.... to write a good blog for you guys today but it's hard with the Phillies World Series Parade going on in the background. I keep glancing up at the TV to scan the crowd for Ed.
Honestly, I was hoping that Mother Nature would intervene and ruin the parade for the Phillies fans. Let's see how jovial they can be when it's raining or snowing. Oh well. At least it wasn't the Eagles. Don't believe what these Philadelphia people tell you. As excited as they are about Those Fightin's winning the World Series, as excited as they would be if the Flyers or 76ers won it all, what they really want to see is the Philadelphia Eagles win the Super Bowl. But come on.... that ain't happening. Not now. Not ever. If you looked up choking, rat franchise in the dictionary, you'd see the Eagles logo.
I will say that I am happy for the blog's favorite baseball player: Phillies 1B Ryan Howard. "The Big Guy" now has 2 HR titles, (Probably) 2 NL MVPs, and a World Series championship on his resume. And he's done it all in just three full Major League seasons.
And the majority of Philadelphia fans still don't like him.
I haven't written anything funny in a few weeks so I'll at least try:
* You want an optimistic fan base? Try the Los Angeles Lakers. I talked to Jeff last night (Yeah, the guy who was mentioned on ESPN.com!) and he mocked me for betting on the Cavaliers to win it all, saying that no team besides his beloved Lakers had any chance of claiming the NBA championship next summer. I told him I was going to need a little more proof than wins over the Blazers and Clippers before I run out to bet the Lakers at 7-2, which apparently Jeff is recommending. 7-2 seems like a fair price. I'm sure nothing will happen between now and June.
* True story: I went into the Mirage the other day wearing my Hilton name tag and a "Hilton Super Book is #1" shirt. I walked up to the window and politely asked for a NASCAR printout and inquired about what their limits were. The next thing I knew, I woke up in the desert in my underwear. What an industry.
* Can you imagine the kind of panic that must take place when a noted sharp sharp like CB tries to make a NASCAR bet at one of these places? The kid just exudes sharpness as it is, so when he's betting on a sport that is as flagged as NASCAR is right now, it must cause borderline gay panic amongst the supervisors. In fairness, I can understand why people would panic when they see CB making a bet. If you run your own sports book and CB is betting there, I recommend trying the following things to deter him from taking your money:
1. Show all your tellers a picture of him and instruct them to pretend they don't speak English when he tries to make a bet at their window. Eventually, CB will get frustrated and call his bet out really loudly in an effort to get his message across. At this point, you can move the line before the teller enters in the bet number. A frustrated Chris will leave and take his winning action somewhere else. Meanwhile, you can shade your number to bring in action on the other side.
2. If Option #1 seems like too much effort, simply station a security guard at the entrance to the casino. When CB walks in, have the guard call over to the Sports Book. At this point you can turn off all your lights and put up a "Closed for Remodeling" sign. A disappointed Chris will grab all the futures sheets and split. (This Option may sound extreme but people have been doing it to Jeff for years.)
3. If you find that Options #1 and #2 become too much work, just have your director come out from the back and ban Chris and everyone he knows from betting at your place. I doubt any self-respecting book would do that but I suppose it is possible.
(Wait. I take that back. This is Vegas. Nobody would ever do that. Scratch that one.)
* Ed says it's Chris Paul. Jeff says it's Kobe Bryant. I hear Austin actually thinks it's Carmelo Anthony. But if you want to know who the blog thinks is the best player in the NBA, look no further than LeBron James. I don't even think it's close at this point. When he gets a head of steam going towards the basket, you may as well get out of the way because he's going to dunk it whether you're there or not. The words "Man" and "Crush" may apply here. The guy is awesome. Cleveland is going to make a lot of noise this season.
* I'm sure Texas-Texas Tech will be a good game on Saturday night but, being a Southerner and all, I am way more interested in the SEC showdown between Georgia and Florida. I don't think much of Big 12 football, anyway. There's a reason all these Big 12 quarterbacks and offenses are putting up gaudy numbers: None of the teams in that conference play defense. I'll be proven right on that one come bowl season but for now I'm just interested in the Dawgs-Gators game. Georgia has a lot of guys out and I just don't see how they could beat this Florida team on a neutral field. But it is college, so I guess pretty much anything is possible. If the Bulldogs do pull the upset tomorrow, I will definitely be panicking over my Georgia 'Under' 10.5 ticket which all of a sudden will be hurting in a big way.
* Georgia-Florida has all the makings of a classic but most true Southerners only have one sporting event on their minds heading into the weekend: Sunday's Dickies 500. It looks like most experts are favoring the 99 and 48 cars but one darkhorse to keep an eye could be Matt Kenseth and the 17 team. I know of one book in town that thought so highly of the 17 this week that they opened him at 2-1 to win the race. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure that if every book in Vegas has Kenseth between 6 and 10-1, you could hang him at 4-1 or 9-2 without having to worry about taking any (serious) action him.
* Before the NFL season started, I said I thought the Texans were going to be really good this season. I even bet on them to win the Super Bowl, among other things. While the Texans stumbled out of the gates to an 0-4 start, I kept winning bets on other stuff (See: NASCAR) and every week I kept buying more Texans futures tickets. We're at a point now where if the Texans win the Super Bowl, I'm probably going to retire and buy an island somewhere. I bring this up now because I feel like this week's game will finally tell us if this Texans team is actually any good. They are playing on the road against Bennett's Vikings, who are coming off a bye week. A win and Houston is 4-4 with a crucial home game against the Ravens coming up next week. A loss and the Texans fall back to 3-5 and I may be forced to postpone early retirement. Big game.
* But if you're wondering what the biggest game this weekend in the blog's eyes is, believe me, it's no contest: Steelers-Redskins on Monday Night Football. I can't wait for that game. Going to school in Morgantown, WV, (Which is about a 45 minute drive from Pittsburgh) for a few years, I got to know a lot of Steelers fans. They are one of the most annoying fan bases on earth. I was there when they sucked the year before Big Ben arrived. I was there when they finished the regular season 15-1 and were still a home dog in the AFC Championship game against New England (They lost) and I was there when they teamed with the officials to win Super Bowl XL over the Seahawks. And I was annoyed by Steelers fans the whole time.
Steelers fans are on this seemingly pointless quest to constantly prove to everyone that they care about their team more than the rest of us do. I can't even tell you how many times I had a conversation like this:
Steelers Fan: Dude, you don't understand Steelers fans. We really care about our team.
Me: Yeah, I get it. So do Redskins fans. I totally understand. It's literally the exact same thing.
Steelers Fan: Yeah, but we really care, man. You don't understand.
Me: What are you talking about, dude? Redskins fans are exactly the same way. It's a big deal to us, too. It's a big deal to a lot of fan bases all over the league.
Steelers Fan: No, man. We really care. You don't get it.
Me: Guy, I get it. Believe me. I get it.
(Pause)
Steelers Fan: You just don't get it.
I know a lot of you are going to be there on Monday night. And I know what those Monday Night games are like. Show these lame Steelers fans what it's like in Redskin Country.
(Pete: Go easy on the man sodas, bro.)
* Apparently Redskins-Steelers isn't a sexy enough matchup for the Sherman's of the world who have to see 100 points scored in every game to be entertained. However, there will be an interview with Barack Obama and John McCain at halftime. The moderator? Chris Berman, of course. That should be interesting. The blog does have some reservations about our soon to be president-elect. Obama reminds me of one of those backup QBs for a team whose starting QB is struggling. Everyone can't wait for the backup to go into the game but nobody knows why. The backup has never done anything to make people think he's going to succeed. He's just different so people assume he will be better.
We'll see....
Trivia Question for Friday: Who was the Georgia Head Football Coach before Mark Richt took over in 2001?
** Sunday's Answer: Ross is right that Miami beat Nebraska in the Rose Bowl, not the Fiesta Bowl. (Miami-Nebraska. What a classic Rose Bowl matchup.) But Najeh Davenport did not start at fullback in that game. It was actually Willis McGahee, who took over as the starting tailback the following season after Clinton Portis left for the NFL.
Almost forgot about the Leroy's picks. The four week mini-contest starts on Saturday, sparking hopes for three guys who couldn't pick a college football winner if their lives depended on it:
Mr. Phillies: Texas Tech, New Mexico
Mr. 0-8: Colorado, Navy
Mr. Wise Ass: Illinois, Tennessee, Oregon
Before I get out of here, I just want to thank whoever made the decision that it was acceptable for girls to dress like complete and total sluts for Halloween. Excellent call.
So, the blog needs Florida, the Texans, the Redskins, and some clean racing on Sunday afternoon in Fort Worth.
You need to find something more productive to do than reading my blog. I'm going to go finish watching the Phillies parade. I think I just saw Ed!
No, wait. That wasn't him. Nevermind.
Enjoy the game.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
With this being my 100th blog
.... and all, I feel like I have to ask you guys - Is anyone else getting tired of this slop? (Put your hand down, Jeff. I'm not talking to you, bro.) I'm going to force something out today. But it's not gonna be funny. Continue reading at your own risk.
Some things to mention today:
* Contrary to popular belief, I was really not in a bad mood at work last night. I was just exhausted. Try this - Live one-on-one with my Mom in a small apartment for 8 straight days and let me know how you feel. She just has so much damn energy. There is never a moment where she will sit down and stop moving. I'll be watching TV in the living room and notice that she has disappeared into my bedroom for the millionth time. Then I'll hear her rummaging through my closet and ask her what she's doing. Inevitably, she'll panic, drop something on herself and scream. Then I'll groan, get up, and go make sure she's okay. Then I'll go back to the couch, she'll wander off again, and.... I think you see where this is going. Honestly, I was happy to go to work on Saturday. After being with my Mom so much the last few days, being at work was like having time off.
* Here's an example of Ed's logic: The SEC sucks because LSU got blown out by Georgia. Except.... Georgia is in the SEC. Matt's conference is still the best in the nation, hands down. And they'll prove it at bowl season.
* Georgia's Matthew Stafford is the best pro prospect at QB in college football right now. Alabama T Andre Smith is the best pro prospect at any position.
"John, who are you to make declarations like that?"
(Drawing a blank....)
Moving on....
* Speaking of Matt, he was trying to make a play for "Sharp of the Week" on Saturday. Gotta mock him for that.
Sorry, bro.
* Here's an example of Chad's logic: Ryan Howard has struggled the last few games, so he sucks. That kid should be a Philadelphia sports fan. He'd fit right in with the rest of those morons. What do you think Howard did in his next at bat following Chad's comments? Big surprise.... Ryan crushed one out of that Little League field that people in Philadelphia call a ballpark.
** We all know I majored in blogging. But I dabble a little in linesmaking. Here are a few:
* Will Ed have anything negative to say about Ryan Howard when I get to work on Sunday?
YES -1,000
NO +750
* Who would win a fight between Austin and CC?
Austin +260
CC -300
* Will such a fight ever take place?
YES 25/1
NO (Off the board)
* Who would win a fight between Austin and me?
Someone else has to make the line, but I think Austin would probably win because I'd be laughing so hard.
* Will Austin flip out and offer to book my action after he reads this?
(Completely off the board)
* What will Ed be watching at 11:00 AM on Sunday?
Eagles -220
Cup Race +160
The Line +500000
* Will Jeff Read this blog?
YES -1,000,000
NO +750,000
* Is Jeff Reading this blog right now?
YES -1,000,000
NO +750,000
(Just admit it already, bro. All the cool kids are doing it.)
* Will Bennett and that Holdsclaw kid be on the same side in World Series Game 4?
YES -50,000
NO +35,000
* Did Ed just laugh at that joke?
(Off the board.)
* Will Bennett take this the wrong way and get all defensive?
YES -80,000
NO +60,000
* Will Bennett take everything too literally and mock these odds?
(Completely off the board.)
Dude, it's after 2 AM. Just be grateful I'm blogging for you kids.
* Will I regret my decision to take my Mom out for breakfast during a Redskins game and a Cup race?
Dude.... What do you think?
I haven't posted any of my dumb picks since last Saturday. Luckily for you guys, I keep very good records. Not mentioned Saturday was $150 wasted on one of the most scumbag bets of my life. It was a heavily correlated parlay in the USC-Wazzu game. But apparently it wasn't correlated enough to prevent me and Hoffy from losing money. I actually rebounded nicely in the NFL winning a teaser bet on the Skins and Packers and even hitting a straight bet on New England on MNF, despite Matt Cassel being sacked 37 times. I passed on the college card this week because I couldn't pick a college winner if you gave me 3 extra points to work with in every game.
Last Weekend: 2-3, -$154
Year to Date: 20-17, +$476
(201) Chargers -2.5 (-110) vs. Saints
This just feels like one of those bets where I was correct to play it at the number I did but I'm going to lose anyway.
I hate those bets.
(206) Dolphins +8 vs. Bills
(210) Eagles -2.5 vs. Falcons
I laid -120 and I have to root for a Philadelphia team? Yikes.
I may play a couple more teasers on Sunday morning should the mood strike me.
Trivia Question for Sunday: Blog favorite Clinton Portis was the starting tailback for Miami (FL) when they trounced Big 12 slop, Nebraska, in the Fiesta Bowl for the national championship. Who started at fullback for the 'Canes in that game?
** Monday's Answer: Miley Cyrus was born on November 23, 1992. Wow. That's.... pretty young. You should be ashamed of yourself, Sean. I don't think I'll posting any more pics of her. At least not until November 23, 2010.
Franco Cortes got that one, by the way.
The Skins are in the Motor City to take on the Lions, I got money on an NFL game that's being played in London for some reason, Hoffy will be on pins and needles during Game 4, and the Cup boys are in the great state of Georgia. The blog expects to see the Office Depot #99 in Victory Lane but someone smarter than me seems to think the 18 team will be celebrating on Sunday afternoon.
How can I have my 100th blog without mentioning Jorgen, you ask?
It was pretty easy, really. No regrets.
Okay, fine. I'll force out a Jorgen story. Iowa's favorite son actually met my Mom on Wednesday night. As he was walking away, I noticed he was carrying the infamous Big Red Man Purse, which for blog purposes we will now refer to as BRMP (Sorry, Chris.) I nudged my Mom and said "There goes, Jorgen. Look, he's got his purse with him," and she laughed. She laughed hard actually. And I'm not a funny person. So, obviously it was the purse that caused her to chuckle.
Add my Mom to the list of people who find it funny that Jorgen has a purse.
