The NFL regular season is

.... three weeks old and I only have one question: Which sports book will be the first to put up a "Will the Dallas Cowboys Go 16-0?" prop. Everybody is humping that team, from the squarest squares to the sharpest sharps. The sharps are so high on Dallas right now that I hear you can't buy a Cowboys jersey anywhere in the Pacific Northwest.

(Maybe two people get that joke which is why I think it's funny and chose to use it.)


- Let's go over the undefeated NFL teams, one at a time, as I label them as either contenders or pretenders. I'll provide the commentary. You provide the cringes when my jokes miss:

(Blogger's note: Set aside a block of time for this one. I recommend printing it out and taking it with you into the jon. That way you can flush it down the toilet where it belongs when you are done.)


* Dallas Cowboys, 3-0.

CONTENDER

I'm not going to lie: The Cowboys look really good. Their offense looks awesome. My Dad maintains that Terrell Owens is the best player in the NFL. He may be right about that. But this is not a team without flaws. Let's not forget that their coach is Wade Phillips. Or that their QB has shit for brains. Will someone please tell Turnover Tony that if he's under pressure he can simply throw the ball out of bounds and it's only 2nd and 10? He doesn't have to try to turn every broken play into a highlight.

The defense looked very suspect against the Eagles and the Cowboys have a lot of tough tests left on their schedule including road games against the Cardinals, Giants, Redskins, Steelers, and Eagles. Eventually this team has to suffer some injuries to key players. Seriously, when is that finally going to happen? According to the guys who compiled the 2008 Football Prospectus, the Cowboys have suffered the fewest injuries in the NFL over the last 5 seasons. In fact, the difference between them and the team with the 2nd least injuries is greater than the difference between the #2 and the #12 team. You get all that? No? Well let me sum it up for you then - the Cowboys are due to have some big time players go down.


Right?


Please?


* New York Giants, 3-0

CONTENDER

I did some research on this team and it turns out they are actually the defending Super Bowl Champions. (And you thought I couldn't make that joke again. You give me too much credit. I can make any dumb joke as many times as I want, no matter how sick of said joke everyone is.) The Giants are 3-0 but they really haven't done much this year to prove their worth. The Redskins obviously weren't ready to play during that infamous Week 1 encounter that didn't paint a flattering picture of either team. In Week 2, the Giants beat a Rams team that may actually be trying to lose in an effort to get their coach fired. (You come up with a better explanation.) And last week, Big Blue needed overtime to beat a crappy Bengals team at home.

Yet, I still have them as a contender because there's no reason to not take them seriously. The defense is still very solid. The offense looks pretty potent, as well. The current state of QB play in the NFL is so horrendous that Eli Manning is considered a top tier signal caller. Tom Coughlin is a (gulp) Super Bowl champion head coach. And, in all seriousness, their offensive line is really good. There just aren't a lot of teams in this league that have a good OL, a good DL, a solid QB, and a coach who has won big games. In fact, the Giants may be the only team in the NFL that fits that description, as long as TGTB is spending his Sundays in children's bookstores.

Yikes.


* Buffalo Bills, 3-0

CONTENDER

I really like this team. I like their QB, Trent Edwards. I like their RB, Marshawn Lynch. I like their WRs. I like their offensive line. I like their defense and love their special teams. With the Patriots suddenly looking down and the Jets looking like they may have been a product of #4-related hype, Buffalo has to be considered the favorites in the AFC East right now. In fact, one could argue that with the AFC South teams beating each other up and the AFC North teams dealing with injuries/being terrible, the Bills have a decent shot at earning a first round bye. What would the odds on that have been before the regular season started?

The Bills schedule is very negotiable and they appear to be good in all facets of the game. Buffalo should be 4-0 following Sunday's game with the Rams. They are definitely a team to keep an eye on.


* Tennessee Titans, 3-0

PRETENDER

How can you make the Titans a pretender if you're calling the Bills a contender, you ask? Good question. Tennessee is beyond solid on the defensive side of the ball but in the hyper-competitive AFC South, they are going to have to scratch and claw just to make the playoffs. The Titans still have to play the Vikings, Packers, Colts, and Steelers at home and deal with road games against the Ravens, Bears, Jaguars, Texans, and Colts. There's also the 800 pound gorilla in the room, known as Vince Young.

