've made a great blurgb.) As for the Cavaliers pick, Chad has called the Celtics a lock tonight. I know he was right about the Spurs last night and I won my bet but I still feel like I was on the wrong side of that game. Yeah, the game played out exactly how I predicted it would but the mere fact that Chad Jackson came to the same conclusion I did about that game, makes me feel like I was way off. I'm going to re-evaluate some stuff now. Why don't you guys just go and....
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I'm sure there are many high stress jobs
.... out there and I don't want to take anything away from the brave people who take them on. I've heard that being an air traffic controller is the most stressful job in the world. I've read stories about NFL head coaches working 20 hour days and sleeping on cots in their offices. I've experienced firsthand how stressful it is to work the line at the busiest sportsbook in the world when 50 meaningless college basketball games all go to halftime at the same time (and 50 more games are all about to start) and every braindead moron in the room wants to parlay every one of those games (side to total) but has not made any preparations whatsoever to do so before getting in line.... Having said all that, I think I've found something even more stressful - having a blog. (That's slang for weblog by the way.)
See, bloggers just cannot win. If I update the site every day, I will be rudely mocked by one of my bosses wondering why I have nothing better to do with my time. If I don't update the site for a few days, I get mocking text messages from fellow bloggers who want to see more of my contributions to the blogosphere. The bottom line is that I love this blog (It's a big part of my life) and even though I have nothing "funny" or interesting to say today, I am going to try my best to entertain you all. Especially Jeff, who most likely fell asleep last night refreshing this screen. You can stop hitting that refresh button buddy - the blog is back.
Since I really have no good topics today I am going to an old standby - the blurb. Today's blog will consist of several blurbs as they pop into my head. These are blurbs. In my blog. That's right - these are blurgbs. Enjoy.
* I somehow get labeled an alcoholic because I am Irish. Everyone says all Irish people are alcoholics. Fair enough. But if we are going to hand out labels that liberally I think it's time we label Swedish people as degenerates. Jorgen came by my house last night to watch the basketball games and he had no less than 12 pending bet tickets in his red man-purse. I was trying to watch The Rapist and his loyal striped shirted sidekicks battle the Jazz and I got this kid bitching at me to switch it to the MLB Mix Channel so he can keep tabs on all his bets. It was really sad. Swedish people are degenerates, and not particularly good handicappers either judging by all the cursing Jorgen was doing.
* I think strippers get a bad rap for no good reason. Last night I was at a local gentlemen's club with a few friends of mine and this nice girl came up to me out of nowhere, and started rubbing my back. She proceeded to give me a very pleasant massage and kissed my cheek while I sat there happily drinking my beer, which was brought to me by one of her friends. That's an A+ for ambience in my book. She then overheard me and one of my buddies talking about our sports bets and she asked me how I had done that day. I told her that it was a disappointing day (I went 0-2 on Wednesday) and I made a joke that I didn't have much money on me. Instead of mocking my 0-2 record like some people would have or making light of the fact that I only had a few bucks in my pocket, she calmly got up, changed out of her suggestive outfit, and left. She felt no need to tease me for my losing day and left me alone to start handicapping Thursday's card. Nice girl.
* The home team is 20-1 SU in this round of the NBA Playoffs after last night's not-so-surprising wins by the Celtics and Lakers. I think we'd all be wise to lay the points tonight with the Spurs in Game 6 of their series with the Hornets. Call it a hunch but I'm pretty sure that sometime during the 3rd quarter the Spurs will go on a run and the Hornets will collectively realize that they have dominated the 2nd half of every game played in New Orleans in this series and decide that there's no need to bust their butts tonight in San Antonio in a game they will most likely lose anyway when they have Game 7 back in the friendly confines of New Orleans Arena. In other words, I expect the entire Hornets team to pull a Tim Thomas tonight. Spurs by 15+.
* Here is an item I am planning for future blogs: Full previews of every NFL team leading up to the kickoff of the 2008 season. Am I qualified to do that? Of course not. But I can look up columns written by more talented people and use my trusty English With a Concentration In Writing Degree to make it look like I know what I'm talking about.
* One thing I'm considering for the NFL Previews is to discuss specific teams with a guest blogger in an AOL IM chat session and then copy and paste it in the blog. (Yes, I know how to do that. Well, I'll have Austin or Graham show me. Whatever. It will work.)