And enjoy the game.
Some things to mention today:
* Contrary to popular belief, I was really not in a bad mood at work last night. I was just exhausted. Try this - Live one-on-one with my Mom in a small apartment for 8 straight days and let me know how you feel. She just has so much damn energy. There is never a moment where she will sit down and stop moving. I'll be watching TV in the living room and notice that she has disappeared into my bedroom for the millionth time. Then I'll hear her rummaging through my closet and ask her what she's doing. Inevitably, she'll panic, drop something on herself and scream. Then I'll groan, get up, and go make sure she's okay. Then I'll go back to the couch, she'll wander off again, and.... I think you see where this is going. Honestly, I was happy to go to work on Saturday. After being with my Mom so much the last few days, being at work was like having time off.
* Here's an example of Ed's logic: The SEC sucks because LSU got blown out by Georgia. Except.... Georgia is in the SEC. Matt's conference is still the best in the nation, hands down. And they'll prove it at bowl season.
* Georgia's Matthew Stafford is the best pro prospect at QB in college football right now. Alabama T Andre Smith is the best pro prospect at any position.
"John, who are you to make declarations like that?"
(Drawing a blank....)
Moving on....
* Speaking of Matt, he was trying to make a play for "Sharp of the Week" on Saturday. Gotta mock him for that.
Sorry, bro.
* Here's an example of Chad's logic: Ryan Howard has struggled the last few games, so he sucks. That kid should be a Philadelphia sports fan. He'd fit right in with the rest of those morons. What do you think Howard did in his next at bat following Chad's comments? Big surprise.... Ryan crushed one out of that Little League field that people in Philadelphia call a ballpark.
** We all know I majored in blogging. But I dabble a little in linesmaking. Here are a few:
* Will Ed have anything negative to say about Ryan Howard when I get to work on Sunday?
YES -1,000
NO +750
* Who would win a fight between Austin and CC?
Austin +260
CC -300
* Will such a fight ever take place?
YES 25/1
NO (Off the board)
* Who would win a fight between Austin and me?
Someone else has to make the line, but I think Austin would probably win because I'd be laughing so hard.
* Will Austin flip out and offer to book my action after he reads this?
(Completely off the board)
* What will Ed be watching at 11:00 AM on Sunday?
Eagles -220
Cup Race +160
The Line +500000
* Will Jeff Read this blog?
YES -1,000,000
NO +750,000
* Is Jeff Reading this blog right now?
YES -1,000,000
NO +750,000
(Just admit it already, bro. All the cool kids are doing it.)
* Will Bennett and that Holdsclaw kid be on the same side in World Series Game 4?
YES -50,000
NO +35,000
* Did Ed just laugh at that joke?
(Off the board.)
* Will Bennett take this the wrong way and get all defensive?
YES -80,000
NO +60,000
* Will Bennett take everything too literally and mock these odds?
(Completely off the board.)
Dude, it's after 2 AM. Just be grateful I'm blogging for you kids.
* Will I regret my decision to take my Mom out for breakfast during a Redskins game and a Cup race?
Dude.... What do you think?
I haven't posted any of my dumb picks since last Saturday. Luckily for you guys, I keep very good records. Not mentioned Saturday was $150 wasted on one of the most scumbag bets of my life. It was a heavily correlated parlay in the USC-Wazzu game. But apparently it wasn't correlated enough to prevent me and Hoffy from losing money. I actually rebounded nicely in the NFL winning a teaser bet on the Skins and Packers and even hitting a straight bet on New England on MNF, despite Matt Cassel being sacked 37 times. I passed on the college card this week because I couldn't pick a college winner if you gave me 3 extra points to work with in every game.
Last Weekend: 2-3, -$154
Year to Date: 20-17, +$476
(201) Chargers -2.5 (-110) vs. Saints
This just feels like one of those bets where I was correct to play it at the number I did but I'm going to lose anyway.
I hate those bets.
(206) Dolphins +8 vs. Bills
(210) Eagles -2.5 vs. Falcons
I laid -120 and I have to root for a Philadelphia team? Yikes.
I may play a couple more teasers on Sunday morning should the mood strike me.
Trivia Question for Sunday: Blog favorite Clinton Portis was the starting tailback for Miami (FL) when they trounced Big 12 slop, Nebraska, in the Fiesta Bowl for the national championship. Who started at fullback for the 'Canes in that game?
** Monday's Answer: Miley Cyrus was born on November 23, 1992. Wow. That's.... pretty young. You should be ashamed of yourself, Sean. I don't think I'll posting any more pics of her. At least not until November 23, 2010.
Franco Cortes got that one, by the way.
The Skins are in the Motor City to take on the Lions, I got money on an NFL game that's being played in London for some reason, Hoffy will be on pins and needles during Game 4, and the Cup boys are in the great state of Georgia. The blog expects to see the Office Depot #99 in Victory Lane but someone smarter than me seems to think the 18 team will be celebrating on Sunday afternoon.
How can I have my 100th blog without mentioning Jorgen, you ask?
It was pretty easy, really. No regrets.
Okay, fine. I'll force out a Jorgen story. Iowa's favorite son actually met my Mom on Wednesday night. As he was walking away, I noticed he was carrying the infamous Big Red Man Purse, which for blog purposes we will now refer to as BRMP (Sorry, Chris.) I nudged my Mom and said "There goes, Jorgen. Look, he's got his purse with him," and she laughed. She laughed hard actually. And I'm not a funny person. So, obviously it was the purse that caused her to chuckle.
Add my Mom to the list of people who find it funny that Jorgen has a purse.
And enjoy the game.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I don't want to blame the refs
.... for my losing weekend in college football but even the sharp sharps have to admit that This is just completely ridiculous. I'm sure we've all heard the expression that it's "8-on-5" during a Los Angeles Lakers playoff game with the 3 refs doing everything they can to help Kobe, Phil, and the rest of Jeff's boys. But I've never seen one of the refs in a Lakers game actually step into the middle of the action like that. For that one play, it really was 12-on-11 out there. Crazy.
I should point out that South Carolina went on to score a touchdown later in the drive so this play was essentially meaningless. But if the Old Ball Coach and the 'Cocks had fumbled on the next play, there would have been outrage in Columbia. What if the QB had fumbled on that play? It would have been fun to ask the ref who had forced the fumble to go and review the play afterwards to make sure the ball came out before the QB's knee was down.
The blog is pretty frustrated with college football betting at this point. Basically, if I research games, pick a side I like, and get a great number on it, I either get completely run off the field (Missouri) or have to contend with refs who explode into the ball carrier better than half of the Dallas Cowboys en route to a heartbreaking loss in the closing minutes (South Carolina.) Meanwhile, if I go out drinking and decide to make dumb bets on games I don't even have an opinion on, at a bad number no less, just because I'm buzzed and hanging with Hoffy, I almost always win.
Sunday should have been a fun day for me. I hit my only NFL teaser bet. I made a few bucks thanks to that marvelous Tampa Bay Rays team. And, of course, the Washington Redskins held on for a victory over the Cleveland Browns, improving to 5-2 on the year. Plus, Dallas got absolutely murdered by St. Louis. That was great.
But I gotta tell you: Sunday was not a fun day for me. I had to work until dawn on Saturday night then wake up at 10 AM to watch football and gear up for the Cup race. So, I'm sitting on my couch with the Cup race cranked up and the speeds in front of me. That should be heaven for a 25-year-old kid from Virginia, right? Not so much. Unfortunately, my mother, bless her heart, was sitting on the couch right next to me (Instead of occupying one of the vacant chairs in the room) and in an effort to feign interest in NASCAR, she is reading me excerpts from some book she just bought about the history of stock car racing.
I know she meant well but it was brutal. I'm trying to watch the race. I want to focus on speeds and the ever important pit stops. The last thing I need is for her to be quizzing about how stock car racing got its start. As bad as that was, it got much worse. Later in the day, while I'm trying to watch the Cup race speeds on my computer AND watch the Redskins do everything humanly possible to lose to the lowly Browns, I have my mother next to me literally reading reviews of restaurants in Vegas out loud and then asking me if I want to go there:
Mom: John, what do you think of this one....? John?
Me: What? What did you say? Yeah, whatever. Sounds good. We'll go tomorrow.
Mom: Nah.... I'm not really in the mood for Mexican. What do you think of the Italian place? It sounds good, right? John? It sounds good, right?
Me: What? Yeah, great.
Mom: Do you knew where it is? John? Do you know where that Italian place is? John?
Me: What?
It was like those old SNL sketches in which Adam Sandler plays Chris Farley's wife and reads restaurant reviews out loud to him while Farley begs God to have mercy on him and end his life. (Bennett edits: Reverse those roles. Farley was the wife.) Except it was even worse because I was trying to watch a Redskins game. Meanwhile, I'm getting phone calls and texts from inebriated friends, my brother, my Dad, and even my sister, all of whom are watching the game at glorious FedEx Field. It would have been the perfect setting for this blogger: A beautiful autumn evening at FedEx, the Redskins in the lead, me laughing hysterically when my brother crosses the line and starts yelling at opposing fans. And perhaps I would be throwing back a beer or 10. But my friends and family had to support the team without me on this day. They all had a blast while I was trying to focus on the game as much as possible with my Mom in my ear and the knowledge that in a few minutes, I would have to get dressed, go over to the SuperBook, and take orders from Austin for 8 hours.
No, it was definitely not a good day.
Other items of note:
* Speaking of Saturday Night Live, I somehow found myself taking my "Lunch break" on Saturday night during SNL. (Yeah, think about that for a second.) A group of my fellow employees were crowded around a TV in the cafeteria watching it and I decided to join in, mostly because Double Mmpact told me that he had watched it last weekend and that it was pretty funny. I watched one skit where they made fun of Governor Palin, during which I don't think I so much as smirked. Then they had a skit in which Josh Brolin played a boss who kept calling one of his underlings "Fart face" despite the employee's objections. It was seriously one of the dumbest things I've ever watched. I literally got up with my tray, walked to another end of room, and finished eating.
* I don't smoke. I never really smoked. (At least not cigarettes.) But every time I see one of those anti-smoking commercials on TV, I start to reconsider my stance on smoking. These commercials are so lame and the people in them are so lame, that if they are that strongly opposed to smoking, it very well may be the way to go. Plus, apparently if you smoke, you can just take a break from working whenever you feel like it, walk outside, and have a smoke.
* One highlight from this weekend: Multiple drunken phone calls from Jorgie, who was in Columbus, Ohio, for a wedding. He told me some really funny stuff and almost made me forget that I was watching Missouri get completely wiped out by Texas. I'll say this about "The Y," if you are ever out drinking with him and want to do him a solid, confiscate his phone before things get too out of control. Once he gets really drunk, he starts calling people and his true "Feelings" come out. (I know from experience, dude.) And nobody wants to hear people's true feelings. That's just uncomfortable for everyone.
* The blog has a new enemy as of yesterday: Cleveland Browns WR Braylon "I have more dropped passes this year than most teams" Edwards. Following the Browns loss on Sunday, Edwards said that he felt he and Cleveland may have "Underestimated" the Redskins. What the hell does that mean? Dude, your garbage team came into that game 2-3 with one of those wins being against the 0-7 Bengals. Meanwhile, the Skins are 4-2, playing at home, and are more than a touchdown favorite. Someone park this kid in front of an LVSC screen.
After the Browns failed to make the playoffs last season, Edwards was quoted as saying:
“We didn’t deserve it, but the Titans in the playoffs? Tampa Bay? The Redskins! You can’t tell me we couldn’t beat the damn Redskins.”
Turns out you can't beat the Redskins.
Guy.
Trivia Question for Monday: How old is Miley Cyrus?
(And I'm going to need you to be more specific than "Too young for Sean.")
** Saturday's Answer: Hamlin and Gordon finished 1-2. Andy Ross nailed that one right away. That guy knows Cup racing.
You really gotta hand it to Hoffy and the Rays. He told me to bet them back in January and February and I laughed at him. I definitely didn't see this coming but here we are in October and they are in the World Series against TFP. Let me just set the record straight before the Fall Classic starts on Wednesday night: I will be rooting for Tampa Bay. If I had zero dollars on the series, I'd root for Tampa. If none of my friends, my family, or anyone I'd ever met had money on the series, I'd root for Tampa. If my little brother played for Philadelphia, I'd root for Tampa. I don't want to live in a world in which a Philadelphia sports team calls itself a world champion. (No, Ed, the Soul's Arena Bowl championship does not count.)
I didn't mean for this blog to be so long. I woke up early this morning because I am literally afraid to sleep in while my Mom is here. But she's been out doing God knows what all morning so the blog just kept going and going. I finally called her to make sure she wasn't lost or something and it turns out she's been sitting out by the pool. With her NASCAR book.
I'm outta here.
Enjoy the game.
I should point out that South Carolina went on to score a touchdown later in the drive so this play was essentially meaningless. But if the Old Ball Coach and the 'Cocks had fumbled on the next play, there would have been outrage in Columbia. What if the QB had fumbled on that play? It would have been fun to ask the ref who had forced the fumble to go and review the play afterwards to make sure the ball came out before the QB's knee was down.
The blog is pretty frustrated with college football betting at this point. Basically, if I research games, pick a side I like, and get a great number on it, I either get completely run off the field (Missouri) or have to contend with refs who explode into the ball carrier better than half of the Dallas Cowboys en route to a heartbreaking loss in the closing minutes (South Carolina.) Meanwhile, if I go out drinking and decide to make dumb bets on games I don't even have an opinion on, at a bad number no less, just because I'm buzzed and hanging with Hoffy, I almost always win.
Sunday should have been a fun day for me. I hit my only NFL teaser bet. I made a few bucks thanks to that marvelous Tampa Bay Rays team. And, of course, the Washington Redskins held on for a victory over the Cleveland Browns, improving to 5-2 on the year. Plus, Dallas got absolutely murdered by St. Louis. That was great.
But I gotta tell you: Sunday was not a fun day for me. I had to work until dawn on Saturday night then wake up at 10 AM to watch football and gear up for the Cup race. So, I'm sitting on my couch with the Cup race cranked up and the speeds in front of me. That should be heaven for a 25-year-old kid from Virginia, right? Not so much. Unfortunately, my mother, bless her heart, was sitting on the couch right next to me (Instead of occupying one of the vacant chairs in the room) and in an effort to feign interest in NASCAR, she is reading me excerpts from some book she just bought about the history of stock car racing.
