Stop telling me that I haven't

.... been blogging lately. There's all kinds of crazy shit going on every day right over here - 2009 Baseball Contest and that should be enough to keep everyone satisfied.

Do you people have any appreciation for what's happening at that blog? Chris Bennett (Yes, him, the scumbag kid) is posting his personal baseball plays. For free. Every day. We can all quit our jobs! Just be careful not to overload the server refreshing it repeatedly. (I had that problem with Jeff trying to read my blog a few months ago. Very sad.)

And it's not just Chris (Although in point of fact the "Contest" is just an elaborate farce for me to see who he likes every day.) Hoffman is in a zone right now unlike anything any of us have ever witnessed. In fact, I have taken the liberty of printing up LeBron James-inspired "Witness" t-shirts for us to all wear in homage to the month Scott is having betting baseball. That kid is beyond sharp. Hoff - I want to publicly apologize for the "Horseshoe up your ass" comment I made last night. I was drunk. I mean let's face it - You have had a lot of positive variance lately and that was a funny line but still - I'm sorry.

And guys please go here - Damn. This Guy Is SHARP!

We also have Metcalf posting total plays using some fancy Calculus For Future Astronauts math that only Chris could possibly understand. Plus Matt's taking the time to post rap lyrics which I really appreciate. Ideally, I would like for the contest to evolve into a sort of online rap battle in which everyone oohs and aahs when another contestant makes a particularly stinging comment about Bennett or Sherman using a mid to late 90s rap song that no one my brother's age has ever heard. In a perfect world it would be like that show Yo Mama on MTV where everyone stands around and laughs at the person who was "Dissed." I think if everyone who reads the blog chipped in like 20 bucks we could even get Wilmer Valderrama to be the emcee.

In addition to that Holy Trinity of sharp sharps, there's a few other guys posting their plays. And we're trying to recruit Ed and a few other sharps to make it even more competitive. I've even had a lot of positive variance this month so I'm up near the top. Will that last? Stay tuned....

(Although it almost certainly will not.)


Here are some quick thoughts before I go watch the new ep of SP I DVRed last night while I was out throwing money around like a teenage Arab with Scotty and Austin:

* Why are we even playing the NBA Playoffs? Let's just fast forward to June and Game 1 of Lakers-Cavaliers at the Q. Not only are they clearly the best teams in their respective conferences, the NBA would never allow one of them to lose to an Orlando or a Denver. The NBA is like WWE. With black people.

* Actual argument I had with a professional clothes remover last night: I maintained that LeBron James is already better than Michael Jordan ever was. Her and Austin took MJ's side. And this girl was from Cleveland! Doesn't she remember MJ's shot over Craig Ehlo? Needless to say, she left soon after.

* When I woke this morning, er afternoon, I saw that the Chiefs had traded Tony Gonzalez to the Falcons for a draft pick. So, obviously, I texted the only die hard Falcons fan I know to congratulate him on his team acquiring a future Hall-of-Famer. And Jeff didn't even respond. Either he didn't like the trade or he lost his cell phone at a strip club last night.... Eh, no one would be that dumb.

* The Nationals were winning going into the 9th inning on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday of their 3 game series with the Marlins over the weekend. They lost all 3 games. I hate D.C. area sports teams.

* The Redskins aren't really going to trade 2 1st round picks for Mark Sanchez are they? I'm going to have to watch the NFL Draft from underneath my covers. I hate D.C. area sports teams.

* The Capitals.... I don't even want to talk about it. I really do hate D.C. area sports teams.


I'm done.