Here's a possible example of how that might go:
Me: Okay, now we come to the New York Giants. They went 10-6 last season and won the Super Bowl.
Guest: What? The Giants? No they didn't. They suck.
Me: Well, now come on.... they don't suck. Eli Manning is a fine quarterback.
Guest: No, they sucked. Didn't they get blown off the field at home in December by average Vikings and Redskins teams when they were all in the playoff hunt? That would never happen to a good team. Manning threw like 12 picks in that Vikings game. He's horrible. There's no way the Giants won the Super Bowl, bro. The Patriots did. They went like 20-0 last season.
Me: No, really. The Giants won the Super Bowl. They beat the Patriots, 17-14.
Guest: Dude, there's no way that happened. Their coach is Tom Coughlin. He's an idiot. He couldn't beat Bill Belichick in a million years.
Me: Seriously, look it up. They won the game on a stupid Hail Mary pass that took 5 years off my life.
Guest: I'm not even going to humor that with a response. There's no way that Eli Manning could beat Tom Brady in a Super Bowl. Your blog is stupid, John. I'm outta here.
Guest signed off at 12:36:24 PM.
It's going to be great. Let me know if you're interested in contributing to any of these previews. Should be a lot of fun.
Okay, that seems like enough for today. I'm not sure how much blogging I'll get done next week. My parents are coming into town tomorrow night and my mother has put together an itinerary that literally says stuff like "9:00 AM: Sit on the balcony and have coffee," or "3 PM: Hang out at John's condo," or "11:00 AM: John's Choice," so I may end up running away from home for a few days. I don't think anyone could possibly take 8 days of that. Perhaps I will grab her itinerary and write in "John's Choice - to blog.... you know, for the kids."
I'm playing the Spurs and Angels tonight.
Your job is clear - vote in my poll right now.
But obviously you know your biggest responsibility is always to....
Enjoy the game.
See, bloggers just cannot win. If I update the site every day, I will be rudely mocked by one of my bosses wondering why I have nothing better to do with my time. If I don't update the site for a few days, I get mocking text messages from fellow bloggers who want to see more of my contributions to the blogosphere. The bottom line is that I love this blog (It's a big part of my life) and even though I have nothing "funny" or interesting to say today, I am going to try my best to entertain you all. Especially Jeff, who most likely fell asleep last night refreshing this screen. You can stop hitting that refresh button buddy - the blog is back.
Since I really have no good topics today I am going to an old standby - the blurb. Today's blog will consist of several blurbs as they pop into my head. These are blurbs. In my blog. That's right - these are blurgbs. Enjoy.
* I somehow get labeled an alcoholic because I am Irish. Everyone says all Irish people are alcoholics. Fair enough. But if we are going to hand out labels that liberally I think it's time we label Swedish people as degenerates. Jorgen came by my house last night to watch the basketball games and he had no less than 12 pending bet tickets in his red man-purse. I was trying to watch The Rapist and his loyal striped shirted sidekicks battle the Jazz and I got this kid bitching at me to switch it to the MLB Mix Channel so he can keep tabs on all his bets. It was really sad. Swedish people are degenerates, and not particularly good handicappers either judging by all the cursing Jorgen was doing.
* I think strippers get a bad rap for no good reason. Last night I was at a local gentlemen's club with a few friends of mine and this nice girl came up to me out of nowhere, and started rubbing my back. She proceeded to give me a very pleasant massage and kissed my cheek while I sat there happily drinking my beer, which was brought to me by one of her friends. That's an A+ for ambience in my book. She then overheard me and one of my buddies talking about our sports bets and she asked me how I had done that day. I told her that it was a disappointing day (I went 0-2 on Wednesday) and I made a joke that I didn't have much money on me. Instead of mocking my 0-2 record like some people would have or making light of the fact that I only had a few bucks in my pocket, she calmly got up, changed out of her suggestive outfit, and left. She felt no need to tease me for my losing day and left me alone to start handicapping Thursday's card. Nice girl.
