People keep telling me they want

.... to hear more Jorgen talk in the blog. What do you guys want from me? Do you want me to admit in a public forum that I miss Jorgen? Do you want me to say out loud that talking on the phone once a week isn't enough to satisfy my Jorgie fix? Am I supposed to tell everyone that when I grabbed a copy of the schedule today, I quickly looked down for Jorgen's name and that I swallowed hard when I realized it wasn't there?

Well you're not going to get that kind of talk from me. It's not my style. I'm a rock. I'm not going to get emotional about some kid leaving. So what if he was the best damn ticket writer to ever pound out 8 team parlays in a janitor's outfit? So what if he is the embodiment of the All-American kid and that working with him made all the other crap worth it?


Give me a second here, guys.


Okay, okay. I'm cool. I'm over it. Jorgen's gone. No big deal. I'm cool with it. Seriously. I'm good.

That actually felt good. It was almost therapeutic.


You guys also tell me you want to hear more about Jeff. What about him? Frankly, I'm mad at the guy. He doesn't even read my blog any more. You know, you pour your heart and soul into something and you'd like to think that your friends and co-workers would at least take the time to read it. It's not like I'm using a lot of fancy words here. I don't even know any fancy words. This whole dumb blog can be read in about 5 minutes. You don't have 5 minutes, Jeff? Really? Well, I don't believe you. I've seen you gabbing away on that IPhone of yours like a schoolgirl. And I happen to know that my blog can be accessed on said IPhone. So stop being a Chatty Cathy for 5 freaking minutes and give my blog another hit.

There. That felt good too, actually. Very therapeutic.

(Please don't fire me, Jeff.)


We all know that Jorgen and Jeff are the two most popular "Characters" in this boring blog but how would you guys feel about a good old fashioned Mom story?

Well, you're getting one anyway.

I was talking on the phone with my brother about a variety of topics (Specifically the fact that he is now engaged to be engaged to his girlfriend, whatever that means) the other day and my Mom heard that he was talking to me and requested the phone. Here's how that conversation went:

Mom: Hey, John. How far is the Las Vegas Motor Speedway from where you live?

Me: I dunno. Not too far, I guess.

Mom: Well, they are having an event there while I'm in Vegas and I thought it could be something fun for us to do since you are so into NASCAR now.

(Awkward pause while I think of a way to tell my Mom that I really don't like car racing at all and only use it as a means to make money.)

Me: Ummm.... Yeah, Mom, I only like watching races I have money on. Otherwise, I really don't care.

Mom (Clearly crushed): Oh.... Well, I thought it might be interesting though.

Me: Yeah.... I don't know.... Yeah.... I'm sure I'll think of something fun for us to do. Don't worry.

Mom: (Not giving up so easily): Well, I think you should at least think about it, John. It sounds very interesting. Have you ever even been to a raceway?

Me (Starting to cave): No.... Well, when is it?

Mom: October 17th and 18th.

Me: I thought you were arriving on the 18th at night?

Mom: Oh.... Oh.... You're right. Nevermind then.

Me: Yeah, don't worry about it. We can just....

(Call is lost.)

(I sit there for 2 minutes and finally call back. My brother answers.)

Peter: What's up?

John: I was talking to Mom and the phone cut off.

Peter: Yeah, she said she accidentally pressed the end button and couldn't figure out how to call you back.

(And he and I resume random Redskins/His girlfriend talk.)


Since, I already opened up about my true feelings on both Jorgie and Jeff and this blog apparently has nothing to do with sports, I'll use this time to open up to the blogosphere about Peter and his ridiculous "Engaged to be engaged" arrangement. We don't have enough time to discuss how he could have possibly bought Elaina a ring, seeing as how he doesn't have a job or any source of income aside from my advice on sports betting (Which we all know is absolutely terrible.) Let's just talk about the arrangement itself. There are basically two schools of thought:

1. Peter is 18 and he shouldn't be in such a serious relationship.

My immediate reaction was to take this position. Try to remember being 18 and the girls you liked back then. This is like if I had given a ring to Ashley when I was 18. (Yeah, remember Ashley? I know a few of you do. What a skank.)

