I woke up very early

.... this morning and now I am sitting around waiting for the DirecTV guy to show up. The guy said he'd be here sometime between 8 AM and April of next year, which should allow me plenty of time to cover a wide variety of pointless topics. Today I'll talk about everything from the wretchedness of the New York Mets to the excitement of the Olympics to the joy of watching that sport where cars turn left over and over while a bunch of beer-swigging, cousin-marrying, Larry-the-Cabe-Guy-watching rednecks cheer like morons. (You know - like the people in my hometown.) To be honest, I don't really feel like blogging but Austin told me that my ability to entertain Ed with this pointless drivel is the only reason I still have a job. Considering that in the current job market even gaming majors can't find a job, I better just play it safe and do whatever Ed wants.

And here we go:


* I really am sorry about not blogging lately but the fact of the matter is that I am not entirely to blame. The way I see it there are three people at fault for my recent case of writer's block:

1. Myself. I just don't have any material. I'm spent.

In other words, my tape recorder is broken.

2. Austin. This guy is like a one man wrecking crew when it comes to the blog. He has a never ending supply of anti-blog jokes and negative things to say about having a blog in general. Last week, I posted a picture of the Favre family with a caption comparing Deanna Favre to Jorgen's girlfriend, Amanda, which I found very funny. I happened to be looking at that picture and Austin caught me, reading my own blog and laughing. It was even worse than it sounds.

I hate that guy.

3. Jeff Sherman. Last weekend we were talking about the blog in the admin room and Jeff said that he wasn't reading it. (And he said it in a very condescending and mocking way, too. It was like he was trying to stick it to me or something.) Well then what the hell am I doing it for, bro? Don't get me wrong - I know that he was lying. I'm sure that he's been reading it all along. I'm sure he refreshes it every day. I'm sure that he squealed when he saw the new headline and new pictures today. He's probably reading it right now with a big smile on his face that turned into laughter when he read that line in the last sentence about him squealing. Very sad. Why can't you just come clean, Jeff? I admit that I like your site - GolfOdds.com. There's plenty of room in the world wide web for both of us.

Okay, Jeff, you can go now. Your part is over.



Or is it?



Dude, just keep reading. It will all be over soon.



Or will it?


* Despite a bullpen that makes me feel ill every time I watch them play, the New York Mets have amazingly (Pun intended!) moved into first place in the embarassingly weak NL East. I've maintained for weeks that the only thing my Mets to win the National League bet has going for it is the fact that the 2nd place Philadelphia Phillies are an even bigger group of heartless losers than the Mets are. I know how disappointed Ed is going to be when the Phillies don't make the playoffs, so the blog is starting up a collection to buy him this - Arena Bowl Champs, Baby! to commemorate the biggest win by a Philadelphia team in the last quarter century. Forget Valdosta, Georgia or Green Bay; Philadelphia is the true Title Town, USA.

* I'm not done with the Ed jokes yet. The other day I was making fun of TGCU in front of him and I could tell it truly bothered him. I found this strange, as no one makes fun of Utley more than Ed does and then it hit me: Ed's relationship with Chase is like that of a protective big brother. Older brothers always pick on and/or beat up their younger siblings but suddenly switch to a protective mode when/if outsiders do the same. In other words, Ed can make fun of Chase Utley and pick on him all he wants but the second someone else does, Ed will leap to Utley's defense. It's kind of sweet, really.

* All of this Ed talk is the perfect segueway into some Olympics chatter. Certain people at the SuperBook are very offended by the fact that I am completely indifferent to the events taking place in Beijing during this fortnight. (Well I'm indifferent now that the U.S. soccer team choked like a Philadelphia franchise during group play.) Why wouldn't I be? With the exception of a handful of stars, I hadn't even heard of any of these people until a couple weeks ago. I never follow the majority of these sports. And I don't have any action on any of it. So why should I care who wins? I don't even care if Michael Phelps wins 8 gold medals. I mean I'm not actively and openly rooting against him like some people (See: Ed) but I don't care if he wins either.

* I think the reason I've always rooted for the USA in soccer way more than in any other international sport is that soccer is the one global game where we are almost always a big underdog. How is it fun to root for our team of 12 NBA superstars to beat up on completely overmatched foreign teams? Our guys should be ashamed of themselves if they lose, not patting themselves on the back when they win. I don't see how it could be fun to root for a team that is always expected to win. (Luckily for me, I am a Redskins fan so I will never know.)

* In 2010, the Winter Olympics will be in Ed's home away from home, Canadia. Vancouver, Canada to be specific. If the USA played Canada in hockey, in the Olympics, on Canadian soil, that might be something I would be interested in. I'd even be willing to shell out a few loonies to go up there for an event like that. As for the Summer Games, I'll leave it to the rest of you to watch huge American favorites win in not so surprising fashion. On tape delay, no less.

* You know who else isn't watching the Olympics? My Mom. And it's not because she doesn't like the events. She loves them. She is just boycotting the Olympics because they are in China. She's making a big difference, too. She lives in a house with three other people, all of whom are watching practically every day, so I'm sure that her not watching is really putting a big dent in NBC's ratings. There is some speculation from my sister that the boycott has less to with my mother's disdain for China than it does with her current confusion over how to work the new DirecTV remote. I'm guessing it's a combination of both.

* Speaking of my Mom, she still hasn't taken the time to go see the best movie of 2008, The Dark Knight. (Yeah, I'm making that call in August. Prove me wrong, Bennett. Prove me wrong. Who are you kidding? You know you can't!) She is just absolutely convinced that it will be too scary for her. I am going to offer to take her in October when she is out in Vegas. (I'm also going to invite Ed to join us. I feel that it would allow Ed to meet my mother, a character he appears to be fascinated by, while also giving me great material for a future blog. Better than great, really. That would be like Jorgen-drunk-in-San Diego-looking-like-Maverick-and-buying-drinks-for-another-man great.)


That's enough for today. I want to cut this thing off so I can watch the Nationwide race. I bet a lot of money on Wheeler Boys. Okay, I admit it: I made Wheeler Boys up. No one could possibly have a name that stupid. Not even in NASCAR. I really do have a few bucks on the race (Why else would I watch this nonsense?) but if you are in need of picks you have come to the wrong place. You need to go to the chosen one, the oracle, the Million Dollar Man with the Billion Dollar Plan, my good buddy - The Hoff. I feel a winning streak coming from him very soon. On Friday night, he even hit one of those bankroll-busting "Multi-Unit" plays. Nicely done, pal.

New poll and new pictures today. Tony Romo was the runaway winner of my poll asking who the most overrated player in the NFL is. Perhaps my readers aren't as dumb as I think they are?

I'll even bring back my least popular blog segment, the trivia:


Trivia Question For Saturday: Which team won the first Arena Bowl?

(Jorgen, please sit this one out. It wouldn't be fair to the others.)



Nationwide racing, Redskins preseason action against some new Jets QB named Brett Fav-ra, and another opportunity to watch the Mets bullpen implode. What a day this will be.




Enjoy the game.