He's the one in the corner crying over how bad his life as a multi-millionaire athlete is. The Titans are a good team but a Super Bowl contender? I don't think so.


* Denver Broncos, 3-0

PRETENDER

There are certain people who will think I am just saying this to get under their skin but I honestly believe the Broncos are the biggest fraud in the NFL. Pat Bowlen should have sent Ed Hochuli a gift basket after that Chargers game. What a joke. And they were almost as lucky this past week against the Saints. First, the Broncos got away with a blatant offsides penalty on a crucial 3rd and 2 late in the game. Then Martin Gramatica missed a very make able FG, allowing the Broncos to escape with the win.

It says something about Denver's defense that they had leads of 21-3 in both of these games, and both times needed breaks at the end to hold on for wins. At home, no less. Super Bowl contenders don't usually give up 70 points in their first two home games. The Broncos could easily be 1-2 right now and they will be exposed as the season goes on. It won't happen this week against the hapless Kansas City Chiefs, but it will happen.


* Baltimore Ravens, 2-0

PRETENDER

Their two wins came against the Bengals and the Browns, who are a combined 0-6 this season. And both of those games were at home. I like the Ravens defense and they're certainly better than they were a year ago but eventually this team will get theirs. They still have all three road division games, matchups with all 4 NFC East teams, including road games against the Cowboys and Giants, and matchups with all 4 AFC South teams. And having their bye in Week 2 means they have to play 15 straight weeks.

They may as well enjoy being undefeated until Monday because this team will be lucky to finish .500 given their offense and schedule.


Now I'll go over some more groups of teams to watch. Try to contain yourselves.


- "You know who I really think is good...."


* Philadelphia Eagles, 2-1

When did everyone get together and agree to consider the Eagles an elite team? Perhaps I missed that meeting. All these guys have done is win home games against a terrible Rams team and a beat up Steelers team and suddenly they are power rated as one of the 5 best teams in the NFL despite not being in the postseason last year and already having injury problems with their starting QB and RB.

Sounds like a PRETENDER to me.


* Green Bay Packers, 2-1

The Packers have a lot more holes than most people think and it only got worse with the loss of starting CB Al Harris for the season with a torn spleen. Aaron Rodgers has a lot to prove. It's one thing to carve up the Detroit Lions. Let's see him do it against a real team. Ryan Grant looks a step slower than last year. Green Bay is a good team but not a great one. I still like the Vikings to come out of the NFC North.

I'm calling the Packers a PRETENDER for now.


* Pittsburgh Steelers, 2-1

From the little I saw, they looked really bad offensively on Sunday. By all accounts they were completely outcoached by Eagles defensive coordinator Jim Johnson. How do you score 6 points against a team that gave up 41 just six days earlier?

Hate to do it but I have to say that the Steelers are a PRETENDERS as far as Super Bowl contenders, especially now that Big Ben, Fast Willie, and Pro Bowl nose tackle Casey Hampton are all banged up. But I still think they will emerge from the slop that is the AFC North.


- "You Started Slow, So I'll Just Pretend You Don't Exist":

* San Diego Chargers, 1-2

The Chargers lost their first game on a Hail Mary. They lost their second game on what will most likely go down as the worst call of the 2008 season. In their third game, they trounced a Jets team that was favored a week earlier against a Patriots team that had won 20 straight regular season games.

Reverse that Hail Mary pass and that horrible call and San Diego is 3-0 and considered the 2nd best team in the NFL right now by all these pundits. Pro Bowl LT Marcus McNeil is getting over an injury and starting C Nick Hardwick hasn't played this season. LT2 and Antonio Gates are dinged up, as well. If they get all these guys back healthy and Philip Rivers continues to play the way he has so far this year, the Chargers are definitely a CONTENDER. They are still the favorites to come out of the AFC West and they could easily rebound to earn a bye. San Diego started 1-3 in 2007 and ended up in the AFC Championship game, in a year in which the conference was far more competitive than it appears to be this season. Don't count this team out yet.


* Minnesota Vikings, 1-2

I refuse to give up on this team. They have played a really hard schedule so far and it only gets worse with a road game against the Titans this week. But that defense really is good. The running back ain't bad either. LT Bryan McKinnie will rejoin the team for a Week 5 showdown with the Saints on Monday Night Football.