I know she meant well but it was brutal. I'm trying to watch the race. I want to focus on speeds and the ever important pit stops. The last thing I need is for her to be quizzing about how stock car racing got its start. As bad as that was, it got much worse. Later in the day, while I'm trying to watch the Cup race speeds on my computer AND watch the Redskins do everything humanly possible to lose to the lowly Browns, I have my mother next to me literally reading reviews of restaurants in Vegas out loud and then asking me if I want to go there:
Mom: John, what do you think of this one....? John?
Me: What? What did you say? Yeah, whatever. Sounds good. We'll go tomorrow.
Mom: Nah.... I'm not really in the mood for Mexican. What do you think of the Italian place? It sounds good, right? John? It sounds good, right?
Me: What? Yeah, great.
Mom: Do you knew where it is? John? Do you know where that Italian place is? John?
Me: What?
It was like those old SNL sketches in which Adam Sandler plays Chris Farley's wife and reads restaurant reviews out loud to him while Farley begs God to have mercy on him and end his life. (Bennett edits: Reverse those roles. Farley was the wife.) Except it was even worse because I was trying to watch a Redskins game. Meanwhile, I'm getting phone calls and texts from inebriated friends, my brother, my Dad, and even my sister, all of whom are watching the game at glorious FedEx Field. It would have been the perfect setting for this blogger: A beautiful autumn evening at FedEx, the Redskins in the lead, me laughing hysterically when my brother crosses the line and starts yelling at opposing fans. And perhaps I would be throwing back a beer or 10. But my friends and family had to support the team without me on this day. They all had a blast while I was trying to focus on the game as much as possible with my Mom in my ear and the knowledge that in a few minutes, I would have to get dressed, go over to the SuperBook, and take orders from Austin for 8 hours.
No, it was definitely not a good day.
Other items of note:
* Speaking of Saturday Night Live, I somehow found myself taking my "Lunch break" on Saturday night during SNL. (Yeah, think about that for a second.) A group of my fellow employees were crowded around a TV in the cafeteria watching it and I decided to join in, mostly because Double Mmpact told me that he had watched it last weekend and that it was pretty funny. I watched one skit where they made fun of Governor Palin, during which I don't think I so much as smirked. Then they had a skit in which Josh Brolin played a boss who kept calling one of his underlings "Fart face" despite the employee's objections. It was seriously one of the dumbest things I've ever watched. I literally got up with my tray, walked to another end of room, and finished eating.
* I don't smoke. I never really smoked. (At least not cigarettes.) But every time I see one of those anti-smoking commercials on TV, I start to reconsider my stance on smoking. These commercials are so lame and the people in them are so lame, that if they are that strongly opposed to smoking, it very well may be the way to go. Plus, apparently if you smoke, you can just take a break from working whenever you feel like it, walk outside, and have a smoke.
* One highlight from this weekend: Multiple drunken phone calls from Jorgie, who was in Columbus, Ohio, for a wedding. He told me some really funny stuff and almost made me forget that I was watching Missouri get completely wiped out by Texas. I'll say this about "The Y," if you are ever out drinking with him and want to do him a solid, confiscate his phone before things get too out of control. Once he gets really drunk, he starts calling people and his true "Feelings" come out. (I know from experience, dude.) And nobody wants to hear people's true feelings. That's just uncomfortable for everyone.
* The blog has a new enemy as of yesterday: Cleveland Browns WR Braylon "I have more dropped passes this year than most teams" Edwards. Following the Browns loss on Sunday, Edwards said that he felt he and Cleveland may have "Underestimated" the Redskins. What the hell does that mean? Dude, your garbage team came into that game 2-3 with one of those wins being against the 0-7 Bengals. Meanwhile, the Skins are 4-2, playing at home, and are more than a touchdown favorite. Someone park this kid in front of an LVSC screen.
After the Browns failed to make the playoffs last season, Edwards was quoted as saying:
“We didn’t deserve it, but the Titans in the playoffs? Tampa Bay? The Redskins! You can’t tell me we couldn’t beat the damn Redskins.”
Turns out you can't beat the Redskins.
Guy.
Trivia Question for Monday: How old is Miley Cyrus?
(And I'm going to need you to be more specific than "Too young for Sean.")
** Saturday's Answer: Hamlin and Gordon finished 1-2. Andy Ross nailed that one right away. That guy knows Cup racing.
You really gotta hand it to Hoffy and the Rays. He told me to bet them back in January and February and I laughed at him. I definitely didn't see this coming but here we are in October and they are in the World Series against TFP. Let me just set the record straight before the Fall Classic starts on Wednesday night: I will be rooting for Tampa Bay. If I had zero dollars on the series, I'd root for Tampa. If none of my friends, my family, or anyone I'd ever met had money on the series, I'd root for Tampa. If my little brother played for Philadelphia, I'd root for Tampa. I don't want to live in a world in which a Philadelphia sports team calls itself a world champion. (No, Ed, the Soul's Arena Bowl championship does not count.)
I didn't mean for this blog to be so long. I woke up early this morning because I am literally afraid to sleep in while my Mom is here. But she's been out doing God knows what all morning so the blog just kept going and going. I finally called her to make sure she wasn't lost or something and it turns out she's been sitting out by the pool. With her NASCAR book.
I'm outta here.
Enjoy the game.
Friday, October 17, 2008
I heard a rumor today
.... from a very reliable source that Chris Bennett is more than just your run of the mill sharp sharp. He is, in fact, the Jesus Christ of sharps, sent down to Earth by the God of sharpness to spread His gospel of sharp sports betting. Those of us lucky enough to communicate with Him on a daily basis should get down on our knees and thank The Man upstairs for sending His only son down from Heaven to constantly remind us of how dumb we really are in comparison to Him.
What's more amazing than Bennett being the recognized Jesus Christ of sports betting is that I still can't award him the blog's "Sharp of the Week" award. That distinction has to go to my buddy, Hoffy, who is maybe, possibly on the verge of a massive pay day thanks to the Tampa Bay Rays. I have been roundly mocked for rooting for Hoffy's bet on the Rays to win despite possessing a ticket on the Red Sox at 6-1. My ticket has a "Max pay" of $700. In the grand scheme of things, that's really not much. Meanwhile, if the Rays win the World Series Hoffy would probably spend more than $700 on lap dances alone. Just in the first hour after they clinch.
I might feel differently if my bet was on the Red Sox to win the AL. But if Boston were to knock out the Rays, I would see a profit of $0. My only reward would be a 7 game set with The Bambino and that clutch Fightin' Phils club. In fact, I would lose money overall because I have a bet on the Rays series price. Plus, I would probably lose a buddy, as the aforementioned "H" would most likely take "Double Mmpact's" advice and kill himself. So, I'm rooting for the Rays and that's that.
For the Hoff.
I was lucky enough to watch the debacle that was Game 5 of the ALCS at the Hard Rock with a group that featured Hoffy, Double Mmpact, and CC. Quite a crew. If Jorgie had been there, I would've never wanted the night to end. Unfortunately, he had to "Work." Meanwhile, Jeff had the day off, was invited by yours truly, and chose not to come. He even mocked me for hanging out at the Rock. Jeff, it's stuff like this that leads to you being made fun of so much in the blog. Why would I want to watch the game at the Hard Rock, you ask?? Perhaps it's because every time we go there we see approximately 500 hotass girls. Only like 490 of which are hookers. Or maybe it's because I'm such a big fan of their sports book director who is an admitted reader of the blog, something I greatly appreciate. It could be because every time I go there I end up drinking for free all night. Or it could be because their book does silly things like putting up unbettable presidential election props with Paris Hilton for no apparent reason. Maybe I just like it there because instead of the normal curmudgeonly Jorgen-like tellers I see everywhere in this city, the Rock employees both a super cute Canadian teller and that hotass Russian chick.
Actually, it's definitely because of the free booze. I'd pretty much go anywhere if you told me I could hang out with Hoffy and drink for free all night. Anyways, the blog fully endorses the Hard Rock. I don't care what Jeff says.
(Unless you have advice about betting on soccer, Jeff. Then I totally care what you think and appreciate any calls, texts, or e-mails. Thank you, sir.)
I was able to pick up a bill on TCU over BYU last night thanks to Scotty, who called minutes before kickoff to inform me that a certain sports bettor who has been known to move lines all over the city was on the Horned Frogs. You're probably wondering: "Dude, why do you bet $200 on your own stupid opinions and only $100 on the opinions of that noted sharp, who for privacy purposes we will refer to only as Rick "Big Daddy" Matthews in the blog?"
I actually have an answer to that question. It's because I'm an idiot. And a stubborn idiot at that. I'm so stubborn and so dumb that I actually bet more money on Texans futures this week, even though they are 1-4. What else did I bet?
Saturday - Thursday: 2-1, +$90
Year to Date: 18-14, +$630
(353) Missouri +7 (-106) @ Texas
"Nice call on Oklahoma over Texas last week, Murray."
"Dude they're overrated, trust me."
"You stubborn, stubborn man."
(382) South Carolina +3.5 (-101) vs LSU
Bennett told me this play was "Sharp sharp."
I literally don't care if it wins or not.
Don't think that I don't know why you guys are reading this blog. Don't think I don't know why some of you were childishly complaining that I hadn't blogged in a few days. I do. I know exactly why. You want to see what me and my fellow Men of Eye Street are playing in the Leroy's contest.
I seriously can't believe Mertins is 0-8 over the last 3 weeks. A freakin' monkey throwing darts could do better than that. Anyways, here's what the Big Three came up with for this week:
Mertins: Pitt, Akron
Hill: Rutgers, South Carolina
Murray: Ole Miss, Maryland, Arizona
I don't want to hear any more complaints when I take a few days off from blogging. What else are you going to read until I blog again? Another Bill Simmons entry about whichever Boston sports team is in the championship round this month? That's always real interesting reading. I couldn't even get through his column today and I'm a fan of his and I like to read. Complete garbage. Are you going to browse through GolfOdds.com? It's a good site and all but by his own admission, Jeff spends about 20 minutes a day on it. Conversely, I spend about 4 hours on each blog. And that's just on the rough draft. Yeah, I care about my readers. I owe them that much. I appreciate all 8 of you very much.
Nobody else seems to appreciate Chris Cooley's blog which is actually really funny and interesting. Although, I would like to see less videos starring his desperate-for-the-spotlight brother and more blogging from CC47 himself. The JC of sports betting is apparently on a hiatus for life from the blogging world. Hoffy hasn't blogged since that disastrous post-San Diego trip gambling stretch. And Ross seems to be at a loss without Chad material. Not that I'm blaming him. Just pointing it out.
So instead of complaining when I don't write anything for 4 whole days, just sit tight. It's not like you have any other options out there. Just have faith that I'll come up with something eventually. Perhaps I'll even be funny for once. Obviously, not this time. But some day.
Some day.
Trivia Question for Saturday: Which 2 drivers finished 1-2 at the Spring Cup race at my home track of Martinsville?
*Smirk*
My last trivia question was just a lame excuse for me to mention that Philadelphia hasn't won a sports championship in about a million years. I don't even know the answers and I'm not looking them up. Instead I'll just openly admit that I only did it to make fun of Philadelphia and their loser sports teams. So there.
My Mom arrives in Vegas on Saturday morning. It's like a 5'2'' white-haired Hurricane rolling into town. I'll either be blogging a lot over the next week to get crazy stories involving her off my chest or I won't be able to get on my computer at all because she has literally every second of every day already mapped out.
We'll see.
Enjoy the game.
What's more amazing than Bennett being the recognized Jesus Christ of sports betting is that I still can't award him the blog's "Sharp of the Week" award. That distinction has to go to my buddy, Hoffy, who is maybe, possibly on the verge of a massive pay day thanks to the Tampa Bay Rays. I have been roundly mocked for rooting for Hoffy's bet on the Rays to win despite possessing a ticket on the Red Sox at 6-1. My ticket has a "Max pay" of $700. In the grand scheme of things, that's really not much. Meanwhile, if the Rays win the World Series Hoffy would probably spend more than $700 on lap dances alone. Just in the first hour after they clinch.
I might feel differently if my bet was on the Red Sox to win the AL. But if Boston were to knock out the Rays, I would see a profit of $0. My only reward would be a 7 game set with The Bambino and that clutch Fightin' Phils club. In fact, I would lose money overall because I have a bet on the Rays series price. Plus, I would probably lose a buddy, as the aforementioned "H" would most likely take "Double Mmpact's" advice and kill himself. So, I'm rooting for the Rays and that's that.
For the Hoff.
I was lucky enough to watch the debacle that was Game 5 of the ALCS at the Hard Rock with a group that featured Hoffy, Double Mmpact, and CC. Quite a crew. If Jorgie had been there, I would've never wanted the night to end. Unfortunately, he had to "Work." Meanwhile, Jeff had the day off, was invited by yours truly, and chose not to come. He even mocked me for hanging out at the Rock. Jeff, it's stuff like this that leads to you being made fun of so much in the blog. Why would I want to watch the game at the Hard Rock, you ask?? Perhaps it's because every time we go there we see approximately 500 hotass girls. Only like 490 of which are hookers. Or maybe it's because I'm such a big fan of their sports book director who is an admitted reader of the blog, something I greatly appreciate. It could be because every time I go there I end up drinking for free all night. Or it could be because their book does silly things like putting up unbettable presidential election props with Paris Hilton for no apparent reason. Maybe I just like it there because instead of the normal curmudgeonly Jorgen-like tellers I see everywhere in this city, the Rock employees both a super cute Canadian teller and that hotass Russian chick.
Actually, it's definitely because of the free booze. I'd pretty much go anywhere if you told me I could hang out with Hoffy and drink for free all night. Anyways, the blog fully endorses the Hard Rock. I don't care what Jeff says.
(Unless you have advice about betting on soccer, Jeff. Then I totally care what you think and appreciate any calls, texts, or e-mails. Thank you, sir.)
I was able to pick up a bill on TCU over BYU last night thanks to Scotty, who called minutes before kickoff to inform me that a certain sports bettor who has been known to move lines all over the city was on the Horned Frogs. You're probably wondering: "Dude, why do you bet $200 on your own stupid opinions and only $100 on the opinions of that noted sharp, who for privacy purposes we will refer to only as Rick "Big Daddy" Matthews in the blog?"