Get out while you still can, bro!

2. Elaina is way, way too good for Peter and if she can't figure that out, he should cling to her for dear life and hope that she never sees the light.

Let's review the facts: Elaina is really cute and she's way smarter than Peter is. And she's actually a pretty sweet girl. Who cares if she basically has him by the balls and expects him to do whatever she wants every time she snaps her fingers?

My Dad (not surprisingly) is in the first camp but my Mom is actually on the other side of the debate. I asked my Mom the other day what Elaina could possibly see in my dumbass little brother and she paused for nearly 5 seconds before saying, "I dunno.... He's tall. Girls like that."

That was the best she could come up. "He's tall." His own mother and that's the best thing she could think of.

Forget everything I else I said, bro. Just cling to her for dear life.

Elaina, if you are still reading the blog, please disregard this entire entry.

Thank you.


Thursday: 0-2, -$252

Year to Date: 16-13, +$540

Even the ridiculous number I got on Clemson wasn't enough to overcome Tommy Bowden's "Game plan." I also lost a few bucks on a parlay at the Hard Rock. Those guys must love it when I come in there.

(120) Oklahoma -6 (-105) vs. Texas

How do I feel about this play? I'm going to intentionally sleep in until this game is over so that I don't have to watch any of the game. Now that's how the pros do it.

(180) Florida -4 (-105) vs. LSU

Yeah, that's actually the number I got on this bet. It didn't do me any good in the Clemson game. I'll hope for better results in this one.


I may end up playing the Chargers on Sunday night. I actually have reasons to back it up, too:

1. The Patriots stayed on the West Coast all week after their game with the 49ers

I thought it was very strange when the Cardinals stayed on the East Coast all week between games @ Washington and @ N.Y. Jets. That had to mess with their routine somewhat. It's obviously a ridiculously small sample size but the Cardinals fell behind 35-0 in that game and gave up 6 TD pass to "Brett the Jet."

(Bennett just cringed.)

2. C-Jack has his biggest NFL bet of the year on the Patriots

Ummm.... Why are you reading this sentence? Do I really need to elaborate here? It's Chad. It's his biggest bet of the year. Close your computer right now and go bet the other side.

What's the matter with you?


I'll give you guys our group's Leroy's losers before I get out of here:

The Guy Humping Himself Over His Beloved Philadelphia Phillies: Florida, Wisconsin

The Guy Who Somehow Managed to Go 0-3 Two Weeks In A Row: Kentucky, Vandy

The Guy Who Actually Rooted for the Dodgers in Game 2 Even Though He Had Money on the Phillies Just Because He Wanted to See the Phillies Fans Go Home Unhappy: Oregon, Kansas St, UNC

Yeah, I'm that last guy. How bad has our group done in this contest? We all agreed that whichever one of us had the best season winning percentage going into each week would get to pick 3 games and the other guys would pick 2 a piece. Mertins picked 3 games a couple weeks back, went 0-3, and still had the best winning percentage. Then he went 0-3 again last week.

If he goes 1-1 this week, he'll probably be back to picking 3 games again next Saturday.

If I didn't love both of you guys, I'd just tell you I signed up for the contest next year and pocket the money.


Trivia Question for Saturday: With the Phillies seemingly a lock to make it to their first World Series in 15 years, let's talk about their most recent world championship. The year was 1980. Most of you weren't even alive. Who was their opponent? Who managed that garbage Fightins' team and who was the MVP of the series?

Wednesday's Answer: Bobby Abreu. Both Ross brothers nailed it but, in fairness, Andy did tell me the answer first. Gotta give that one to Little Brother.


Let's not dance around it: Saturday is a huge day. I'll be looking for sharp objects if Oklahoma loses. Hoffy will be on 24/7 suicide watch if the Rays lose. And everyone who is anyone will be rooting for Cousin Carl and the 99 car at Lowe's Motor Speedway.

So, go Sooners, go Rays, go Carl, and go get the hell out of here and bet on the Chargers.



Enjoy the game.