People are counting this team out and I think they're making a big mistake. The schedule gets a lot easier during the second half of the season. I'm definitely calling the Vikings a CONTENDER and still like them to come out of the NFC North.


* Washington Redskins, 2-1

They looked awful in Week 1 against the Giants and the media decided to basically cut them out of the NFC East and act like it's a three team division. In fact, the front page of ESPN.com profiled the division today and showed only Tony Turnover, McNabb, and Eli. Where was my man, Jason Campbell? JC17 threw for 514 yards, 3 TDs, and 0 INTs during consecutive home wins over the Saints and Cardinals, in addition to making several nice plays with his legs. Clinton Portis has been his usual solid self and the WRs, specifically Santana Moss, are making plays in Jim Zorn's offense.

But I see the writing on the wall. Jason Taylor is hurt. Moss will go down eventually. He always does. Shawn Springs and Marcus Washington are banged up. Starting RT Stephon Heyer was injured against the Cardinals and will most likely be out against Dallas. But this team's biggest problem isn't their mounting injury woes, it's their division. Put the Redskins in the NFC North, NFC West, AFC East, AFC North, AFC West, or even the NFC South, where certain Northeastern people would argue they belong anyway, and they are most likely headed back to the postseason for the third team in four years. But in the NFC East, I have to admit that they are PRETENDERS.


- "Hey, You Were Good Last Year.... Right?"


* New England Patriots, 2-1

It's amazing how quickly people forget. Yes, TGTB is out for the year. And yes they did just get crushed at home by a mediocre Miami Dolphins team. But we're still talking about the New England Patriots. Richard Seymour, Ty Warren, and Vince Wilfork comprise the best defensive line in the AFC. The offensive line is very solid. Randy Moss is one of the best WRs in NFL history. Wes Welker is scrappy. Their coach is pretty good, too.

I like the Bills but I'll be the first to admit that the AFC East is a very winnable division for New England. Their schedule is extremely negotiable and they were hardly a one man team last year. Tom Brady is great but he didn't go 19-0 by himself. The Patriots are still a definite CONTENDER in the blog's opinion.


* Indianapolis Colts, 1-2

It seems like every preseason all the "Experts" would tell us how the Colts couldn't possibly keep winning. These people would tell us how the Colts were too thin at too many key positions and how the other AFC South teams were catching up to them. Then the Colts would start 8-0 and everyone would act like they never doubted them in the first place.

Well, it appears that those haters will finally be proven right. The Colts look old. They look slow. They should probably 0-3 right now. They don't even look like a playoff team, let alone a Super Bowl threat. Marvin Harrison's career is winding down. Jeff Saturday and Dallas Clark are banged up. Bob "Over/Under 9.5 Games" Sanders is already out with his annual injury. They cut their nose tackle Ed Johnson due to a drug charge. You'd have to be a complete NFL junkie/nerd to name one LB on their team. They are no longer in a stadium they can pump artificial noise into and their home field advantage appears to be minimal at best. (Take note of this Seattle.) And the rest of the AFC South may have finally caught up. The Colts are definitely PRETENDERS. It will take a phenomenal season from Manning to get this team into the playoffs.


- Other Notes:

* The 4 NFC East teams are a combined 10-2. The Eagles lost to the Cowboys and the Redskins lost to the Giants.

* I have a bet on the Packers +0.5 wins against the Browns. I just wanted to mention that in the blog because I haven't told anyone about it yet.

For $10, I will allow you to come to my house and take pictures of yourself holding the ticket, which is, naturally, in a frame. Bennett - I'll only charge you 5. You're welcome, bro.

* My four fantasy teams went 4-0 over the weekend. Yeah, I have four fantasy teams and a blog.

Shut up, Jeff.

* I didn't mention a single team from the NFC South or NFC West in my breakdowns. I expect Tampa Bay to win the South. They are pretty solid. And in the West, who cares? It's all complete garbage. Just some team that gets to be the #4 seed and lose a wild card game to one of the NFC East squads. Why can't the Redskins be based out of Washington state? They could win the NFC West and host a playoff game and I would be considered a sharp sharp just because I am from the Pacific Northwest.