I actually have an answer to that question. It's because I'm an idiot. And a stubborn idiot at that. I'm so stubborn and so dumb that I actually bet more money on Texans futures this week, even though they are 1-4. What else did I bet?
Saturday - Thursday: 2-1, +$90
Year to Date: 18-14, +$630
(353) Missouri +7 (-106) @ Texas
"Nice call on Oklahoma over Texas last week, Murray."
"Dude they're overrated, trust me."
"You stubborn, stubborn man."
(382) South Carolina +3.5 (-101) vs LSU
Bennett told me this play was "Sharp sharp."
I literally don't care if it wins or not.
Don't think that I don't know why you guys are reading this blog. Don't think I don't know why some of you were childishly complaining that I hadn't blogged in a few days. I do. I know exactly why. You want to see what me and my fellow Men of Eye Street are playing in the Leroy's contest.
I seriously can't believe Mertins is 0-8 over the last 3 weeks. A freakin' monkey throwing darts could do better than that. Anyways, here's what the Big Three came up with for this week:
Mertins: Pitt, Akron
Hill: Rutgers, South Carolina
Murray: Ole Miss, Maryland, Arizona
I don't want to hear any more complaints when I take a few days off from blogging. What else are you going to read until I blog again? Another Bill Simmons entry about whichever Boston sports team is in the championship round this month? That's always real interesting reading. I couldn't even get through his column today and I'm a fan of his and I like to read. Complete garbage. Are you going to browse through GolfOdds.com? It's a good site and all but by his own admission, Jeff spends about 20 minutes a day on it. Conversely, I spend about 4 hours on each blog. And that's just on the rough draft. Yeah, I care about my readers. I owe them that much. I appreciate all 8 of you very much.
Nobody else seems to appreciate Chris Cooley's blog which is actually really funny and interesting. Although, I would like to see less videos starring his desperate-for-the-spotlight brother and more blogging from CC47 himself. The JC of sports betting is apparently on a hiatus for life from the blogging world. Hoffy hasn't blogged since that disastrous post-San Diego trip gambling stretch. And Ross seems to be at a loss without Chad material. Not that I'm blaming him. Just pointing it out.
So instead of complaining when I don't write anything for 4 whole days, just sit tight. It's not like you have any other options out there. Just have faith that I'll come up with something eventually. Perhaps I'll even be funny for once. Obviously, not this time. But some day.
Some day.
Trivia Question for Saturday: Which 2 drivers finished 1-2 at the Spring Cup race at my home track of Martinsville?
*Smirk*
My last trivia question was just a lame excuse for me to mention that Philadelphia hasn't won a sports championship in about a million years. I don't even know the answers and I'm not looking them up. Instead I'll just openly admit that I only did it to make fun of Philadelphia and their loser sports teams. So there.
My Mom arrives in Vegas on Saturday morning. It's like a 5'2'' white-haired Hurricane rolling into town. I'll either be blogging a lot over the next week to get crazy stories involving her off my chest or I won't be able to get on my computer at all because she has literally every second of every day already mapped out.
We'll see.
Enjoy the game.
Monday, October 13, 2008
The blog is going on hiatus for a while
.... as I will be moving back to Virginia to try out for the vacant Redskins punter position. How bad has Durant Brooks been through 6 games? He was literally booed as he walked off the field after another terrible punt in the first half of yesterday's debacle. (And this isn't Philadelphia we're talking about.) Brooks won the Ray Guy award last year at Georgia Tech but apparently is not ready to be an NFL punter. He has shanked countless kicks. He has the lowest punt average in the league. And he fumbled the snap on a 30 yard FG attempt during a Week 2 win over the Saints. Brooks just flat out sucks balls.
It should be pointed out that I was the punter (and kicker) for the McLean Mustangs while I was in junior high and am fairly confident that I could do a much better job than Brooks. (I should point out that Mustangs team was so bad and so thin that I also served as starting quarterback, linebacker, kick returner, and punt returner and my Dad was still the only member of my family who could stomach watching our games during a 2-9 season.)
Vinny Cerrato said on the radio this morning that the team will be working out a few punters this week and that "Somebody else will be punting on Sunday." Sounds like they need me.
I just went outside and punted a nerf football almost 25 yards and it went relatively straight. The wind may have carried it about 15 of those yards but I'm still pretty confident that I could outkick Brooks.
Wish me luck.
And enjoy reading someone else's dumb blog until I get back.
It should be pointed out that I was the punter (and kicker) for the McLean Mustangs while I was in junior high and am fairly confident that I could do a much better job than Brooks. (I should point out that Mustangs team was so bad and so thin that I also served as starting quarterback, linebacker, kick returner, and punt returner and my Dad was still the only member of my family who could stomach watching our games during a 2-9 season.)
Vinny Cerrato said on the radio this morning that the team will be working out a few punters this week and that "Somebody else will be punting on Sunday." Sounds like they need me.
I just went outside and punted a nerf football almost 25 yards and it went relatively straight. The wind may have carried it about 15 of those yards but I'm still pretty confident that I could outkick Brooks.
Wish me luck.
And enjoy reading someone else's dumb blog until I get back.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
People keep telling me they want
.... to hear more Jorgen talk in the blog. What do you guys want from me? Do you want me to admit in a public forum that I miss Jorgen? Do you want me to say out loud that talking on the phone once a week isn't enough to satisfy my Jorgie fix? Am I supposed to tell everyone that when I grabbed a copy of the schedule today, I quickly looked down for Jorgen's name and that I swallowed hard when I realized it wasn't there?
Well you're not going to get that kind of talk from me. It's not my style. I'm a rock. I'm not going to get emotional about some kid leaving. So what if he was the best damn ticket writer to ever pound out 8 team parlays in a janitor's outfit? So what if he is the embodiment of the All-American kid and that working with him made all the other crap worth it?
Give me a second here, guys.
Okay, okay. I'm cool. I'm over it. Jorgen's gone. No big deal. I'm cool with it. Seriously. I'm good.
That actually felt good. It was almost therapeutic.
You guys also tell me you want to hear more about Jeff. What about him? Frankly, I'm mad at the guy. He doesn't even read my blog any more. You know, you pour your heart and soul into something and you'd like to think that your friends and co-workers would at least take the time to read it. It's not like I'm using a lot of fancy words here. I don't even know any fancy words. This whole dumb blog can be read in about 5 minutes. You don't have 5 minutes, Jeff? Really? Well, I don't believe you. I've seen you gabbing away on that IPhone of yours like a schoolgirl. And I happen to know that my blog can be accessed on said IPhone. So stop being a Chatty Cathy for 5 freaking minutes and give my blog another hit.
There. That felt good too, actually. Very therapeutic.
(Please don't fire me, Jeff.)
We all know that Jorgen and Jeff are the two most popular "Characters" in this boring blog but how would you guys feel about a good old fashioned Mom story?
Well, you're getting one anyway.
I was talking on the phone with my brother about a variety of topics (Specifically the fact that he is now engaged to be engaged to his girlfriend, whatever that means) the other day and my Mom heard that he was talking to me and requested the phone. Here's how that conversation went:
Mom: Hey, John. How far is the Las Vegas Motor Speedway from where you live?
Me: I dunno. Not too far, I guess.
Mom: Well, they are having an event there while I'm in Vegas and I thought it could be something fun for us to do since you are so into NASCAR now.
(Awkward pause while I think of a way to tell my Mom that I really don't like car racing at all and only use it as a means to make money.)
Me: Ummm.... Yeah, Mom, I only like watching races I have money on. Otherwise, I really don't care.
Mom (Clearly crushed): Oh.... Well, I thought it might be interesting though.
Me: Yeah.... I don't know.... Yeah.... I'm sure I'll think of something fun for us to do. Don't worry.
Mom: (Not giving up so easily): Well, I think you should at least think about it, John. It sounds very interesting. Have you ever even been to a raceway?
Me (Starting to cave): No.... Well, when is it?
Mom: October 17th and 18th.
Me: I thought you were arriving on the 18th at night?
Mom: Oh.... Oh.... You're right. Nevermind then.
Me: Yeah, don't worry about it. We can just....
(Call is lost.)
(I sit there for 2 minutes and finally call back. My brother answers.)
Peter: What's up?
John: I was talking to Mom and the phone cut off.
Peter: Yeah, she said she accidentally pressed the end button and couldn't figure out how to call you back.
(And he and I resume random Redskins/His girlfriend talk.)
Since, I already opened up about my true feelings on both Jorgie and Jeff and this blog apparently has nothing to do with sports, I'll use this time to open up to the blogosphere about Peter and his ridiculous "Engaged to be engaged" arrangement. We don't have enough time to discuss how he could have possibly bought Elaina a ring, seeing as how he doesn't have a job or any source of income aside from my advice on sports betting (Which we all know is absolutely terrible.) Let's just talk about the arrangement itself. There are basically two schools of thought:
1. Peter is 18 and he shouldn't be in such a serious relationship.
My immediate reaction was to take this position. Try to remember being 18 and the girls you liked back then. This is like if I had given a ring to Ashley when I was 18. (Yeah, remember Ashley? I know a few of you do. What a skank.)
Get out while you still can, bro!
2. Elaina is way, way too good for Peter and if she can't figure that out, he should cling to her for dear life and hope that she never sees the light.
Let's review the facts: Elaina is really cute and she's way smarter than Peter is. And she's actually a pretty sweet girl. Who cares if she basically has him by the balls and expects him to do whatever she wants every time she snaps her fingers?
My Dad (not surprisingly) is in the first camp but my Mom is actually on the other side of the debate. I asked my Mom the other day what Elaina could possibly see in my dumbass little brother and she paused for nearly 5 seconds before saying, "I dunno.... He's tall. Girls like that."
That was the best she could come up. "He's tall." His own mother and that's the best thing she could think of.
Forget everything I else I said, bro. Just cling to her for dear life.
Elaina, if you are still reading the blog, please disregard this entire entry.
Thank you.
Thursday: 0-2, -$252
Year to Date: 16-13, +$540
Even the ridiculous number I got on Clemson wasn't enough to overcome Tommy Bowden's "Game plan." I also lost a few bucks on a parlay at the Hard Rock. Those guys must love it when I come in there.
(120) Oklahoma -6 (-105) vs. Texas
How do I feel about this play? I'm going to intentionally sleep in until this game is over so that I don't have to watch any of the game. Now that's how the pros do it.
(180) Florida -4 (-105) vs. LSU
Yeah, that's actually the number I got on this bet. It didn't do me any good in the Clemson game. I'll hope for better results in this one.
I may end up playing the Chargers on Sunday night. I actually have reasons to back it up, too:
1. The Patriots stayed on the West Coast all week after their game with the 49ers
I thought it was very strange when the Cardinals stayed on the East Coast all week between games @ Washington and @ N.Y. Jets. That had to mess with their routine somewhat. It's obviously a ridiculously small sample size but the Cardinals fell behind 35-0 in that game and gave up 6 TD pass to "Brett the Jet."
(Bennett just cringed.)
2. C-Jack has his biggest NFL bet of the year on the Patriots
Ummm.... Why are you reading this sentence? Do I really need to elaborate here? It's Chad. It's his biggest bet of the year. Close your computer right now and go bet the other side.
What's the matter with you?
I'll give you guys our group's Leroy's losers before I get out of here:
The Guy Humping Himself Over His Beloved Philadelphia Phillies: Florida, Wisconsin
The Guy Who Somehow Managed to Go 0-3 Two Weeks In A Row: Kentucky, Vandy
The Guy Who Actually Rooted for the Dodgers in Game 2 Even Though He Had Money on the Phillies Just Because He Wanted to See the Phillies Fans Go Home Unhappy: Oregon, Kansas St, UNC
Yeah, I'm that last guy. How bad has our group done in this contest? We all agreed that whichever one of us had the best season winning percentage going into each week would get to pick 3 games and the other guys would pick 2 a piece. Mertins picked 3 games a couple weeks back, went 0-3, and still had the best winning percentage. Then he went 0-3 again last week.
If he goes 1-1 this week, he'll probably be back to picking 3 games again next Saturday.
If I didn't love both of you guys, I'd just tell you I signed up for the contest next year and pocket the money.
Trivia Question for Saturday: With the Phillies seemingly a lock to make it to their first World Series in 15 years, let's talk about their most recent world championship. The year was 1980. Most of you weren't even alive. Who was their opponent? Who managed that garbage Fightins' team and who was the MVP of the series?
Wednesday's Answer: Bobby Abreu. Both Ross brothers nailed it but, in fairness, Andy did tell me the answer first. Gotta give that one to Little Brother.
Let's not dance around it: Saturday is a huge day. I'll be looking for sharp objects if Oklahoma loses. Hoffy will be on 24/7 suicide watch if the Rays lose. And everyone who is anyone will be rooting for Cousin Carl and the 99 car at Lowe's Motor Speedway.
So, go Sooners, go Rays, go Carl, and go get the hell out of here and bet on the Chargers.
Enjoy the game.
Well you're not going to get that kind of talk from me. It's not my style. I'm a rock. I'm not going to get emotional about some kid leaving. So what if he was the best damn ticket writer to ever pound out 8 team parlays in a janitor's outfit? So what if he is the embodiment of the All-American kid and that working with him made all the other crap worth it?
Give me a second here, guys.
Okay, okay. I'm cool. I'm over it. Jorgen's gone. No big deal. I'm cool with it. Seriously. I'm good.
That actually felt good. It was almost therapeutic.
You guys also tell me you want to hear more about Jeff. What about him? Frankly, I'm mad at the guy. He doesn't even read my blog any more. You know, you pour your heart and soul into something and you'd like to think that your friends and co-workers would at least take the time to read it. It's not like I'm using a lot of fancy words here. I don't even know any fancy words. This whole dumb blog can be read in about 5 minutes. You don't have 5 minutes, Jeff? Really? Well, I don't believe you. I've seen you gabbing away on that IPhone of yours like a schoolgirl. And I happen to know that my blog can be accessed on said IPhone. So stop being a Chatty Cathy for 5 freaking minutes and give my blog another hit.
There. That felt good too, actually. Very therapeutic.
(Please don't fire me, Jeff.)
We all know that Jorgen and Jeff are the two most popular "Characters" in this boring blog but how would you guys feel about a good old fashioned Mom story?
Well, you're getting one anyway.