* The home team is 20-1 SU in this round of the NBA Playoffs after last night's not-so-surprising wins by the Celtics and Lakers. I think we'd all be wise to lay the points tonight with the Spurs in Game 6 of their series with the Hornets. Call it a hunch but I'm pretty sure that sometime during the 3rd quarter the Spurs will go on a run and the Hornets will collectively realize that they have dominated the 2nd half of every game played in New Orleans in this series and decide that there's no need to bust their butts tonight in San Antonio in a game they will most likely lose anyway when they have Game 7 back in the friendly confines of New Orleans Arena. In other words, I expect the entire Hornets team to pull a Tim Thomas tonight. Spurs by 15+.
* Here is an item I am planning for future blogs: Full previews of every NFL team leading up to the kickoff of the 2008 season. Am I qualified to do that? Of course not. But I can look up columns written by more talented people and use my trusty English With a Concentration In Writing Degree to make it look like I know what I'm talking about.
* One thing I'm considering for the NFL Previews is to discuss specific teams with a guest blogger in an AOL IM chat session and then copy and paste it in the blog. (Yes, I know how to do that. Well, I'll have Austin or Graham show me. Whatever. It will work.)
Here's a possible example of how that might go:
Me: Okay, now we come to the New York Giants. They went 10-6 last season and won the Super Bowl.
Guest: What? The Giants? No they didn't. They suck.
Me: Well, now come on.... they don't suck. Eli Manning is a fine quarterback.
Guest: No, they sucked. Didn't they get blown off the field at home in December by average Vikings and Redskins teams when they were all in the playoff hunt? That would never happen to a good team. Manning threw like 12 picks in that Vikings game. He's horrible. There's no way the Giants won the Super Bowl, bro. The Patriots did. They went like 20-0 last season.
Me: No, really. The Giants won the Super Bowl. They beat the Patriots, 17-14.
Guest: Dude, there's no way that happened. Their coach is Tom Coughlin. He's an idiot. He couldn't beat Bill Belichick in a million years.
Me: Seriously, look it up. They won the game on a stupid Hail Mary pass that took 5 years off my life.
Guest: I'm not even going to humor that with a response. There's no way that Eli Manning could beat Tom Brady in a Super Bowl. Your blog is stupid, John. I'm outta here.
Guest signed off at 12:36:24 PM.
It's going to be great. Let me know if you're interested in contributing to any of these previews. Should be a lot of fun.
Okay, that seems like enough for today. I'm not sure how much blogging I'll get done next week. My parents are coming into town tomorrow night and my mother has put together an itinerary that literally says stuff like "9:00 AM: Sit on the balcony and have coffee," or "3 PM: Hang out at John's condo," or "11:00 AM: John's Choice," so I may end up running away from home for a few days. I don't think anyone could possibly take 8 days of that. Perhaps I will grab her itinerary and write in "John's Choice - to blog.... you know, for the kids."
I'm playing the Spurs and Angels tonight.
Your job is clear - vote in my poll right now.
But obviously you know your biggest responsibility is always to....
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I've been in Vegas
.... for more than a year now and during that time I've heard about or witnessed lot of interesting gambling methods. In today's blog I am going to share them with you guys and give my thoughts on each. These are in no particular order but I'm going to start with the worst ones so I can vent about how dumb they are:
1. Walk into a sportsbook, grab a sheet, glance at the stats, then come up with an 8 team parlay while you are standing at the window. Some variations of this strategy include asking the teller what he/she likes (I always enjoyed that), backing up to look at the board to check the numbers again (Always fun for the people behind you in line), and asking the teller to void the original ticket and re-write it with one pointless change for no reason whatsoever (I can't believe I never attempted to strangle any of these idiots.)
Pro: If you actually won, you would make a lot of money.
Con: You're not going to win.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Everyone at the Hilton Ever Method." It's not going to work and it bothers everyone. I hate this one.
2. This next strategy slightly tweaks #1. These guys also do 8-team parlays but instead of at least trying to make some money on it, they take every big favorites on the moneyline. Because they have no balls and no idea how to handicap.
Pro: You have a better chance of winning than the guys who are using the first method.
Con: You have to win 8 games and you don't make much money.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Lee Robinson Method" although he is hardly alone. What an idiot. If you're going to take an 8-team parlay, hike up your skirt and try to make some money off it at the very least.
