I don't want to blame the refs

.... for my losing weekend in college football but even the sharp sharps have to admit that This is just completely ridiculous. I'm sure we've all heard the expression that it's "8-on-5" during a Los Angeles Lakers playoff game with the 3 refs doing everything they can to help Kobe, Phil, and the rest of Jeff's boys. But I've never seen one of the refs in a Lakers game actually step into the middle of the action like that. For that one play, it really was 12-on-11 out there. Crazy.

I should point out that South Carolina went on to score a touchdown later in the drive so this play was essentially meaningless. But if the Old Ball Coach and the 'Cocks had fumbled on the next play, there would have been outrage in Columbia. What if the QB had fumbled on that play? It would have been fun to ask the ref who had forced the fumble to go and review the play afterwards to make sure the ball came out before the QB's knee was down.

The blog is pretty frustrated with college football betting at this point. Basically, if I research games, pick a side I like, and get a great number on it, I either get completely run off the field (Missouri) or have to contend with refs who explode into the ball carrier better than half of the Dallas Cowboys en route to a heartbreaking loss in the closing minutes (South Carolina.) Meanwhile, if I go out drinking and decide to make dumb bets on games I don't even have an opinion on, at a bad number no less, just because I'm buzzed and hanging with Hoffy, I almost always win.

Sunday should have been a fun day for me. I hit my only NFL teaser bet. I made a few bucks thanks to that marvelous Tampa Bay Rays team. And, of course, the Washington Redskins held on for a victory over the Cleveland Browns, improving to 5-2 on the year. Plus, Dallas got absolutely murdered by St. Louis. That was great.

But I gotta tell you: Sunday was not a fun day for me. I had to work until dawn on Saturday night then wake up at 10 AM to watch football and gear up for the Cup race. So, I'm sitting on my couch with the Cup race cranked up and the speeds in front of me. That should be heaven for a 25-year-old kid from Virginia, right? Not so much. Unfortunately, my mother, bless her heart, was sitting on the couch right next to me (Instead of occupying one of the vacant chairs in the room) and in an effort to feign interest in NASCAR, she is reading me excerpts from some book she just bought about the history of stock car racing.

I know she meant well but it was brutal. I'm trying to watch the race. I want to focus on speeds and the ever important pit stops. The last thing I need is for her to be quizzing about how stock car racing got its start. As bad as that was, it got much worse. Later in the day, while I'm trying to watch the Cup race speeds on my computer AND watch the Redskins do everything humanly possible to lose to the lowly Browns, I have my mother next to me literally reading reviews of restaurants in Vegas out loud and then asking me if I want to go there:

Mom: John, what do you think of this one....? John?

Me: What? What did you say? Yeah, whatever. Sounds good. We'll go tomorrow.

Mom: Nah.... I'm not really in the mood for Mexican. What do you think of the Italian place? It sounds good, right? John? It sounds good, right?

Me: What? Yeah, great.

Mom: Do you knew where it is? John? Do you know where that Italian place is? John?

Me: What?


It was like those old SNL sketches in which Adam Sandler plays Chris Farley's wife and reads restaurant reviews out loud to him while Farley begs God to have mercy on him and end his life. (Bennett edits: Reverse those roles. Farley was the wife.) Except it was even worse because I was trying to watch a Redskins game. Meanwhile, I'm getting phone calls and texts from inebriated friends, my brother, my Dad, and even my sister, all of whom are watching the game at glorious FedEx Field. It would have been the perfect setting for this blogger: A beautiful autumn evening at FedEx, the Redskins in the lead, me laughing hysterically when my brother crosses the line and starts yelling at opposing fans. And perhaps I would be throwing back a beer or 10. But my friends and family had to support the team without me on this day. They all had a blast while I was trying to focus on the game as much as possible with my Mom in my ear and the knowledge that in a few minutes, I would have to get dressed, go over to the SuperBook, and take orders from Austin for 8 hours.

No, it was definitely not a good day.


Other items of note:

* Speaking of Saturday Night Live, I somehow found myself taking my "Lunch break" on Saturday night during SNL. (Yeah, think about that for a second.) A group of my fellow employees were crowded around a TV in the cafeteria watching it and I decided to join in, mostly because Double Mmpact told me that he had watched it last weekend and that it was pretty funny. I watched one skit where they made fun of Governor Palin, during which I don't think I so much as smirked. Then they had a skit in which Josh Brolin played a boss who kept calling one of his underlings "Fart face" despite the employee's objections. It was seriously one of the dumbest things I've ever watched. I literally got up with my tray, walked to another end of room, and finished eating.

* I don't smoke. I never really smoked. (At least not cigarettes.) But every time I see one of those anti-smoking commercials on TV, I start to reconsider my stance on smoking. These commercials are so lame and the people in them are so lame, that if they are that strongly opposed to smoking, it very well may be the way to go. Plus, apparently if you smoke, you can just take a break from working whenever you feel like it, walk outside, and have a smoke.

* One highlight from this weekend: Multiple drunken phone calls from Jorgie, who was in Columbus, Ohio, for a wedding. He told me some really funny stuff and almost made me forget that I was watching Missouri get completely wiped out by Texas. I'll say this about "The Y," if you are ever out drinking with him and want to do him a solid, confiscate his phone before things get too out of control. Once he gets really drunk, he starts calling people and his true "Feelings" come out. (I know from experience, dude.) And nobody wants to hear people's true feelings. That's just uncomfortable for everyone.

* The blog has a new enemy as of yesterday: Cleveland Browns WR Braylon "I have more dropped passes this year than most teams" Edwards. Following the Browns loss on Sunday, Edwards said that he felt he and Cleveland may have "Underestimated" the Redskins. What the hell does that mean? Dude, your garbage team came into that game 2-3 with one of those wins being against the 0-7 Bengals. Meanwhile, the Skins are 4-2, playing at home, and are more than a touchdown favorite. Someone park this kid in front of an LVSC screen.

After the Browns failed to make the playoffs last season, Edwards was quoted as saying:

“We didn’t deserve it, but the Titans in the playoffs? Tampa Bay? The Redskins! You can’t tell me we couldn’t beat the damn Redskins.”

Turns out you can't beat the Redskins.

Guy.


Trivia Question for Monday: How old is Miley Cyrus?

(And I'm going to need you to be more specific than "Too young for Sean.")

** Saturday's Answer: Hamlin and Gordon finished 1-2. Andy Ross nailed that one right away. That guy knows Cup racing.


You really gotta hand it to Hoffy and the Rays. He told me to bet them back in January and February and I laughed at him. I definitely didn't see this coming but here we are in October and they are in the World Series against TFP. Let me just set the record straight before the Fall Classic starts on Wednesday night: I will be rooting for Tampa Bay. If I had zero dollars on the series, I'd root for Tampa. If none of my friends, my family, or anyone I'd ever met had money on the series, I'd root for Tampa. If my little brother played for Philadelphia, I'd root for Tampa. I don't want to live in a world in which a Philadelphia sports team calls itself a world champion. (No, Ed, the Soul's Arena Bowl championship does not count.)

I didn't mean for this blog to be so long. I woke up early this morning because I am literally afraid to sleep in while my Mom is here. But she's been out doing God knows what all morning so the blog just kept going and going. I finally called her to make sure she wasn't lost or something and it turns out she's been sitting out by the pool. With her NASCAR book.

I'm outta here.



Enjoy the game.