I was talking on the phone with my brother about a variety of topics (Specifically the fact that he is now engaged to be engaged to his girlfriend, whatever that means) the other day and my Mom heard that he was talking to me and requested the phone. Here's how that conversation went:
Mom: Hey, John. How far is the Las Vegas Motor Speedway from where you live?
Me: I dunno. Not too far, I guess.
Mom: Well, they are having an event there while I'm in Vegas and I thought it could be something fun for us to do since you are so into NASCAR now.
(Awkward pause while I think of a way to tell my Mom that I really don't like car racing at all and only use it as a means to make money.)
Me: Ummm.... Yeah, Mom, I only like watching races I have money on. Otherwise, I really don't care.
Mom (Clearly crushed): Oh.... Well, I thought it might be interesting though.
Me: Yeah.... I don't know.... Yeah.... I'm sure I'll think of something fun for us to do. Don't worry.
Mom: (Not giving up so easily): Well, I think you should at least think about it, John. It sounds very interesting. Have you ever even been to a raceway?
Me (Starting to cave): No.... Well, when is it?
Mom: October 17th and 18th.
Me: I thought you were arriving on the 18th at night?
Mom: Oh.... Oh.... You're right. Nevermind then.
Me: Yeah, don't worry about it. We can just....
(Call is lost.)
(I sit there for 2 minutes and finally call back. My brother answers.)
Peter: What's up?
John: I was talking to Mom and the phone cut off.
Peter: Yeah, she said she accidentally pressed the end button and couldn't figure out how to call you back.
(And he and I resume random Redskins/His girlfriend talk.)
Since, I already opened up about my true feelings on both Jorgie and Jeff and this blog apparently has nothing to do with sports, I'll use this time to open up to the blogosphere about Peter and his ridiculous "Engaged to be engaged" arrangement. We don't have enough time to discuss how he could have possibly bought Elaina a ring, seeing as how he doesn't have a job or any source of income aside from my advice on sports betting (Which we all know is absolutely terrible.) Let's just talk about the arrangement itself. There are basically two schools of thought:
1. Peter is 18 and he shouldn't be in such a serious relationship.
My immediate reaction was to take this position. Try to remember being 18 and the girls you liked back then. This is like if I had given a ring to Ashley when I was 18. (Yeah, remember Ashley? I know a few of you do. What a skank.)
Get out while you still can, bro!
2. Elaina is way, way too good for Peter and if she can't figure that out, he should cling to her for dear life and hope that she never sees the light.
Let's review the facts: Elaina is really cute and she's way smarter than Peter is. And she's actually a pretty sweet girl. Who cares if she basically has him by the balls and expects him to do whatever she wants every time she snaps her fingers?
My Dad (not surprisingly) is in the first camp but my Mom is actually on the other side of the debate. I asked my Mom the other day what Elaina could possibly see in my dumbass little brother and she paused for nearly 5 seconds before saying, "I dunno.... He's tall. Girls like that."
That was the best she could come up. "He's tall." His own mother and that's the best thing she could think of.
Forget everything I else I said, bro. Just cling to her for dear life.
Elaina, if you are still reading the blog, please disregard this entire entry.
Thank you.
Thursday: 0-2, -$252
Year to Date: 16-13, +$540
Even the ridiculous number I got on Clemson wasn't enough to overcome Tommy Bowden's "Game plan." I also lost a few bucks on a parlay at the Hard Rock. Those guys must love it when I come in there.
(120) Oklahoma -6 (-105) vs. Texas
How do I feel about this play? I'm going to intentionally sleep in until this game is over so that I don't have to watch any of the game. Now that's how the pros do it.
(180) Florida -4 (-105) vs. LSU
Yeah, that's actually the number I got on this bet. It didn't do me any good in the Clemson game. I'll hope for better results in this one.
I may end up playing the Chargers on Sunday night. I actually have reasons to back it up, too:
1. The Patriots stayed on the West Coast all week after their game with the 49ers
I thought it was very strange when the Cardinals stayed on the East Coast all week between games @ Washington and @ N.Y. Jets. That had to mess with their routine somewhat. It's obviously a ridiculously small sample size but the Cardinals fell behind 35-0 in that game and gave up 6 TD pass to "Brett the Jet."
(Bennett just cringed.)
2. C-Jack has his biggest NFL bet of the year on the Patriots
Ummm.... Why are you reading this sentence? Do I really need to elaborate here? It's Chad. It's his biggest bet of the year. Close your computer right now and go bet the other side.
What's the matter with you?
I'll give you guys our group's Leroy's losers before I get out of here:
The Guy Humping Himself Over His Beloved Philadelphia Phillies: Florida, Wisconsin
The Guy Who Somehow Managed to Go 0-3 Two Weeks In A Row: Kentucky, Vandy
The Guy Who Actually Rooted for the Dodgers in Game 2 Even Though He Had Money on the Phillies Just Because He Wanted to See the Phillies Fans Go Home Unhappy: Oregon, Kansas St, UNC
Yeah, I'm that last guy. How bad has our group done in this contest? We all agreed that whichever one of us had the best season winning percentage going into each week would get to pick 3 games and the other guys would pick 2 a piece. Mertins picked 3 games a couple weeks back, went 0-3, and still had the best winning percentage. Then he went 0-3 again last week.
If he goes 1-1 this week, he'll probably be back to picking 3 games again next Saturday.
If I didn't love both of you guys, I'd just tell you I signed up for the contest next year and pocket the money.
Trivia Question for Saturday: With the Phillies seemingly a lock to make it to their first World Series in 15 years, let's talk about their most recent world championship. The year was 1980. Most of you weren't even alive. Who was their opponent? Who managed that garbage Fightins' team and who was the MVP of the series?
Wednesday's Answer: Bobby Abreu. Both Ross brothers nailed it but, in fairness, Andy did tell me the answer first. Gotta give that one to Little Brother.
Let's not dance around it: Saturday is a huge day. I'll be looking for sharp objects if Oklahoma loses. Hoffy will be on 24/7 suicide watch if the Rays lose. And everyone who is anyone will be rooting for Cousin Carl and the 99 car at Lowe's Motor Speedway.
So, go Sooners, go Rays, go Carl, and go get the hell out of here and bet on the Chargers.
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Now that I have received the bill
.... for NBA League Pass, I am anxious to see the many other aggressive sports books in Las Vegas put up their NBA win totals so that I can attempt to recoup what I spent to watch these garbage games. I was disappointed (But hardly surprised) that no other sports book in town put up NHL point total numbers, leaving me with no choice but to play a few of them at an offshore establishment.
Which ones did I play, you ask? I'll tell you:
* Red Wings 'Under' 109.5
* Islanders 'Over' 74.5
* Penguins 'Under' 98.5
I'm not going to pretend I know anything about the NHL the way I pretend to know stuff about the other sports. All I did here was play the two picks that fall into the "Murray Contrarian Method" for playing over/unders and I bet the Penguins under because.... I just wanted the action, frankly.
Go Isles!
Sunday/Monday: 2-0, +$300
Year to Date: 16-11, +$792
(103) Clemson +3 (-101) @ Wake Forest
On Monday, I was bored so I forced out a bet on the Tampa Bay Rays which won. After that game ended, I was still not satisfied and rolled over my winnings on the Minnesota Vikings and won again. What's my point? I'm due for a bad loss. I really have it coming. Clemson should be able to run the ball very effectively tonight. They should.
Enjoy the game.
Which ones did I play, you ask? I'll tell you:
* Red Wings 'Under' 109.5
* Islanders 'Over' 74.5
* Penguins 'Under' 98.5
I'm not going to pretend I know anything about the NHL the way I pretend to know stuff about the other sports. All I did here was play the two picks that fall into the "Murray Contrarian Method" for playing over/unders and I bet the Penguins under because.... I just wanted the action, frankly.
Go Isles!
Sunday/Monday: 2-0, +$300
Year to Date: 16-11, +$792
(103) Clemson +3 (-101) @ Wake Forest
On Monday, I was bored so I forced out a bet on the Tampa Bay Rays which won. After that game ended, I was still not satisfied and rolled over my winnings on the Minnesota Vikings and won again. What's my point? I'm due for a bad loss. I really have it coming. Clemson should be able to run the ball very effectively tonight. They should.
Enjoy the game.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
If there was ever a way to guarantee
.... that the Washington Redskins will blow one of their next two games, it would be to write a blog bragging about how great they have looked over their last four games. After beating the Eagles in Philadelphia (For the 3rd time in the last 4 seasons) on Sunday, the Redskins sit at 4-1 and have already played the 3 toughest games on their schedule: @NYG, @ Dal, and @ Phi. The Skins have survived the hardest portion of their schedule with one of the best records in the NFL and have games against the Rams, Lions, 49ers, Seahawks, and all four members of the AFC North still to come.
On Sunday, the Skins showed me two things that they haven't in years. First, they proved to be resilient when they came back from a 14-0 deficit, on the road, against an Eagles team that Vegas has power rated somewhere between the 1985 Bears and the NFL's 75th anniversary team. In recent years, the Redskins would never hesitate to lay down in the face of adversity. (See: Last year's trip to New England.) Second, Jim Zorn showed a willingness to go for the kill. Up 23-17 late in the 4th quarter, the Skins faced a critical 4th down in Philadelphia territory. In years gone by, the Redskins would've punted the ball (Probably into the end zone), gone into a zone defense, and prayed that the clock would run out before the other team scored. But on Sunday, they went for it, putting the ball in the hands of their best player, picked up the first down, and sent the few Eagles fans still watching the football game instead of the Fightin' Phils heading for the exits.
I don't want to get carried away but I am feeling pretty good about this Redskins team right now. In fact, I feel good enough to break out the infamous Redskin Country video: "I'm doing this for the Washington Redskins." That video is from the night of the Redskins-Seahawks divisional playoff game in January of 2006. It's amazing how much has changed since that day. Just two and a half years later, the Redskins have a new coach, a new starting quarterback, and the best defensive player from that team is deceased. But I'm sure all those kids are still drunken idiots.
* Portis has been great but the NFL MVP through 5 weeks has to be Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger. The play he made on 3rd down late in the 4th quarter of the Jackonsville game was unbelievable. No one takes more of a pounding than Roethlisberger does and he's now playing with a 3rd string RB. Yet he keeps carrying the Steelers to victories. I'd like to see him and Tony Romo swap supporting casts. Imagine what Big Ben could do behind a great OL, with stud RBs to hand off to, and the best WR and best TE in the NFL to throw to. He'd be bigger than TGTB. Meanwhile, it'd be interesting to watch Romo smash the NFL's turnovers in a season record playing behind a patchwork OL.
* The Houston Texans could be the best 0-4 team in NFL history. I don't know how they lost that game to Indianapolis on Sunday but if you bet Colts -3, you should donate your winnings to charity. And if you parlayed the Colts and the Titans.... you are a lucky idiot.
* CB always tells me that the Vikings won't win anything because of their QB situation and their coach, Brad Childress. Well, I finally agree with him. How could you possibly punt the ball to Reggie Bush in the second half of Monday's game? That was incredible. And it almost cost me a dumb bet on the Vikings that I forced out for two reasons: I had already won my early dumb bet on the Rays over the White Sox and Ed told me all the kids were on the Saints. So, I forced out a bet on the Vikings at a mediocre number. Now that's how the pros do it.
MLB League Championship Series Previews:
Dodgers-Phillies
Dodgers in 6.
If you had told me back in February that the Rays had a realistic chance of going into the World Series, I would've called you a crazy person. I would've looked at you like you were out of your mind. I would've mocked you behind your back to every person I knew. Seriously, ask Hoffy. He did tell me that and he knows that I said/did all of those things. (Except for that talking behind his back thing. He doesn't know about that.... yet.) But here we are in October and the Rays are four wins away from the World Series. I think Boston has a better team than Tampa Bay. I think they are deeper than the Rays. I know they have way more experience in these situations. But it seems like the Rays always find ways to win. And they have home field advantage in this series. (The home team was 15-3 in this matchup during the regular saeson.)
Trivia Question for Wednesday: Okay smart guys. Impress me. Which future All-Star did the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays select in the 1997 MLB Expansion draft and then trade for Kevin Stocker?
Reid's reward? A petition to get him fired started by Eagles "Fans." Fortunately, for Andy, Ed is one of the few literate Eagles fans on the planet, so I doubt this petition will get too many signatures.
Red Sox-Angels got the most votes for best LDS. Hard to argue with that. New poll, new pictures, and this promise: I'll mention both Jeff and Jorgie next time.
Enjoy the game.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
As fun as it sounds
.... I don't think I'm ready to be a sharp sharp. On Saturday night, Austin and I were both rooting for Ohio State to win their Big 10 showdown with Wisconsin. When the Buckeyes scored a late touchdown to take the lead, I cheered and gave Austin a quick fist pound. And I was immediately scolded by Chris Bennett, a sharp sharp. I get the feeling that in Chris's eyes, a true sharp sharp would never celebrate his victories. It's almost like a sharp sharp expects to win everything and when he does, he should simply give an approving nod.
Well if that's the case, I'm not ready to be a sharp sharp, nor do I even want to be one. I'd rather cheer when my bets win and complain when they lose. I'd rather watch the games I have money on with a beer in one hand and a.... beer in the other hand.
With all this in mind, I am creating a new category: "Sharp Kid." You get all the benefits of being a sharp without sacrificing all the joys of being a kid. You can high five your buddies when one of your bets (miraculously) comes in. You can watch the games you bet on over a handful of frosty adult beverages. You can play halftimes with The Hoff because, let's face it, it's really fun playing halftimes with The Hoff. But at the same time you have to take it seriously. You can't just fill out a bunch of Super Odds parlay cards and hand them to the teller. You can't play parlays period as a matter of fact. (Correlated? What does that mean? You're talking over my head, guy.) In order to be a "Sharp Kid" you have to be playing smart sides, at good numbers, but you can still have fun with it. Look at me - I'm just a dumb kid having fun. I don't know anything about gambling the average person does not. And I still make money with this stuff.
It's not easy but with a little practice, you too can be a Sharp Kid.
Good luck.
Thursday: 1-1, -$72
Year to Date: 14-11, +$492
(426) Cardinals PK (-101) vs. Bills
I don't even care if this bet wins. Jeff played the Cardinals at -1 (-105). Knowing that I got a better number than the Michael Jordan of this city is enough of a victory for me. Anything else is just gravy.