3. There is a certain group of people who will bet anything that is slightly off the market number and assume that by doing so they will win money in the long run. For instance, let's say the total for the First 5 Innings of a Mets-Braves game is 4.5 everywhere and one book puts it up as 5. These people will then blindly bet under 5 and assume that it is a good bet. They are more interested in playing bets at good numbers than in trying to handicap games or play their opinions.
Pro: There is some merit to this method. I can see how it would win in the long run if you always managed to get great numbers on everything you took.
Con: It's a heartless way of betting and you have to be a scumbag (like a certain young Swedish boy at the Plaza) to pull it off.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Sherman (and to a lesser extent Bennett) Method." Those guys are both pretty good but I'm not quite on board with their methodology.... yet. Maybe I'll like it better when Jeff leaves his current group and we form - The Sherman Group. That offer's still on the table, bro.
4. Play almost every game on the board but only in one major sport and be completely stubborn and defensive when other people give you advice or offer their own opinions.
Pro: Unlike the 8-team parlay bettors, these guys will have winning days but it's almost impossible to win over the long haul.
Con: http://www.rays2008.blogspot.com/
Bottom Line: Call this the "Hoffman Method." There will be good days but I find it hard to believe anyone can beat the books playing this many games in a sport as mainstream as baseball. Even a (self-described) sharp.
5. Blindly bet all of your favorite teams because you are going to be rooting for them anyway and your personal biases lead you to believe they have a better chance of winning than they really do.
Pro: When you win, it's doubly sweet.
Con: When you lose, it sucks even worse.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Ross (and to a lesser extent Bhushan) Method." I don't like it. In fact, I use the exact opposite approach: When the Redskins have an important game, I generally bet money on the other side to ease the pain when/if they lose. This is actually a really stupid method, too. I remember being in Tampa Bay 2 years ago after the Redskins beat the Bucs in an NFC Wild Card game. I was completely thrilled that we had won a playoff game for the first time in 6 years and then it hit me: I was now in debt to my bookie because I had bet on the Bucs. Ouch. My advice would be to just avoid games in which your favorite team(s) is involved.
6. Avoid mainstream sports and hone in on specialty sports such as NASCAR, soccer, or golf. This.... can work.
Pro: I've seen the results. It can be done.
Con: These events generally only take place on the weekends and that leaves you in the predicament of what to do with yourself during the week.... you know, if you're one of those compulsive types that has to have action. We'll talk more about this in Method #7 below.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Salmons/Sherman/Metcalf Method." If you immerse yourself in the sport, you can beat it. This method takes a lot of time and effort but it does work. There's only one method I've discovered better than this one and I'm saving it for the end.
7. When betting on mainstream events, look at the line, see what jumps out at you, then bet the opposite.
Pro: This works for the most part, especially in heavily wagered on games. It just proves to me that I know nothing about sports or gambling.
Con: It can be discouraging to find out just how bad you are at capping games.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Salmons/Metcalf" Method. It's good but not great. You're probably better off just sticking with your specialty sport and avoiding this stuff entirely but I know that I need more action than that. I suck.
8. Find someone who knows absolutely nothing about anything and is prone to making blowhard statements like calling a game a "lock." Whenever that person releases a "lock" in a major sporting event, immediately lay whatever is in your pocket on the other side.
Pro: You will win a lot.
Con: You have to listen to the rants of a crazy blowhard.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Chad Jackson Method." My favorite gambling method so far. A couple days ago Chad was telling me how much he loved the Celtics in Game 3 of their series with the Cavs. He called the play a lock and said he didn't understand why Cleveland was favored. That was all I needed to hear. Thanks a lot, Chad. By the way he also said the Celtics are a lock in Game 4. You all know what to do....
I have to apologize for any perceived "shots" in today's blog. All of the guys mentioned above have had at least some success betting on sports. Well all of them but Chad, of course. That last method is just gold. (He did clean up on the Super Bowl though. I'm going to go kill myself now.)
But seriously, I'm just bitter over a disappointing night at the "Lady in Black." She truly was too tough to tame. Plus I'm a little stressed over the pending lawsuit Amanda is hanging over my head. Be careful about starting a contest involving a girl you don't know. Especially if she's from Iowa.
Look, just to prove there are no hard feelings, I'll offer up another method:
9. Follow other people's plays and start a blog mocking anything and everyone involved with sports betting while you yourself are decidedly mediocre at it.