There's that joke again. What does it even mean?

* Suge Knight came by the book on Monday. I've always blamed Suge for the murders of 2Pac and Biggie Smalls, the latter of which I consider to be symbolic of the death of hip hop music as a respectable genre. I've heard all the conspiracy theories and it seems to me that Suge's greed and selfishness is why 2Pac is dead and his ruthlessness is why Biggie is gone. It's Suge Knight's fault that rap is such a complete embarrassment today and why I still listen to the same people I did when I was 14 years old and living in the hard suburbs of McLean, Virginia.

So when I heard that the former CEO of Death Row records was in the building, I had to see him in person. I wanted to at least make a face at him. A face that said something like, "Yeah, I know it was you. You're the reason we have to listen to this garbage now." But then I actually saw him. It turns out that ex-NFL linemen/bodyguards/inmates look pretty tough in person, too.

I hope Suge doesn't read the blog.

* Speaking of work, here are some jobs I am currently considering applying for:

1. Starting QB, Kansas City Chiefs.

I started at QB for almost 2 years in junior high. That's gotta be better than what they have now.

2. Relief Pitcher, New York Mets

I seriously hate this team so much. On Tuesday, Ed informed me that if baseball games were only 6 innings long, the Mets would currently hold a 12.5 game lead over the Phillies. But they are 9 innings long, so the Mets actually trail by 1.5. Wow. What a team.

3. General Manager, Detroit Lions

I have no credentials. But I could do a better job than Matt Millen. I'd even agree to buy a house in Michigan and come to work every day at the teams headquarters.


Here's a new feature we are starting due to a request from Matt Metcalf. I'm calling it the "Sharp of the Week." Although, I probably will only do it every month or so. I applaud Matt for recommending new ideas for the blog and implore you all to do the same. You know where to find me.

Anyways, the winner of the blog's first "Sharp of the Week" award is:


Scott Hoffman






Wait for it.







One moment....







Okay, Bennett slammed his computer shut. Let's continue....

I gotta go with Hoffy as my "Sharp of the Week." He's been absolutely on fire with his football picks. The guy's been so hot that even his own bookie wants him to up his bets because he's so impressed with The H's handicapping acumen. In addition to his torrid run on the gridiron, Hoffy's preseason baseball picks are coming to fruition and about to set up a wild October. And on top of all this he sent me a drunk text message at 7:00 AM on Monday morning to tell me he beat the manager of the Hard Rock poker room out of two dimes heads up. I worked until 12:30 on Sunday night, so what else would I be doing at 7 AM on Monday but waiting for a text message from Hoffman? He is truly a sharp's sharp; not only is he a sharp but he has the respect and adoration of other sharps around the city. What a run the Hoff is on.

And perhaps his biggest victory comes next week when our boy Jorgie leaves the SuperBook and joins Hoffy's team at the Venetian. Man, some guys have all the luck.

Weekly football winners, outstanding baseball futures working out, poker room beatdowns, and more face time with Jorgen all add up to a very easy choice for the blog's "Sharp of the Week."

(By the way, the rumors that I have a picture of Scott on my fridge are true. Please don't judge me.)

Congrats, Scott on being the first "Sharp of the Week!"


Trivia Question for Wednesday: The Rams are benching starting QB Marc Bulger for 38-year-old backup (and Iowa native) Trent Green. Where did Green's NFL career begin and who was his QBs coach?

** Friday's Answer: The last time the U.S. won the Ryder Cup (prior to this past weekend) was in fact in 1999, at Brookline, thanks to a clutch putt by Justin Leonard. Jon Ross nailed that question so well that he may end up giving Franco Cortes a run for his money in the trivia game.

New poll, new pictures today. The Ryder Cup was the surprise runaway of the last poll. I can't believe more people didn't vote for the Camping World RV 400. It looks like Bennett was the only one. Perhaps you guys are more excited about this week's race - the Camping World RV 400.

(Don't ask.)

Arizona State couldn't come through for me with a win on Saturday but at least I had that picture of two hot ASU coeds kissing on my blog for almost a week. Why did I take it down, you ask?

(Don't ask that either.)

You guys said you wanted a blog and you got one. A long, pointless one. Deal with it.






And enjoy the game.