A few more notes in advance of Week 5:
* C-Jack is calling the Broncos a "Lock." C-Jack is a Broncos fan. And C-Jack is an idiot. I think you know what to do.
* Big showdown in Philly, as my Redskins and Ed's Eagles clash at the Linc. I'd like to see the Redskins kick a FG on their opening drive so we can hear the boobirds come out in Philly.
The truth is it doesn't even matter if the Skins win this game. If they do, Ed will just tell me that the whole league is garbage and he doesn't care. And Jeff will tell me that the Eagles are still power rated higher because they played an "Exciting" game against the Cowboys on Monday Night Football (Which they lost, by the way) and because they played in the Super Bowl like 4 years ago. And if the Redskins, lose Ed will mock me because that's what Ed does.
It's not Ed's fault. He's just the quintessential Philadelphia sports "Fan." For example, on Saturday, with his beloved Fightin' Phils leading their NLDS with the Brewers two games to none, but trailing 3-1 in Game 3, he was already planning for the 2009 season. Hope springs eternal in Philly.
* Did you know I have a bet on the Lions 'Over' 3.5 wins +105? Well, I do. The blog is calling for them to beat the Bears on Sunday. At least, they better be able to beat the Bears at home, or getting to 4 wins is going to be a major stretch.
* The fantasy team I share with Austin faces a big test this week as we face the first place team managed by executive director, Jay Kornegay. I looked at Jay's team and I gotta say: I don't think it's as good as ours. Call me crazy, but I'm calling for the upset behind strong performances from our version of the 3 Amigos: Randy Moss, Brandon Marshall, and Steve Smith.
* Not sure how many of you are aware of this but last year when I was closing at work, I would leave a note for the opener, a young man most of you know simply as "The Y." It was usually something along the lines of, "Hey pal. Have fun with the kids today. Please don't hang yourself in the bathroom after all the 10 AM games kickoff." I'll just come right out and say what everyone at the SuperBook is thinking: I miss Jorgen. Texting him a message isn't the same. You just can't get the kind of personal touch you get with a hand written note on the back of a parlay card.
Trivia Question for Sunday: I'm hearing a lot of these Eagles fans calling for Andy Reid's head. I'd say that Reid has done a pretty good job in Philly. He drafted Donovan McNabb and together they have been to the NFC Championship game four times and even appeared in a Super Bowl. Let's think back to before Reid got there. Who was the coach and who was the starting QB of that pitiful garbage loser franchise?
** Saturday's Answer: Jon Ross is right about one thing: Michigan State and Indiana play for the Old Brass Spittoon. However, Jon you are dead wrong about something else - I am absolutely not better than that.
Lots of football on Sunday but I'd prefer to just kick back with Micah, crank some Metallica, and watch the Cup boys race around the track at Dega. Can we see the 88 car in Victory Lane? How about the 24 or 20?
I'm rooting for the Skins, for Dale Jr., and of course, for Brian Westbook to be carted off the field with a gruesome injury.
What?
Oh, right. I'm an asshole.
So why do you read my stupid blog?
Yeah.... Think about that one.
Enjoy the game.
Well if that's the case, I'm not ready to be a sharp sharp, nor do I even want to be one. I'd rather cheer when my bets win and complain when they lose. I'd rather watch the games I have money on with a beer in one hand and a.... beer in the other hand.
With all this in mind, I am creating a new category: "Sharp Kid." You get all the benefits of being a sharp without sacrificing all the joys of being a kid. You can high five your buddies when one of your bets (miraculously) comes in. You can watch the games you bet on over a handful of frosty adult beverages. You can play halftimes with The Hoff because, let's face it, it's really fun playing halftimes with The Hoff. But at the same time you have to take it seriously. You can't just fill out a bunch of Super Odds parlay cards and hand them to the teller. You can't play parlays period as a matter of fact. (Correlated? What does that mean? You're talking over my head, guy.) In order to be a "Sharp Kid" you have to be playing smart sides, at good numbers, but you can still have fun with it. Look at me - I'm just a dumb kid having fun. I don't know anything about gambling the average person does not. And I still make money with this stuff.
It's not easy but with a little practice, you too can be a Sharp Kid.
Good luck.
Thursday: 1-1, -$72
Year to Date: 14-11, +$492
(426) Cardinals PK (-101) vs. Bills
I don't even care if this bet wins. Jeff played the Cardinals at -1 (-105). Knowing that I got a better number than the Michael Jordan of this city is enough of a victory for me. Anything else is just gravy.
A few more notes in advance of Week 5:
* C-Jack is calling the Broncos a "Lock." C-Jack is a Broncos fan. And C-Jack is an idiot. I think you know what to do.
* Big showdown in Philly, as my Redskins and Ed's Eagles clash at the Linc. I'd like to see the Redskins kick a FG on their opening drive so we can hear the boobirds come out in Philly.
The truth is it doesn't even matter if the Skins win this game. If they do, Ed will just tell me that the whole league is garbage and he doesn't care. And Jeff will tell me that the Eagles are still power rated higher because they played an "Exciting" game against the Cowboys on Monday Night Football (Which they lost, by the way) and because they played in the Super Bowl like 4 years ago. And if the Redskins, lose Ed will mock me because that's what Ed does.
It's not Ed's fault. He's just the quintessential Philadelphia sports "Fan." For example, on Saturday, with his beloved Fightin' Phils leading their NLDS with the Brewers two games to none, but trailing 3-1 in Game 3, he was already planning for the 2009 season. Hope springs eternal in Philly.
* Did you know I have a bet on the Lions 'Over' 3.5 wins +105? Well, I do. The blog is calling for them to beat the Bears on Sunday. At least, they better be able to beat the Bears at home, or getting to 4 wins is going to be a major stretch.
* The fantasy team I share with Austin faces a big test this week as we face the first place team managed by executive director, Jay Kornegay. I looked at Jay's team and I gotta say: I don't think it's as good as ours. Call me crazy, but I'm calling for the upset behind strong performances from our version of the 3 Amigos: Randy Moss, Brandon Marshall, and Steve Smith.
* Not sure how many of you are aware of this but last year when I was closing at work, I would leave a note for the opener, a young man most of you know simply as "The Y." It was usually something along the lines of, "Hey pal. Have fun with the kids today. Please don't hang yourself in the bathroom after all the 10 AM games kickoff." I'll just come right out and say what everyone at the SuperBook is thinking: I miss Jorgen. Texting him a message isn't the same. You just can't get the kind of personal touch you get with a hand written note on the back of a parlay card.
Trivia Question for Sunday: I'm hearing a lot of these Eagles fans calling for Andy Reid's head. I'd say that Reid has done a pretty good job in Philly. He drafted Donovan McNabb and together they have been to the NFC Championship game four times and even appeared in a Super Bowl. Let's think back to before Reid got there. Who was the coach and who was the starting QB of that pitiful garbage loser franchise?
** Saturday's Answer: Jon Ross is right about one thing: Michigan State and Indiana play for the Old Brass Spittoon. However, Jon you are dead wrong about something else - I am absolutely not better than that.
Lots of football on Sunday but I'd prefer to just kick back with Micah, crank some Metallica, and watch the Cup boys race around the track at Dega. Can we see the 88 car in Victory Lane? How about the 24 or 20?
I'm rooting for the Skins, for Dale Jr., and of course, for Brian Westbook to be carted off the field with a gruesome injury.
What?
Oh, right. I'm an asshole.
So why do you read my stupid blog?
Yeah.... Think about that one.
Enjoy the game.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I've decided that next season
.... I am going to make a $250 cash donation to a local charity instead of entering the Leroy's College Challenge. At least that way some good will come out of me giving away money. I'd really like to be able to blame it on my two dopey "Partners" but my picks have been every bit as terrible as theirs. The funny thing is that my college football bets have done fine this year. It's not like I'm down for the season. But whatever I pick for that Leroy's nonsense is just a disaster every week.
There is reason for optimism going into Saturday: Mertins e-mailed me on Tuesday to promise that he won't do any worse than he did last week, when he went a perfect 0-3. Funny guy.
Seriously, when did everyone I know become a comedian? You never see me trying to be funny, that's for sure. For those of you who didn't have the pleasure of being at the SuperBook on Friday, you missed one helluva performance by our Senior Supervisor. He had something funny to say about everyone. He mocked my Utah bet every 5 minutes. Any time he was trying to point out something he felt was a dumb bet, he'd compare it to betting Utah in Thursday night's game. He mocked my buddy Hoffy for not hedging his Rays futures. He even went so far as to say that if Scotty and I finish the year up in football, betting the way we do, he'd pay us $1000. Thanks for the offer, bro. I accept.
And I haven't even gotten into all the stuff he said about my friend Jeff Sherman, whose actually a really nice guy even if he doesn't have time for silly things like reading my blog. Did I think it was funny when Matt compared Jeff to Batman for all the items he wears on his belt? Yes. Of course, I did. It was hilarious. But poor Jeff wasn't even there to defend himself. You can't rip on a guy when he's not there to defend himself. Well, except Jorgen, obviously, seeing as how he left us all for the comforts of the Venetian and their "Alpha" sheets. I'd just like to see Matt taken down a notch. I mean he wasn't just cocky on Friday. He was Ed-betting-college-football-win-totals-at-the-Venetian cocky. And if you were there on that infamous night, you would know - that is cocky.
In all seriousness, I'm not mad at Matt. In fact, I'm real grateful to the guy. He never has a bad word to say about the blog. He even seemed to defend it when I mentioned some other blogs that I feel are better than my own. Here are some other bloggers that have been entertaining me the last few days:
Chris Cooley
Chris is the starting TE for that 3-1 Washington Redskins team that Ed and his people have power rated somewhere between the Rams and USC. His blog is actually really entertaining. He posts funny videos of himself and every now and again they include his (ridiculously super) hot wife. Yeah, I don't even have a wife period. And I don't know how to post videos. So, I gotta give the edge to Cooley.
You're probably wondering: "Murray, have you ever joined in during a Cooooooooooooley chant at a Washington Redskins game?" Good question and the answer is yes. Many times, in fact. I'm always in the mood for a dumb cheer at a football game. Believe it or not, when I am at a Redskins game, I generally wash down the peanuts or sunflower seeds my brother sneaks in with a few man sodas. Our family has 3 season tickets and (generally speaking) the trio who accounts for them is my dad, my brother, and me. It is not uncommon for my Dad and I to spend $100 on beer alone between the two of us. I think the whole experience of going to Redskins games changed for my Dad when I hit 21. Not only could he and I legally drink together, but he could send me to the concourse to buy beer for him. Not that it really matters how old you are at those games. I haven't been asked for ID at a Redskins game in years but the last time I was it went something like this:
Vendor: What's up?
Me: Yeah, let me get 2 Bud Lights.
Vendor: Okay, that'll be $64.
Me: Yeah, here.
Vendor: Wait, are you 21?
Me: Yes.
Vendor: Okay, cool.
I love Redskins games.
Lil' Wayne
Lil' Wayne is a commercially successful rapper and major film star. Don't believe me? It says so right at the bottom of his blog. Perhaps I should have a signature line. Something like: "John Murray is a kid who knows way too much about sports but nothing about how to bet on them." Or "John Murray is a dipshit who bets $200 on football games but can't even afford that much." Or: "John Murray, NASCAR SuperFan, Est. February 2008." I like that last one.
Anyways, back to the blog. While not as entertaining as Cooley's blog, I've enjoyed what I've read. Wayne sure is a fan of a lot of different teams. And they appear to be from all over the country. (What do you mean he's like a young Austin? I'm sorry but I don't get that reference.)
This Smart Kid
If you've ever wondered how Scott knew the Rays were going to be so good this season, here's your answer. This guy was all over it. (I'm just kidding, pal. At least you were smart enough to follow the right people. That's half the battle sometimes. Or, as in my case with NASCAR betting, literally 100% of the battle.) So, basically this kid understands all the math stuff that dummies like me could never understand and he spells it out for those of us who can't figure it for ourselves. He's also clearly talented as a writer and willing to share (some of) his information for free. Nice kid.
The downside to reading his blog? Obviously, there is none. There's a lot of good information in there and it's an entertaining read.
So, is there anyone mocking it? Yes, and I'll give you three guesses who it is.
Believe it or not, I'm taking the day off from betting college football. I lost my play Thursday night with Utah but managed to get a large portion of it back on a Pitt to the under 1st half parlay at the Hard Rock.
Correlated? What does that mean? Never heard of it.
*Wink*
I do have an NFL bet for tomorrow already placed. I'm sorry but you're just going to have to check back tomorrow to get that play. I can't just give this stuff out.
I'm kidding. It's the Cardinals. Don't bother with your alpha sheet. It's #426. Good luck getting that one at PK -101.
Look, I don't mean to toot my own horn but in Wednesday's blog I called for the Phillies, Dodgers, Red Sox, and Rays to advance in the MLB playoffs. All four of those clubs now hold 2-0 leads. People are quick to point out my many, many wrong predictions (Which is easy seeing as how they outnumber the right ones something like 47-to-1) but no one has anything to say when I nail one. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Matt.
You guys probably want our Leroy's plays so you can fade them. I'll oblige:
Murray: Stanford, Kentucky
Hill: Purdue, Nebraska
Mertins: Auburn, UConn, The U
We have Purdue +13.5 and they were trailing Penn State 20-0 thanks in part to their kicker missing two FGs. I had given up on the play but was watching it casually as I blogged. I saw Purdue score a TD and thought to myself - "Alright, nice break to start the day." Then the Purdue kicker missed the extra point to keep the score at 20-6 with 6 minutes left.
Seriously.
Trivia Question for Saturday: Which two college football teams play annually for the Old Brass Spittoon?
Wednesday's Answer: The Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the 1983 NBA Finals. The Sixers coach was Billy Cunningham. The Finals MVP was Moses Malone (Had to double check on that.) I was 2 months old.
There's a good way to tell if you're old or not: If you were alive when a Philadelphia sports team won a championship, you are old.
Speaking of feeling old, how come no one told me that DeMatha was playing Good Counsel in a nationally televised high school football game? Also, why didn't anyone tell me that Good Counsel is now the football powerhouse in my old conference, the WCAC? I was stunned to see another WCAC team running DeMatha off the field because in my day DeMatha murdered everyone. Then I remembered that I graduated from high school 7 freaking years ago. God, I'm old.
Need the Buckeyes tonight. They better not screw me, Austin.
Enjoy the game.