Pro: It's funny.
Con: It will cost you any friends you thought you had.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Murray Method." It um.... doesn't work. But I did have Ryan Howard to lead the majors in home runs at 40-1 two years ago! Take that Pinnacle!
( No, the retarded way Lars bets does not justify him getting his own method in the blog. It's not a method when only one person does it and that person never wins. It's just dumb. )
I'm sorry about not blogging the last few days and I hope some of you could find "humor" in today's blog and not be too offended by it. ( Sorry, Scott. I know you're a sensitive guy but you'll be okay. And the baseball will turn around.... )
I only have one bet today. I took the Lakers -30.5 FT Attempts in Game 4 of their series with the Jazz. Seems pretty safe.
No trivia today. No time for that. I just remembered that it's Mother's Day because my Dad just called to yell at me for not calling my Mom and I've already wasted 45 minutes doing this nonsense.
Don't everyone call Chad for his plays at once and don't forget to....
Enjoy the game.
1. Walk into a sportsbook, grab a sheet, glance at the stats, then come up with an 8 team parlay while you are standing at the window. Some variations of this strategy include asking the teller what he/she likes (I always enjoyed that), backing up to look at the board to check the numbers again (Always fun for the people behind you in line), and asking the teller to void the original ticket and re-write it with one pointless change for no reason whatsoever (I can't believe I never attempted to strangle any of these idiots.)
Pro: If you actually won, you would make a lot of money.
Con: You're not going to win.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Everyone at the Hilton Ever Method." It's not going to work and it bothers everyone. I hate this one.
2. This next strategy slightly tweaks #1. These guys also do 8-team parlays but instead of at least trying to make some money on it, they take every big favorites on the moneyline. Because they have no balls and no idea how to handicap.
Pro: You have a better chance of winning than the guys who are using the first method.
Con: You have to win 8 games and you don't make much money.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Lee Robinson Method" although he is hardly alone. What an idiot. If you're going to take an 8-team parlay, hike up your skirt and try to make some money off it at the very least.
3. There is a certain group of people who will bet anything that is slightly off the market number and assume that by doing so they will win money in the long run. For instance, let's say the total for the First 5 Innings of a Mets-Braves game is 4.5 everywhere and one book puts it up as 5. These people will then blindly bet under 5 and assume that it is a good bet. They are more interested in playing bets at good numbers than in trying to handicap games or play their opinions.
Pro: There is some merit to this method. I can see how it would win in the long run if you always managed to get great numbers on everything you took.
Con: It's a heartless way of betting and you have to be a scumbag (like a certain young Swedish boy at the Plaza) to pull it off.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Sherman (and to a lesser extent Bennett) Method." Those guys are both pretty good but I'm not quite on board with their methodology.... yet. Maybe I'll like it better when Jeff leaves his current group and we form - The Sherman Group. That offer's still on the table, bro.
4. Play almost every game on the board but only in one major sport and be completely stubborn and defensive when other people give you advice or offer their own opinions.
Pro: Unlike the 8-team parlay bettors, these guys will have winning days but it's almost impossible to win over the long haul.
Con: http://www.rays2008.blogspot.com/
Bottom Line: Call this the "Hoffman Method." There will be good days but I find it hard to believe anyone can beat the books playing this many games in a sport as mainstream as baseball. Even a (self-described) sharp.
5. Blindly bet all of your favorite teams because you are going to be rooting for them anyway and your personal biases lead you to believe they have a better chance of winning than they really do.
Pro: When you win, it's doubly sweet.
Con: When you lose, it sucks even worse.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Ross (and to a lesser extent Bhushan) Method." I don't like it. In fact, I use the exact opposite approach: When the Redskins have an important game, I generally bet money on the other side to ease the pain when/if they lose. This is actually a really stupid method, too. I remember being in Tampa Bay 2 years ago after the Redskins beat the Bucs in an NFC Wild Card game. I was completely thrilled that we had won a playoff game for the first time in 6 years and then it hit me: I was now in debt to my bookie because I had bet on the Bucs. Ouch. My advice would be to just avoid games in which your favorite team(s) is involved.
