Super Bowl XLIII

.... is just two days away and pretty soon another season of quality NFL football will be behind us. This season we saw arguably the worst game in the history of professional football end in a tie, then watched one of the teams in that game come within 5 minutes of the Super Bowl. We saw both of the top seeded teams choke at home against inferior competition in their first playoff game. And we saw three teams with a combined regular season record of 26-21-1 not only all make the playoffs but all ADVANCE to the next round. Let's face it: This league is downright terrible without The Great Tom Brady and we'll all be better off when this season is behind us.

I look forward to the upcoming break between the end of football and the start of NASCAR and plan on relaxing a bit over the next couple weeks. I've been having a little bit too much "Fun" lately and need to slow down. I put fun in quotations because I don't even enjoy it that much but I can't say no to anything after I've been drinking. I really had a wake up call that I needed to clean up my act about a week ago and I'd like to share with you guys some things to look out for. Here are some warning signs that it's time to slow down, in a style made famous by Jeff Foxworthy. (It's okay for me to rip off Foxworthy. After all, I too am a Southern redneck.)

You might be going out too much if The Hoff wants to leave before you do.

You might be going out too much if you contemplate holding it in instead of taking a piss because you can't possibly justify not tipping that same bathroom attendant kid yet again.

You might be going out too much if C-Jack texts you at 2 AM to ask "What you are up to?" like it's safe to assume that you are not at home in bed.

You might be going out too much if C-Jack calls you the next morning to make sure you are alright.

You might be going out too much if the professional clothes remover says she likes your new haircut.

You might be going out too much if you can't find more than an hour a week for your blog. That's just not fair to the kids.


I'm going to make some changes. I have to. So I'm going to read through the real estate listings in Albert City, Iowa, while you guys read through these blurgbs:

* This collection of sharps known as "The Group" seems to get more annoying by the day. The other day, Ed showed me a handful of their many Super Bowl prop bets in an effort to impress me. (Mission accomplished by the way, bro.) Jeff took a mocking shot at me asking if I'd bet "What? Like $20?" on the Super Bowl when he knew damn well that I had bet the full $50. For the record, I think J.S. is going to be so nervous during the first half on Sunday that someone is going to have to hold his hand.

You know a group is out of control when Metcalf is the least cocky member. That's all on you today, Matt. You're in the clear.

* The smart kid filled out "102" on his test so I copied him. It has to be the right side because I don't see how the Cardinals could actually beat the Steelers and win the Super Bowl. So they will. The blog's official position is that the Cardinals will win the game straight up on Sunday and Jeff will break his arm patting himself on the back for copying someone else's pick.

At least I am going on the record with a pick (Even if it is a blatant copy of someone else's work.) On the cover of SI this week, next to a picture of blog favorite LeBron James, there is a caption saying that inside the magazine Peter King will be giving his "Keys to the Super Bowl." I tore it open hoping to read that King was on the Steelers, thus solidifying my position on Arizona. Instead he closed with a sentence that essentially says that if the Cardinals and Fitzgerald come close to duplicating their performance from last week, Arizona will win. So if Warner throws 4 TD passes, including 3 to Fitzgerald, they will probably win? Now that is fine journalism.

* Speaking of journalism, earlier this week, ESPN's Bill Simmons filed this great tribute article to his recently deceased dog but then followed it up with this pointless drivel about how Manny Ramirez and Kevin Durant are the only truly underrated athletes in pro sports. I like Simmons so I am disappointed when he writes mindless crap like that. The guy seems to be putting about as much effort into his writing as I am. And I hate this dumb blog.

However, I will say how much I enjoy his podcasts. Everything about podcasts fascinates me. If I had the resources, I'd love to start a podcast of my own. Just think of the possibilities: I could try to get CB and the Fezz on for a special chat in which they explain the intricacies of sports betting, while I sit there frantically flipping through a dictionary and my old calculus book trying to understand what they are talking about. I could have Ed on the program on Monday mornings during NASCAR season and try to press him into giving up information about who he likes for that week's race while he tries to dance around giving out any good information until his group has their bets down. If the podcast got big enough, I could even try to get The Big Guy and a certain sports book director on at the same time to talk about which side of the counter we all belong on. (Sorry, Matt. I thought I was done with you and then that "Side of the counter" thing came to me. Had to work it in.)

I could have Jorgie on to talk about various job opportunities in the greater Las Vegas area and we could have people call in to ask him for advice about where they should apply and how to land a new job during the interview. That would be huge. During the summer, we could have "The H" come on the program and give out his "Multi-Unit" play of the day on the basepaths. The only problem is my server might crash with everyone trying to hear that pick. And, of course, when next football season rolls around I would invite Jeff to come on and discuss all things pertaining to the 2009 Atlanta Falcons and the rest of his beloved National Football League. Like you guys wouldn't listen to that.

* Since Larry David only churns out a new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm about once every two years, and Trey Parker only puts out about 12 new eps of South Park a year, and Dave Chappelle went crazy years ago bringing an abrupt end to my favorite comedy show ever, there just isn't a lot of television that I would consider "Funny" being made these days. However, the blog is pleased to give an official recommendation on the show Flight of the Conchords which airs Sunday nights on HBO. My brother told me how funny it was last year but I do this stubborn thing where I try not to like stuff that I didn't discover first amongst my circle of friends/family and I ignored him. (Think Ed with future bets.) But, much like I did when my friends told me how great The Wire was, I finally came around and started watching it and I have to say it is very funny. I suggest setting your DVRs to record it. Or, in Jeff's case, I suggest just watching it live on Sunday nights.

* There are actually a few positives that I am taking into Super Bowl Sunday:

- I am on the same side as the smart kid.

- Even if I lose every single bet I made (Side, total, prop, parlay card, everything....) I don't think it would be possible for me to lose as much money as I did on last year's game. Damn you, David Tyree.

- NBC's pregame show starts at 9 AM ET. Think about that. The pregame show starts at 6 AM out here. The game doesn't start for another 9 1/2 hours. What the hell are they going to talk about for 9 1/2 hours? I look forward to finding out.

- I also look forward to seeing the expression on Bennett's face when he sees whose football jersey I am wearing over Super Bowl weekend. Think backyard games, golden retrievers, errant throws and small town America.

- When the game is over, football season is over. Finally. At least until the Pro Bowl.

* Of course, there are some things about the Super Bowl I am not looking forward to:

- People saying that they enjoy watching the commercials more than they enjoy watching the game in an effort to be comical. I literally cringe every time I hear someone say that.

- Not being able to watch the game with J.S. I'd love to see the look on his face after the Steelers win the coin toss and are about to announce whether they want the ball.

- Walking past the line on Saturday night and having war-like flasbacks to last year's Super Bowl when I was in the trenches.

- Rooting for the game to go under 1.5 fumbles. It's just not fun to root for teams to not fumble. Every time a player is holding the ball out, your heart is in your throat.

- Hearing "The Group" brag about how great they did on their bets. Their act is wearing thin. Especially a certain Lakers fan.


By the way, there may be another group emerging. It's the "Finding Ridiculously Terrible Future Odds on An Obscure Event and Then Pound it For Way More Than You Do on a Normal Bet" group. It's a pretty fun group.

Super Bowl Trivia Question: Name all the Head Coaches who have taken two different franchises to the Super Bowl. And name all the coaches who have won it with two different franchises.


The Cardinals are leading my poll thus far. Seems like everyone is on that side. You have right up until kickoff to vote.


Enjoy the game.