There is reason for optimism going into Saturday: Mertins e-mailed me on Tuesday to promise that he won't do any worse than he did last week, when he went a perfect 0-3. Funny guy.
Seriously, when did everyone I know become a comedian? You never see me trying to be funny, that's for sure. For those of you who didn't have the pleasure of being at the SuperBook on Friday, you missed one helluva performance by our Senior Supervisor. He had something funny to say about everyone. He mocked my Utah bet every 5 minutes. Any time he was trying to point out something he felt was a dumb bet, he'd compare it to betting Utah in Thursday night's game. He mocked my buddy Hoffy for not hedging his Rays futures. He even went so far as to say that if Scotty and I finish the year up in football, betting the way we do, he'd pay us $1000. Thanks for the offer, bro. I accept.
And I haven't even gotten into all the stuff he said about my friend Jeff Sherman, whose actually a really nice guy even if he doesn't have time for silly things like reading my blog. Did I think it was funny when Matt compared Jeff to Batman for all the items he wears on his belt? Yes. Of course, I did. It was hilarious. But poor Jeff wasn't even there to defend himself. You can't rip on a guy when he's not there to defend himself. Well, except Jorgen, obviously, seeing as how he left us all for the comforts of the Venetian and their "Alpha" sheets. I'd just like to see Matt taken down a notch. I mean he wasn't just cocky on Friday. He was Ed-betting-college-football-win-totals-at-the-Venetian cocky. And if you were there on that infamous night, you would know - that is cocky.
In all seriousness, I'm not mad at Matt. In fact, I'm real grateful to the guy. He never has a bad word to say about the blog. He even seemed to defend it when I mentioned some other blogs that I feel are better than my own. Here are some other bloggers that have been entertaining me the last few days:
Chris Cooley
Chris is the starting TE for that 3-1 Washington Redskins team that Ed and his people have power rated somewhere between the Rams and USC. His blog is actually really entertaining. He posts funny videos of himself and every now and again they include his (ridiculously super) hot wife. Yeah, I don't even have a wife period. And I don't know how to post videos. So, I gotta give the edge to Cooley.
You're probably wondering: "Murray, have you ever joined in during a Cooooooooooooley chant at a Washington Redskins game?" Good question and the answer is yes. Many times, in fact. I'm always in the mood for a dumb cheer at a football game. Believe it or not, when I am at a Redskins game, I generally wash down the peanuts or sunflower seeds my brother sneaks in with a few man sodas. Our family has 3 season tickets and (generally speaking) the trio who accounts for them is my dad, my brother, and me. It is not uncommon for my Dad and I to spend $100 on beer alone between the two of us. I think the whole experience of going to Redskins games changed for my Dad when I hit 21. Not only could he and I legally drink together, but he could send me to the concourse to buy beer for him. Not that it really matters how old you are at those games. I haven't been asked for ID at a Redskins game in years but the last time I was it went something like this:
Vendor: What's up?
Me: Yeah, let me get 2 Bud Lights.
Vendor: Okay, that'll be $64.
Me: Yeah, here.
Vendor: Wait, are you 21?
Me: Yes.
Vendor: Okay, cool.
I love Redskins games.
Lil' Wayne
Lil' Wayne is a commercially successful rapper and major film star. Don't believe me? It says so right at the bottom of his blog. Perhaps I should have a signature line. Something like: "John Murray is a kid who knows way too much about sports but nothing about how to bet on them." Or "John Murray is a dipshit who bets $200 on football games but can't even afford that much." Or: "John Murray, NASCAR SuperFan, Est. February 2008." I like that last one.
Anyways, back to the blog. While not as entertaining as Cooley's blog, I've enjoyed what I've read. Wayne sure is a fan of a lot of different teams. And they appear to be from all over the country. (What do you mean he's like a young Austin? I'm sorry but I don't get that reference.)
This Smart Kid
If you've ever wondered how Scott knew the Rays were going to be so good this season, here's your answer. This guy was all over it. (I'm just kidding, pal. At least you were smart enough to follow the right people. That's half the battle sometimes. Or, as in my case with NASCAR betting, literally 100% of the battle.) So, basically this kid understands all the math stuff that dummies like me could never understand and he spells it out for those of us who can't figure it for ourselves. He's also clearly talented as a writer and willing to share (some of) his information for free. Nice kid.
The downside to reading his blog? Obviously, there is none. There's a lot of good information in there and it's an entertaining read.
So, is there anyone mocking it? Yes, and I'll give you three guesses who it is.
Believe it or not, I'm taking the day off from betting college football. I lost my play Thursday night with Utah but managed to get a large portion of it back on a Pitt to the under 1st half parlay at the Hard Rock.
Correlated? What does that mean? Never heard of it.
*Wink*
I do have an NFL bet for tomorrow already placed. I'm sorry but you're just going to have to check back tomorrow to get that play. I can't just give this stuff out.
I'm kidding. It's the Cardinals. Don't bother with your alpha sheet. It's #426. Good luck getting that one at PK -101.
Look, I don't mean to toot my own horn but in Wednesday's blog I called for the Phillies, Dodgers, Red Sox, and Rays to advance in the MLB playoffs. All four of those clubs now hold 2-0 leads. People are quick to point out my many, many wrong predictions (Which is easy seeing as how they outnumber the right ones something like 47-to-1) but no one has anything to say when I nail one. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Matt.
You guys probably want our Leroy's plays so you can fade them. I'll oblige:
Murray: Stanford, Kentucky
Hill: Purdue, Nebraska
Mertins: Auburn, UConn, The U
We have Purdue +13.5 and they were trailing Penn State 20-0 thanks in part to their kicker missing two FGs. I had given up on the play but was watching it casually as I blogged. I saw Purdue score a TD and thought to myself - "Alright, nice break to start the day." Then the Purdue kicker missed the extra point to keep the score at 20-6 with 6 minutes left.
Seriously.
Trivia Question for Saturday: Which two college football teams play annually for the Old Brass Spittoon?
Wednesday's Answer: The Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the 1983 NBA Finals. The Sixers coach was Billy Cunningham. The Finals MVP was Moses Malone (Had to double check on that.) I was 2 months old.
There's a good way to tell if you're old or not: If you were alive when a Philadelphia sports team won a championship, you are old.
Speaking of feeling old, how come no one told me that DeMatha was playing Good Counsel in a nationally televised high school football game? Also, why didn't anyone tell me that Good Counsel is now the football powerhouse in my old conference, the WCAC? I was stunned to see another WCAC team running DeMatha off the field because in my day DeMatha murdered everyone. Then I remembered that I graduated from high school 7 freaking years ago. God, I'm old.
Need the Buckeyes tonight. They better not screw me, Austin.
Enjoy the game.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
When you've been following NASCAR
.... for as long as I have, you find yourself dealing with a lot of sleepless nights once the Chase starts. It's all I can think about some days. I don't know what to do to pass the time between Cup races. Yesterday, I tried something radical: I watched baseball. A lot of baseball.
- I saw Those Fightin' Phils win a playoff game for the first time since 1993. (Who are they? The Dallas Cowboys?)
- I saw the looks on thousands of Cubs fans faces as their team lost Game 1 to the underdog Dodgers. The look was comparable to the look on Jorgen's face when another round of halftimes is starting. Something like: "Oh, no.... Oh, God, no.... Not again.... Please not again...."
- I saw the Angels blow Game 1 of their division series with the Red Sox, thus putting themselves in a position where they have to win a game at Fenway in October in order to advance. Good news for my Red Sox to win the World Series ticket.
- Now I'm watching as hundreds and hundreds of Rays fan pour into Tropicana Field for Game 1 of their ALDS with the "Good Guys." I know there are a lot of sharp sharps out there who will be watching this game with baited breath. (Scott will be watching, too.) Believe it or not, I don't have any action on this game or series. I'm just going to root for the Rays for Hoffy. Apparently, we're going to get crazy if the Rays win it all. At least that's what he's been telling me for weeks. I'll save you the trouble of planning a huge party, pal: Just give me a few hundred bucks and I'll be satisfied.
Go Rays!
Sunday: 1-0, +$200
Year to Date: 13-10, +$564
(310) Utah -11 (-101) vs. Oregon State
I'm not sure how many of you are able to regularly communicate with a sharp sharp. Fortunately for the blog, I have one on call. He recommended this Utah play to me on Sunday night and my research agreed with him.
Jorgen Update: Apparently, he talked to one of my readers yesterday and informed him that he thought I was an idiot and that he would "Kill himself" if he were me. Wow. Devastated by this news, I immediately scrapped plans to send him a "Good Luck at Your New Job" e-card.
It's just frustrating is all. You try to be nice to a kid and this is what you get.
That's it. I'm done.
Enjoy the game.
- I saw Those Fightin' Phils win a playoff game for the first time since 1993. (Who are they? The Dallas Cowboys?)
- I saw the looks on thousands of Cubs fans faces as their team lost Game 1 to the underdog Dodgers. The look was comparable to the look on Jorgen's face when another round of halftimes is starting. Something like: "Oh, no.... Oh, God, no.... Not again.... Please not again...."
- I saw the Angels blow Game 1 of their division series with the Red Sox, thus putting themselves in a position where they have to win a game at Fenway in October in order to advance. Good news for my Red Sox to win the World Series ticket.
- Now I'm watching as hundreds and hundreds of Rays fan pour into Tropicana Field for Game 1 of their ALDS with the "Good Guys." I know there are a lot of sharp sharps out there who will be watching this game with baited breath. (Scott will be watching, too.) Believe it or not, I don't have any action on this game or series. I'm just going to root for the Rays for Hoffy. Apparently, we're going to get crazy if the Rays win it all. At least that's what he's been telling me for weeks. I'll save you the trouble of planning a huge party, pal: Just give me a few hundred bucks and I'll be satisfied.
Go Rays!
Sunday: 1-0, +$200
Year to Date: 13-10, +$564
(310) Utah -11 (-101) vs. Oregon State
I'm not sure how many of you are able to regularly communicate with a sharp sharp. Fortunately for the blog, I have one on call. He recommended this Utah play to me on Sunday night and my research agreed with him.
Jorgen Update: Apparently, he talked to one of my readers yesterday and informed him that he thought I was an idiot and that he would "Kill himself" if he were me. Wow. Devastated by this news, I immediately scrapped plans to send him a "Good Luck at Your New Job" e-card.
It's just frustrating is all. You try to be nice to a kid and this is what you get.
That's it. I'm done.
Enjoy the game.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Before I get into any real blogging
.... I want to take the time to list every single starting QB in the NFL who has not yet been intercepted:
Jason Campbell, Washington Redskins
Okay, moving on.
* I can't talk about anything else until I discuss the Redskins victory in Dallas on Sunday. Wow. We don't win in Dallas very often. In fact, counting Sunday's game, the Redskins have only won twice in Texas Stadium over the last 13 years. Our most recent win in that giant toilet bowl came three years ago on Monday Night Football. Trailing 13-0 in the 4th quarter, the Skins got two long TD passes from Mark Brunell to Santana Moss to produce a stunning 14-13 victory. I was in Morgantown, WV that night and had gotten so drunk during the first 3 1/2 quarters that I barely knew what was happening at the end of the game. I just remember jumping around, fielding one phone call after the other and laughing deliriously. And I don't think I went to any classes the next morning. (Not because I was too hungover or anything. I just didn't feel like it.)
That win was something of a fluke, whereas Sunday's win was anything but. The Skins controlled the game from start to finish, winning the time of possession battle 38:09 - 21:51. Santana Moss and Clinton Portis both had 100 yard games, while JC went 20/31, 231 yards, 2 TDs, and (obviously) 0 INTs. In the process, the Redskins nixed Bennett's plans to offer a "Will The Cowboys Go 16-0?" prop on Monday morning and may or may not have made Terrell Owens cry. What a win.
* What else did I notice during Week 4, you ask? I'll tell you:
- I was wrong about the Titans. They may have the best defense in the NFL. Imagine how good that team would be if VY wasn't suffering from a sandy vagina and was actually playing some decent football.
- I was right about the Broncos. They have a terrible defense (Allowed 34 ppg the last 3 weeks!) and their offense isn't so great that it can overcome the fact that they cant stop anyone. They will be lucky to make the playoffs.
- The Steelers are in trouble. A lot of trouble. Their offense looked really bad on Monday night and now starting G Kendall Simmons and backup RB Rashard Mendenhall are out for the year. Starting RB "Fast" Willie Parker and nose tackle Casey Hampton are also banged up. Fortunately for them, the AFC North may be the worst division in the NFL this season but looking at their schedule it may be a struggle for them to go .500.
- I still don't understand why everyone is wetting themselves over this Eagles team. So far this season, they have wins over a horrendous Rams teams (at home) and the hugely overrated Steelers (also at home.) They gave up 41 points in a loss at Dallas and lost in Chicago on Sunday night. And all this comes on the heels of a last place finish in the NFC East last season. What have they done to deserve all this praise from Ed and Jeff types around the city? Westbrook is already hurt and once McNabb goes down (and he will), the wheels will come off. Philly may beat the Redskins on Sunday but the Eagles will find themselves in a familiar position at the end of the season: last place.
- Adrian Peterson is a machine. I can't believe he has put up the yardage numbers he has considering the schedule his team has played and that they have done so without LT Bryant "Mount" McKinnie, who is coming back on Monday night for the game against the Saints. The blog tips it's proverbial cap to AD, who has officially established himself as the game's best running back.
(There. That should jinx him.)
- The Vikings are 1-3 but like a young Houston Texans, are more a victim of scheduling than anyhing else. Minnesota's first five weeks: @ GB, Ind, Car, @ Ten, @ NO. As bad as that is, Houston may actually top them: @ Pit, Hurricane induced bye week, @ Ten, @ Jax, Ind. Yikes. We'd be hearing about how good both of these teams are if they had played easier schedules and started off with winning records. Instead people just blindly look at their records in the standings and assume they are garbage.
* Random college football thoughts:
- Alabama looked ridiculously good on Saturday night. Imagine what would happen if Nick Saban and Pete Carroll swapped rosters. Would there even be a point to playing out the season?
- Florida losing to Ole Miss is just another example of why going undefeated in the SEC is virtually impossible. These teams look at their schedules and see games like LSU, Auburn, Georgia, etc.... and they overlook games against solid teams like Ole Miss or Kentucky. It happened to LSU last year and appears to have happened to the Gators this season. I will bet 'Under' 10.5 wins on any SEC team in any season. The conference is just too deep.