6. Avoid mainstream sports and hone in on specialty sports such as NASCAR, soccer, or golf. This.... can work.
Pro: I've seen the results. It can be done.
Con: These events generally only take place on the weekends and that leaves you in the predicament of what to do with yourself during the week.... you know, if you're one of those compulsive types that has to have action. We'll talk more about this in Method #7 below.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Salmons/Sherman/Metcalf Method." If you immerse yourself in the sport, you can beat it. This method takes a lot of time and effort but it does work. There's only one method I've discovered better than this one and I'm saving it for the end.
7. When betting on mainstream events, look at the line, see what jumps out at you, then bet the opposite.
Pro: This works for the most part, especially in heavily wagered on games. It just proves to me that I know nothing about sports or gambling.
Con: It can be discouraging to find out just how bad you are at capping games.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Salmons/Metcalf" Method. It's good but not great. You're probably better off just sticking with your specialty sport and avoiding this stuff entirely but I know that I need more action than that. I suck.
8. Find someone who knows absolutely nothing about anything and is prone to making blowhard statements like calling a game a "lock." Whenever that person releases a "lock" in a major sporting event, immediately lay whatever is in your pocket on the other side.
Pro: You will win a lot.
Con: You have to listen to the rants of a crazy blowhard.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Chad Jackson Method." My favorite gambling method so far. A couple days ago Chad was telling me how much he loved the Celtics in Game 3 of their series with the Cavs. He called the play a lock and said he didn't understand why Cleveland was favored. That was all I needed to hear. Thanks a lot, Chad. By the way he also said the Celtics are a lock in Game 4. You all know what to do....
I have to apologize for any perceived "shots" in today's blog. All of the guys mentioned above have had at least some success betting on sports. Well all of them but Chad, of course. That last method is just gold. (He did clean up on the Super Bowl though. I'm going to go kill myself now.)
But seriously, I'm just bitter over a disappointing night at the "Lady in Black." She truly was too tough to tame. Plus I'm a little stressed over the pending lawsuit Amanda is hanging over my head. Be careful about starting a contest involving a girl you don't know. Especially if she's from Iowa.
Look, just to prove there are no hard feelings, I'll offer up another method:
9. Follow other people's plays and start a blog mocking anything and everyone involved with sports betting while you yourself are decidedly mediocre at it.
Pro: It's funny.
Con: It will cost you any friends you thought you had.
Bottom Line: Call this the "Murray Method." It um.... doesn't work. But I did have Ryan Howard to lead the majors in home runs at 40-1 two years ago! Take that Pinnacle!
( No, the retarded way Lars bets does not justify him getting his own method in the blog. It's not a method when only one person does it and that person never wins. It's just dumb. )
I'm sorry about not blogging the last few days and I hope some of you could find "humor" in today's blog and not be too offended by it. ( Sorry, Scott. I know you're a sensitive guy but you'll be okay. And the baseball will turn around.... )
I only have one bet today. I took the Lakers -30.5 FT Attempts in Game 4 of their series with the Jazz. Seems pretty safe.
No trivia today. No time for that. I just remembered that it's Mother's Day because my Dad just called to yell at me for not calling my Mom and I've already wasted 45 minutes doing this nonsense.
Don't everyone call Chad for his plays at once and don't forget to....
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
I learn something new every day....
or perhaps with every bet I take (in other words lose.) After watching Game 1 of the Lakers-Jazz series on Sunday, I figured that the Jazz would be a solid play in Game 2. The Lakers had gone to the free throw line an astounding 46 times in Game 1, and made an impressive 38 of those attempts. America's favorite basketball player and (alleged) rapist made 21-23 himself! That's 38 free points and they covered by 2 in the last minute.... fast forward to Game 2 at the Staples Center on Wednesday night. There's no way they are getting to the line that many times again, right? Especially not with David Stern (a shining beacon of everything that is fair and just in sports) sitting in the stands?
Well, they didn't get to the line 46 times in this game - only 43. Their counterparts from Mormon Country went to the charity stripe a paltry 16 times. That seems fair. For those keeping score at home that is now an 89-46 free throw attempt advantage for the Lakers so far in this series. And it's only been 2 games! I understand the Lakers are quicker, I understand that the Jazz commited more fouls than any team in the NBA this season, and I understand that a handful of those FT attempts came at the end of the game when the Jazz were intentionally fouling to stop the clock. That doesn't excuse the NBA from blatantly cheating to get the Finals they want: Lakers-Celtics. I wish they would just skip this whole sham that is the NBA Playoffs and go right to the NBA Final(s). These other rounds are just a waste of time.
Ed or Jeff - can I put up this prop for the next Lakers home game:
Free Throw Attempts:
Lakers -17.5 (-135)
Opponent +17.5 (+115)
Let the kids bet into that one.
( Yes, I did have money on that stupid game. Why else would I be so annoyed by it? I just wanted all 4 of you to know what a garbage league I think the NBA is )
I have to apologize for not blogging since Sunday. I'm sure many of you (especially Jeff who I know is secretly refreshing this screen every hour to read more of my "blurbs") were very disappointed. Here's the scoop: on Sunday night, young Jorgen came into work to pick up a book he left there. I won't say which book it was but I believe the target audience is slightly younger than say....the chicks my boy Mikey Millz was describing in his first blog entry. Anyways, Jorgie and I get to talking and he tells me that Amanda (yes, THE Amanda) has been reading my blog and I admit it - I froze. I knew I couldn't be coming back to the blogosphere with any more weak entries. Now that I know Amanda is reading I have to come strong each and every time I blog. Let's just say that I pulled up the Covers.com stat sheet before I made these picks. I'm leaving nothing to chance here, bros.
With that in mind, let's go to Thursday's card:
Marlins
Astros
Blue Jays
Stars
In the NBA, I figure that the league will want the Celtics to win (obviously) and I'm assuming they want the Spurs to win and take this Hornets series the distance so that The Rapist, er.... MVP, and his buddies will have a few extra days off before the Western Final(s). Unfortunately, I can't possibly bet on this crap Boston team which has to be the most overrated team I've ever seen so I'll just go with the Spurs tonight.
I have to go back to Jorgen for a moment here. ( I'm sorry, Chris. Taking Jorgen away from my readers is like taking parlays away from the kids. I literally get hate mail when I don't mention the guy. I know that was you, Jeff.... ) For those of you who have not taken the time to vote for Jorgen and Amanda's son's name, what exactly are you waiting for? I realize this is a big decision but a child's future is hanging in the balance here. Sure, this kid will be born with a silver spoon in his mouth, a result of his father holding a gaming degree that will likely lead to him running Harrah's within the next 6 months. But come on - it's Jorgen. I mean how would you feel if you came home and your father was reading a Harry Potter novel? (Sorry, Jorgen. It slipped out.) Things are going to be bad enough for this kid. At least he can have a great name like Gunnar. How about Gunnar Anders Yohnnson? Now that's a good name. How Swede it is! Please take time out of your day to vote for the name you like best and don't forget we are also accepting write-in votes at the bottom of the blog. Get out there and vote. Thank you.
I'll have more about the "Watch the Dodge Challenger 500 With Amanda Contest" in tomorrow's blog. Let's just say that she (and her lawyers) have been pretty unreasonable about the whole thing thus far.
Before I get to today's trivia question, I want to mention how impressed I was with a recent Andy Ross entry. You may remember Ross calling me out for "only" giving 4 teams detailed NFL Draft grades and then promising to grade all 32 teams. However, in a recent blog, Andy said that he is "lazy and just don't feel like it anymore...." Well done. One can't help but be impressed by that sortof blogging dedication.
Trivia Question For Thursday - Legendary Ohio State coach Woody Hayes was ultimately fired for punching an opposing player in the closing seconds of a loss. Which team were the Buckeyes playing and what bowl game was it in? Bonus point if you can name the player.
** Monday's Answer - Toby Bailey was the Most Outstanding Player of the 1995 Final Four. He was later drafted by the Lakers. I hope he was working on his free throws while at UCLA....
The NHL Playoffs return tonight, there are two games in the Lakers-Celtics Invitational, and my beloved Nasty Nats are in Houston, so you all have plenty of opportunities to....
Enjoy the game.