- It also goes to show how badly Jason Campbell's Auburn team got robbed in 2004 by the dopes running the BCS. Auburn went undefeated in SEC play and somehow got passed over for the BCS title game in favor of Oklahoma, due mainly to the Sooners having played a tougher out of conference schedule. What about the fact that Auburn had survived a gauntlet in the SEC while OU was playing all the Big 12 patsies? Auburn ended up beating a good Virginia Tech team in the Sugar Bowl, while Oklahoma (as usual) got embarrassed by USC in the Orange Bowl.
And people wonder why I like the NFL so much better than college football. Maybe I'll change my mind when they start deciding the national championship on the field instead of pulling names out of a hat.
MLB Division Series Previews:
Brewers-Phillies
I realize that the Phillies are a bunch of choking dogs but it's not their fault: they are a professional sports team in Philadelphia. They're all a bunch of choking dogs. Call me a square square, but I don't see how the Brewers could win this series. Ben Sheets has packed himself in for the year and Chocolate Chip has to be running on fumes at this point. Their Game 1 starter is Yovani Gallardo? Seriously? What more does Philly need handed to them in order to finally win a playoff series? If the Phillies roster wasn't littered with losers like Brett Myers and Pat "The Babe" Burrell, I'd call for them to easily win this series. But they won't. They'll have to hang on and barely squeak it out at home. And they'll probably still get booed as they are walking off the field because they didn't win the series sooner. Gotta love those Philly fans.
Phillies in 5.
Dodgers-Cubs
Game 5 at Wrigley Field. ManRam crushes one to the outfield. It's hooking foul but Soriano is there. A drunk fan reaches over and knocks it away from Soriano! He's got a beer in one hand and a Rays pennant in the other! Holy shit - That's not Bartman! It's Hoffman!
Dodgers in 5.
Red Sox - Angels
The other day, Ed was trying to tell me that Josh Beckett is a choker. I'll admit I don't know much about baseball, but I'm pretty sure that Beckett is considered the best big game pitcher of his generation. And I'm also pretty sure that the Red Sox have owned the Angels in October in recent years.
Red Sox in 4.
White Sox - Rays
What if you told a White Sox fan at the beginning of the year that in order to make the ALCS, all they had to do was win a 5 game series against Tampa Bay? I have a feeling that is something they would be interested in. The blog assumed this series price would be a lot higher because I figured Ed's people would want to write some money against the Rays. Apparently, I was wrong. Let's just keep on stubbornly doubting this team until they win the World Series.
But I will say this about the Rays: In all my years following sports (And I've been betting in this town for nearly a quarter century, mind you) I have never seen a team have everyone humping them in the preseason, talking about great they were gonna be, how they were going to shock the world, and then have it actually happen. I'm blown away by the Rays. Usually when everyone has the same sleeper, they fall apart during the first month of the season. And I don't just mean in baseball. I'm talking about every sport. It just never works out like this. Until now.
Rays in 4.
Random dumb thoughts I can throw out there because I have a blog and (most of) you don't:
* I just watched the latest ep of Entourage. This has been a really good season so far. It's about time.
* The blog highly recommends the movie No Country For Old Men, which is currently in a very solid HBO rotation, alongside American Gangster and Bee Movie.
Who said that? I've never even seen Bee Movie....
* TBSHD is strong. It almost makes watching this slop enjoyable. Almost.
* I want to thank the entire Lowe's Chevy Imapla team for their performance on Sunday. Jimmie and Chad are a dynamic duo. I'm looking forward to this Sunday's race at Dega. I'd also like to thank the newest NASCAR sharp Chris Bennett for his fine work in the field.
* From what I hear, it was a pretty emotional scene at the SuperBook on Sunday, when young Yorgen balanced one last time. I'll say this for the kid: He could write an 8 team parlay with his eyes closed. I once saw him write 5 8 teamers in under a minute for the same non-English speaking cab driver, while another cab driver was having sex with a hooker at the window next to his. And he got every ticket exactly right. (Although the guy ended up cancelling 3 of them anyway.) It was a dazzling display of ticket writing talent. He was the best.
Now it's on to the fabulous Venetian for the blog's favorite purse carrying farm boy. My Mom is coming out here in a couple weeks and I'm considering sending her to Jorgen's window to make a bet with a laundry list of stupid, tourist questions. Then if I notice that he is being rude to her, I will rush to her defense and make a scene at the window in front of Jorgen's new bosses.
Perhaps I shouldn't have written out my entire plan in a blog I know Jorgen reads?
Ah well....
Trivia Question for Wednesday: When was the last time a Philadelphia sports team won a major professional championship? Who was the MVP of the final series? (There's your first hint right there. It was a series so that rules out the Eagles. Although, you don't really need a hint to know that it wasn't the Eagles, seeing as how they have NEVER won the Super Bowl. Ever. Like.... literally zero times. Never happened. I mean there have been 42 of those things. They've been playing them since the 1960s. You'd think they'd have at least one but here we are in 2008 and still.... nothing.) And if you really want to impress me who was their coach?
Oh, and Ed, the Philadelphia Soul's Arena Bowl championship doesn't count.
New poll, new pictures.
But no more Jorgen.
Tough times for the blog.
Enjoy the baseball postseason.
Jason Campbell, Washington Redskins
Okay, moving on.
* I can't talk about anything else until I discuss the Redskins victory in Dallas on Sunday. Wow. We don't win in Dallas very often. In fact, counting Sunday's game, the Redskins have only won twice in Texas Stadium over the last 13 years. Our most recent win in that giant toilet bowl came three years ago on Monday Night Football. Trailing 13-0 in the 4th quarter, the Skins got two long TD passes from Mark Brunell to Santana Moss to produce a stunning 14-13 victory. I was in Morgantown, WV that night and had gotten so drunk during the first 3 1/2 quarters that I barely knew what was happening at the end of the game. I just remember jumping around, fielding one phone call after the other and laughing deliriously. And I don't think I went to any classes the next morning. (Not because I was too hungover or anything. I just didn't feel like it.)
That win was something of a fluke, whereas Sunday's win was anything but. The Skins controlled the game from start to finish, winning the time of possession battle 38:09 - 21:51. Santana Moss and Clinton Portis both had 100 yard games, while JC went 20/31, 231 yards, 2 TDs, and (obviously) 0 INTs. In the process, the Redskins nixed Bennett's plans to offer a "Will The Cowboys Go 16-0?" prop on Monday morning and may or may not have made Terrell Owens cry. What a win.
* What else did I notice during Week 4, you ask? I'll tell you:
- I was wrong about the Titans. They may have the best defense in the NFL. Imagine how good that team would be if VY wasn't suffering from a sandy vagina and was actually playing some decent football.
- I was right about the Broncos. They have a terrible defense (Allowed 34 ppg the last 3 weeks!) and their offense isn't so great that it can overcome the fact that they cant stop anyone. They will be lucky to make the playoffs.
- The Steelers are in trouble. A lot of trouble. Their offense looked really bad on Monday night and now starting G Kendall Simmons and backup RB Rashard Mendenhall are out for the year. Starting RB "Fast" Willie Parker and nose tackle Casey Hampton are also banged up. Fortunately for them, the AFC North may be the worst division in the NFL this season but looking at their schedule it may be a struggle for them to go .500.
- I still don't understand why everyone is wetting themselves over this Eagles team. So far this season, they have wins over a horrendous Rams teams (at home) and the hugely overrated Steelers (also at home.) They gave up 41 points in a loss at Dallas and lost in Chicago on Sunday night. And all this comes on the heels of a last place finish in the NFC East last season. What have they done to deserve all this praise from Ed and Jeff types around the city? Westbrook is already hurt and once McNabb goes down (and he will), the wheels will come off. Philly may beat the Redskins on Sunday but the Eagles will find themselves in a familiar position at the end of the season: last place.
- Adrian Peterson is a machine. I can't believe he has put up the yardage numbers he has considering the schedule his team has played and that they have done so without LT Bryant "Mount" McKinnie, who is coming back on Monday night for the game against the Saints. The blog tips it's proverbial cap to AD, who has officially established himself as the game's best running back.
(There. That should jinx him.)
- The Vikings are 1-3 but like a young Houston Texans, are more a victim of scheduling than anyhing else. Minnesota's first five weeks: @ GB, Ind, Car, @ Ten, @ NO. As bad as that is, Houston may actually top them: @ Pit, Hurricane induced bye week, @ Ten, @ Jax, Ind. Yikes. We'd be hearing about how good both of these teams are if they had played easier schedules and started off with winning records. Instead people just blindly look at their records in the standings and assume they are garbage.
* Random college football thoughts:
- Alabama looked ridiculously good on Saturday night. Imagine what would happen if Nick Saban and Pete Carroll swapped rosters. Would there even be a point to playing out the season?
- Florida losing to Ole Miss is just another example of why going undefeated in the SEC is virtually impossible. These teams look at their schedules and see games like LSU, Auburn, Georgia, etc.... and they overlook games against solid teams like Ole Miss or Kentucky. It happened to LSU last year and appears to have happened to the Gators this season. I will bet 'Under' 10.5 wins on any SEC team in any season. The conference is just too deep.
- It also goes to show how badly Jason Campbell's Auburn team got robbed in 2004 by the dopes running the BCS. Auburn went undefeated in SEC play and somehow got passed over for the BCS title game in favor of Oklahoma, due mainly to the Sooners having played a tougher out of conference schedule. What about the fact that Auburn had survived a gauntlet in the SEC while OU was playing all the Big 12 patsies? Auburn ended up beating a good Virginia Tech team in the Sugar Bowl, while Oklahoma (as usual) got embarrassed by USC in the Orange Bowl.
And people wonder why I like the NFL so much better than college football. Maybe I'll change my mind when they start deciding the national championship on the field instead of pulling names out of a hat.
MLB Division Series Previews:
Brewers-Phillies
I realize that the Phillies are a bunch of choking dogs but it's not their fault: they are a professional sports team in Philadelphia. They're all a bunch of choking dogs. Call me a square square, but I don't see how the Brewers could win this series. Ben Sheets has packed himself in for the year and Chocolate Chip has to be running on fumes at this point. Their Game 1 starter is Yovani Gallardo? Seriously? What more does Philly need handed to them in order to finally win a playoff series? If the Phillies roster wasn't littered with losers like Brett Myers and Pat "The Babe" Burrell, I'd call for them to easily win this series. But they won't. They'll have to hang on and barely squeak it out at home. And they'll probably still get booed as they are walking off the field because they didn't win the series sooner. Gotta love those Philly fans.
Phillies in 5.
Dodgers-Cubs
Game 5 at Wrigley Field. ManRam crushes one to the outfield. It's hooking foul but Soriano is there. A drunk fan reaches over and knocks it away from Soriano! He's got a beer in one hand and a Rays pennant in the other! Holy shit - That's not Bartman! It's Hoffman!
Dodgers in 5.
Red Sox - Angels
The other day, Ed was trying to tell me that Josh Beckett is a choker. I'll admit I don't know much about baseball, but I'm pretty sure that Beckett is considered the best big game pitcher of his generation. And I'm also pretty sure that the Red Sox have owned the Angels in October in recent years.
Red Sox in 4.
White Sox - Rays
What if you told a White Sox fan at the beginning of the year that in order to make the ALCS, all they had to do was win a 5 game series against Tampa Bay? I have a feeling that is something they would be interested in. The blog assumed this series price would be a lot higher because I figured Ed's people would want to write some money against the Rays. Apparently, I was wrong. Let's just keep on stubbornly doubting this team until they win the World Series.
But I will say this about the Rays: In all my years following sports (And I've been betting in this town for nearly a quarter century, mind you) I have never seen a team have everyone humping them in the preseason, talking about great they were gonna be, how they were going to shock the world, and then have it actually happen. I'm blown away by the Rays. Usually when everyone has the same sleeper, they fall apart during the first month of the season. And I don't just mean in baseball. I'm talking about every sport. It just never works out like this. Until now.
Rays in 4.
Random dumb thoughts I can throw out there because I have a blog and (most of) you don't:
* I just watched the latest ep of Entourage. This has been a really good season so far. It's about time.
* The blog highly recommends the movie No Country For Old Men, which is currently in a very solid HBO rotation, alongside American Gangster and Bee Movie.
Who said that? I've never even seen Bee Movie....
* TBSHD is strong. It almost makes watching this slop enjoyable. Almost.
* I want to thank the entire Lowe's Chevy Imapla team for their performance on Sunday. Jimmie and Chad are a dynamic duo. I'm looking forward to this Sunday's race at Dega. I'd also like to thank the newest NASCAR sharp Chris Bennett for his fine work in the field.
* From what I hear, it was a pretty emotional scene at the SuperBook on Sunday, when young Yorgen balanced one last time. I'll say this for the kid: He could write an 8 team parlay with his eyes closed. I once saw him write 5 8 teamers in under a minute for the same non-English speaking cab driver, while another cab driver was having sex with a hooker at the window next to his. And he got every ticket exactly right. (Although the guy ended up cancelling 3 of them anyway.) It was a dazzling display of ticket writing talent. He was the best.
Now it's on to the fabulous Venetian for the blog's favorite purse carrying farm boy. My Mom is coming out here in a couple weeks and I'm considering sending her to Jorgen's window to make a bet with a laundry list of stupid, tourist questions. Then if I notice that he is being rude to her, I will rush to her defense and make a scene at the window in front of Jorgen's new bosses.
Perhaps I shouldn't have written out my entire plan in a blog I know Jorgen reads?
Ah well....
Trivia Question for Wednesday: When was the last time a Philadelphia sports team won a major professional championship? Who was the MVP of the final series? (There's your first hint right there. It was a series so that rules out the Eagles. Although, you don't really need a hint to know that it wasn't the Eagles, seeing as how they have NEVER won the Super Bowl. Ever. Like.... literally zero times. Never happened. I mean there have been 42 of those things. They've been playing them since the 1960s. You'd think they'd have at least one but here we are in 2008 and still.... nothing.) And if you really want to impress me who was their coach?
Oh, and Ed, the Philadelphia Soul's Arena Bowl championship doesn't count.
New poll, new pictures.
But no more Jorgen.
Tough times for the blog.
Enjoy the baseball postseason.
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Carl Edwards
May be the blog's biggest hero....