Well, they didn't get to the line 46 times in this game - only 43. Their counterparts from Mormon Country went to the charity stripe a paltry 16 times. That seems fair. For those keeping score at home that is now an 89-46 free throw attempt advantage for the Lakers so far in this series. And it's only been 2 games! I understand the Lakers are quicker, I understand that the Jazz commited more fouls than any team in the NBA this season, and I understand that a handful of those FT attempts came at the end of the game when the Jazz were intentionally fouling to stop the clock. That doesn't excuse the NBA from blatantly cheating to get the Finals they want: Lakers-Celtics. I wish they would just skip this whole sham that is the NBA Playoffs and go right to the NBA Final(s). These other rounds are just a waste of time.
Ed or Jeff - can I put up this prop for the next Lakers home game:
Free Throw Attempts:
Lakers -17.5 (-135)
Opponent +17.5 (+115)
Let the kids bet into that one.
( Yes, I did have money on that stupid game. Why else would I be so annoyed by it? I just wanted all 4 of you to know what a garbage league I think the NBA is )
I have to apologize for not blogging since Sunday. I'm sure many of you (especially Jeff who I know is secretly refreshing this screen every hour to read more of my "blurbs") were very disappointed. Here's the scoop: on Sunday night, young Jorgen came into work to pick up a book he left there. I won't say which book it was but I believe the target audience is slightly younger than say....the chicks my boy Mikey Millz was describing in his first blog entry. Anyways, Jorgie and I get to talking and he tells me that Amanda (yes, THE Amanda) has been reading my blog and I admit it - I froze. I knew I couldn't be coming back to the blogosphere with any more weak entries. Now that I know Amanda is reading I have to come strong each and every time I blog. Let's just say that I pulled up the Covers.com stat sheet before I made these picks. I'm leaving nothing to chance here, bros.
With that in mind, let's go to Thursday's card:
Marlins
Astros
Blue Jays
Stars
In the NBA, I figure that the league will want the Celtics to win (obviously) and I'm assuming they want the Spurs to win and take this Hornets series the distance so that The Rapist, er.... MVP, and his buddies will have a few extra days off before the Western Final(s). Unfortunately, I can't possibly bet on this crap Boston team which has to be the most overrated team I've ever seen so I'll just go with the Spurs tonight.
I have to go back to Jorgen for a moment here. ( I'm sorry, Chris. Taking Jorgen away from my readers is like taking parlays away from the kids. I literally get hate mail when I don't mention the guy. I know that was you, Jeff.... ) For those of you who have not taken the time to vote for Jorgen and Amanda's son's name, what exactly are you waiting for? I realize this is a big decision but a child's future is hanging in the balance here. Sure, this kid will be born with a silver spoon in his mouth, a result of his father holding a gaming degree that will likely lead to him running Harrah's within the next 6 months. But come on - it's Jorgen. I mean how would you feel if you came home and your father was reading a Harry Potter novel? (Sorry, Jorgen. It slipped out.) Things are going to be bad enough for this kid. At least he can have a great name like Gunnar. How about Gunnar Anders Yohnnson? Now that's a good name. How Swede it is! Please take time out of your day to vote for the name you like best and don't forget we are also accepting write-in votes at the bottom of the blog. Get out there and vote. Thank you.
I'll have more about the "Watch the Dodge Challenger 500 With Amanda Contest" in tomorrow's blog. Let's just say that she (and her lawyers) have been pretty unreasonable about the whole thing thus far.
Before I get to today's trivia question, I want to mention how impressed I was with a recent Andy Ross entry. You may remember Ross calling me out for "only" giving 4 teams detailed NFL Draft grades and then promising to grade all 32 teams. However, in a recent blog, Andy said that he is "lazy and just don't feel like it anymore...." Well done. One can't help but be impressed by that sortof blogging dedication.
Trivia Question For Thursday - Legendary Ohio State coach Woody Hayes was ultimately fired for punching an opposing player in the closing seconds of a loss. Which team were the Buckeyes playing and what bowl game was it in? Bonus point if you can name the player.
** Monday's Answer - Toby Bailey was the Most Outstanding Player of the 1995 Final Four. He was later drafted by the Lakers. I hope he was working on his free throws while at UCLA....
The NHL Playoffs return tonight, there are two games in the Lakers-Celtics Invitational, and my beloved Nasty Nats are in Houston, so you all have plenty of opportunities to....
Enjoy the game.
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Carl Edwards
May be the blog's biggest hero....
